I don't own Bones, I know I have 206 in my body, but the Bones from Fox isn't mine.

This was so hard to do. I am sorry I am late on posting. Next post will be on Thursday, next week.

I will hopefully post two of these a week, usually on Thursdays. One from Brennan's point of view and the other from Booth's point of view.

Brennan's point of view

The Insight in the Incident

May

28th The plane ride was difficult to say the least. Daisy was her regular irritating self, and I was glad I was in first class for most of the trip. The last plane ride of the journey was too small to have first class and Daisy and I had to sit together.

June

13th I miss Booth. I received an email from him today, but I can't respond. I need time to think about what I want from my life, and if I write to Booth, I won't be able to be impartial and rational in making my decision.

30th I received another email from Booth, they have been coming almost every week. He is doing well, and is doing administrative work, but knowing him, it is a lie. He says he misses me, and wants me to write back. I'm still having trouble trying to compartmentalize him. I have never had this problem before. Why won't my thoughts of him go away?

I think some of my problem is because the dig isn't going well. If I had my science to distract me, it would be easier, but we have been at the dig for over a month and haven't found anything.

July

15th Still no luck on site. About the only thing we have found is many different species of animals mostly birds. Snakes are abundant here as well, and I often have to remove them from my jeep before driving back to the base. It's strange how snakes don't bother me in the jungle, but when I'm with Booth, I need to be carried.

Booth is still on my mind, and I have started dreaming about him at night. My fantasies are very intense. Dreams signify the thoughts trapped in the subconscious mind. I wonder if this is a significant breakthrough?

His weekly emails have stopped. I think he has moved on, but I hope he hasn't. I am still so confused. Daisy is still the same, and continually complains about Sweets. It is becoming very annoying.

August

10th Booth is still writing, but now it is once a month. He is doing well, and continues to train troops. He said some of them are hopeless.

21st I really miss Booth; maybe I made a mistake.

September

3rd Still haven't found much at the site. We are switching to another location tomorrow. I need to grid off the area, so I will be busy for the next few days. I hope this site is better than the last.

18th I hope Booth is safe. I should receive an email this week. If nothing else, he is consistent.

30th Booth is well, but very concerned about me. Maybe I should write him. However, I know if I do, I won't be able to separate my feelings for him, and I need to get him out of my mind.

October

10th Booth should write this week. I look forward to his emails. I am getting aggravated with the site, and Daisy is driving me crazy, maybe it's time to go home.

21st I didn't receive an email from Booth yet. I hope he hasn't been hurt. I wonder if I am still his emergency contact? Maybe he will write next week.

31st It's Halloween back home. Daisy thinks we should dress up and celebrate. I think she is crazy. If I ignore her long enough, will she stop talking? Booth didn't write this month.

November

10th We started another site this week, still nothing of significance.

20th Booth hasn't written again, I think he has moved on. I wish I could.

25th Today would be Thanksgiving back in the states. Still nothing from Booth. I think I should have responded.

December

3rd The jeep wouldn't start today, and as I was trying to fix it, three Alifuru attacked us. I was able to fight them off, but Daisy took off her clothes, and watched in her underwear. I don't think I will ever understand her. Just as I knocked out the last man, my satellite phone rang. It was Caroline. She said they had an emergency situation in DC, and I had to return immediately.

5th I am on a plane to DC, it only took three days, but I was able to excuse myself from the dig. I will be returning after I solve the situation at home, but for now I am on my way back. Daisy came with me, but since she is flying coach, I am not with her right now.

I checked the flight plans, and Booth should have arrived by now, so I am going to the reflecting pool to see if he is there. I don't know what I will do when I see him. My feelings are still there, because I was not successful in compartmentalizing him. I don't know if it was because I couldn't, or if it was because I really didn't want to. Maybe seeing him will help me to figure things out.

6th I saw Booth today. Since it was after midnight when we met, I can logically say it was today. I was waiting for him at the reflecting pool, and as I turned around, I saw him in the distance. It was in that moment that I realized my leaving was for nothing. All my feelings came rushing back and I knew that no matter what I did, I would always feel this way toward Booth. I pulled him into my arms and held him close. The hug ended too soon, and my arms ached for his touch.

My first thought was that maybe he was right and we should try this, to see if it would work. Maybe it was time to give us a chance. Within minutes, I realized that I lost him; he met someone in Afghanistan. Her name is Hannah. I don't know how I feel about this yet. I want him to be happy, and I know I would never be able to give him that, but I feel empty inside, as if I lost something important.

I went right to the FBI to talk to Cam. The whole team was there, and it was nice to see them again. All my interns are gone, and now I need to see who I can find to help me. Cam was angry with me for leaving; I don't understand why. I am an anthropologist after all, what did she expect me to do? I needed time away from death, and Booth.

