I don't own Bones, I know I have 206 in my body, but the Bones from Fox isn't mine.

I will hopefully post two of these a week, usually on Mondays. One from Brennan's point of view and the other from Booth's point of view.

Brennan's point of view

The Implication in the Letter

Her vacation, in North Carolina went well, although for some reason she missed Booth. She enjoyed reconnecting with her brother, and they even played Marco Polo. She took time to lay on the beach and swim, but was happy when it was time to return to work.

While away, she decided to keep a journal to help her sort out her feelings for him. She couldn't understand how he could affect her this way. Why did she have such a hard time compartmentalizing these feelings? Maybe the journaling would help. When she was young, her mother told her to write down her feelings when she was upset about the other students at school, maybe this will help her gain some perspective.

September

8th Upon returning, Booth and I fell back into our regular schedule, it was as if I was never away. He asked about my vacation, and I asked about how my father's case was going. Life returned to normal.

One thing that he discovered while I was gone was this small out of the way, diner located between the Jeffersonian, and the FBI building. He invited me to lunch almost every day, and I would steal his fries while we ate. He usually orders pie, and I order a salad. I could feel us becoming closer. A friendship was developing between us. The bickering continued, as if that was the only way we could communicate.

Goodman left and hired a coroner to run the lab. Her name is Camille Saroyan, and she was now my boss, and stated as much. I definitely didn't need a boss, and especially one who continued to talk to me as if I was inferior to her.

Angela said she and Booth had a past, and that it was probably sexual. I wasn't concerned with his sexual conquests, and told Angela it didn't matter, but in a way, it did. I watched them together and wondered if he was using Cam to satisfy his biological urges.

12th When Booth told me that my father murdered McVicar in jail; I was shocked. How could my father do that, what kind of man was he? What kind of family did I have? My father was a murderer, and my brother was on parole, am I the only sane one? Booth tried to explain about the murder, but I couldn't understand his thinking.

Then he made me bring flowers to my mother's grave, he said it would help if I could talk to her. She's dead, I can't talk to a dead person, but I went because I thought it would make him happy. I did ask her about my Dad, but I didn't get any answers. I knew I wouldn't but I hoped, maybe?

While we were there I found a small silver dolphin near the tombstone, I knew it was from my Dad. I wanted to keep it for evidence, but Booth took it and told me you can't taint that kind of evidence. I think he meant because it was given in love from my father to her, but I don't understand.

I have never been good at relationships, but with Booth, it seems so easy. Yes we argue or as he says bicker, but it feels so natural.

25th We just finished another case. This one was about a foster kid, named Kelly. Cam automatically blamed the foster kid. As if all foster kids are bad. I wanted to tell her, what does that make me? But, I stayed quiet just like I did in school.

Booth told me some things about foster kids. He said they feel so alone in this mean world; they lose that knack of trusting other people. He said they carry the weight of the world. That they have a hard time letting themselves off the hook, and they grow up with control issues. That sounds a lot like me.

October

2nd I killed a man today.

3rd I need to write this down. I killed a man. He was going to kill Booth and I shot him. It was so easy to take a life, and I don't know if I will ever be rid of this feeling inside. Booth was a sniper in the Army, and last year, he told me about a man he killed in Kosovo. He said it's never just the one person who dies. Never. He said with each shot, we all die a little bit. That's how I feel, like a part of me died with that shot. I hope that never happens again.

One good thing, Booth got me a pig. It's a toy one, but it is so cute. He named it Jasper, and he gave it to me the night I killed Gil Lappin. I put it on my bedside table so I can see it before I fall asleep at night. He told me, I will be ok. I think I understand him a little better.

10th I called Booth today, because we had a case and I didn't know if he was picking me up or not, but Rebecca answered the phone. I could tell by the sound of his voice that he had just had sex, and besides that, he was late to the scene. I made the mistake and told Cam, she told the whole lab, and well he was upset with me. He said I shouldn't gossip. However, I didn't even know that was gossip. Well I tried to hint that if he needed any future help with his biological urges, I was there, but Angela came in and the conversation didn't go any further.

The thing is, he also said there are certain people that you just can't sleep with, that there are too many strings and too much at stake to do it anymore, and as he looked at me he said there was too much to lose. I wonder if he meant me? I know I would be more than willing to satisfy his biological urges, but I think it would lead to more than sex, and the possibility of losing my imperviousness, would be too difficult, so I think I will try to avoid that in the future.

