A/N: Katinki, sncmom, and askthemagic8ball are pretty amazing people. When this fic is complete, I'd like to buy them a pony.
Thanks so much for reading, reviewing and adding this fic to your alerts and favorite lists.
"What's this one?" Edward asked, holding the leafy stem of a bloom with tiny pink petals.
"I have no idea." She laughed and pointed to the container. "What does it say?"
"Don't know - I don't read French." He smiled and put the flower back.
Their fingers intertwined as they walked at a lazy pace. The street and sidewalk were covered in a wet glaze from the sudden, but short, rain shower, and Edward's hair was a flat mess – he hadn't ducked under a restaurant awning as quickly as Bella had.
"I thought you liked flowers," he said.
"I do, but that doesn't mean I know every genus there is." She side-glanced him as he did the same but with a smirk. She sighed. "When I was younger, when things were… pseudo-normal, I picked flowers: wildflowers, ones my mother grew… the neighbors', and I had fun arranging them. I pressed them, hung them in my room to dry. I got in trouble a few times because some of the flowers had bugs, but I didn't know. They were pretty; it's not like I tried to infest our house intentionally." Edward squeezed her hand. "Anyway, even as I got older, I thought it would be something I'd like to do." She shrugged as Edward steered them toward what he assumed might be a good place to get coffee.
The bell jingled as he opened the door. "So, is that something you still want to do?"
"I don't know. I mean, I haven't really given it much thought."
"Maybe you should." He nodded toward a table.
Bella picked up a menu after they were both seated, able to decipher just enough to know what she wanted to order. Edward raked is hands through his damp hair, and she laughed.
"What?"
"Nothing… I love you."
They did everything imaginable during the few days they were in Paris. They visited an art museum and the Sacré Coeur basilica, knowing they'd both be in trouble with Jasper if they hadn't. The dined on heavy foods and rich wine, and they danced until their feet were sore. Bella snapped pictures of Edward posing in front of fountains, and of course, the Eiffel Tower. She surreptitiously took candid photos of him in their hotel room as well – ones they'd not share with anyone else. Edward thought it only fair that he be granted the same opportunities thus taking the camera away from Bella. He took several pictures of her while she slept which she threatened to delete if he kept it up.
Edward and Bella spent their last two days wandering the city, and the fact neither were fluent in French hadn't stifled their vacation at all; they knew enough to get by. They were exhausted when they returned to their suite, but they still stayed awake for hours more, tangling themselves in the soft sheets of the hotel bed not caring how loud they had been once or twice. Bella commented how much she enjoyed the oversized bath tub, and he told her he'd buy her one for Christmas.
He did.
On Christmas Eve, the two sat in front of the small tree in Bella's apartment, the room illuminated only by the lights strung on the tree and a few burning candles. She arched a brow as she opened an envelope. Inside, there was a picture of a white, claw footed bath tub.
"My bathroom isn't big enough for this!" She smacked his knee with the envelope, and he pulled her by the lapel of her bathrobe until she lay on top of him.
"Then I guess remodeling is in order."
"You're too much."
Edward tucked her hair behind her ears. "Am I?"
"Yes." She leaned in to kiss him, his hands sliding under the silk of her nightgown, and she laughed as his fingers feathered up her sides. "I have something for you, too." Bella begrudgingly pushed herself off Edward and ran into her bedroom.
He propped himself up on his elbows and smiled broadly, watching Bella shuffle toward him, a cheeky grin on her face and a small package wrapped in shiny green paper in her hands.
"What is it?" he asked.
She rolled her eyes. "Open it and find out."
Edward slowly and meticulously pulled at each fold. He taunted her until out of sheer frustration she reached over and ripped the paper off herself.
"I thought you might want to save the paper," he joked.
"Uh huh."
He lifted the lid, theatrically tossing it behind him which earned him another smack on the knee. Edward looked down into the box. "Oh, Bella… I love it."
"You do?"
