*Ducks under my bed*
I am so sorry you guys. Dont kill me, I know I am super late
but I have so much things going on the RL that I've left my stories all alone
But this chapter was written as a peace make for you guys...

Enjoy!

Usual disclaimer = RM owns VA all the way
But I own Matthew ^_^

Chapter 22
A Million Miles Away in The Past

RPOV

Listening to Smash Mouth at home in New York was not how I'd wanted to spend my Christmas vacation.

Something exotic to show off my money would've been the right thing to do with my new found standards.

But no.

Three months after losing my mother, I've come to the place I've called home. I don't know if anything with leisure filled, or exotic experiences, would've taken my mind off of all the people I miss, and the promises spoken to me before I departed St. Vladimir's.

"When you come back I'll win your heart. I promise"

I sighed. Matthew still thinks that my heart belongs to him. I don't tell him no, but I didn't tell him yes either. I know whom my heart belongs to.

They're across the world right now and I hope they're thinking of me like I'm thinking of them. It's their confessions and promises that make me wonder the most.

Adrian and I were sitting in the student lounge alone after sharing a wonderful dinner with our friends…and Matthew.

Now we're sitting by a warm fire, drinking hot chocolate and eating cookies. I felt at ease with him and I feel bad that him and I are going to be separated for almost a month because of the holidays.

I was almost going to beg him to come and stay with me during the holidays because I didn't want to be alone, but my pride wouldn't let me. So I just cherished the time I could before we all left the next day.

"It's gonna be weird not seeing your beautiful face every day" he said.

It's like he could read my mind. He always knew.

Like my emotions are an open book for him.

But right now that didn't matter. I wanted to stay with him like this for as long as I could.

"It'll be hard for me too. And yes I did mean your beautiful face" I smiled and he chuckled.

"I'll take your word for it meu înger"

"Are you ever gonna tell me what that means?"

I remember the first time he called me that. I was giving into the desires that might help me forget everything. He stopped but I remember his hands, the look on his face. His eyes and the way the darkened with lust. They were beautiful. Just like him. To me at that time, it was about forgetting, but I know I could never forget anything that has to do with him.

"No" he said answering my question from earlier. " I actually would like to keep that to myself until the time's right"

I huffed and his smile widened. "You know I could ask anyone else" I said. "Or go on the internet and look it up. I'm pretty good at sounding things off"

He shrugged nonchalantly. "Whatever you want Rose" He smiled knowingly at me, he knew I wasn't going to do anything I just said.

Cheater.

"You don't fight fair Adrian" I whined.

He chuckled and pulled my closer to him. "When did I say I every played fair in anything?"

I laughed and put my head in the crook of his neck. I could feel his heartbeat in tune with mine.

"That's true" I said.

I don't know how long we sat there in blissful silence, but it's amazing.

"If I told you something," he said all of a sudden. "would you promise not to freak out afterward?"

"I don't think I'll freak out but sure I promise. Go ahead"

"If Matthew wants to fight for you…then so do I"

I tensed up and sat myself upright so I can get a better look of his face.

"You don't know Matthew wants that. Besides I don't want him to 'fight' for me. I don't love him anymore"

He was looking at me, trying to read my face to see if I was telling the truth. I know I was. And now so does he.

"I know that he does. What guy in their right mind wouldn't? that's why I'm telling you this now. I don't want you to think I don't feel anything for you, because I do. I do and I want to get the chance to prove it.

I grabbed his hand and threaded his fingers with mine.

"You don't have to prove anything or show me anything. I can see it in your eyes, feel it in your touch. The way you smile at my lame jokes" I smiled and he chuckled. "It's all there and I see it"

"I still want to do this. I want to try and be the only one in your heart"

He had me there. And he did have the right to try right?

I know he's not the only one who's residing in my heart.

Dimitri is also.

I promised myself I wouldn't do this. I know Dimitri, and of course I know Adrian.

I told myself if I caused a fight over my heart between these two brothers, I was going to back away.

But I can't.

My heart won't take it and I don't want to lose them.

Dimitri didn't have to declare anything to me.

The day we parted St. Vladimir's, he hugged me, kissed my forehead, and when I looked into his eyes…they said it all.

I slumped back into my bed. I really don't know what to do about this.

Right now though, I don't want to think about it. I'm home and the music is as loud as it want it.

OoOoOoO

I didn't want to stay home if I could afford it. So I went everywhere I could in New York the weather would allow me too.

I journeyed through Times Square like a tourist, I actually imagined what it'd be like if I ever bought a ticket to one of the famous plays I've heard some people talk about, I go to the M&M store and I'm in heaven. I love candy and all the other little trinkets that they have here, I eat a five dollar pizza and it's worth every penny because it's the best I've had. I venture into the Hard Rock café and admire The Beatles remembrance you fist see when you walk into downstairs. I've always been a fan of the classics and the not so classics.

Aerosmith, Bon Jovi, Kid Rock, Carlos Santana, Led Zeppelin, The Who. Yeah, maybe one day I'd have the guts to buy some of this stuff and have a room cleared out at home for me to ogle it when I'm feeling in the music kind of mood.

I look at some of the things people sell by the movie theater and I buy one. A handmade necklace I think I'm going to give Amanda for being as awesome as she is. Though I already know that she thinks that.

