There I was. Standing alone outside the gym looking like a lost puppy. I ignored all the stares, because it wasn't relevant. My mind could only process the fact that he wasn't there for me. And I knew that it had something to do with her. It always had something to do with her.
I whipped out my phone scrolling down my contact list in search of the name. I clicked call and waited patiently for him to answer the phone.
"Hello?" he whispered into the phone, making the response muffled.
"Hey Greg, do you know where Nick is? I need to have a friendly conversation with him."
"Uh." His voice grew louder, and he paused. "He's actually here with me in the history hallway."
"Thanks!" and I hung up before he could reply. I removed my bag from off the floor and began my walk to the hallway where I just had a feeling that he was with her too.
As soon as I opened the door to the hallway, Nick's eyes had been on mine. Brooke was beside him, her hips swung to the side with her long black straightened hair messy over her shoulder and across her chest.
"Hey Nick," I said, cheerfully. I was going to sugar coat this.
"Miley, hey. Sorry I couldn't meet you there I got caught up with my class," he said, as if I wanted this stupid explanation.
"That's totally okay Nick, I just wanted to talk to you. Will you walk with me?" he nodded and picked up his stuff, fist bumping Greg before he made his way over to me.
"So what did you want to talk about?" he asked. I started walking, clearing my thoughts and thinking of how to play this.
"Well I just think it's time we stop this." I didn't look at him as I said this, but I kept walking. I opened to door to the school and headed into the parking lot near the soccer fields.
"What?" he grabbed my arm and pulled me back to face him.
"We both know this isn't going to work. I am probably leaving next year for Florida, and you're going to be off to college soon enough." He stared at me blankly.
"Is this about Brooke? Please don't tell me this is about her." He shook his head, his fists tightening at his sides.
"No, but she contributed to me realizing this."
"You know why I let her tell people what she did? Because I'm a good guy! And I didn't want to hurt her reputation, I hate seeing people all sad and know that it's my fault. So, what does she go and do? She stabs me in the back, telling the whole damn world that I'm a jackass and that nobody should trust me. After a while, I started believing it myself."
"You're not a jackass Nick, it's just you're going through a lot right now and I can't really deal with your problems on top of all of mine."
"So I am a burden." His face contorted with frustration.
"No Nick, I just don't think we are for each other. You need someone more stable."
"You won't even give me a chance to be with you, or even let me decide whether I want to be with you. You're making this decision for me."
"Relationships are a two way thing, both people have to be fully committed."
"Yet you won't give me a chance to speak during this talk."
"It's not like this would last forever anyways," I said, sighing loudly.
"Are those really the only options? Nothing or forever?" he lowered his voice. "God Miley. Is that what you really believe?"
Maybe, I thought. Maybe it is.
"Look," I told him, "Honesty is good. I'm most likely not going to be here next year and you'll be gone by the time I get back. Besides I talked to Greg about this before and he said you were probably leaving sooner for this thing with your band."
"Greg is an idiot!" he said. "He probably also told you that I slept with Brooke and that we're still together now."
I shrugged. "You can do what you want with her, honestly I don't care Nick."
"Dammit Miley!" he sighed loudly. "What are you afraid of?" he asked coming closer. "Is it that bad that you might actually like me?"
"I'm not afraid," I said. "That's not it. It's just simpler this way."
"So you're saying that we should just decide now that this almost two months of chase and a month of dating doesn't mean anything? Just use each other and then when you go or I go it's over, see you later?"
It sounded so bad when he said it that way. "I have worked hard to get to where I am in my life, and I don't need extra baggage along the way to success. I don't need distractions Nick."
"This doesn't have to be a burden," he said. "Why do you want to make it one?"
"Because I know how things end, Nick." I lowered my voice. "I've seen what commitment leads to, and it isn't pretty. Going in is the easy part. It's the endings that suck."
"Who do you think you're talking to?"
"I'm talking to you Nick, you. This is how it has to be, I'm sorry." I shook my head, ready to walk away and leave this alone.
For a minute neither of us said anything. After so many years of only thinking these things, saying them out loud felt so strange, as if now they were officially real. My cold, hard heart was exposed. All my rules and guidelines out in the open for the world to see just how my mind worked.
"I know why you're saying this," he finally said. "But you're missing out. You know, when it works, love is pretty amazing. It's not overrated. There's a reason for all those songs."
I looked down. "Those songs don't mean anything, they're just songs."
He took my hands in his stepping closer to me. "Please."
I gently removed myself from him, taking a step back and closing up again. All the walls I've built coming out again.
I felt it then. That strange feeling that meant the worst part of breaking up was over, and now there were only a few pleasantries to exchange before you were done for good.