15th Angela asked for my advice on dating Hodgins today. I told her that she should never indulge in a romantic relationship with someone you work with. An efficient workplace is predicated upon a simple hierarchy. Romance undermines that hierarchy. Cam told her she should date him, because it would never work out. She took Cam's advice. I have to keep my advice in mind the next time Booth looks at me. Lately I feel something more forming between us, but I still don't understand what it is.

November

10th We went undercover again, this time in Las Vegas. I had never gone there before, and I had the best luck at the casino, I won every time. However, we had to play a couple, Booth wanted us married, but I told him I don't believe in that, so I said we were engaged to be engaged. Anyway, I found it very hard to resist him. I had a lot of trouble sleeping, because all I could think about was him in the next room. It was so easy to let my defenses down and just be me. I was able to touch him, and hold him close anytime I wanted, but his proximity made me so confused, I had a difficult time stopping the act at the end of the assignment. What is he doing to me?

15th I just spent 13 hours in a car buried under the ground. The gravedigger kidnapped me and buried me underground. I was with Hodgins, and terrified I would never be found, but after the explosion, I was trying to dig myself out of the ground, and I felt his hand pull me to safety. I wanted to hold him and never let him go, but I told him to get Hodgins, because I knew he was weaker than I was, and would have more trouble getting out. By the time he came back to me the feeling had past. Angela kissed Hodgins as soon as he was free; I wish Booth felt that way about me. I wrote him a letter while I was trapped. I wanted to tell him how I feel, and say goodbye. I don't think I will ever show it to him. I have included it here so I will remember it.

.

Dear Booth,

If you are reading this letter, it means I am dead. I tried to use the explosives in the car's airbags to create an explosion to help us get out. I am not an explosives expert, so that is probably why it didn't work.

I want to tell you how I feel about you. You are my best friend and the only person who has been willing to help me understand this confusing world. Although I am a difficult person to associate with, I have always felt as if you cared for me.

To tell you the truth Booth, I have very strong feelings for you, and they confuse me. I don't think I will ever understand my feelings for you, but I know they started on those steps in the rain. Do you know why I ran away? It was because I am afraid of the way I feel when I'm near you.

Well, I have to go and see if this works, so either I will be seeing you in a short while or I will be dead. Please don't come to my grave, because I will not hear you, and you will be wasting your time. Say goodbye to everyone for me.

Love,

Your Bones

.

28th We were watching a video that was shot during a murder, and Cam was scared. She reached out and took Booth's hand; I felt a sadness come over me to think that Angela was right; Cam and Booth are in a relationship. The ironic thing is that the man I was out with was the murderer. Wow, I really don't know how to pick them. I am better at reading bones then people. Booth came to me after to see if I was ok. He pulled me into his arms again, I hesitated and he called it a guy hug, but I wanted him to hold me forever.

December

13th Will the horror, that is my family, ever cease to amaze me? My father shot a man in the head, hung him from a pole, gutted him and set him on fire. Then when I was discussing it with Booth, he acted as if he respects him. He told me he would take a stand up crook over a crooked cop any day of the week.

We were celebrating Zack's doctorate and new job with us, at the diner, when Booth stopped by. I went outside to talk to him and he told me my father killed the Deputy Director of the FBI, in the same fashion as the previous victim. When I told him that I guess I just don't get to be in a family, he said there is more than one kind of family. I thought he would kiss me, but Zack interrupted us, and we went back to the party. I wish he did.

January

31st This was a difficult case. Eps is dead. Cam almost died, and Booth drew a line. He told me that people who work in high-risk situations can't be involved romantically because it leads to things like Cam getting hurt. Every single day it's with us. There's this line, and we can't cross it. I think he meant there shouldn't be any relationships at work. He was referring to Cam and himself, but I think he meant it toward me too. I think Eps' death is bothering Booth, he won't talk about it to me.

February

7th Booth shot a clown on the top of an ice cream truck today, so I have to work with a new partner, because he has to see a psychiatrist before he can return to duty. I hate psychiatry; it is such a soft science.

8th The new agent I was assigned to is very nice. His name is Sully, and when the case was over, we went out for pie at the Diner. I think this might go somewhere.

24th Sully and I have gone out 4 times already, but he hasn't made a move on me yet. I wonder if I should make the first move. I wonder what Booth thinks.

26th I slept with Sully. He is very good in bed. I find myself enjoying his company, but at the same time, I miss Booth. How can I be with one man, yet think of another?

March

14th Booth and Sully constantly argue over me. This is ridiculous. They are both behaving like children.

