I don't own Bones, I know I have 206 in my body, but the Bones from Fox isn't mine.
I will hopefully post two of these a week, usually on Mondays. One from Brennan's point of view and the other from Booth's point of view. Sorry I'm late, but yesterday was my birthday, and I never got a chance to post.
Booth's point of view
The Consequences of the Confession
Jared showed up at the door of my office today, with the announcement that he wants to get married. I was shocked to say the least. Her name is Padme, and he has only known her a month. Bones got mad at me when I told her I ran a background check on her, and found out she was an escort. I told Bones I didn't think Jared should marry her because she has a past, and she said, "You told me that my father's criminal past didn't matter, that the love between us was real and that was all that mattered. Because I believed you, my father and I have a relationship today."
I hate to admit it, but she's right, and I should give her a chance. When the case was over we met for drinks, and I apologized to Jared. He asked me to be best man at the wedding, and I accepted. Bones decided to give a toast.
"When Booth and I first met, I didn't believe that such a thing as love existed. I maintained that it was simply brain chemistry. But, perhaps Booth is correct; perhaps love comes first, and then creates the reaction. I have no tangible proof, but...I'm willing to accept Booth's premise."
I was shocked. Does she believe in love now, and could there be hope for us? She never fails to surprise me.
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Today we had a murder at a church, and I was worried about bringing Bones with me. Her ideas and opinions on religion really bother me, and I don't like her criticizing God.
Some cases are more difficult than others are; this was one of those. The mother of the man, who was murdered, was a kind and thoughtful woman. She only saw the good in her children, but the other son murdered his brother, and that hurt her badly.
Bones and I went to the diner after the case, and I could tell by the look on her face that she was again questioning my religion. She wanted to ask me why I still believe in God after this case.
I explained that I will question my faith, but I will get it back, because tomorrow is a new day. Her response was similar to mine, except it referred to cause and effect. She said, "Two plus two equals four. I put sugar in my coffee and it tastes sweet. The sun comes up because the world turns. These things are beautiful to me. There are mysteries I will never understand, but everywhere I look, I see proof that for every effect there is a corresponding cause. Even if I can't see it. I find that reassuring."
I found out that Angela helps Bones write the romantic parts of her books today. There's this new part on page 187 in her book, which I would really like to try, preferably with Bones. I really would love to watch her reaction.
After our last case, I stopped by Bones' place on my way home, and she told me this story from Plato, that says that humans originally consisted of four arms, four legs and two faces. Zeus was threatened by their power, and split them all in half; condemning us all to spend our lives, trying to complete ourselves.
I know that's not true, but I think if it were, Bones would be my other half.
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We have a meeting to talk to Sweets about his book today. I met Bones, and we drove there together. She said she noticed a mistake in the book and I thought it was about the whole love idea, but she reminded me of that first case. The first time I saw her, the first time I kissed her. Once she mentioned that case all those memories came flooding back.
Memories that I wanted to keep hidden, because they reminded me of what I wanted in life. Her.
We told Sweets about that first case and he was upset, because he realized his book was crap, so he looked at me and told me, since I'm the gambler, I should make the first move, and break this stalemate that we were in.
As we left Sweets office, I realized that he was right. I needed to step up and tell her how I felt. I loved her, and I needed to tell her that. I needed to ask her to give us a try.
I told her, "I'm the gambler. I believe in giving this a chance. Look, I wanna give this a shot."
She had this look of panic on her face.
"You mean us? No. The FBI won't let us work together as a couple-"
"Don't do that. That is no reason why we can't...", and I kissed her. At first, she responded, and I had hope. Then within seconds, she pushed me away, and said, no.
She said no.
I waited so long to tell her, and she said no.
I thought she was ready, I thought she would at least try, but she said no.
I told her I had to move on hoping that she would understand and maybe change her mind, but she said, "I know."
She just said, "I know."
Just like that, she was done with it. How could I have been so wrong? How could I not have known? What am I going to do now? I still love her, but now, I know I can't have her.
The worst part was that she wants to continue to work with me. How can I look at her every day, and know she doesn't want me. What am I supposed to do?
I told her yes, because when I looked at her face, I couldn't refuse her.
I still don't understand what happened. Maybe she wasn't ready. Gordon Gordon told me to have patience, but how long should I wait? I've waited years, five years, since that night in the rain. When I kissed her that night, I knew she was the one. I knew she was my soul mate, and I knew that no one else would ever make me feel the way I did that night. I knew that no one else would fill this empty void in my heart, and now, it's over.
As I sit here, alone in my apartment, I feel so empty, as if someone destroyed the only hope I had in this world. I feel lost, and so alone, and I wonder how I will survive without her.
.