"Mm hm. Thank you." He grabbed her hand, and she curled herself between his legs. They stared at the digital slide show of the two of them from their recent trip to Paris. "I think I'll put this on my desk at… oh, never mind." Bella laughed and chewed at her thumb nail as the shot of her standing on the steps inside the Louvre was followed by one of a sudsy Edward in the shower.
"I thought you deleted these," he said, rubbing the back of her neck, and hit the pause button when a shot of Bella lying in bed barely covered by a sheet came on the screen.
"Empty threat." She turned and kissed the underside of his chin.
"Good for me." Edward grinned. He dipped his head, tugging at her hair, and she looked up at him. "I love you."
With January came heavy snow, and, in turn, the shuffling of Bella's appointments with Gabriel. She was on a weekly schedule, and she was happy. Bella counted on her sessions as part of her routine; she'd become accustomed to devoting an hour of every Tuesday, tapping into her psyche, venting, or simply talking. But due to the erratic weather, as soon as Gabriel's appointments were rescheduled, they'd need to be adjusted once again. Gabriel checked in with Bella via telephone, but it was certainly not the same. She found his office to be comforting but not always easy. Edward worked long hours; Bella never minded. She'd also gotten used to his routine as well as his nights and weekends away with Senna. Regardless of occasional lunch dates she had with Jasper, Bella was beginning to feel claustrophobic stuck inside her apartment.
The city had finally plowed the sidewalks enough so it was relatively easy to walk without trudging through a foot of snow or slipping on the ice. Bella donned a pair of boots and bundled herself in fleece and wool before stepping outside. The sun shone brightly, yet it warmed nothing; the arctic air whipped and lashed at her cheeks, and her eyes watered. She thought about turning back, calling it a day, but then she'd be forced to spend her afternoon with dragged out plot lines of soap operas or staged court room reality shows. Bella needed a job.
She shoved open a glass door, the wind ruffling papers lying on the counter next to a cash register. Bella breathed in the spicy ambrosial aroma as she removed her hat and gloves.
"Be right with you!" a deep voice called from somewhere in the shop.
"Um, okay." Bella ambled around, her fingers gliding over silk and fresh petals. The store barren of customers, yet every square inch was filled with vases and arrangements, and the entire back wall was lined with chillers with glass doors which held countless roses in every color.
"What can I do for you?" asked a plump man with russet skin and graying hair.
She hesitated, feeling nervous and silly for even thinking there was a possibility someone would hire her.
"Did you want to place an order?" he asked.
Screw it. "No, but I was wondering if you needed any help… I'm looking for a job." She lifted her brow hopefully.
"Well, no, we're not." Her face fell. "But Valentine's Day is coming up, and I'm sure you can guess we get real busy 'round here. Do you have any experience?"
"Technically… no."
He nodded. "What's your name?"
"Bella."
He offered his hand. "Bella, I'm Harry." Harry pursed his lips. "Okay, I've got a good feeling about you. We'll see how you do over the next few weeks and then after business is back to normal, we'll see where we are."
"Really?"
A woman with the same dark skin and jet black hair rounded the corner awkwardly carrying a cardboard box; she plopped it down on the counter.
"Sue, this is Bella. She's going to help us out over the next few weeks. Bella, my wife, Sue."
"Oh, yeah? I didn't know we were hiring," Sue said, eyeing Harry.
Bella tensed, fearing she'd lose this job as quickly as she'd found it; perhaps the wife could see right through her. But Bella reminded herself she was doing nothing wrong; she was merely seeking employment.
"Hi, Bella. Harry, can you get me the clippers from the back?" Harry nodded then disappeared as Sue moved around the counter. "My husband always had a soft spot for pretty girls." She winked and nudged Bella with her elbow; Bella's anxiety faded.
There was kindness in Sue's eyes; she gave off an aura of comfort as she gave Bella a quick tour around the shop. They agreed Bella would start the following day.
"Guess what," Bella said into her phone when she arrived back home.
"What?" Edward asked.
"I am now a working class citizen."
He chuckled. "You got a job? When? Where?"
"Clearwater Florists."
"Aw, babe, that's fantastic. We'll celebrate tonight."