I think Sully is forming an attachment to me, and I don't know what to do. I don't do long term commitments, because all relationships are ephemeral. He thinks he knows me, but he doesn't. I told him this was just a fling, and he better not get carried away. He responded by leaning very close to me and saying, "When you can't stop thinking about someone when they're not around...that's not a fling. When you remember their touch just like they were still right next to you? That's not a fling. If you need to be alone with this, fine - but we both know what we have."

He's wrong; this is just a fling.

21st I'm on vacation with Sully, and Booth won't leave me alone. He keeps showing up and asking me ridiculous questions. The body that they found doesn't have any bones, so this case shouldn't include me, but still he bothers us.

25th Sully wants me to go away with him. He bought a boat, and he is going to run charter cruises in the Bahamas. It sounds wonderful, but I'm not sure I can commit to anything like that. Relationships are ephemeral, and I don't want to give up what I have here for something that won't last anyway, besides what should I do about Booth, and I love my job. I can't give everything up to go sailing with him. I can't leave Booth, I don't know why, but I feel attached to him in some way. I don't understand it, but something draws me to him. I know I need to stay.

I went to the marina to say goodbye, and as he sailed away, I noticed that he named his boat Temperance.

When I turned around from watching Sully sail away, Booth was standing behind me.

April

4th A regional crime boss named Gallagher kidnapped Booth today. My Dad helped me rescue him. I can't believe my Dad helped me rescue the man who wants to put him in jail. Booth thinks I should talk to him. I still don't know.

One thing that scared me though, was my feelings for Booth. When I found out, I was devastated. I couldn't sleep, or concentrate on the case. All I could think about was Booth. What does this mean? Am I developing feelings for him? How is that possible? I don't want this. I don't need anybody.

Gallagher beat him up pretty bad before we got there. My Dad helped me the whole time, and then he took my car and left, before I untied Booth. I am so confused.

18th I found out that Booth was a jock today, but he doesn't fit the anthropological norm. Anthropologically speaking, sports are a way for boys to practice their battle skills, but Booth employs those battle skills every day. He doesn't need to use sports as an outlet for his unfulfilled need of combat, because he is a fully developed man. Booth is the exception to the norm.

I also realized that he never used his athletic ability to prove his conquest with women, because he still remembers that first girl's name.

May

9th This time I knew the victim. It was a friend named Carly. It was very hard to compartmentalize.

10th Angela and I were talking about marriage today. She keeps putting off Hodgins proposal, and I told her she should just tell him no and stop all the aggravation, but she said she may want to say yes. I don't understand the point of marriage, love is so fleeting it just doesn't make sense to commit to one person, and then change your mind a few years later.

She brought up Sully. Every time I think about him, I wonder why I let him go, and then from somewhere deep inside I think it was because of Booth. But how can that be? I don't love Booth, I don't believe in love. I know it's just a release of chemical in the brain, but then when I see him, I question my theory. I just don't know what to think anymore, I am drawn to Booth on some deep level that I don't understand, but whenever a relationship seems more than casual, I feel that I need to posit the potential problems; probabilities of success and failure. I get scared, and I know miss so much, but I don't know how to change.

I made Booth dinner. I made him Mac and cheese, his favorite. He really liked it. I get a feeling of pleasure when I make him happy, but I don't understand why.

16th Angela asked me to be her maid of honor, and I was so honored, that I hugged her.

Booth arrested my father today; he just walked right into the lab, and into my office, where Booth and I were talking. I don't know how I feel about this. He has a different identity now, so they couldn't keep him in jail.

My Dad is staying with me, in my spare bedroom. He said I have relatives. I never knew that. He gave me a ring and a tape from my mother. I think I love my father, but he ran out on me and Russ, he robbed people, he's a murderer. He got my mother killed. Am I terrible for not wanting to care about my father?

I talked to Booth about it today, and I asked him if I'm not a bad daughter? Bad person?

He said, "You're not a bad anything.", and he gave me that smile that gives me a strange feeling in my stomach. I know that is impossible, but I still feel it.

My Dad gave me a tape from my mother; she said my Dad was a good man. He loved me and she wants me to forgive him.

I returned the rock to Chelsea's mother. What she did was wrong, but she did it out of love. I understand that now. Maybe someday I will be able to love my father.

During the wedding Booth told me, my Dad let him arrest him, because he doesn't want to abandon me again. I pulled him into my arms and again felt that strange feeling in my stomach. We found out the Angela was already married, so she and Hodgins ran off and everyone went to the reception without them.