Here's the next chapter you guys!
I'm sorry for slow updated but school has got me going crazy!
Since I live in NyC the snow storms have set college back 4 me &
now work, work, work.
Sometimes I wonder why anyway makes a career out of teaching?

UD on my Twilight|Vampire Academy crossover story.
On a small hiatus...sorry guys.
But I can't take time for two stories anymore.
Maybe during my days off?
We'll see.

Anywayz!
I hope you guys enjoy thic chapter.
A filler before Rose's world falls apart...again!

VA=RM

Enjoy!

Chapter 17
Before Goodbye

RPOV

"I'm sorry Rose. But I can't"

Those words were what made my heart ache. He denied me & worst of all denied me the pleasure of taking away the pain I have deep inside my heart.

My only escape.

I felt my eyes well up with tears & my heart break a little bit more.

"Why?" I asked my voice getting thicker by the second.

"Because." he said as he wiped the tear that fell down my cheek with his thumb. "I want you so bad that I want you to enjoy it. Not just use it as an excuse to take the away your pain. I know that in the end, the pain will still be there when everything is done & I don't want that. I want to take all your pain away. Forever. Not for just a brief moment"

I knew he was right. I knew what to expect after my brief moment of satisfaction. More and more pain.

The pain hasn't gone away, and even though these two are here…the pain is deeper than ever. All consuming. And no matter what happened, it'll be there until it was ready to leave me.

I nodded and fixed my shirt, I clung to him like my life depended on it. And in some ways…it really did.

"I'm sorry" I whispered.

He shook his head and kissed the top of mine while rubbing my back soothingly.

"You have nothing to apologize for my love. I know you're in pain. I know how that feels, to lose someone you love. It's the most painful thing in the world"

"I don't know how to deal with it Adrian. I'm scared" I whispered on his shoulder. I don't know why I couldn't make my voice a little louder, make it sound a little more confident.

I thought I was behind this, I needed a break from all the lies, from all the heart break.

I needed peace. But it seems I wouldn't get any of that any time soon.

I should be mad at him because of this rejection. I've never been rejected by any guy before. I was always, always wanted…never rejected.

So then why don't I feel enraged? Why aren't I screaming at him, pounding his chest, and kicking him out of my room?

Oh yeah, I know why. Because no matter what I know he won't leave me alone with my pain. He loves me.

"Do you ever think I'll be able to have a normal happy life?" I asked him in a soft whisper.

He kissed the top of my head, and though his heart beat was loud within my ears I heard everything he had to say.

"Of course you'll be able to have a happy normal life. Rose. No one lives in sadness forever & I'll be here to make sure you're as happy as you can be"

I hugged his chest tighter, my head still tucked underneath his. "You're awesome" I said.

He snickered. "I've been told that from time to time"

I snorted and shook my head. "Big ego Mr. Ivashkov"

He chuckled. "Only because of you Ms. Hathaway"

I shook my head. "Nah, I think you were just born that way"

"Oh, thank you so much" his voice dripping so much sarcasm it made me laugh.

"There we go" he said. "I was wondering when I was going to hear that laugh"

"You're such a loser" I said.

I felt him shrug. "I'm your loser"

I nodded. "Yeah, I know"

He just laughed and I'm kind of glad that weird conversation is over.

We stayed like that for a while. Him holding me & me, inhaling the sweet smell that is and will always be Adrian.

A knock on my door interrupted the small heaven I created for myself and I internally groaned. I separated myself from Adrian and sat upright on my bed, my back on my headboard.

"Come in"

"Roza" I automatically smiled because that name was beautiful…just like the man who was saying it to me right now.

I jumped out of the bed so fast I thought I was going to trip. Thankfully I didn't and I flung myself at Dimitri wrapping my legs around his waist and my arms around his neck.

"Wow" he said. "am I always going to receive a welcome hug like this every time I see you?"

I smiled and kissed his cheek. "Maybe"

He put me down and kissed my forehead while softly cupping my cheek. "I'll be looking forward to it Roza"

"Did you just get in?" I asked him.

He shook his head. "No, I got in half an hour ago but I wanted to shower before I came up to see you"

I blushed and bit my lip looking away from him. I have to admit that I would've loved to feel him all sweaty under me. "That's okay. Adrian was keeping me company so if you wanted you could've went and ate something after your shower"

"Actually I was wondering if we could all eat now. Together" he said.

I looked back to Adrian. "What do you think? You hungry?" I asked him.

He stood up from my bed and was already opening my door so he could step out. "What do you think beautiful?" he smirked.

I rolled my eyes and followed him downstairs.

"Are you always this hungry?" I asked Adrian.

"Come on, I barely eat. Look at me," He gestured his hand up and down his body and I had to look. Up and down. I liked what I saw. "I'm super skinny"

"You're just saying that so I can deny that and call your body hot or something along those lines"

He winked at me and smiled that ten megawatt smile of his. "You know me too well baby"

Dimitri laughed and I rolled my eyes. "Big ego" was all I said.

"Only because of you" he said. I just rolled my eyes.

When we got into the kitchen Amanda had already set up the plates on the island that resided in the middle of the kitchen. She made pancakes, eggs, bacon, has browns, & on the side chocolate chip waffles.

