The second chapter.

Still Shinobu's view.

JR does not belong to me, please review. Thanks.

Curtains, Continued

That girl is going to die soon.

It's certain, I can feel it. I don't need a doctor to tell me.

That bitter, acrid smell is unmistakable in the air. Like an animal, those sick also can tell…only another reminder of how soon our bodies will decompose and rot.

I can only look at her with pity through the curtain.

That man…

I don't know anymore. Does he know of her impending death, or is he also clueless?

Is he in denial? Does he too, shut himself away from the truth?

Her surgery is scheduled for Thursday, I think. I've lost track of the days, for time now has no meaning.

She'll die, either of complications, or just….

Nothing will save her anymore.

One day…

One day, he'll find the bed next to me empty.

She'll be gone, gone, like the capricious wind.

I can only listen to his open, raw sobbing then.

The past, I forget. The future, I wait for.

I've no hopes, dreams, nor aspirations, for fate has made that clear to me.

I know exactly what my future is. I know exactly what I'm waiting for.

Unquestionable, indisputable.

I am, waiting for my impending death.

Sometimes I wonder what it feels like – is it just a soothing black, or is it pain filled? Is it sorrowful…or sweet release?

When this paralysis spreads until it takes control of my body, will I freeze in place?

Eyes closed, or open?

I wonder if my face will finally be peaceful in the afterlife, or will it just be another emaciated skeleton…

I spend my passing time pondering these trivial things.

I am not afraid of Death.

I am not afraid of being forgotten.

I am afraid that my "reality" now will be shattered once again like a mirror, never to be pieced together again.

This life, in this hospital bed, is good enough for me. I live a content life.

I am…

Happy?

I am afraid that I'll escape the clutches of Death.

I don't particularly want to go from this world, yet though ironic, paradoxical…when the time comes, I want to die.

I'll just be ashes floating in the air. There'll be no tombstone, no marker. I won't have a grave.

Like drapes fluttering in the wind, soon enough my soul will fly.

God is only another name to me. There will never be eternal salvation for this body. I've done too much to even be forgiven, so to the fiery inferno I'll go. I'll pay for my sins.

Yet with this creeping anesthesia, I will let go of all earthly pains and dilemmas.

I'm happy with the way I am now.

My thoughts….they confuse me.

I guess I'll go when I have to, and leave this world.

I've nothing to lose – there's nothing in this world for me to remain attached. Nothing left for me to love.

They purposefully keep mirrors away from me.

It's part of "treatment."

It's useless though, considering how they want me to remain sane, even though they know what'll happen to me.

Completely impractical, a waste of money.

They still do it anyways, so I don't care much. I was curious though.

I wonder how I've changed for the past seven months.

Is it so wrong for me to gaze at my face? I've almost forgotten what I look like –

It's not what you think it is – I won't break the mirror and cut myself or anything.

They're afraid that when I finally see my reflection, I'll lose it.

They're afraid that I'll go crazy and gouge my eyes out with my own hands…that's why they keep my nails filed, blunt and flat. There will be nothing sharp to harm myself with.

Eyes

I can't look into them.

Deep pools and abysses, they scare me with their never ending depths.

It feels like I'll fall, fall into them, and drown.

I managed to get hold of a mirror today.

Of course, by "illegal" means.

Curiosity killed the cat, no, it killed the sick, weak, pathetic person wasting away in the hospital bed.

One of the nurses in the other room came.

I know her face – I've seen her before. Like clucking hens, they always gossip, their minds filled nonsense and incessant chatter.

I've heard what they say about me too.

Hmph.

Though I'm sick, that doesn't mean I'm unresponsive.

A close caress, a seductive glance, then a passionate kiss.

That's all it takes for me to win these pathetic creatures over.

They'll pant and cry out, in only lust. They desire.

They want.

They need me.

I detest their clinginess, their desperation.

Even then, I'll use them as pawns in my losing chess game.

Maybe….maybe I really am the son of a whore.

I hid the little shard of insanity in the breast pocket of my shirt.

This time, in the shower, it was different.

I felt what I had not felt in a long time – a spark, a smoldering spark, a sudden flame of excitement.

My heart thumping, as I tried to drag myself under the torrent.

I laughed, a small, incredulous laugh.

My hands were…..shaking.

My clothes stuck to my skin, wet and transparent. I didn't bother to undress.

The tension….

Was unbearable.

I took the small sliver out, closing my eyes as I did.

The planes of my chest rose quickly, up and down, up and down.

There…

My face.

The same thin, chestnut hair framing a foreign face.

Pale, colorless.

I was once beautiful, these lips used to be shell pink.

A blossom kissing my cheeks.

But now.

I cannot recognize the person before me.

All I can see is these eyes.

Bottomless pits of desolation, I can't think, no I can't see these

These eyes staring back at me, questioning me asking me accusing me STOP STOP STOP STOP!.

I'm scared I don't want to see this I-

A harsh, raw scream emits from my own lips.

The sound of a wild animal with no way out.

The shard drops as I clutch my face in terror.

Poor Shinobu.

XD