I don't own Bones, I know I have 206 in my body, but the Bones from Fox isn't mine.

I will hopefully post two of these a week, usually on Mondays. One from Brennan's point of view and the other from Booth's point of view.

Booth's point of view

The Reality in the Dream

I met Bones in England, and we ended up solving a murder. This guy Ian tried for two weeks to get Bones to sleep with him. I told her he just looking for a one-night stand, and she should stay away from him. She actually listened to me. Then he was murdered, and we were asked to stay and help solve the murder.

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We are finally home. I am glad I live in the United States, because people in England don't know how to drive. They drive on the wrong side of the road, and they don't know how to make a good cup of coffee. Thank God, I'm back in the good old USA.

I went to pick up Bones for a case, and while I was waiting for her, a half-naked man, named Mark, walks out of her bedroom. I didn't even know she was dating anyone. Then when we get to the car, she says it's only for sex. Not only that, the next day she says she is going out with a Botanist named Jason, and that she is still with Mark.

I am in shock; she has two men at the same time, but for different reasons. She says that Mark is for sex, and Jason is intellectually stimulating. Well they both met, and then broke up with her. Therefore, that leads us to sitting on Sweets' couch talking about her relationships.

"Right. Okay, look, I'm sorry. You know what? If Mark and Jason don't know how lucky they are, they don't deserve you in the first place."

"All relationships are temporary."

"No, that's not true, Bones. You're wrong. Okay, there is someone for everyone. Someone you're meant to spend the rest of your life with. All right? You just have to be open enough to see it. That's all."

I wish she realized that I want to be that one.

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Zack just walked into the lab today, he copied Sweets' badge, and walked out of the loony bin, then into the lab. I brought him back after he solved the case.

Bones fixed my back. It had been hurting all week, and she just popped it back into place like magic. When she came up behind me, and put her arms around me, I was a bit concerned. It was a little erotic at first, feeling her pressed up against my back. I could feel the entire outline of her body, but then she rotated my hips, and popped it back in. it hasn't felt this good in a month.

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My brother, Jared, showed up today, and invited Bones to go to this fancy party with him. I was stunned and hurt that she went. I don't know why it bothered me so much, because we are just partners, but I was still upset. Then he told her I was afraid of success, and she believed him. I was furious at her. How could she do that to me? We have been together for more than three years, and she doesn't know me yet?

Jared always calls me when he has problems. He was stopped for drunk driving, and I had to give up my RICO case to get him out of trouble. That was supposed to be the case that propels me into FBI legendary status. That case was my trip to Hawaii and now that case is shit.

Bones was shot today. It was only a flesh wound, but I still feel responsible, because I'm supposed to keep her safe.

At my birthday party, Bones apologized in her own way, by giving the toast she said, "Anthropology teaches us that, the alpha male is the man, wearing the crown, displaying the most colorful plumage and the shiniest baubles, he stands out from the others. But, I now think that anthropology may have it wrong. In working with Booth, I have come to realize that the quiet man, the invisible man, the man who is always there for friends and family, that's the real alpha male, and I promise, that my eyes will never be caught by those… shiny baubles again. Happy Birthday.

It wasn't as much as what she said as the look she gave me. It was so intense and passionate, I thought I could see her true feeling in her eyes at that moment, but maybe it was just the wine.

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We were on a plane to China, when a passenger was murdered. She was able to help me solve the case in four hours. She really is awesome.

My flirting is totally wasted on her. She was wearing some glasses that made her look like a librarian, and I said, "All right, what I want you to do is take off your glasses, shake out your hair and say, "Mr. Booth, do you know what the penalty is for an overdue book?""

She just gave me a blank look, so I gave up. At that moment, I could have kissed her. Maybe it's a good thing that she didn't understand.

Then at the end of the flight before we took off to return home with our suspect, I again tried to get her to notice me, but the kid had to interrupt us. He asked if we were going to make out. Even a sixteen-year-old kid can understand how I feel, why can't she?

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Cam gave Max a job at the Jeffersonian, and Bones is irritated. She thinks he shouldn't work there, because he is a criminal. I think it is because she wants to keep her distance from him. She is afraid of feeling the love she has toward her father.

Max asked me if I was sleeping with Bones today. When I told him no, he asked if I was gay. Then he asked me if I was attracted to her, and I told him I thought she was beautiful. I think he knows how I feel toward her. He told me I'm a good man, and he's want that for her. Can everyone see how I feel?