"Sounds good. I'll see you later – love you."
Winter quietly abandoned the city, and spring announced its arrival without regret. Soggy ground dried, and lush, green grass carpeted every area not already covered by asphalt or cement. Bella's days had become filled with work; she'd even go in on her days off, stating she didn't need to be paid, that she loved her job and wanted to learn everything there was to know about the business. Harry boasted about her enthusiasm, stating his instincts were always right; Sue worried she'd burn out. Bella promised that wouldn't happen, but when a former client of hers had walked into the shop one day, Bella nearly had a panic attack and hid in the back until he left. She feigned an unexpected sour stomach; Sue wasn't a fool and told Bella she'd become part of the family. She said families don't keep secrets from each other and if she ever wanted to talk…
"I can't tell her," Bella said, sitting opposite Gabriel.
"What's the worst that could happen?"
She scoffed. "They'd look at me with disgust."
"You can't be sure, Bella. You need to learn to trust."
"I trust you," she said. "I trust Jasper and Edward."
"Yes, and that's a start."
"I'm not willing to risk my friendship with the Clearwaters."
"It's not much of a friendship if you can't-"
"I know, I know… just not yet. I've only known them for a couple of months."
He raised his hands. "All right then, how's everything else?"
"Good."
"Good," he mimicked. "Have you and Edward talked any more about integrating Senna into your relationship?"
"We have, and we really just want to take things slow. Maybe in a few more months."
"Is that a joint decision, or is there one of you leaning more toward one way than the other?"
"Joint, I guess. I'm not ready to meet her, and he says we can wait as long as it takes."
"So no pressure?"
Bella shifted in her seat. "No, he's patient." Gabriel cocked his head to the side. "I mean, he's never said or done anything to make me feel like I need to hurry up and become the perfect role model for Senna."
"Perfect role model? Whose words are those?"
She sighed. "Mine."
He nodded and glanced at the clock on the wall behind Bella. "Okay. I want you to think about the worst and best case scenarios if you began to open up to Sue and Harry. From what you're telling me, it sounds as if they really like you. I want you to imagine what it would be like to have people outside your protective circle of Edward, Jasper, and me to like you for who you are… unconditionally."
"Okay. I'll see you next week." She rose and gathered her purse and jacket. "Oh! Did you like the arrangement from Edward and me for your anniversary?"
"Yes! I'm so sorry we didn't call to thank you – it's stunning. You put it together?" She nodded, smiling. "You have a gift."
Three days later, Jasper knocked on Bella's door, a bottle of wine in one hand and a brown paper bag which concealed a tub of Ben & Jerry's Chubby Hubby in the other.
"Ready to get your ass kicked, Swan?"
"Ha! Dream on, Reyes… excuse me, Whitlock-Reyes."
Jasper entered Bella's apartment and put the ice cream into the freezer. "So." He clapped and rubbed his hands together. "Where are we playing?"
"On the balcony? It's a nice night."
Twenty minutes into Scrabble, Jasper accused Bella of cheating and maintained "xanadu" was not an acceptable word, especially when she tried to sneak it into the triple word space which tallied forty-five points in her favor.
"It's a word," she defended.
"It's a bad 80's movie."
"Fine." She took back her tiles and reclaimed the triple word space with a three letter word, earning her a mere fraction of the previous word's total. "What are you up to this weekend?"
"I'm playing bachelor actually."
"Why? What's Gabriel doing?"
Jasper sipped his wine as he studied his tiles. "Well." He sat back in his chair and smiled. "He's meeting Leah."
"What!"
"Yeah, she called him. She wants to talk, said she wants to bury the hatchet. She's getting married in the fall; we think she wants to start her life with a clean slate so to speak."
Bella smiled. "That's great. I'm happy for him – and you."
"Me too."
"Well, since you're free, and it's Edward's weekend with Senna, so I'm free, wanna go see a movie? I have to work both days, but I have no plans tomorrow night."
"You paying since you're a working woman?"
"Of course!"
"Then it's a date."
