I don't own Bones, I know I have 206 in my body, but the Bones from Fox isn't mine.

I will hopefully post two of these a week, usually on Mondays. One from Brennan's point of view and the other from Booth's point of view.

Brennan's point of view

The Possibilities in the Moments

August

29th During the summer, I went to England to teach Histology of Bone at Oxford University. Booth joined me during the last two weeks of my lecture, because he was lecturing at Scotland Yard. I met a man named Ian Wexler, and he pursued me relentlessly. Booth told me not to sleep with him, because he is just a guy looking for a one-night stand.

September

1st Booth told me that there wasn't a guy in the country who wouldn't want to have sex with me, because I am special. I wonder what he meant by that?

Prichard advised me to sleep with Booth.

10th Booth is upset, because I am seeing two men at the same time, but Mark is great in bed, while Jason stimulates me intellectually. I don't understand the problem; monogamous relationships make up only 17 percent of our society. Why does he care who I date, and what I do on my free time?

12th He even came to the Diner and bothered me on my date with Jason. This reminds me of how he acted with Sully.

13th Today, when we went to see Sweets, I told Booth that both Mark and Jason broke up with me, and he said,

"Right. Okay, look, I'm sorry. You know what? If Mark and Jason don't know how lucky they are, they don't deserve you in the first place."

I told him, "All relationships are temporary."

"No, that's not true. You're wrong. Okay, there is someone for everyone. Someone you're meant to spend the rest of your life with. All right? You just have to be open enough to see it. That's all."

He had such an intense look on his face that I wanted to believe him. I wish I understood what was happening between us.

I think I'm giving up on any type of relationship for a while. No one seems right for me. Maybe I am meant to be alone.

17th Parker found a finger in a nest today, and Booth is freaking out. I told him not to worry, that I found our neighbor dead when I was five, and I'm ok.

20th I adopted a dog today, but when I went to get him, I found out they put him down. Booth helped me bury him, and then held me while I cried. He has become an integral part of my life, and I would miss him, if we were ever separated.

24th Zack helped us solve a case today. He just walked into the Jeffersonian, as if he belonged there. He stole Dr. Sweets' badge, and walked out of the asylum. After we solved the case, Sweets brought him back. I really do miss him.

Booth hurt his back riding on a slide with Parker. I told him I could fix it for him, but he refused to accept my help. When he finally gave in and I walked behind him to wrap my arms around him, I realized that our position was very erotic. I was pressed up against his back with my hands wrapped around his neck. I could smell that overwhelming scent that is only Booth, and felt a strong desire to kiss the back of his neck. It was difficult for me to resist, but resist I did.

November

12th I met Booth's brother today, his name is Jared, and he took me out to a party. Booth seemed upset that I went, but when I asked, he said he didn't care. Why can't people be honest about what bothers them? Jared said Booth is afraid of success, and he tends to stay in his comfort zone. I wonder if it is true.

13th I told Booth that I thought he gave up the RICO case, because he was afraid of success, but he became very angry with me. I don't understand what is happening.

14th Cam and Sweets spoke to me about Jared today; they said Booth's been digging Jared out of trouble since they were kids. Jared always comes up smelling like a rose and Booth takes the hit. I need to talk to Jared.

They were right, Jared did something that made Booth lose the RICO case. He took advantage of him. He made me think that Booth's a loser, and what really makes me angry is, that I believed him. I wouldn't blame Booth if he never spoke to me again. Jared is the loser, not Booth. I need to make this right, but I don't know what to do.

17th At Booth's birthday party, I apologized, and I believe he forgave me, so I spoke to him about his brother. I told him he has to stop helping him out when he gets in trouble. If Booth continues to help Jared, he will never learn to help himself, and that isn't good for anybody.

He talked to Jared, outside and when Jared came in, alone, I knew it didn't go well, so I went out to see how Booth was. We sat together and shared a piece of cake. He told me his father drank. I think he is beginning to trust me.

19th I had to go to China to identify some bones founds in a cave, and on the flight there was a murder. Booth was acting strange the whole flight. He asked me about an overdue book, and while we were waiting for the plane to refuel, we were talking about how my passion is in pure science. The kid we arrested asked us if we were going to make out, why do people always think we are going to make out? I was just talking to Booth.

