This was the time of day when I wished I were able to sleep.

High school.

Or was purgatory the right word? If there was any way to atone for my sins, this ought to count toward the tally in some measure. The tedium was not something I grew used to; every day seemed more impossibly monotonous than the last.

I stared at the cracks running through the plaster in the far corner of the cafeteria, imagining patterns into them that were not there. It was one way to tune out the voices that babbled like the gush of a river inside my head.

The voices of my classmates could drive me up the wall – literally. It took so little to work them all up, and being here with them made me feel so much older than I actually am. A fifteen-year-old girl stuck living in a nineteen year olds mind.

The whole class broke out in laughter; Daniel tripped on a textbook on the ground, flying into a desk and then sliding off of it into the teachers' desk, a water bottle falling off from the teachers' desk and hitting his square in the chest.

Becky hit my shoulder. "Miley?"

"Uh yeah," I mumbled.

"Sorry," she murmured. "It was just a joke, kind of stupid."

"I know. It was funny."

Her mouth twisted down.

"Well, I guess I'll leave you to your thoughts I must be annoying you."

"Not at all," I assured her. "On the contrary, I'm the one who is being rude -abominably rude. I'm very sorry."

"It's okay, I just didn't want you to miss out on this, you've been kind of out of it lately." She switched from the seat behind me to the one in front of me, her bag sliding across the floor with her.

"I know, I've just been really caught up and busy."

I smiled slightly. She turned around to face the front as Daniel was sent to the bathroom to go clean up as class continued. I'd never had a more interesting biology class, not that that class has ever been interesting.

I walked out of second period with no intention of taking my usual route to my third period. Want to know why? Yup, you guessed it. Nick walked that way everyday – and yes, we would walk together.

The staircase mimicked me as I walked past it; I decided against my instincts to take the usual way, I shouldn't be letting another person affect how I live my life and make my decisions.

I was hurt. I was jealous and I didn't really know why I said the things that I said to Nick, when I knew that half of those things I said I didn't mean. He's allowed to have friends, and I know that Brooke was just there with him because she knew that I would be mad about it.

Still, I wasn't known for being one to face my fears or confront them when the time came. So I kept walking the way I normally wouldn't to my math class. My eyes caught hold of the new people in the hallways, and no matter how hard I tried I couldn't get his face out of my mind. All day every day, he was what I thought about. I just want to be over it. Of course, the world is not a place where we get things that we deserve (or think we deserve) but places where things just come to us, no warning – no nothing.

"Miley."

Nick stood in front of me, his face inches from mine. His hand had my wrist in his warm grip, his biceps flexing under his uniform shirt. I couldn't help but stare. Yeah, that's all I could think about when he talked to me at the moment.

"Please." His eyes were sad, his features soft as his grip on my wrist loosened. "Forgive me."

"Not here," I mumbled. I pulled my arm away from him and kept walking. I turned around (mentally slapping myself at the moment) for a second, and of course our eyes met. Time stopped for us, the people surrounding our scene just a blur in comparison to him.

"Stop it." I muttered under my breath. I turned and kept walking away. I want to take Demi's advice but there is just something that I know he did – and the fact that he's not telling me makes me not want to even see his face.

Honestly though, all I want is his face. I want to hold it in my hands. I want to run my fingers through his curly brown hair while he rubs my back and tells me how beautiful he thinks I am.

Some fantasy I'm living in, right.

…

I didn't even glance over at Nick's table when I walked into the lunchroom fourth period, my eyes strictly stuck on the chicken wings packaged in my lunch bag in my hand.

Olivia came up behind me, taking her arm and looping it through mine. "Let's go outside, okay?"

I nodded and let her guide me away. I grabbed a packet of ketchup before slipping out the door of the cafeteria.

The doors to outside lay right in front of us, the sight we saw suddenly stopping our movements.

She turned and looked at me. "Do you still want to go outside?"

It was raining. Raining does mother nature no justice in this situation though, the water fell from the sky at the speed of a mustang on an empty highway. It fell fast and in mass quantity

I still don't understand why I did this.

"Let's eat right here, then go outside, I have an idea."

She agreed. We ate quickly. Next thing you know, we're both outside, getting drenched with the hail like storm we were experiencing first hand.

"What's the plan?" she yelled. The rain made it almost impossible to hear her. That didn't stop me from yelling my idea out to her, a smile appearing on her face immediately.

"YES!" She said, taking the basketball off the ground and running towards the hoop with it in hand.

When I was twelve, I really liked this guy from a soccer camp I went to. Then, when I went to sit next to him in the lunch room one day, a girl came up from behind him and kissed the crap out of him. I needed a way to vent my feelings since I wasn't really friends with other people there, and I didn't really want them knowing that I liked that guy.

I went outside that day, soccer ball in hand, and walked down the an empty soccer field. It was raining, which was the perfect way to hide my deafening screams of anger. I kicked the shit out of the ball, letting it hit the net as I screamed of how mad I was, and how stupid that I felt for ever liking a guy like him.