Jasper ended up beating Bella by over sixty points. She blamed the wine; he rolled his eyes, but she was still ahead by seven games in the grand total.
Bella lay in bed, flipping through a book while she waited for Edward's nightly call.
"Hey," she said, answering on the first ring.
"I miss you."
"Me too. Are you having fun?"
"We are, but I'm not sure I can handle the zoo again tomorrow. How many times can a little girl look at baby tigers?"
She laughed. "Plenty."
"Apparently."
"God, I miss you." She sunk down into the bed and closed her eyes.
"Is everything okay?"
"Yeah, it's great… I just, I don't know. Jasper and I had fun tonight, and I want to curl up next to you."
"Sunday. I'll be there as soon as I drop off Senna. Take off on Monday, and we'll spend the entire day in bed or whatever you want to do."
"I'm already off on Monday," she said.
"Perfect… I love you."
Spring gave way to the suffocating heat and humidity of summer. Edward and Bella had taken a few excursions to the beach a few hours away. The sun kissed their skin, bronzing their pale complexions. They swam in the blue-black water and bobbed atop the surface and drifted in the currents. They made love on the beach after sunset.
Edward's business thrived, keeping him at the office even longer than usual. After Harry had a mild heart attack, Bella worked at the flower shop every day so Sue could spend more time at the hospital. Sue told Bella because she trusted them enough to share a few painful details of her personal life, she trusted Bella implicitly with the shop.
Still, Edward and Bella made the most of their lessened time together.
They also had their first fight.
"It's different for them!"
"It's going to be like that for us, too, Bella, you'll see."
"I know it is, but you can't fix everything! Don't you think I'm happy for Gabriel and Leah? I am, but Edward I'm scared."
"Senna will love you. No one says it has to be tomorrow or the next day, but I want to talk about it."
"I'm not ready."
"Fine." Edward lifted his hands in defeat as he walked away. He filled a glass with tap water and drummed his fingers against the counter. "I'm going to see Dr. Saunders next week. She's the therapist Gabriel recommended."
Bella gathered her hair into a pony tail and fanned her neck. "Why?"
"Because I can't navigate this like I thought I could."
She shrugged and walked away. "That's reasonable. Crazy girlfriend and all… I get it."
"God dammit, Bella!" He ran after her. "Don't say shit like that. My seeing this shrink is not all about you, okay? I'm running a company, I'm a divorced, single dad, and I'm out of my fucking mind in love with a woman who may or may not decide again one day that she can't handle life and leave me. So forgive me if things get a little overwhelming at times."
The color in her face vanished; she balked, her mouth was slack. "I'm sorry."
He rubbed the back of his neck, averting his eyes to the floor. "I'm sorry, too."
"I didn't think how hard-"
"Some days it is, but for the most part it's not."
Bella walked toward him, stopping a hair's breadth away. "I'm sorry. I love you."
Summer seemed to have gone by in a flash when fall arrived. However, the crisp air was a welcomed change. Layers of red and gold and orange blanketed most of the ground in the park. A three foot tall Spiderman carrying a bag decorated with a smiley pumpkin ran in front of Edward and Bella as they walked along the wide, paved trail. A few of the benches were occupied, some empty, but the park was fairly crowded for a weekday afternoon.
Bella burrowed her nose in her scarf, grasping her coffee in both hands to warm them. Edward pulled her close. He rubbed his hand vigorously up and down her arm, hoping the friction would take away some of the chill from the late October air. They side-stepped a small pile of leaves which swirled and hovered above the ground from the wind.
"Sue mentioned that she and Harry want to retire soon… she asked if I'd be interested in taking over the shop," Bella said.
"Oh, yeah?" Edward gestured toward the coffee in Bella's hands; he then took a sip after she handed it to him.
"Mm hm. Can you imagine?"
"Well, sure, why not? You always put so much sugar in your coffee," he teased, wrinkling his nose and gave the cup back to her; she nudged him with her shoulder. "Do you want to?"
A few more costumed children ran past Edward and Bella, screeching and laughing. Bella turned to watch a little girl dressed as a witch wrestle with her costume while trying to run to keep up with the others.