"You're psychic you know that" I told her while she finished pouring me orange juice.

"No, I just know you and I know when you're hungry. I'm cool that way" she winked and I laughed.

I nodded. "Yeah, you're right. You're super cool" I sat on the stool that was in front of my plate and was about to dig in when Amanda interrupted me.

"Your father wants to see you in his study after you've finished your breakfast"

I sighed and moved my plate away. "I think I just lost my appetite"

"Rose-" Adrian said but I held my hand up to stop him. I looked at Amanda.

"Tell him that if he needs to speak to me, to come to me and say what he has to say. As far as I know after my mother dies, I'm in charge of this household"

I got up from my stool and made my way to the fridge for a Red Bull. I've lost my appetite for my favorite breakfast all because of that old man. Might as well have something to fill my stomach, I know I'll need it when I arrive at the hospital.

Amanda just sighed and nodded, leaving me alone with Adrian and Dimitri who were staring at me with disapproving expressions on their faces.

I finished my Red Bull and threw it in the recycling bin, before they could even say what they wanted to say I stopped them. "No, no I won't behave or stop my sarcastic attitude or anything you find disapproving. I'm fine and just taking the title that's rightfully mine"

I started walking back out and before I completely left I turned back to look at them. "I'm going out to the backyard. Enjoy your breakfast. I know Amanda's cooking is the best, so you shouldn't put it to waste"

I went out into the back yard and sat on the small couch that was put out here, near the fireplace. It seems that someone was sitting out here before because the fire's burning slightly. I would sometimes sit out here when it would rain. Thank god for the deck above me, leading right into my mother's bedroom. She and I used to sit out there in the summer when I was a kid. She read books to me, her favorite classics.

I couldn't remember them now, but I could remember the happiness at being this close to my mother.

I don't know what changed but one day all the happiness just stopped. I began to drift away from my mom but only because she drifted first. And if I've learned anything from my mother, is to not beg for a single thing.

"I do understand that you're upset with me. But I would like it very much if you didn't disrespect me in front of the employees" said Abe from right behind me.

"As the lady of this house now, I can't show weakness. Especially to you" I said as I continued to stare at the beautiful garden my mom had planted here a long time ago. It was getting colder so I know this beauty wouldn't last until spring came again and I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be here for the spring anyway.

He sighed and sat down as far away from me as the couch allowed. "I was thinking-"

"Oh! You think?" I asked sarcastically. "I'm sorry but I find that hard to believe"

He sighed and started talking again like I haven't said anything. "I was thinking that maybe I could move back into this house. So you wouldn't have to feel alone after your mother has passed away"

I scoffed. "Don't you think it's a bit late for that? I needed you two years ago. Besides I don't think your guilt should bring you to do something you don't want to do, considering you were the one who decided to leave and also file for the divorce"

"I don't want you to be all alone in this house. Why don't you move out of here? I'll pay for your living arrangements, I'll transfer Amanda and Andrew to wherever you want to live. They'll be comfortable and you'll be comfortable as well"

This time I had to turn and look at him. "You don't know the first thing about me to know what'll make me feel comfortable. I'm not leaving & neither are Andrew and Amanda. This is where I'm staying. If you want to do something, get yourself here and run the firm or have someone you really trust running it. Because it's one thing I won't do"

I stood up and left him sitting there, hearing him sigh forcefully before I walked back into the house. I cannot believe that he would actually think that taking me out of here would make me feel any less alone than I already do. He doesn't know anything and now that my mom's passing away he'll never know anything. I won't let him.

I walked back into the kitchen & saw the guys finishing up while I saw Andrew taking a drink of orange juice.

"Andrew. When you're done with that I'm ready to go and see my mother at the hospital"

He nodded and put his cup in the sink. "Right away Rose. Should I inform your father?"

I nodded. "But tell him I'll meet him there. If you don't mind driving the small car instead of the limo?"

He shook his head. "Of course not Rose. It'll all be ready in 5 minutes"

I nodded. "I'll be ready by then. Come on guys, let's go up to my room while everything's ready"

They stood up and Dimitri told Andrew to please thank Amanda for the delicious breakfast she made.

I wish I could've tasted that breakfast. I know she made it just for me. She's always knows the best comfort food for different times of the day. I smiled. She is the best on the whole planet. I have to tell her that a lot more often.

When I entered my room I just threw myself on my bed, while Adrian sat on the floor, his back pressed on my legs for support and Dimitri? Well he was standing my the front door.

I shook my head. "Nu-uh Dimitri you lay over here on my bed next to me"

He smiled and came to lay his head on my tummy. His legs were all the way out of the bed. Seriously how tall is he?

His hair was smooth, and smelled freshly washed. His aftershave engulfed me and I've never felt more safe & more relaxed in the 2 years my life's gone to hell.

Still this is temporary. I know that, because in just a little bit I'll be saying goodbye to Janine Hathaway. My mother.

I'm just wondering if I'll be able to survive this?

Am I that strong or is it just a show?

I guess we'll find out soon enough.

There you go guys!
I hope you liked this chapter.
I'm hoping Ill be able to put another up for this wknd.
Anywayz. review, review, review.

Peace In Readers!

-Kristy