Broken Open 5

Annnnnnd I am so glad you liked the last chapter! Woot! I am on a roll with this one for some reason….is that a good thing? O.o

Blah! Anyway, I am so happy to be working on this story because it definitely gives an outlit for when life is crummy. I can only hope this gives others a chance to think about their feelings before things get bad and I also hope it gives anyone in a dangerous relationship the chance to see just how horrible things can be.

Gah, and now I'm being mushy lol.

I see a lot of you are voting for Kiryu so I will give a three chapter long vote (Chap 4, 5 and 6) This will give me the chance to see how many of you want what.

Now! ON WITH THE STORY!

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Fear and pain radiated in his mind as soon as his cobalt eye slipped open. The pain, both internal and external made him want to cling to Jack again just as he had the night before but the fear of what Jack would do when he saw his arm kept him locked to the bed, unable to move. Even more then these twin emotions he felt a third…Shame. Shame clutched at his thoughts for he hated himself for hurting his friend with what he had done. He wanted to hurt himself but he didn't want to hurt his friends and in doing so, he caused Jack pain.

After laying there for what felt like hours but was only minutes, he sat up gingerly, knowing they had forgotten to bandage his other wounds. He couldn't hide in here, as much as he wanted to, he knew Jack would come in sooner or later, maybe he could stave off the blond by taking the chance to get up on his own.

The words Jack had spoken to him the night before had given him the tiniest bit of hope and he didn't want to crush the blond for the optimism. It was weird though, normally he had been the one to cheer up the others yet here was Jack, the pessimist of their old group working so hard to heal him.

That one thought along with the words gave Yusei hope yet at the same time, they were the cause of his shame. He wouldn't regret what he had done to himself but he would certainly regret what he had done to Jack. Somehow though, he knew his shame would grow when Jack saw exactly what was written upon his flesh. His feet touched the cool wooden floor as these thoughts continued to spiral in his mind but he knew he had to face at least this. If he couldn't face this then he was right about himself, he was broken beyond fixing and for now…for now he wanted to have faith in Jack's words.

Padding slowly across the floor, Yusei opened the door and stepped out only to stop a couple feet away. He turned around slowly and took in the picture in front of his eyes. There was Jack, still dressed like yesterday, asleep against the wall outside his door. Blinking very slowly, as though it was fake Yusei kneeled down next to the blond and studied him. "He must have worried I would do it again and wanted to be close…." Shame slammed into him again as he gently reached to touch the blond. He couldn't though….his fears doubled and he crept away.

Yusei hated himself for his reactions, even to his friend but he couldn't stop them. Instead of touching the older boy, Yusei decided to get a blanket from his bed and toss it over Jack till the other woke on his own. When he was done tucking him in, he sat down next to Jack and just watched. He knew the other must be wiped out after the night before so he was content just to watch him.

Sure enough, about thirty minutes after covering him, Jack started to awaken. Yusei suddenly felt nervous and the fear doubled with shame once more. When the violet eyes of his blond counterpart opened ever so slowly, Yusei got up and started to walk away only for a deep voice to catch him.

"Yusei….?" Turning back slowly, he was surprised to find a gentle…almost happy expression on the older. "Jack…" Yusei returned, this was slowly becoming the beginning of everything they said to each other. As though all the memories of the night came rushing back to Jack, he jumped up and grabbed the blackette before Yusei could so much as flinch. "Your arm!" Jack yelled and drug a bewildered and shocked Yusei to the couch.

Taking the seat that Jack forced him into, Yusei watched him carefully before letting himself retreat from it all…letting the shame wrap around him and keep him scared and hurting. Yusei could see the odd look Jack gave him when their eyes met but all he did was stare…he didn't want to deal with what he had done the night before but he knew Jack would want him to. For Yusei though….Yusei knew Jack would turn away from him after this and he didn't want to be in control when that happened. Instead, he gave up control of his mind and body to a darker, emptier part of himself.

When Jack kneeled before him, Yusei slowly extended the bandaged arm out to him while the blonde let out a breath he had probably been holding. Turning his eyes away, he felt Jack slowly unwrap the bandage and pull the gauze off. Small sharp points of pain raced up his arm but he kept silent, he wouldn't complain about something he deserved and he deserved the pain for hurting his friend.

When Jack stood, Yusei gave his arm a quick glance and saw that the wound was covered in blood making it impossible to read and for now, he was glad for that. Jack returned quickly with a wet wash cloth; running it gently over the wound to wash away the blood with clean warm water, Yusei stared in horror as the letters were revealed. When the job was done, all Jack could do was stare at the words that read, F I L T H gouged deep into the flesh. Yusei watched Jack's face as horror turned to dawning which became pain filled understanding.

They both jumped when they heard soft giggles which turned to boisterous laughter that alternated with loud dry sobs. And suddenly, Yusei realized it was himself that was making the horrible noise. He couldn't stop, it was as though revealing what he had done made something within him snap and he just…lost it.