"I don't know. I mean Harry and Sue would technically still be the owners, but all decisions would be up to me. It's a lot to think about."
"It is, but you'd be great at it – you're practically running the store now as it is anyway. I'll support whatever you decide – you know that. Do you want to list all the pros and cons tonight after-"
"Daddy!"
Bella quickly stepped away from Edward at the sight of the little girl with bright green eyes, her heart racing. He crouched to his knees as Senna darted toward him. Edward glanced up at Bella; the two exchanged guarded smiles before Edward's daughter jumped into his arms nearly knocking him backward.
"What are you doing here?" Senna asked - a touch out of breath - and she wrapped her little hands around Edward's neck. "Do you like my costume? You're coming tonight, right?"
"Of course, I do, honey – I was there when you picked it out, remember? I almost didn't recognize you in this red wig and cowboy hat."
"It's a cowgirl hat. Toy Story Jesse is a cowgirl." Senna rolled her eyes, exasperatedly drawing out the "girl" for the sake of her father's comprehension.
"My apologies."
Bella shifted her feet, shoving one hand into her coat pocket, but remained silent.
"Are you here with your mom?" Edward asked, shooting a sideways glance toward Bella as he stood with Senna in his arms.
"She's coming. Claire brought me."
Edward craned his neck, searching for the nanny. "And where is Claire?"
Senna squirmed until Edward put her down. "She's over there. Come on, I want to show you what I did in school today."
"Okay, but first… Senna, this is my friend, Bella."
Bella prayed Senna didn't recognize her from the restaurant from so long ago, and particularly her grotesque offer.
She swallowed as Senna looked her over. "Hi," Bella said and took a step forward. Her voice sounded shaky and too high in her ears.
"Hello," Senna replied. "Do you want to see what I made at school today, too?"
Bella smiled. Edward beamed.
"Oh," she started and looked toward Edward before checking her watch. "Thank you, but I really should get going."
"Okay, come on, Dad."
"Hang on, sweetie," Edward said as Senna tugged at his hand. He turned to Bella. "Already?" Bella tilted her head, a pleading look on her face; she wasn't ready for this, nor was she prepared to see Edward's ex-wife. "Okay," Edward acquiesced, understanding. "I'll call you later."
Bella nodded and raised her hand to wave goodbye to both Edward and his daughter. She turned, walking back toward the flower shop; Bella had just twenty minutes remaining in her break. She strolled at an easy pace, tossed her empty coffee cup in a waste bin bolted in the ground, and tipped her head back for a moment as the sun peeked out from behind the clouds. Bella allowed the sun to warm her face, albeit quickly; bellied laughter from a little boy sounded to her left, and she looked in his direction. Her palms were still damp, and her nerves were still tight from the unexpected run-in with Edward's daughter. A dull ache appeared in her chest as she watched the little boy with the deep giggles be tickled by his mother. This particular ache was one she'd never thought she'd experience, and it stemmed from the vision of Edward's genuine smile when he saw Senna.
The vast window of the shop decorated in autumn swags, pumpkins, and ornate script stating the store's name was now in her view - just across the bustling street - as Bella neared the edge of the park.
"Excuse me," said a woman, her voice even and determined. Quick clicks of heels grew louder behind Bella, and she turned.
The women, one severely blonde and immaculately dressed, and the other, a soft brunette and more subtly attired, stood rigid, facing each other. Bella's hands clenched, her nails digging into her palms, and the beat of her heart picking up pace once again as Edward's ex-wife glared down at her. Gwen was inches taller in her heels, and Bella took a few steps back; she'd not look up to this woman.
"I know who you are," Gwen said. "And I don't want you around my daughter." Her tone was calm, yet there was no mistaking her blunt warning.
"Pardon me?" Bella's expression hard, she then inhaled, relaxing her defense, deciding it best to avoid a confrontation. "Neither of us knew Senna was going to be here; it was a coincidence."
"You don't get to say her name, and frankly, I really don't care. I also don't care what you do with my ex-husband, but I'll be damned if I'll let a whore near my daughter. Do you understand?"