We had to go undercover again. This time it was in a circus. I think, Bones, enjoyed it a little too much. We pretended to be a knife-throwing act, but she wanted me to throw knives at smaller and smaller targets. She is so different when we are undercover. It's as if she doesn't have to hide her feelings.

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Bones came to one of my hockey games today. I got a penalty and had to sit out for two minutes. The best part was that she was sitting right near me. It was great to see her smile. I love her smile; it brightens up her whole face.

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I was a suspect in a murder, and they had another agent work with my squints. Bones said she wouldn't work with anyone, but me, that made me feel good. Agent Perotta had me stay on as a consultant, so the squints would cooperate.

I got a concussion from falling on the ice, and Bones stayed up all night with me. I think we are getting closer. I noticed that she likes to touch me quite often. Sometimes it's just a touch on my arm or hand, and other times she will grab my arm, lay her head on my shoulder, and kind of hug me. I think I like those touches the best. Maybe she does have feelings for me.

I wonder if I can ever be good enough for her. She deserves the best. I killed so many people while I was in the Army, and I don't know if I can ever make up for that. Can she overlook my faults enough to give us a chance? Do I even try to think she can?

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The Gravedigger kidnapped me today, and Bones came to get me. I knew she would, because she would never give up.

The only thing is it was a very strange experience for me. I had this hallucination help me the whole time. His name was Teddy, and without him, I would have died on that boat. He asked me some significant questions, while we were trapped. I'm not sure if it was my own mind talking to me, or if he was really there, like a ghost. Nevertheless, something happened, and I got out alive.

One thing he made me think about was why I never told Bones I love her, because I now know I do, but I also know that I can't tell her yet. I don't think I am what she needs, and I wouldn't want to disappoint her.

I will never forget the look on her face when she called to me from the helicopter. As she called to me, I saw a look of desperation, and vulnerability, and as I climbed into the chopper, she pulled me into her arms, and held me tight. I never wanted to let her go. I wanted to stay there and hold her forever, but the chopper landed, and I had to release her, and let life go on.

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I hurt my back, and Agent Perotta took over the case. They have me on very strong painkillers, and I should be resting, but I keep thinking about her. Agent Perotta had Sweets go on an investigation with her and a car hit them. Doesn't Perotta know what could happen to her? She could be injured, or even worse killed. I would miss those beautiful blue eyes, and that soft skin, and her hair, oh, I love her hair. Wow, I need to sleep now; the medicine is starting to work.

Bones and Perotta solved the case, and Bones came by to tell me about it. She looked at my x-rays, and said she could fix my back. While she had her hands wrapped around me, by the way it felt great to feel her near me, Agent Perotta walked in.

Agent Perotta seemed to get all flustered, as if we were doing something, and left. Well that caused Bones to become concerned, and she left too, so now I am all alone again.

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Could Bones be jealous? I must be wrong, because I don't think she cares about me like that, but today a woman at the car dealership was flirting with me and as a joke, I flirted back. Bones became irritated and told me I didn't have to answer her back. I have to be wrong, she only thinks of me as her partner.

I knew I was wrong, because we went to a strip club to interrogate a witness, and she didn't even care that the woman was all over me. She gave me one hell of a lap dance, and my body responded, even though I didn't want it to. Well I had to tell Bones to wait for me outside, because I couldn't stand up in that condition. I needed a few minutes alone.

Bones actually said I was better at talking to people then she was. This is the first time; she had admitted that I am better than she is at something. I need to remember this day. The only problem is that not more than five minutes later she had me convinced to let her drive the car that I borrowed from Buddy.

I told her driving this car is like making love, you have to do it gently, but she said she likes it passionate and uninhibited. Wow, I should have known, everything she does is passionate, why wouldn't making love be that way too. Anyway, she drove the car maybe twenty feet, and stalled it. I gave up, left her there, and went to get a cab, but she looked so sad, I couldn't leave her, so I gave in and drove her home. Why can't I ever say no to that woman?

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Parents should take an active role in raising their children. I had to talk to a young man today, about how he is responsible for three teenage girls that he got pregnant. His parents should have told him that not me.

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A close friend of Cam's died this week, leaving his 16-year-old daughter all alone. I was shocked when I found out that Bones told her she should take care of Michelle. Bones has such a big heart; I just wish she would let other people see it sometimes.

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Bones has been very complimentary toward me lately. Just today, she told me, "Well, there is intelligence that I have and Mr. Nigel-Murray, and Hodgins, and Angela…not so much, but she's very talented. But then, there's another quality, which is the ability to use intelligence. That is what you have."