26th Cam gave my Dad a job at the Jeffersonian today. I fired him. I don't think he should work with forensic evidence. Sweets said that, subconsciously, I don't want to risk feeling the sense of abandonment and bereavement that I felt when he first left me. However, my dad said I was far too rational to believe the idea, but he is wrong. I can't seem to find my sense of rationality anymore. Booth seems to have destroyed that in me. I know my feelings for him are irrational, but I can't stop them.

Booth convinced me to let my dad stay. He said it was because he wants Max to enrich Parker, but I think he is trying to do me a favor by telling me it's a favor for him. I don't know, but lately I can't refuse Booth.

January

6th Booth invited me to watch him play hockey today. I don't understand the game. It is very barbaric. Booth seemed to enjoy smashing into the other players, many times causing them to fall down and get hurt. Some of them even bled. One time, he was punished, and had to sit in this little box. I was right near him, and he gave me that smile that makes my chest hurt.

At the end of the game, he was so angry with this other player named Pete Carlson; he broke his hand because he hit him so hard. I tried to go into the changing room and see how Booth was, but he made me leave. I could have looked at his hand, but he said he was ok.

February

2nd That guy that Booth hit last month, turned up dead. We had to work with another agent, because the FBI said he was a suspect. I told them I wouldn't work with anyone but Booth, so they let him stay on as a consultant.

During a hockey game, while he and Wendell were getting blood samples for me, Booth fell down and hit his head on the ice. He had a concussion, and had to stay up all night. He convinced me to stay up with him, and he taught me how to ice skate. It was so awesome to be able to hold him close. Every time I'm near him, I can feel my heart start to speed up.

I think I may be falling in love with him. I know my reaction is more than dopamine and norepinephrine, but I don't understand why. All my life I believed that love was just a chemical reaction in the brain, but this is different. This is something I don't understand, and I am terrified.

5th The Gravedigger kidnapped Booth today. Hodgins stole a piece of evidence, and the Gravedigger said he would return Booth in exchange for the evidence. We returned the evidence, but Booth was never released.

I was shocked that Jared helped us. After the last encounter with him, I didn't have a very high opinion of him. He put his career on the line, and helped us solve the case and catch the Gravedigger. It was a woman named Heather Taffet.

We found Booth on a navy ship, and I went to bring him home. We only had minutes left, when the helicopter pulled up to the ship. He kept looking behind him, as if he left something behind. I continued calling him, and he finally came to me. I pulled him into my arms and held him tight. At that moment, I never wanted to let him go, because I knew I needed him in my life, and I would never survive without him.

19th Booth hurt his anterior longitudinal ligament again, and he begged me to fix it, but when I rotated his posterior lumbar, it caused him more pain, and he had to go to the hospital. When I arrived at the lab, Agent Perotta was waiting for me. I don't like working with anybody but Booth.

22nd A car hit Sweets and me, we're ok, but Booth reacted very strangely. He made Agent Perotta promise not to leave me alone. I don't need a babysitter. Booth can be so overprotective sometimes, and I don't understand why.

March

12th There was a woman who was openly flirting with Booth today, and he was flirting back! I don't understand why, but it really bothered me that he did that. I know he is a perfect specimen, and women look at him, so I don't understand my feelings on this.

13th I don't think I will ever be as good at understanding emotions as Booth. One example is the interrogation room. I want to do what he does. I want to connect with people, like him. I asked Sweets to help me learn how to connect to people like Booth. He agreed to work with me on understanding emotions.

We started out with recognizing emotions from facial expressions. I don't think I did very well, but afterward I talked to Angela and she gave me some advice about how Booth does it. She said he is brilliant at pretending to be stupider than he actually is most of the time. I can't believe I never realized that.

She informed me that he does it more often when he is around me. Why would Booth do that? I asked her, and she told me that he knows that I like to be the smart one, so he lets me have that. So according to Angela, I should just let him have the people skills part of the job.

19th Booth is such a wonderful man. I don't think he realizes how exceptional he is. Today he spoke to a young man who got four teenage girls pregnant. He told him about how he should take responsibility for the children that he helped bring into this world. One of the girls died, before she gave birth, so her child will never be born, but the other three will always be his children.

As I stood outside the Diner and watched him speaking to that young man, I realized that Booth is different from any other man I had ever known. He is strong, and honorable. He strives to create a better world, by influencing those around him with his high sense of morals. He has courage, compassion and empathy. These traits are difficult to find in a man.