"Where do you get off…" Bella said. "I am not-"
"Oh no? Sure you are; leopards don't change their spots."
Bella shoved her hands inside her pockets, her body hot with anger. "Really? Then I suppose you're off to buy another shovel for all that gold you plan on digging."
"Don't get smart with me; I'm not one to be toyed with. Besides, people will find out… they always do-"
"Why? Why would you say anything? You'll do nothing but ruin Edward."
She laughed. "I'll ruin Edward? I think anything that happens to him will be in your hands, not mine; his business, his family - you're the reason we're not together any longer."
"That's a lie, and you know it. The two of you had nothing together," Bella spat.
"Whatever was between Edward and me is none of your concern. I haven't said anything about his extracurriculars, and I don't intend to, either. I have a reputation, one I plan to protect. But people will find out, and when they do, I can play the part of the innocent, blindsided wife like nobody's business."
"You're unbelievable. I won't let you come between Edward and me."
"That's not what this is about, you stupid little tramp!" Bella's cheeks flushed with anger as Gwen removed her leather glove from her left hand, flashing the quarter-sized diamond she wore on her finger. "I'm getting remarried, so my ex can screw whomever he'd like… except for you. You, I have a problem with. Like I said, my only concern is for my daughter… She asks for him nearly every day, and because of your furtive arrangement she only fits in when he's not with you. It's really too bad he didn't fall for someone without such a shameful past; she's suffering from your mistakes – so is he."
"Go to hell," Bella growled, but her steely front began to crack.
Gwen rolled her eyes. "I'll never understand why he wants to protect you so much. Hasn't he told you that he and I have had this conversation? No? Oh, yeah, I've already warned him – why do you think he's kept you away from her for this long?
"Can you honestly tell me how Edward will explain to his seven year old little girl that her daddy's girlfriend used to have paid sex with God knows how many men and broke up his marriage? Because, Bella, people will find out. I won't tell you again… stay away from her."
Bella opened her mouth, but nothing came out; everything Gwen said was true – Bella was still Edward's secret. Gwen stormed away and stinging tears pricked at the corners of Bella's eyes.
Bile rose in her throat, and with shaking legs, she walked blindly across the street. She passed the flower shop and walked for blocks, her head swimming, her limbs numb, until she arrived at her apartment door.
/
"Bella?" Edward called as he closed the door of her apartment behind him. He was exhausted, his feet sore from what seemed like miles of walking while trick or treating with Senna. Edward dropped his keys on the side table in front of a black and white photograph of Bella and him. He toed off his shoes, shoving them next to hers.
"In here," she answered.
"Hi, gorgeous." Edward slithered out of his jacket as he entered her room. He then tossed it in the plush chair in the corner and wrapped his arms around her waist, peppering kisses up and down her neck, and she laughed.
"You smell like chocolate and… outside," she noted, her hands splayed over his shoulders.
"Outside?"
"Mm hm. Like air and sweat… don't laugh at me!"
"No, no," he amended, chuckling, his lips pressed to her neck. "If you like it, I'll make sure to take a jog around the block before I come over each time… Are you catching a cold? You sound a little stuffy."
"Yeah, I don't know, maybe. I feel fine," she lied. She'd done nothing but cry since she'd been home.
Edward walked her backward to the bed; they stumbled and grappled at each others' clothes along the way.
"You smell like wine and vanilla," he said, watching her fumble with the buttons of her shirt before he removed his.
"Yeah?" Bella slid off her jeans, kicking them to the side then sat on the edge of the bed. "I may have had a little bit before you got here." She leaned back, her hands supporting her from behind and cocked her head to the side. She smirked, intoxicated – another glass and her speech would be slurred. Edward kneeled in front of her, spreading her knees gently then kissed the insides of her thighs.
"I like these." Edward traced the hem of her scarlet panties with a finger and then kissed her through the lacy material.
"Of course you do."
"I missed you." He smiled then lowered his head, nipping and licking and kissing some more until finally tugging the side of the fabric, exposing her flesh. Edward removed the undergarment, she lay back, and he hooked her thighs over his shoulders.