7th Within a day we realized that the bones were those of a three year old Asian boy, and not of Logan Bartlett, but we needed to solve the murder of this other child, and as I looked at the x-rays, I realized that something wasn't right.

It felt like my eyes were seeing something, which my brain refused to process. I needed to get myself back into perspective, I needed to let my brain take over again, and stop letting my feelings control me. I needed to compartmentalize so I could become who I was before I met Booth.

Maybe Hannah was just what I needed to let him go. I knew I could never make him happy. I knew I would hurt him in the end, but I also knew that I cared for him, and I wanted him happy. If I couldn't give him that happiness, at least I could let him go.

9th We met at the Jeffersonian to regroup, and when Cam turned on the lights, we saw a mastodon in the middle of the room. I told Booth it was a lot to work around, but he said we worked around bigger things. I realized we had worked around a lot of thing in the past year, and we would get by this too.

I watched him as he welcomed me back, and I welcomed him back too, but he avoided my eyes, and I wondered if he was thinking about her. I concluded that he was thinking about Hannah, because to me, she was the mastodon in the room, and I knew he had moved on.

10th Hannah is here. She requested to be assigned to the Washington press core just so she can be near him. Booth seems so happy with her. It was difficult to see them together, but I am happy for him, I think. I know I could never give him that type of happiness.

Just as we started to be acquainted, we got a case. It was a couple that was found in a cave. As we were examining the bones, Cam brought up the idea that Booth and I were a couple. Why does everyone think we were together? As soon as Cam mentioned it, Angela had to get involved. She said Booth and I were a couple, but just not having sex. Then she asked if I am jealous. I told her of course not, that I am happy for Booth.

The one thing that surprised me was Dr. Clarks comment, he said, "Because it's obvious you and Agent Booth were attracted to each other, I mean even a blind man could see that. I just couldn't understand why you two didn't rip each other's clothes off. I mean just get all butt naked and… Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God. Er. Um. Er. I'm sorry. Er... It just popped out. Okay. You guys weren't focusing."

Clark never gets involved in any type of personal talk in the lab, so his comment really bothered me. Were we that obvious? Did everyone see what I was too blind to see? No matter, it is too late now to do anything about it. Booth is happy with Hannah, and I need to move on.

11th Angela told me that sometimes love decides your life for you. I wonder if that is the same as fate. Booth believed in fate, and now he's happy with Hannah. Just like Angela has Hodgins, and Cam has Michelle and Paul. I guess I'm the only one who is living the life she expected. Fate hasn't intervened in my life yet, or if it had, I missed the opportunity, but then again, I don't believe in fate.

Our recent case involved two people who died in a cave. She was a marketing director and he was a migrant worker. It makes no sense that they were a romantically involved couple. Although Booth has an admirable sense of love, Sweets and I both disagreed with him.

12th I told Booth that the proof was the two of us. We were unable to overcome our differences and become a couple, just as these two people had to have something else that drew them together. Love wasn't enough. I also told Booth about how I imagined us together one day, but he seemed bothered by this information. I reassured him that he was lucky to have found Hannah.

14th Booth says that love is thinking of someone before yourself. It's giving your life if necessary to that person. The man who died could have left his girlfriend and lived, but he chose to die with her. I still contend that, that is foolish and illogical, because if that person falls out of love and meets someone else, those selfless acts would suddenly appear to be dangerously irresponsible. Booth doesn't agree he said, "No, it was still love."

I wish I could believe that way, and maybe I could have been with Booth, but that is over. He has moved on and doesn't care for me like that anymore. Would I have been able to walk away knowing he would die alone, in a cave?

16th Booth asked Hannah to move in with him today. It was just a casual conversation over the phone. I always thought there should be more ceremony with it. They must be very comfortable with each other. I'm glad he is happy with her, but at the same time, it hurts to know their relationship is progressing.

18th Hannah came by the lab today to ask me what type of gift to get Booth. I told her to buy him a phone, one of the real old heavy ones with a dial. If she's moving in with him, shouldn't she know what he likes?

She also doesn't seem to know the pain that Booth holds inside himself. The pain for the lives he took in the war, the pain of his shattered childhood, and the pain that he feels for the victims in our cases. I remember that it took Booth a long time to open up to me, so I wonder if he will eventually open up to her, but some of her conceptions of him are wrong. How will he change those conceptions later, if he doesn't correct them now? I hope this relationship is beneficial for him, and he doesn't get hurt.

I worry about Booth; I hope Hannah doesn't hurt him. I told her to be sure, before she moves in, because Booth will give himself to her completely, and it will be very painful for him if she isn't as serious about the relationship as he is. She said she was, but it doesn't feel right. Maybe through the process of osmosis, I am accepting Booth's idea of thinking with my gut. No, I still contend that, that is impossible.