Last month, Booth and I talked about how far society had come since medieval times, and Booth said he thought chivalry was a good thing. I could picture Booth as a knight, always trying to save the world from evil dragons. Even thought there are no such things as dragons, but I do believe Booth would fit into that period perfectly.

Angela asked me if I thought a sunset is more beautiful when it is shared with someone I cared about. I think I would like to experience watching the sunset with Booth.

April

2th Hodgins and Vincent Nigel-Murray performed an experiment today to see if a meteor could hit a victim making her explode into tiny pieces. The only problem was that they didn't account for the fallout of firing a cannon indoors. When it exploded Booth grabbed me and threw me against the wall protecting me from the blast, I think I enjoyed experiencing that protective nature that he has.

During the course of the investigation, Booth was punched in the jaw. When I went to see if he was ok, he told me, "You know, you're the only smart person I really like."

8th Today's case was about a woman who was murdered right after she was fitted for a wedding dress. I don't believe in love or the archaic ritual of marriage. We went to the bridal shop, and the owner said Booth and I were meant for each other. Booth never contradicted her. I wonder what that means.

Booth told me today that I am scared of love. I think he may be right.

9th I want to have what everyone else has, I want to believe that love is transcendent and eternal, but I don't know how. I went over Booth's today, and talked to him about it, and he told me someday I will have that. He promised that someday I will. As he told me this, he snuggled closer to me on the couch. I enjoyed the feel of his body close to mine.

10th There are some strange types of music out there. This case led us to a black metal band named Spew. We went to see the band and the lead guitarist, spat on Booth's ID. Well, of course Booth pulls out his gun and shoots the speaker, so he is again on desk duty.

11th Because of Booth's desk duty, I had to go to this concert with Sweets, and the lead singer slits his throat. I pulled Sweets' shirt off to help stop the blood flow, and it revealed scars on his back. I never knew that Sweets was abused as a child.

13th Booth tried that trick that Angela told me about, when he tries to be stupider that he really is, but this time Dr. Wyatt calls him on it. Well, we catch the murderer, and Wyatt goes to Booth's place to make dinner.

14th Wyatt inadvertently compares Sweets to a baby duck, and tells us we should take him under our wing, so we go to invite Sweets for dinner. While there, I tell them about the time my foster parents locked me in the trunk of a car. Booth hands me his handkerchief, as I ask him to tell us a story from his childhood. He tells me that if it wasn't for his grandfather, he probably would have killed himself as a child. Then he turns to me and asks if I'm ok. After that story, he is worried about me? What kind of man is he?

What type of horrible man was his father? I know that he was an alcoholic, and he was abusive, but could it have been so bad that Booth wanted to die? I have never felt that way, no matter how bad it was at my foster parents.

At that point, I wanted to pull Booth into my arms and hold him, but I knew with Sweets there it would not have been appropriate. Therefore, I did the only thing I could think of, and that was, when I returned his handkerchief, I kept my hand on his heart to show him I understood. I just needed to touch him, to let him know I cared.

Lately I have this innate desire to touch him, and I don't understand why. I feel drawn to him in an ineffable way. Maybe it is because I haven't had any relationships since September when he told me I would find that special someone. Could that someone be him? Is that why I am so intrigued by him?

20th I had a conversation with a friend of Booth's today. He raised his sister after their parents died, and she was recently murdered. I wondered if love was worth all the pain, he was now feeling, to have his happiness so contingent upon another human being. He told me, "If I was willing to give up my life for Sachi… why would I not be willing to risk my happiness for her?"

I would gladly give my life for Booth. Am I willing to give my happiness?

30th Booth told me my frontal lobe would be all dried up, if I didn't do something bad in my life. He said life's lessons are learned through our mistakes. Well, when we were at the Founding Fathers, we 'dined and dashed'. I had never heard of the before, but Booth knew what to do.

He counted to three and told me to run out of the restaurant. I was scared, but at the same time, it was exhilarating to do something bad. As we left the restaurant, he grabbed my hand, and I held his tight. It felt amazing to hold his hand, and I kept hold of him until we were at the car. I had the most incredible adrenaline rush as I entered the car.

May

7th I told Booth that I wanted to have a baby today, and I want to use his sperm to inseminate myself.

8th He agreed. He has an appointment later today, to test his sperm for viability.

9th Booth is the perfect candidate for insemination. As I think about what I am about to do, I wonder if I am really doing this for the reasons I gave him, or using it as a way to have a piece of him with me forever. His baby would be my guarantee that I will never lose him, and even if he leaves me, I will still have something from him. Some part of him that I will love forever.

