Author's Note: Thank you for the reviews guys. If I was one of the writers for Glee this would be an episode, maybe even more "super-sized" than Born this Way. I should have mentioned earlier, this story takes place at some point after Born this Way because Kurt is back at Mckinley.
As the glee kids filed into the choir room a feeling of dread began to fill each and every one of them. Mr. Schuester was wearing his "I have a great assignment this week" face, and they were curious and slightly afraid of what it might be. Of course Mr. Schue has had successful assignments in the past, like Madonna week, but others not so much.
While their "theatrical" performances were great, walking around school dressed like Lady Gaga and the members of KISS just begged jerks like Karofsky and Azimio to harass them. And what was the point of that "hello" assignment? The kids all hoped Mr. Schue actually had a good idea this time.
Will walked to his trusty dry erase board and wrote the word CATHARSIS. "Can anybody tell me what this word means?" he asked.
As per usual Brittany was the first to raise her hand and confidently said with a smile, "A disease caught by inhaling cat hair, my aunt had a bad case of it one time."
"Um…not quite, anybody else?"
"Catharsis is the purging of emotions or relieving of emotional tensions, usually through song or theatre.", replied Rachel eagerly.
"Exactly, I know things are getting tense right now as the school year is ending and we're preparing for Nationals," explained Will, "And I'm sure you all have things that you're dealing with, so I want you all to get rid of those tensions through song."
Wow, this idea was actually good. The kids were about to discuss what they wanted to do until they realized that Mr. Schuester actually had more to say.
"So I want you all to do songs by a singer with some of the most cathartic songs ever, P!nk!"
Will never knew how his students would react to the singers he wanted them to pay homage to. They were all excited about Madonna, but had never heard of Christopher Cross before. To say the kids were excited would be an understatement.
"I love P!nk!", cried Tina.
"Great idea Mr. Schue.", said Kurt. He had to give Mr. Schuester some credit, the man actually had good taste in music released after 1989. Of course Kurt still found his choices questionable. After all, he did turn down Kurt's Hairspray medley idea for Regionals last year, but this almost made up for it. "Her songs are angsty, but also really fun. I always feel better after singing one of them."
The glee kids continued to sing her praises. "She is definitely one of the toughest chicks I've ever seen!", exclaimed Puck, who then turned to his girlfriend and nervously said, "Lauren's the toughest though."
"Don't worry Puckerman", said Lauren with a wry smile, "She's probably the only celebrity that could challenge me in the ring, I'd snap 'starlets' like Megan Fox and Kristen Stewart like twigs."
"And unlike those two, you and P!nk actually have talent.", added Puck as they laughed together and high fived.
"And not only is she a great vocal talent and songwriter, she's something of a relationship role model.", added Rachel, "When her marriage was falling apart she took all of her pain and anger and wrote Funhouse, her best album to date. Through that she managed to save her relationship with Carey Hart and now they're going to have a baby!" Somehow Rachel managed to get all of this out without running out of breath.
Raising his hand Artie asked, "What made you come up with this assignment Mr. Schue?"
"Well, I was cleaning my apartment and I found some of Terri's old things, which stirred up some old angry emotions. I didn't know what to do with them, until P!nk's 'Funhouse' came on my ipod. It inspired me to get rid of the stuff and I felt much better."
"You burnt all her old crap, didn't you?", asked Santana.
"Yeah" Will replied, puzzled as to how she guessed, "How did you know?"
"It's standard break up procedure.", Santana explained, "I can't count how many teddy bears I've gotten from guys that have ended up beheaded, burned, and buried in my backyard."
In an attempt to change the subject Will said, "Alright guys, you can spend the rest of our time brainstorming for your performances."
"Actually, I already have my song Mr. Schue.", said Santana as she stood and walked to the center of the choir room. "I've been practicing this song for awhile, and now's the perfect time."
"Great! Let's hear it."
"I swear P!nk must have met me and wrote this song, hit it guys!" When Santana gave her command, the band started playing. As she began to move to the music Santana was the definition of sexy/tough. With her black fringed leather jacket, skinny jeans, and black boots Santana looked like she could kick your ass and then walk down a runway at fashion week. She began to sing.
No attorneys, to plead my case
No opiates, to send me into outer space
And my fingers are bejeweled
With diamonds and gold but that ain't
Gonna help me now
I'm trouble, yeah trouble now
I'm trouble y'all, I disturb my own town
I'm trouble, yeah, trouble now
I'm trouble y'all, I got trouble in my town
For the most part she seemed to be singing to the glee club in general, but then she started singing to Artie. Nobody but Brittany really understood why. It seemed like Santana was challenging him.
You think you're right, but you were wrong
You tried to take me, but I knew all along
You can't take me for a ride
I'm not a fool now, so you better run and hide
I'm trouble, yeah trouble now
I'm trouble y'all, I disturb my own town
I'm trouble, yeah, trouble now
I'm trouble y'all, I got trouble in my town
Santana danced behind Artie's wheelchair and sang threateningly into his ear.
If you see me comin' down the street
Then you know it's time to go
'Cause here comes trouble
Santana gave Artie's wheelchair a shove as she made her way back to the center of the choir room to finish the song.
I'm trouble, yeah trouble now
I'm trouble y'all, I disturb my own town
I'm trouble, yeah, trouble now
I'm trouble y'all, I got trouble in my town
I'm trouble in my town, yeah, yeah
I'm trouble in my town, yeah, yeah
The glee kids were not sure exactly how to respond to the song. It sounded great, but Santana looked like she was going to kill Artie at any second. There was some light applause from the kids that quickly petered out.
"That was a good performance Santana, but I don't think you've grasped the actual idea of the assignment.", said Will. "I want everyone's songs to be about catharsis, not self promotion."
"Sorry Mr. Schue, but singing that song certainly made me feel better.", Santana replied glaring daggers at Artie.
"Okay guys", Will said attempting to ease the tension in the room "Let's get to work!"
To Be Continued…
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