A/N I do not own these characters S.M does.

BELLA POV

Some night's I lay in bed thinking of what could have been. Maybe having a big family, with a little house on the hill. Maybe a dog that the kids loved like a sibling. Some nights I lay away thinking of what could have been, and others I dream peacefully next to the love of my life. But I know that my past love was also the love of my life. He was my life; some believe that you only fall in real love once. But I have twice. What we had was true raw love. But I'm in love again and it is so much stronger, but some how just the same. I loved him, some days I believe I always will. But I can't dwell on the past.

I felt his fingers trail down my spin and I knew he knew I was awake. He kept the pattern from my shoulder to my hip then back again for a while before he spoke. "You said his name again." He said sadly and I could here the pain in his voice. "You said it over and over." I knew that he was still hiding something. I felt the tears prick my eyes. "I had another dream about his base." I said silently. I herd him sigh "Bella, if you not ready, if this is too much for you. I mean don't feel like you owe me anything." I sighed even harder. He had been there for me even before I had Lilly. "I don't … that's not why I want you around Edward. I love you. So much that it hurts me, I don't know what I would do if something happens to you. I care about you to much. I just… need closer about jasper; I mean they said his body wasn't found. What if… what if he's alive? What if he comes back what would happen to you? Or me or even Lilly?" I asked. He looked at me for a long time. "Baby, I can't promise you things would be perfect. But I would be here just the same if you still wanted me. If you didn't want jasper back." I shook my head "Always… I would always want you. Nomater what. You're all I ever wanted and more, you're the love of my life." He sat there for along time taking in what I said. Then he spoke " If that is true, if you love me so much why did you say you loved jasper in your sleep?" I cringed as I herd the pain in his voice. "

God, Bella I fill like I'm setting my self up to be hurt. God I have always loved you. I loved you before you even met jasper, I always have. Even thought it hurt me so much when you and jasper my cousin started dating I held my tongue. Just so you could be happy. But now he's not here, and of course I miss him. But some small part of me fills evil. Because a very small part of me is happy he's gone, because I got this chance to tell you how I feel. To be with you. But your not over him, how can I compete with some one who isn't even fighting? Nomater what I do I will always be second to you. I will always be your rebound guy. The thing that hurts me the most isn't the fact that you say his name in your sleep sometimes. But that you probably wouldn't have thought of me in this manner if he hadn't of died. I wouldn't of had a chance." He looked at me waiting for me to speak. But I couldn't everything he was saying wasn't true. But I couldn't get the words to come out. He looked away from me and got up picking up his clothes and putting them on. He walked out his room and left me there in his room. I sat there thinking. I had liked Edward before I met jasper. I adored him, but he always had a girl on his arm. I never felt worthy. Jasper and I were together only a year and a half before he died and he was always sweet always nice, beautiful and always perfect. But then there was Edward. He was always in trouble, with fighting and other things. I can't count how many times my dad arrested him. He was ruff around the edges he was sexy. He was everything I wanted and needed but didn't know at the time. Edward was the love of my life. But I did love jasper. But not like Edward, Edward left me wanting more. Left me wondering. Jasper had no baggage no secrets no mystery. He was an open book, to not just me but to everyone. He was a+ student. Never even cursed before. He was all wrong for me and I fell for what I thought I wanted when in reality it was what I thought I needed. Edward was what I shouldn't have had and it made me want him more so I stayed away. I fought myself telling myself I had only friend feelings for him. Until he kissed me. Then I just stayed away. He always had a choice, and that's what had scared me.

I got out of bed and was about to find Edward when he busted in the room. He was drenched in the rain that was falling hard outside. I ran to him and jumped on him he caught me and held me up. His fingers digging into me butt. He pushed me against the wall as his lips connected with mine. "I always wanted you. You always had a chance that's what scared me. You're everything I'm not supposed to have. And I wanted you even then. I love you." He looked at me for along time then crushed his lips to mine harder. He pushed me against the wall harder and we kissed deeper us expressing our love. He didn't hesitate with his touches. He kissed me with force, dominance. He kissed me with all he had. That's one reason why I loved him. He knew just what I needed, when ever.

Just as he was about to go for my shirt there was a small nock on the door. "Mommy, Daddy? Are you okay? Can I come in its started to thunder?" I herd my four year old daughter say. Edward put me down. "Yeah, baby you can come in." Lilly ran in with her blonde hair swinging as she skipped. She looked at me with her crystal blue eyes. And she looked so much like jasper. I looked over at Edward who looked at her with so much love.

And I knew we would be okay. He loved me truly loved me. And he loved Lillian like his own. He wishes she was his own. I knew our love would make it through anything.

REVIEW. Sorry for not posting in a while. I will POST again soon. REVIEW or I won't know if I should continue. Don't be silent people. 3 =]