11th As I'm writing this, I am sitting beside Booth holding his hand. He is still out from the surgery. He had a cerebella pilocytic astrocytoma, which is a brain tumor. They tested the tumor during the surgery, and it is benign. Now the only thing I can do is wait.

12th Booth is still unconscious. The doctor said he had an adverse reaction to the anesthesia. They told me that if I talk to him it may help, so I am going to write him a story, as I sit here, waiting for him to wake up.

"People say you only live once, but people are as wrong about that, as they are about everything. In the darkest moments before dawn, a woman returns to her bed. What life is she leading? Is it the same life the woman was living half an hour ago? A day ago? A year ago? Who is this man? Do they lead separate lives, or is it a single life shared?"

I have been staying at the hospital with Booth, and as I write my story, I read it to him, a chapter at a time. The only reason I am home now is that Angela showed up and sent me home. I had been there for 36 hours, never leaving his side. I don't know why, but I can't make myself leave. I don't want him to wake up and see someone else. I don't want anything to happen to him, and me not be there. I could never handle losing him again.

There is something happening to me as I write this story. It seems as if the story has become a parallel life to me. I know how irrational that sounds, maybe it is the lack of sleep, I don't know, but something is guiding me as I write it. Perhaps it comes from my subconscious mind, and this is the life that I wish I had. I don't know, but as I read it to him, I silently wish it were true.

15th I am home again, this time, I left the hospital myself. I needed time and space to think about what has happened.

"When you love someone; you open yourself up to suffering, that's the sad truth. Maybe they'll break your heart; maybe you'll break their heart and never be able to look at yourself in the same way. Those are the risks. That's the burden. Like wings, they have weight, we feel that weight on our backs, but they are a burden that lifts us. Burdens, which-allow us to fly".

I finished the story, and then deleted it. I don't want anyone to know I wrote it. Everyone at the lab thinks Booth and I are in love, and I don't need to feed into their fantasies. I don't love him, yet. I know I can say that here in my journal, because no one will ever read it, except me.

Just as the blank page emerged, he started to move. I quickly got up and ran to his side. I can never remember a time when I felt so much elation at seeing his eyes, but it was short lived. He didn't remember me.

As he awoke, he kept saying, "It felt so real.", and after I realized that he didn't know me, I went to get the doctors, so they could check him out. I had to leave the room temporarily, but when I returned, he asked me why I changed my hair. Then he called me Bren, and thought I was his wife. He heard my story, and thought it was real.

I again left the room and called Sweets. Maybe he could help.

I stayed until Sweets arrived, and then I had to go home.

That is why I am here, at home, alone. I don't know what to do. I wrote that fantasy life, without knowing the consequences, and now I'm scared.

16th I went back to the hospital, after I rested, showered and changed. Sweets said he still thinks that the story I read him was real. He doesn't understand where I went, and he wants me to take him home.

What am I going to do?

I went back into his room. He smiled as soon as he saw me.

"Bren, where were you? I missed you. Come here."

I tried to talk to him. I tried to explain it was a story, but he seems so confused. I stayed and talked to him about some of the cases we solved. Then when Angela, Hodgins, and Cam showed up, I went home again.

17th Sweets has been spending a lot of time with Booth. I hate that he is with him, but I don't know what else to do. He still is having a hard time remembering. He still calls me Bren, and talks about the baby. He is excited, and wants a boy, but it is becoming less frequent. I want it to be true, but we can't just drop our lives, and begin a false one created by a dream.

I still go to the hospital every day, and stay with him, but the visits are awkward and unnerving. I got a call from Guatemala; they want me to go on a dig, to uncover Aztecs. It will be a once in a lifetime opportunity, but I need to be sure he will be ok, before I leave.

18th Booth is improving, his memory is coming back, his vision is clearing, and he seldom slurs his speech. He only slips occasionally and calls me Bren, but it still hurts to hear it. The doctors said he would be fine in a few days, so I think I will talk to him about going. I won't leave unless he wants me to.

19th I am leaving for Guatemala tonight. Booth said he is fine, and I should go. His gait has improved, and he hasn't called me Bren at all today. Sweets said he will continue to work with him, and I shouldn't worry. He is being released tomorrow.

My plane leaves at 10:00, and I will stop by the hospital to say goodbye before I leave. I am excited to go, but at the same time, I am concerned for Booth. I hope he will be ok.

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