I smile to myself and let my mind wander to Russia. They're there and I haven't spoken to them or anyone since I've been in New York.

I wonder how everyone's doing.

I haven't seen my so called father either. I can safely say that he's possibly with Natasha and Christian for the holidays.

I still can't believe in some way or another I'll be related to him.

I'm glad he's stop pursuing me for now. I think he took what I told him last time we talked about our feelings seriously.

He needs to make up his mind. And I know he'll choose Lissa. He was never meant for me and I know I wasn't meant for him.

My phone beeps and I pull it out. A text message.

From Mason.

Hey beautiful. What are you up 2?

I smiled. Well at least someone's thinking about me. I do miss my friends, but they have family they need to spend time with and just talking to lonely Rose Hathaway isn't really how I think they want to spend their Christmas time.

Walking Times Square…didn't want to be home alone.

Well if it isn't so much of a bother I wanna stop by. I'm in New York for the night. Need a familiar face instead of a corporate X-mas party.

I smiled. Sure. I need some company anyway. So youre welcome in my house. How long till you get there?

Half an hour?

Awesome. :)

I called the house and Amanda answered.

"Can you have Andrew come and pick me up please. I'll try and make it to 50th street so traffic won't kill him."

"Okay Rose"

"Oh! And also, Mason's coming over so of course he's gonna wanna raid the fridge so make him his favorite"

She laughed. "Okay will do"

"Thanks Amanda" and I hung up.

Now I was a bit happier. Still I wish Adrian and Dimitri were here, don't get me wrong. I love my friends and I'm glad Mason wants to keep me company instead of some corporate office party his dad must've forced him too, but I would've loved hearing one of their voice so much better.

Andrew picked me up half an hour later. Telling me Mason was already at the house eating his favorite food. A large pizza pie with extra cheese and pepperoni. Yes, Amanda is that awesome.

I look out the window and bits of snow is slowly falling. The first one of the month. I remember loving to play in the snow when I was younger. Making snow angels, building snowmen with Lissa or Mason when they came over. I loved everything that had to do with Christmas when I was a kid. Now I don't have the same concept. I'm alone, wishing I was with the men I love, wishing my mom was still alive.

When I arrived home Mason was sitting in my living room, watching some Boomerang cartoon while munching on the last slice of pizza.

"Why is it that you always come over, and I never get one slice of pizza?"

He looked back at me with a smile and patted the seat next to him. "That's because it's made for me specifically. It'd be weird and absolutely wrong for me to even share a piece of my pizza"

I laughed and sat next to him. He was watching Dexter's Laboratory. "Well maybe I should just tell Amanda next time to make only me a pizza. Let's see how you like it"

He looked shocked. It was hilarious. "Come on now Rosie. I'm a growing boy, I need all the food I can get"

I laughed and hit his arm lightly. "I think you've grown enough don't you think?"

"Nah. I think I have a little more to go"

I shook my head. "You sir are a dork"

"So that'll make you DeeDee?"

"Oh most definitely"

We laughed and continued watching the show. I felt at like any moment my mom was going to walk in and say it was time to go to bed. Sometimes she'd be home to tuck me to sleep instead of sleeping on the long sofa at the office.

But that's not going to happen. This is reality and not a dream, though sometimes I wish my dream could also walk through that door and put a smile on my face.

"Why did you come back here?"

I sighed and laid on the arm of my couch, my legs on his knees. "Because even though I have all that new money, you guys, and partying is what I do best. I'm just not into it. I feel like I should be mourning just a little bit more. I cant just let three months pass with me being cool about it can I?"

He started rubbing my foot and I sighed softly. "Of course you can. You know I know you as much as Lissa does. I know how you think and feel. Well sometimes. But if this is how you are, then why are you fighting it?"

"Because maybe I need to change"

"People always change, but not when they're forcing themselves to do it"

I smiled at him. "When did you get smart?"

He shrugged. "I don't know. One day I just was"

I laughed and pushed my foot into his hand. "Come on keep going. I've been walking for a while now and that feels awesome"

He smirked. "I know"

This is how we spent the rest of the night before he had to go home and get ready to leave New York. He said he wanted warmth. I didn't blame him. I wanted that too, but then again I think I'd miss the snow and the showing of my breath when it got really cold.

So when six o'clock in the morning arrived, we were still awake and I was saying goodbye to him.

I was alone again.

"Breakfast sweetie?"

I nodded when I closed the door. "Thanks Amanda"

She made me eggs, bacon, tater tots, served me a big glass of orange juice, and on the side chocolate pancakes.

It was a happy morning.

"I'm going to sleep for a while okay? If Abe calls just tell him I'm home and to stop by whenever he feels like it"

She nodded putting the dishes in the dishwasher. "Okay sweetie. Good Morning"

I smiled and made my way up to my room. "Good Morning Amanda"

I stripped into my underwear and tank top I was wearing and was already asleep before I hit the pillow.

And even though I was asleep, my thoughts were millions of miles away on the two guys who have my heart.

So how's that for making it up to you guys?
A lot of my fans wanted some Mason so there you go.
Next chapter is being put on paper as I type.
I promise that I'll try and be on time with this one.
So show me you guys are still with me and give me some review love

Peace In Readers

-Kristy