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Today the case was about weddings and love, and all those things that Bones doesn't believe in. She was very argumentative the whole time. I asked her if she ever dreamed about getting married when she was young and innocent, but she didn't really answer me. I wonder if she would ever change her mind. I wonder if I could help her to do that. Then she said that love causes delusions, and anyone with a brain would never get married. I guess that answered my questions.

After the case was over, Bones came over my house, and told me that she is jealous of Angela, Hodgins, and me. When I asked her why, she said, "Because you all want to lose yourself in another person. You believe that love is transcendent and eternal. I want to believe that, too."

I just sat down near her on the couch and told her, Someday you will, someday you will."

I can only wait, but for now, I will be there for her, talk to her, and hope for the future.

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Gordon Gordon is back, but it was only to tell me he was leaving psychiatry to become a chef. He made us bean stew, and made us go invite Sweets for dinner, because he thinks Sweets needs a family. I'm certainly not his family, and Sweets just needs to grow up. He's not a kid, and we shouldn't have to reach out to him all the time.

I didn't want to go, but Bones did, and I can't refuse her anything, so we went. Well that didn't turn out how I liked. I should have known that Gordon Gordon had an ulterior motive. He always gets me like that.

When we got to Sweets' office, he was working at his computer. I invite him to dinner, he refuses, and I go to leave, but Bones has a different idea. She tells us that one of her foster parents locked her in the trunk of a car for two days for dropping a dish. I can tell this memory is painful to her, because she starts to cry. Where did that come from, I just wanted to invite him to dinner, not start a dialog about our painful childhoods.

I hand her my handkerchief, and then she looks at me and says, "Okay. Your turn. Go." She expected me to tell him something about my childhood. Look I'm sorry Sweets has scars on his back, but I am not talking about my old man for anything, but then she gives me that look. The one that melts my heart, and makes me do anything she wants, and I can't resist, so I told HER. Not anyone else, just her. Of course, Sweets was in the room, so I had to tell him that I will not ever speak about this again.

So, I turn to her to see if she's all right, because that must have been hard on her, and she says she's fine, and gives me back my handkerchief, by putting it in my pocket. She kept her hand on my heart a little longer than she needed to. I think it was a way for her to tell me she understood what I did.

I haven't told her anything about my childhood yet, so this was a difficult thing for me. I hope she can still accept me for who I am, and not think of me as damaged goods. I have put my past behind me; I am not that person anymore. I just want to be who I am right now.

My friend from Tokyo came to visit, but it was not a social call, his sister was murdered. He stayed with me and helped with the investigation. He told me he knows how I feel about Bones, but he knows that she has no idea. Am I that obvious?

My brother got a dishonorable discharge from the Navy today. No Booth has ever been dishonorably discharged from anything, but it happened because he helped me when I was kidnapped, so I can't be too mad. He is leaving for India to travel around on a motorcycle. He really needs to grow up.

I know I need to let him make his own mistakes, or he will never become a productive adult, but it's so hard to let go. I have always protected him, so it's hard to let go.

He invited me to come today. Maybe…

I talked to Bones about going to India with my brother, she seemed a little nervous about it. I wonder what that means?

I'm not going, he needs to make his own mistakes, and he won't do that if we are together. I told Bones her frontal lobe is the size of a raisin, because she has never done anything wrong. I can't believe she believes me! She wants to do something bad, so I showed her how to dine and dash. I really left the money on the table, but she didn't see.

I loved the look on her face, as we ran out of the restaurant. She looked liberated and carefree. I don't think I have ever seen that look on her face before. I grabbed her hand as we ran for the car and she gripped mine back. It was the most perfect feeling in the world.

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I'm lying in this hospital bed thinking about all the things that have happened to me over the past three days. It all started in Sweets' office, when he wanted Bones and me to play a game; it was a stupid game that made no sense to either of us, and suddenly in the middle of the game, Bones says that she wants a baby.

To say I was shocked is an understatement. Where did this idea come from? I remember only a few years ago, that she said she never wanted children, and suddenly, she wants a baby? What the hell?

Then, if the first piece of news wasn't bad enough, she said she wants it to be mine. I was stunned to say the least. Afterward, I found out, that she wants to be artificially inseminated, with my sperm.

Well, I couldn't refuse, so I said yes, but when I went to give the sample, I saw Stewie. He was carrying on a conversation with me, and it freaked me out. Come to find out, I am the perfect candidate, and she said she might be pregnant next month. This was moving way too fast for me, and I was shocked. The more I thought about it, the less I wanted this.