"It could have worked out for us."
"Maybe," I replied. I couldn't even imagine believing in love the way he did.
He leaned forward and kissed my forehead. I took in everything about him that I'd grown to like: the smell of him, his muscular build, and the smoothness of his skin against mine. So much in so little time.
"I'll see you around," he said, pulling back from me. "Okay?"
I nodded. "Okay."
He squeezed my hand one last time, then let it drop and started across the parking lot back to the school.
I picked up my phone and called the one person who I knew could make this better.
I burst into tears, my body shaking as I plopped down on the curb. "D-d-em?"
"Oh sweetie I'll be right there!" she ended the call. Leaving me in silence, the thing that can't seem to leave me alone.
…
"So what happened?" we were pulled into the driveway of her house, a tub of chocolate ice cream in my hand as she stuck out tissues for me.
"I really liked him Dem, and I let him get to close. He wasn't ever going to be a stable person in my life, I should have seen that from the first moment I spoke to him."
She touched my shoulder, rubbing it comfortingly. "Sweetie, you didn't know. Maybe he just needs a chance. Maybe he was right, you didn't let him try and show you how you two could be."
"So you're on his side?" I questioned, the tears momentarily stopping.
"No of course not!" she exclaimed, her lips perusing together. She sighed. "All I'm saying is that he deserves a second chance, especially when you barely gave him a first one."
I looked at her carefully, digesting the words I knew in my heart to be true. Everything Demi said was true, and that was one thing that I loved about her. She was brutally honest, but in the most genuine and sincere way. She's beautiful, but she'll never admit to it herself; her character makes any guy stop and stare, and she never ceases to surprise me with how she holds herself together after the rough past she's had. Her parents got divorced when she was young, and her brother died from a overdose of alcohol at a party when he was only seventeen. She's the strongest person I know. She's the best shoulder to cry on, and whenever things are bad in her family she puts on a small and gets through it all until she's alone again. She makes mistakes like the rest of us, sure, but she's humble enough to admit it.
"You are right. You're always right." I turned to look at her, taking my spoon out of the ice cream carton and placing it in a napkin on the dash board.
"Dem, how do you do this? How can you go through with all of these things, and deal with all of my shit on a daily basis? How?" I honestly wish I could live inside her brain for one day; if I could know what she was thinking when she talked to me or interacted with anybody else, I would be in heaven. The way she handles things, it's so mature and she just has this confidence with everything she does. She's truly my big sister.
She smiled at me, her lips curving into a modest smile. "Oh Miles, you know I'm not that strong. And you also know you're not that difficult," she said laughing, her arms finding their way around my shoulders and pulling me in for a hug. "I love you, and you help me just as much with my problems as I do for yours. That's what we are, best friends. The one girl who will always be there as the shoulder to cry on."
"You know, if you went to Ireton, I would just be in heaven." I looked hopefully at her, knowing this was asking a lot.
I continued. "I mean, I know Joe goes to school with you now and I really don't want to take you away from him I just miss you, that's all." Her eyes faltered at the mention of Joe.
"About him Miles, I really want to talk to you about that." My eyes widened.
"Oh, no." my voice broke in between words. "He. Did. NOT." My anger could be heard from miles away, I was sure of it.
She nodded slightly, not giving much emotion to the subject. "I'm not certain, but I have a hunch. There's this blonde girl at school who has loved him for just the longest time, and apparently they have classes together too!"
She thought he was cheating on her. That is the one thing, Demi cant stand in a guy. Lying.
"But Joe doesn't seem like that kind of guy Dem, have you talked to him about this?" I asked, now handing her the tub of ice cream and allowing her to sulk with me.
"No I haven't, which makes me crazy!" she considered her words, organizing her thoughts in her head while taking a spoonful of ice cream into her mouth. "There's just something that I feel for Joe, something I haven't felt before that makes me afraid to tell him how I'm feeling. I mean, what if I'm right. I would never be able to live it down, or even see his face every day at school."
"Sweetie, maybe you should take your own advice. Talk to him, I mean you can't take him out of the equation without giving him the chance to get in it."
She gave me this quirky smile. "And you tell me that I don't know what I'm talking about? You should tell me again how to give a guy a chance to explain."
She turned it on me.
"You shut him out before giving him a chance. Now, do you like him? Or was all that obsessing just a waste of time."
She was right; I needed to talk to him…
As promised! It's monday. Happy worst day of the week! Well, I actually hate tuesdays more, but I guess this monday is a little bit okay. It's like...presidents day? Whatever that means haha :)
Review please, it would just make this day a whoooolleee lot better for me.
Emily. Whisper hello, i miss you quite terribly.