And you know what, it made me feel so much better.

"So there's this guy, you know the one in our homeroom," she started, dribbling the ball and letting it smack the pavement really hard. A basketball works too. "He hates gay people. Can you believe that? I am so in love with him, and I can't like him when he's a jackass like that! My best friend is gay, how inconsiderate could he be to go and say all that shit about 'fags' when he knows that someone I love is gay!"

Her yelling didn't faze me at all as I ran to pick up the ball she threw at the hoop with so much force I could have sworn I saw the hoop shake.

"Tell me more!" I yelled, throwing the ball at the hoop myself. It smacked the rim hard, bouncing back and rolling through a puddle and landing in front of her. She picked it up and started bouncing it hard again, water splashing everywhere.

The rain continued to pound down, matting my hair down against my neck and face.

"Then he asks me why I'm giving him glares and ignoring him. I mean, is he that stupid? I hate him! Yet, I can't stop liking him." At this point she sounded infuriated, the basketball taking the pain in as she threw it and it hit the pole so hard she had to duck as it came flying back at her. She looked at me and we both laughed.

"You want to know what's been happening with me?" I yelled, running and splashing water as I went to get the ball. "I am livid with a guy in my Latin class. You want to know why?"

I pounded the ball against the wet pavement; water now fully soaking my shoes and socks. "He has the nerve to lie to my face, then act like nothing is wrong!"

I took the ball and threw it with two hands at the hoop. It hit the backboard. "He thinks he can just play me? Newsflash guy! You're a jackass who likes to lead people on and then leave them to wallow in sadness because he's done with them." The ball rolled almost dead back to me, the puddles it had to get past growing with each word I yelled into the pouring rain.

"What a dirt bag!" Olivia screamed, taking the ball from the ground and dribbling it so hard it deflated a little.

"I know! And you know how he reacts when I tell him that I'm done with his games?" I yelled, turning to face her, my face red and drained.

"No what?" she threw the ball at the hoop and it hit the rim with a thump.

"He said that he didn't know what I was talking about, and that he's a good guy! HA!" I screamed. I let my body absorb the water gushing down, my head flicking up to look at the grey sky. "HA!" I laughed once again.

My body almost broke down then, a surge running through my veins. I could have collapsed from anger, or maybe it was exhaustion, but I was officially weary.

"What a jerk!" Olivia yelled again, her thin arms finally heaving the ball at the hoop one last time.

"I know," I whispered. I was done. But I knew that I wasn't really.

I was conflicted. It didn't take a doctor or even a scientist – or even a genius to see this!

The bell rung, making us look at each other. We both ran over to the side of the building where our backpacks lay, possibly the only thing still dry that was outside; we picked them up and headed for the door.

"That was fun," Olivia said in a normal tone, now that we were finally able to hear each other without yelling. I reached for the door handle.

Olivia stepped through the door, both of us making puddles as we walked through. Beside the doors there was a group of junior boys. Guess who had their head hung low in the group, a blank and lost expression on his face? You guessed it.

Olivia looked at me as we kept walking, ignoring their presence even though the majority of them turned to give us a look.

Once out of their earshot Olivia spoke up. "Do you think he heard that?"

I looked at the ground in front of me watching as I made puddles in my path. I took a deep breath and stopped walking. Olivia stopped beside me, shifting and adjusting her shirt so it didn't stick to her skin as much.

"Doesn't matter if he heard it. If he doesn't act upon it, Olivia. I could have sworn my freaking love to him, and it wouldn't be relevant unless he actually gave two cents about me to talk with me about how he really feels instead of bullshitting me."

She put a hand on my shoulder, her eyes wandered around my face to search for emotions that she wanted to see which she clearly wasn't seeing.

"I'm done."

She nodded, accepting my answer – for now.

"Well, was it worth it?" I asked her, motioning for us to keep walking to class.

"You mean screaming and throwing things while yelling so loudly your voice cracks as we declare how angry we are at the world?"

I smiled at her nodding. "Then yeah," she said smiling back. "It was definitely worth it."

"Yeah, for me too."

Too bad I can't get him out of my head. Why? His name was somehow stained to my skin in sharpie ink; his face permanently indented into my vision. He was the purpose for the pain, and he was the reason I was fighting every instinct in my body – fighting back to make sure nothing I did ruined my chances at success or allowing myself to get distracted by getting hurt.

The last thing I need is another something in my world letting me down. I've had enough let downs to last a lifetime.

Hey guys! I couldn't update on Monday cause i've been having softball all week and some pretty crazy windy weather (no power!) which has stopped me from posting and such.

I hope you guys still like this story and will review. it should be over soon, & then i can get busy stopping with writing (if nobody likes it) or writing the sequel (if you guys like it and review) which either would be cool, though i do enjoy writing :)

Okay. So that was my little speellll.

Q: How do you vent your anger when you just can't take it anymore?

Emily. Whisper hello, i miss you quite terribly.