I definitely want to have a baby with Bones, but as a family. I want to be with her forever, and raise our child together. I can't be just some guy who donates, to get her pregnant, then leaves her to do this alone. I NEED to be involved, and if she doesn't want me involved, I can't do it. Therefore, I decided that I would tell her the next day.

During all this baby stuff, we also had a case, and during the interrogation of the suspect, I saw Stewie again. When she found out she freaks out, and now I am here waiting for the doctors to cut open my brain, and take out a tumor.

I see her coming down the hall. She is so beautiful, as she stops outside the room to wait for the doctors to finish prepping me for surgery. She looks into the room, and I realize that I really do love her, and I want to be with her forever. I don't want to wait anymore. I want to tell her right after my surgery is over. I want to tell her the truth. She smiles back at me and I know she loves me too. I just know it.

Next, I see a melancholy look on her face, and I know she is worried. She walks into the room, and I ask her to go into surgery with me. I know if she is there, I will be safe. I know I can do anything as long as she is with me.

While we are walking down the hall, I tell her that if I don't make it, I want her to use my sperm, and have our child.

I silently know that this will be my testament to our love. My last wish, for her happiness.

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Wow, what a dream, it felt so real. Who is this woman in front of me? Why does she look so familiar? Where is Bren? I want my wife. What happened to the club, and why am I in bed? I'm very confused. I think I am sick, but I'm tired too. Maybe if I sleep.

I'm awake again. There are several doctors around me. They keep telling me that I was in a coma, but I don't remember that. I just want Bren. Where is she? One of the doctors left to get her.

There she is. Why is she so far away from me? Why doesn't she hold me in her arms, I am so scared. She looks so sad. Why is her hair different? What has happened to me?

Sweets is here. Why is a bartender visiting me? I guess if I'm sick, my friends would come, but he looks so different. Why is he wearing a suit? He keeps telling me that it was a dream, because of my coma. However, I was so happy there, I want it to be real, and I want that life. I don't want to be an FBI agent, and have Bren be my partner. I want my wife back. We were having a baby.

May 16th Sweets told me to write things down as I try to remember. This is my first entry. Bren went home and left me here. Angela came to visit. She said she is an artist, and works at the Jeffersonian reconstructing faces for dead people. That's gross. I saw enough dead bodies in the war, why would I want to see them now.

I want to go back to my dream. I love Bren so much; I just want to hold her. I want my baby, my little boy. She won't come to close to me. It's as if she is afraid of me. How do I make myself go back to what was? I don't want this life. I want Bren.

May 17th Bren came to visit today. I am starting to remember that other life, the one I don't want. I was so happy as a nightclub owner. I still want to go back, but I know I can't. Sometimes at night, when I'm all alone and no one is here, I can't stop the tears, for what could have been.

Sweets is driving me nuts. He pushes and pushes, so I will remember my real life. Each day that passes, I see the dream life drift away, and I regret losing it.

When Bren first came into the room, I forgot that we were not married, and asked her if she has any morning sickness yet, she reminded me that she's not pregnant, and we are not married, and then she had such a melancholy look on her face, that I wonder what she was thinking. If she wrote this other life for us, does that mean she wants it too? Could we one day have that life?

May 18th My memory is returning. I am beginning to recall most of the cases we worked on, and I don't call Temperance, Bren, much anymore. She said I called her Bones, but that still feels a little strange to me. The doctors told me I could go home soon, so I must be getting better. Although I still want the other life, I know it was a dream, and it will probably never happen.

I still feel as if I love Bones, but I don't know if those feeling are from my present life or my dream life. I remember so many things about her, and me. Eating at the Diner, sitting on my couch talking, going to Parker's games, and throughout all those memories, is the feeling of love, that I have for her. I haven't told Sweets any of this, so he can't destroy that little bit of happiness that I still have.

Bren asked me if she could go to Guatemala today, and I said yes. I remembered the conversation that we had on the plane about research being her first love, so I couldn't make her stay. I am still having a difficult time, leaving the dream memories behind, but I have stopped talking about it. I know how much it upsets everyone. I will keep them in the back of my mind, so I can draw on that happiness whenever I need to.

19th Bones came by to say goodbye, before she left on her trip. She said she will be back in six weeks, and she will see me then. I can't wait for her return. I will be so lonely without her. I wish I could have given her a kiss goodbye, but she just talked to me, and then left. I will be released tomorrow, but I will still need to come back for some physical therapy, and see Sweets twice a week. I hope that I will be able to return to work soon.

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