Bella lie wordlessly, gripping the blanket, her eyes shut tightly, feeling the warmth and wet of Edward's mouth on her. She writhed, lifting her hips as he sucked harder, his fingers and thumb working her perfectly, and she began to let go. "Not yet," she gasped, and he groaned in disappointment. "Come here."
She scooted farther up the bed, away from Edward's mouth and removed her bra. Edward rose from the floor, unfastened his pants, and let them fall to his ankles. He stripped off his remaining clothing and crawled onto the bed. Slowly, Edward licked and kissed her sides, her stomach, her breasts; he took his time tasting her skin, touching her hips and arms lightly, tickling and hovering and teasing.
Bella dragged her nails over his arms and his back. "I love you," she said. It's going to be okay.
"I love you, too."
Their lips met, sweet and slow until becoming fast and urgent. "I love you so much," she mumbled and grasped Edward's face; she held him tightly to her, rubbing her thumbs over his unshaved cheeks.
"Me too, more than anything," he said, finding his way inside her. He rocked his hips against her, hers meeting his with each thrust. "I love you, Bella." He dragged his mouth along her jaw, and she pulled at his hair, winding her feet around his legs.
Knots tightened in her stomach as his scent wafted around her.
"Harder."
He pumped harder, faster at her request.
The knots turned to churning.
"Harder, Edward. Come on, fuck me."
"Jesus," he breathed, lustful, wanting and needing to be further inside. Their bodies glistened from sweat, and he wrapped her hair around his fingers.
"Pull," she demanded, her voice throaty, and he did. She smiled seductively, and her eyes darkened, but her expression was very different from late; it was empty. "Again," she panted; he yanked harder, and she rewarded him with what he interpreted as sweet sounds of pleasure.
Edward released her hair, keeping up pace with his hips – he was close. The build and rise strengthening, he bowed his head to reach her breast and sucked and licked her nipple.
She couldn't focus, her mind blurred and spun; he was there, loving her. She could feel him and smell him and taste him, and oh god, he tasted so good, but her head screamed this was wrong. What about tomorrow? her conscious shouted, and she had only the strength to feel nothing.
Bella shifted underneath him. "Wait, wait," she said and reached toward her bedside table. She pulled open the drawer, her hand frantically searching for the material she'd sometimes used as an overlay on the nightstand. Edward slowed, she nodded, her eyes wide. "Here." Bella wrapped the cloth around her neck. "I'm almost there."
"What are you doing?" he asked. She encouraged him to take the short ends in his hands; he didn't and stilled his body. "No… you don't need this. We don't do this anymore."
Bella moved her hips beneath him, prodding him, begging him to continue. "It's okay. It's only you, Edward… just for you. Here, pull."
"No." He looped his fingers around the cloth, loosening it. "Wh- what's wrong?"
"Nothing's wrong… move, please, I'm so close." Bella pulled at the ends of the material, her eyes clenched shut. "Move, Edward… please." Her brow wrinkled; she focused, concentrated to fight off tears.
"Stop it, Bella," he pled, slipping out of her, freeing her hands of the scarf. "Talk to me." Panic amplifying in his tone, and he loosened her binding again. "Did something happen? You're scaring me."
"No, dammit, would you just… come on," she urged; she was dizzy. Don't stop now, she thought. I can't… I can't.
Edward straightened his arms, lifting himself off her. "Bella, what the hell is going on?"
She momentarily froze, defeated; the churning in her stomach morphed into a burn.
She covered her eyes with one hand, pushing him away with the other as she rolled to her side. "Go away." She began to sob, and the burn climbed into her throat. "I can't be with you anymore." Bella curled her knees, folding into herself and grabbed the cloth away from her neck, throwing it to the floor. "Just go, Edward."
Her words sliced him; he scrambled to lie next to her, pulling her into his arms. "You don't mean that. I love you. We're together - we're always going to be together." She pushed her elbow back, but he held her tighter, trapping her hands in his. "I'm not leaving. I love you." He repeated this over and over, kissing the back of her shoulder, her neck, her ear, and he held her against him with every possible inch of his body.