We all went to Booth's today to help Hannah move in, but she didn't have anything to move in. she said she was a nomad, and moved around a lot. I hope that doesn't mean her and Booth's relationship is temporary, because he will be devastated.

While we were talking and drinking wine, Booth came home, and everybody left. As I was leaving they invited me to stay for dinner, but I know they wanted to be alone. I have learned a lot from Booth over the years.

As I was leaving, Booth followed me to the door. He gave me this intense look, and I thought I saw something in his eyes, but I must have been mistaken, because he loves Hannah now. I need to realize that I missed my chance, and we will never be.

20th Booth and Angela talked me into being on a kid's science show today. The host's name was Professor Bunsen Jude the Science Dude. I had a good time, even though I had to dress in this ridiculous outfit.

28th Hannah was shot today, and I found a discrepancy in her x-ray. I told her she needed immediate surgery, and went to find the doctor. As I was leaving the room, Booth gave me that look again. I wish I knew what it meant, because he is with Hannah now, and I need to put my feelings for him aside, and let him go.

I never knew it would be so hard to let him go. Watching him with Hannah really bothers me. I wish I could understand the feelings I have for him. I know he has moved on, so why can't I? If it only takes the brain three days to adjust, why hasn't my brain done that already?

I went to see Hannah in the hospital today, and she told me I had to bring her a gift. She took my sunglasses. I don't think I will ever understand the strange traditions that most humans follow.

January

3rd They found an old slave ship off the coast of Maryland today. They brought it to the Jeffersonian to have us identify the remains. We found a murder victim among the remains, and ended up solving that murder, while identifying the slaves.

I went to pick up Booth today, and he was still in bed. I never realized that he released so much synovial gas in the morning. It is probably caused from his many injuries. His body has been abused for many years, and eventually it is going to show up in his bones.

We went on a cruise where older women pay to be with young men. I found it to be a very pleasing experience. A young man approached me, and Booth got all defensive. He took my drink and told me it was time to work. If he doesn't want me, what gives him the right to refuse other men? He has always been that way with me, even when I was in a relationship with Sully.

I enjoyed myself while Booth and Sweets interviewed the bartender, but I had to excuse myself when Daisy called with information from the lab. . When he came back, he told me that I was prime real estate, I knew that, but I didn't think he thought of me that way anymore.

5th Booth said he would never enjoy chocolate again. There was a body in a bar of chocolate today. I don't see why it bothers him so much. It's not as if a body can be in the small bars he buys in a store.

Hannah is away again. Booth said she was in Munich. She is often gone on assignment. This is a very strange relationship, I wonder if he likes her being gone so much.

Hodgins and Angela announced that she was pregnant today. We were all supposed to meet at the "Founding Fathers" restaurant, so they could make the official announcement, but as Booth and I were walking there, he got a text from Hannah. He had me lie to our friends so he can go have sex with Hannah. I have never known him to be dishonest before, maybe Hannah isn't as good for him as I originally thought.

8th It's strange how this whole case was about lies. The victim was a chronic liar, the owner lied about his importance to the company, and her sister lied about her relationship with the victim. I have always been an honest person. I thought being honest about life was the best way to go, but lately I have noticed that many people lie all the time.

When Booth explained about lying to children at Christmas, I understood, but these lies feel wrong. They are lies amongst adults, and they involve relationships. For example, Cam lied to Michelle and sent in false applications to colleges for her. Then Angela told us all to lie to Hodgins about the pregnancy, and the one that hurt the most was Booth wanted me to lie about the reason he was unable to attend the get together for Angela and Hodgins.

Vincent feels the same way I do about lying, he and I discussed it, and he said he couldn't lie, so he was going to hide during the announcement so Hodgins wouldn't see his face. Should I change myself to adjust to this new type of behavior? I don't feel comfortable lying to anyone, and it was difficult to lie for Booth. I would do anything for him, so I did it, but I still felt uncomfortable.

Booth has taught me many things about how to relate to people, and if Booth can ask me to lie so easily, then maybe, it is ok. These are things I usually talk to Booth about, but he has Hannah now, so I can't do that. I think I will stay with my own theory about lying, and wait to see if I can get more information. I never make any decisions quickly, so I don't think I should start now.

10th Booth is going to introduce Hannah to Parker tomorrow. He was nervous about whether or not Parker would like her. I told him he could send Parker to boarding school, but Booth didn't like that idea. I told him he shouldn't worry because worrying won't change the outcome.

I hope it works out for him. I really want him to be happy.

11th Parker liked Hannah. I don't know how that makes me feel. If I said I wanted him not to like her, would that make me a bad person? I think I made a big mistake when I refused Booth last year. I see him with Hannah and I wish it were me.