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We went undercover at Bones high school reunion today. She asked me to dance with her, to Seal, "Touched by a Rose." It was bittersweet holding her in my arms. I love her so much, but knowing she doesn't want me, hurts. While holding her, her scent invaded my senses, and I found it hard to let her go. I don't know how I am going to survive this. At least before, I always had hope she would be mine, now that hope is gone, and I'm all alone, because I don't think anyone will ever fill this empty place in my heart.
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Bones went out with Hacker tonight. I really wish she wouldn't date him. Actually, I wish she wouldn't date anyone. Except, of course me. After our dates, we met for drinks, and I found it difficult to talk to her about her date. I don't understand why she wants Hacker instead of me. What does he have that I don't?
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Catherine gave me a tie, and Bones said it meant that we entered into a social contract. I don't agree; it was only a tie. I've only seen her twice, and I can't seem to connect to her.
I don't feel the same way about her that I do about Bones. I guess I shouldn't compare every woman to Bones, but I can't help it. She is the standard that I measure everyone against. I don't think I will ever find someone like Bones. Maybe I will never be happy.
While we were investigating for a case, we heard our song being played, so we took the stage and sang "Hot Blooded". We were great, and it was so much fun. Why doesn't Bones see how good we can be together?
She did tell me that our partnership was important. When I looked at her, I again saw that look in her eyes. The last time I saw it I thought it meant she cared for me, but since she said no, I guess I was wrong. But, then again, what did it mean?
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This case was about witches, and they gave me these little Bones dolls. They told me to burn them as I make a wish for her. Tonight I wished that she could find happiness. I have a lot more, and I think I'm going to burn them every night, always for her happiness. I just wish that that happiness could be with me.
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I'm worried about Bones. She hasn't been eating much since they threw out the evidence from Taffet's storage locker. She seems so strong, but I know she must be worried. I know I am. She said something today about losing her advantage because she has too many people in her life. She said, "Too many relationships complicate rational thought." What the hell does that mean?
She told me that she has nightmares, and I pulled her into my arms and held her. It felt so good to hold her close. I was again assaulted by her scent, wow; she does amazing things to my head. I really do love her, and I wish she would let herself love me. I know we would be great together.
Bones seems off somehow. I don't know what's wrong, but something is bothering her. I think whatever it is; it is going to affect everyone she knows. She seems sad and disconnected somehow. She said she's tired of dealing with murders and victims and sadness and pain.
I tried to talk to her, but I don't think she was listening. I asked her if she needed some time. Like maybe going to the beach and lying in the sun, but she said she may need more than time. I told her to wait a few days, and not to make any decisions right now, but she pulled away from me and hailed a cab.
She got into the cab, and as she looked out the back window at me, I remembered the last time I saw her like that was when she left me standing in the rain, after that amazing kiss, and by the end of the week, I lost her for a year. It feels like we're going backward instead of forward.
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Something's going on with Bones, she seems distracted, and off somehow. I wonder if it's because we haven't been spending as much time together? I just need some distance from her. I love her so much, and it hurts to have her come over, and know she will never be mine.
A full bird colonel contacted me today and asked me to go back to the army. They want me to train soldiers in techniques for tracking and apprehending insurgents.
The army called Rebecca's house today, and Parker asked me if I was going. Why did they have to pull my son into this? When Parker asked me, I didn't know how to respond. He said, "Here you catch people that kill other people. There you would make it so people won't die. Isn't that better?" how do you answer a question like that?
I don't want to go. I don't want to kill any more people. I just need someone to ask me to stay, but everyone keeps pushing me away.
Bones met me at the coffee cart to talk to me about something. She said that she was asked to head up the Maluku project, and that she wants to go. I knew she was asked, because Sweets told me, but it still hurt to hear it. I couldn't look at her because I didn't want her to see my face. I felt so empty inside, and I had to fight to hold back the tears.
She asked me to look at her, so I had to hold back my feelings and look in her eyes. I could see something in her eyes, but I'm not sure what. I think she's running away again. She said we could meet back here in a year and pick up where we left off. However, I told her things change, and so will we.
Caroline is upset with me. She told me that we are running from each other. How can she know so much about us, when we don't really spend that much time together?
I had to sneak off base to say goodbye to Bones' plane today. Why is she running away from me again? What is it about me that she doesn't want?
I stepped closer toward her, hoping she would come toward me too. I wanted to kiss her goodbye, but she didn't come toward me, and she avoided my eyes. I wanted to pull her into my arms and tell her not to go. To stay here with me, but I took her hand instead, and told her to be careful. She told me not to be a hero, not to be me, but I don't think I could change who I am.
We agreed to meet in a year, at the coffee cart, and I walked away. I turned around once and looked at her walking away. She stopped, and turned to look at me. I felt like I was losing a part of myself. I felt empty and alone. I turned around and kept walking.