Not a minute went by before Yusei found himself wrapped in the warm embrace of Jack once more. As soon as he felt that once comforting embrace anger filled him and he slammed his fists against Jacks chest not that it did much to harm the blonde. "Why comfort me now! Where were you! Where were you when he beat me! When he raped me! When he stabbed me! Carved my flesh and burned me! Where were you then Jack!"

Every word was chocked out with pain and hurt but most of all, bitter shame that told much more than the words did. The bitter shame spoke of the hatred Yusei felt for himself that he had been unable to protect himself, save himself….and how much he had wanted to be saved by Jack…by anyone that could have.

Jack held him tight but Yusei didn't stop. He wanted Jack to feel his pain, to understand even when he knew no one would ever be able to fully grasp the pain and humiliation Yusei had endured and still felt. Even if no one ever understood him, Yusei needed Jack to know. Needed the older to realize the hell he had been left to by friends that never saw beyond his mask.

"You weren't there! When I couldn't talk about it out of fear and shame, you never saw! You who always knew when I was hurt or upset just accepted my mask! Why Jack! Why couldn't you have saved me! Now you're here? Now you're here when I am nothing more than a shell, nothing more than a ghost! Why now jack! Why do you care now! I'm filthy! Disgusting! Horrible and more than any of those, I deserved it. When I made the CHOICE Not to tell you, I deserved everything I got! Don't try to fix me when I broke myself. Don't try to heal me when I enjoy the pain. I'll never escape him, even if I live, move on and never see him again, his touch will linger on my flesh…"

As he spoke, he looked up at Jack's face and in those purple orbs he could see what he looked like. Eyes wild, mouth split in a crazed grin with red splotched over his once perfect tan skin from the rage he had let build. He couldn't stop though, couldn't calm down until he had said it all.

"Until the day he dies, I will forever be haunted by the touch of the man who abused me, raped me and slaughtered every shred of happiness I may have ever found. All of that because I made the choice not to tell you and you never saw past my mask." From wild eyes, tears finally streamed down his face as he tried to twist away from Jack. The blond had other ideas though. Both of them acted as though possessed by some strange yet determined force. Jack grabbed Yusei tighter and spun him around so they faced each other once more. Yusei struggled, his emotions to raw and his hatred and fear of touch surfacing strongly as he fought. It all stopped suddenly though when the blonde closed in on him. Jack's lips crashed against him in a kiss filled with promises, sadness, pain as well as a sense of begging. Yusei froze completely, his mind shutting down as the blonde claimed his lips in a way He never had.

Jack didn't deepen the kiss, didn't force it any further then a hard press of lips but the meaning was still there. Breaking apart, panting as though they had just had a fist fight instead of a kiss Yusei blinked up at him with a cobalt eye filled with the most life Jack had seen in it for….years he realized. Yusei bowed his head to Jack's shoulder and rested it there, unable to move because of Jack's hold and still to shocked to fight him.

"Why?" Was mumbled against the pale flesh as Yusei waited…he had to know why, why to everything. "Because I am promising you that no matter how much you hate me, how much you hate yourself, I will stand beside you…Stand beside you and protect you from harm. I will wipe out his touch from your body and show you all that you are meant for." Instead of responding to….whatever this was, Yusei pushed away gently. Jack relased him, not wanting to make the damaged boy feel trapped as he watched Yusei stand and back away slowly. When he turned and went to head around the hall to return to his room, Yusei looked back, cobalt eye carefully avoiding meeting Jack's violet gaze.

"I…I don't know and I'm not sure how long it will take me to be ready….I'm raw and I hate myself right now…you are right about that. But….if you are sure you want to have someone so damaged beside you…then….maybe one day…I'll be healed enough to stand beside you…." With those words and a small, very very very small twitch that could be considered a smile, Yusei turned away. Jack didn't breathe or blink until the soft click of Yusei's door sounded through the silence.

Yusei started shaking as soon as he was away from Jack, the flash backs of Him flooding his mind as he sunk to the floor and gripped his hair, tears pouring down his face. Yusei would never tell the blonde just how truly haunted he was by the other, he didn't want to appear weaker then he already was. Near silent gasps and sobs left his body as he curled in a corner. The being that haunted him and would forever leave a scar within him could come back anytime, Yusei knew that. After the kiss though….Yusei knew he couldn't allow himself to be forced into the arms of his tormentor like he had all those times before.

No, this time, Yusei would fight as long as possible to not get drawn back in with fake promises. Yet somewhere inside him, in that part that had always believed he could never be broken a voice whispered, "How long can you fight against your feelings, against those that want you? Your weak….and you will fall again Yusei…you'll fall right back there again…." As darkness swarmed his vision, Yusei named that dark horrible voice…he named it, Shame. Shame would always be a part of him…even after he reached as far as he could towards healing, shame would be there… Yusei embraced it though…because Shame was the scar left by His love.

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I hope this makes everyone feel a little better cause Yusei is erm sorta kinda maybe not really healing? O.o yeeeeah, lets go with that.

I hope you all enjoyed it!

Please please please please REVIEW! I love hearing from you all and you are certainly keeping me writing so if you want more, you gotta review!

And don't forget guys! Leave your vote for who our bad guy is in your review this way I can keep track!

Thank you all! Love you my most amazing readers!