"I don't understand, Bella."
"You have to go."
"Why? No! I'm not-"
"It's not going to work out with us… I can't do this any more." She lay with him for mere seconds, but it was too long, too much. They were finished; she couldn't have him any more. Bella wriggled her way out of his grasp and off the bed. She began to dress and refused to look at him as she spoke.
"You can't do what?" His voice louder; she shuddered. "What the fuck is going on?" he shouted. Bella moved about the room, silently, nervously straightening things that needn't be straightened. "Tell me!"
"Nothing happened, Edward! You and I just shouldn't be together, all right? Like I said, it's not going to work, and I want you to leave. Now. Please, go!" she yelled and hurried out of the room.
Edward shoved his legs into his pants as he ran after her into the hall. He grabbed her arm, forcing her to face him. "Five minutes ago you said how much you love me. This doesn't make sense – I'm not stupid, Bella. What the hell is going on? What was that back there?" His grip softened, and he moved his hands to hold her dampened face. "You know we can't do the things we used to do. I'd never deny you anything except… that. What changed? You tell me right now why you don't want to feel me." He kissed her forehead, keeping his lips pressed there as his eyes filled with tears.
She pushed him away, wiping her face with the back of her hand. "We don't belong together," she rasped.
"Yes, we do! How can you say that?"
She shook her head and fixed her eyes on the floor while he stared at her. She visibly trembled, and each time he reached out his hand to touch her, she flinched away. Moments passed, and Edward waited, his heart pounding in his chest. He told himself she was just having a bad day, that this would pass and Bella would realize she didn't mean any of what she said. His therapist had warned him to be prepared, to expect not every day to be perfect.
Bella licked her lips and took in a deep breath before finally speaking. "You were so happy at the park today, and that's how it's supposed to be."
"Yeah, because I was with you."
"No, Edward." She painfully repeated an abridged version of Gwen's words as if they were her own, and she believed every single one.
He argued with her, told her she was being ridiculous and that they should talk to Gabriel or his therapist together. She argued back and told him he was blind. He rambled on, saying this was just a bump and they could easily figure out a solution. Edward reminded her they agreed to take things slowly, and if it were up to him things would be moving faster.
"I'll do whatever it takes, Bella, just please don't do this!"
"Why don't you understand, Edward?" Bella looked directly into his eyes. "I'm not worth lying for. You have to let me go!"
"You're everything to me, Bella… please," his voice raw.
"You're not being fair to me or Senna. You can't have both of us without hurting the other, Edward."
There was a low hum in his ears, his mouth went dry. "I can't lose you."
Bella swallowed, forcing down the lump in her throat. "I was never supposed to have you."
"We can make it work," he said, repeating his earlier argument, but she said no. "Last year, when I came to Gabriel's and you were in the pool... you told me to never leave. Do you remember?"
"Edward, please…"
"Don't do this."
"I'm sorry." She covered her face with her hands, crying, and took a step back. Edward lunged forward and pulled her to him.
He clutched her, begging her to change her mind between kissing her, tasting the salt from her tears on her cheeks and lips. Bella pleaded with him to stop, but she held him just as tightly.
Edward's arms ached, yet he still wouldn't loosen his grip even though his gut told him she was right. He'd never stop loving her, and he'd continue their relationship in a heartbeat if she'd allow it, but reality was too overpowering. Edward became painfully aware they'd been living a fantasy without consequences.
Finally, he released her and crossed his arms over his torso. "I'm never going to see you again," he said.
She barely shook her head no.
The next several days, Edward was nothing more than a functioning zombie. At night, he stayed in Bella's apartment. Some nights he'd get drunk, and on one such evening, he threw the black and white photo of them against the wall, shattering the glass, and a small hole was left in the drywall. Other nights he stayed sober, wishing he was drunk and waited. Edward waited for her to change her mind, willing her to come back.
She didn't.
A/N: so... yeah. One more chapter.