12th Booth and I went to the diner for coffee, and Hannah came in with Parker, she had taken him to the zoo for ice cream. They came in all excited and laughing. It is getting harder and harder to pretend. I feel like I'm falling apart inside. When Booth held Hannah's hand, I almost started to cry. Why does this have to be so hard? I want him to be happy, but I feel so empty inside.

14th I had everyone over for dinner, and just as we were finishing, we got a call for a murder. When we arrived, I realized that the victim had the same height and weight as me. She also had a dolphin ring exactly like mine on. I got the strangest feeling while looking at her body.

15th I met Booth in his office today to talk to her boss from the hospital. He brought along all her case files, as well as CD's of notes for the transcriptionist. Dr. Gadh said that she was a woman of passion, and some residents complained they were overworked and underappreciated, but nothing out of the ordinary. Booth looked at me, and said that was like my squinterns and me.

I asked him how someone, who was so successful, could not be missed, and he said,""I will show you fear in a handful of dust." T.S. Eliot. We don't actually fear death; we fear that no one will notice our absence; that we will disappear without a trace." That sounds very true. I am a successful woman, would I be missed?

I looked through the information, and when I picked up her photo ID, I realized that she looked just like me. After Dr. Gadh left, I showed the picture to Booth, but he didn't see the resemblance. I took the files, and left. I needed to think about this, I needed to reassess my life.

I can't sleep. It's been 40 hours since I slept. I have been having trouble being objective with this case.

Micah keeps checking on me, when I stay at the lab late. I asked him to listen to the CD's of the victim's voice, because I thought she sounded like me, but he said, "She isn't you. She's her, and you're you. You're alive, and she's dead. Ergo, ipso facto, Colombo, Oreo."

Those last two words he said weren't Latin, but I understood his meaning. Just because something sounds the same doesn't mean it is the same.

I discovered that she was very good at hiding her pain; another way that we are alike.

16th I still haven't slept. Today, Booth and I went to see the pilot who loved Lauren. I saw pain in his eyes. I didn't believe it was possible, but I saw it. His name was Chris Markham, and he looked so sad. I know that it's a sentimental myth that emotions can be seen in the eyes, but he looked so miserable. It reminded me of Booth's eyes that night in front of the Jeffersonian, when I told him no.

Micah brought me a snack again, it seems like he's taking care of me. When he walked into the room, I was talking to the victim. He told me maybe it was intuition, but when I said I didn't believe in that, he told me that is why my brain is resorting to talking to me directly.

17th I went to see Booth in his office today, and he started an argument with me about whether or not the victim was a drug addict. I became very emotional, and I thought I was going to cry. I don't understand what is happening to me. Maybe it's lack of sleep. I still haven't been able to sleep.

Micah sent me home tonight. I went to lab again to work on the case, and he sent me home. I slept for a few hours, but I awoke from a dream about Booth. He was asking me again about my feeling for him, I wanted to tell him I loved him, but every time I opened my mouth, nothing came out. I woke up screaming his name.

18th Sweets said Lauren Eames was logical to the extreme and detached from her feelings. That sounds a lot like me. When I argued with him about it, he told me he considers me one of his closest friends. He told me I'm not alone in this world, and that's one of the many ways I'm different from Dr. Lauren Eames. I couldn't stay any longer. I needed to go, because I was ready to cry again. What is happening to me?

I went back to see Chris, and when I spoke to him about Lauren, I could see in his eyes that he loved her.

I went to Woodland tonight to see if my theory about Lauren Eames was possible, and as I was crouched down in the road to examine some possible evidence, a car almost hit me. Booth ran out from around the corner and saved my life. What was he doing following me?

I got into his car, and realized that I made a mistake when I told him no. I told him I don't want any regrets.

I know I love him, and I want to be with him. I finally realize what everyone has been telling me for years. I am in love with Booth.

When I told him, he said he was with Hannah now, and he loves her.

All the tension from the past few days had finally caught up to me, and I started to cry. I lost him. Because I couldn't accept him that day on the steps of the Hoover, I lost him. He moved on and found someone else. I can never remember feeling so sad, and dejected in my life.

I always told Booth that your heart couldn't break because it is a muscle, but now I feel my heart breaking. I feel so empty, and alone.

Booth brought me back to the Jeffersonian, and went home to Hannah. I was alone. Just as I planned for my life, I was alone.

Micah asked me how it went. I told him I finally felt something. I felt sad. He said it was better than dead, but right now I'm not sure. I just know I'm alone again, and I guess I will stay that way forever.

It takes three days for the brain to adapt to new situations. Three days. I need three days to adapt. I just have to wait.