I don't own Bones, I know I have 206 in my body, but the Bones from Fox isn't mine.

There will be one more post for this series. I will post the final episode as a combined story.

Brennan's point of view

The Beginning in the End

January

25th I allowed myself three days and it still hurts. Maybe it doesn't apply to matters of the heart. I remember at my Dad's trial, Booth once told me that I should, "Take the brain, okay, put it in neutral. All right? Take the heart – pop it into overdrive". I wish I could do that now, but with the opposite effect.

It wasn't as hard working with Booth as I thought. I spent more time in the lab, so I wouldn't see him. Maybe I shouldn't have told him how I felt. He seems different to me now; it feels like he's avoiding me. I don't go with him when he interrogates suspects.

26th Hannah's been avoiding me lately, and I need to find out why, so I went to her work and waited outside to talk to her today. She said Booth told her about my confession. How could he do that? What happened to what's between us, is ours? He was so mad when I told Hacker about his mother's egg, and now he tells Hannah about me!

Hannah said, "He had to we're a couple."

I told her I didn't want to hurt her, I knew I never should have told him, but I felt he needed to know the truth. Hannah and I talked about it, and she said we could still be friends. I don't know how much longer I can continue this charade. I'm trying so hard, but it hurts so much.

Angela told me I should move on, but I don't know if I can do that. I don't want to let my defenses down again, if this is how I will feel. It took me so long to trust Booth, and I don't think I can ever do that again.

29th Heather Taffet was being transported to court for her appeal, and someone shot her in the head. The shot completely destroyed her head. We are trying to reconstruct the head now. Booth has my Dad on the suspect list.

30th My Dad came to see me today. He wanted to talk about Booth, but I couldn't. He thought we would be together. I told him I didn't want to discuss it. Thankfully, he dropped it.

31st Booth tried to catch the killer singlehandedly, but when the killer, Jake Brodsky, blew up a trailer, Booth dislocated his shoulder. We talked about it at the diner with Caroline and my Dad. Booth gave me another one of those looks again, but as he did, he said, "I didn't want to let anyone down."

Why would he think he could let me down? Booth could never disappoint me, never.

February

3rd Booth made me a periscope today. It was difficult to be that close to him. Angela's right I need to move on, I just don't know how.

4th This was a strange case, the victim was married to three women, at the same time. Booth and I got into a discussion about monogamy and I remembered the last time we spoke about it, he told me, "There is someone for everyone. Someone you're meant to spend the rest of your life with. All right? You just have to be open enough to see it. That's all." At the time, I wished he meant us, but I guess I closed that door when I refused him.

5th I think Booth is finally starting to feel more comfortable around me. We had a great time laughing in the car today. Although it was about the victim, and that was in poor taste, it felt like we were finally coming back together since we left almost a year ago.

6th Booth and I went out to the Founding Fathers after the case tonight. Cam was there with Paul, and I realized that they look good together. This has been the first time Booth and I have been alone together in a long time. We talked about the case, and I asked Booth if Ed Samuel loved all of his wives equally, and he told me he loved the first wife the most. When I asked him how he knew that, he told me that he always went back to the first wife on his day off.

I asked him what that meant, and he said, "You can love a lot of people in this world, but there is one person that you love the most."

I asked him, "How do you know?"

He said, "You just do."

As he said this, he again, had that look on his face. Why does he keep doing this to me? When I look at him, I feel like maybe he cares, but he goes home to Hannah.

So I asked him, "What if you let that person get away?"

He told me, "That person's not going anywhere."

Does he mean himself? Does he mean, in relation to work, or is he having second thoughts? As I write this at home, alone again, I can't help but think he means us. But, if he does, why did he go home to Hannah?

I don't want him to cheat on Hannah, I know he can't do that, but it hurts me so much to look at him, to work with him, to be near him, and know he goes home to her. To know he loves her. Maybe he meant he loved Hannah the most. I wish I knew more about love, because maybe then, I could understand this, instead of crying myself to sleep every night.

8th We finished the case and Booth didn't want to go out for drinks. He said he had plans with Hannah, and he couldn't be late. He seemed strange all day, and I think something is bothering him. I hope everything is ok with him and Hannah.

It's ten o'clock, and Hannah just called. She said Booth might need me. He proposed and she said no. Now I understand why he was so strange all day. He was thinking about his proposal to Hannah. How can I go to him knowing he proposed to her? How can I look at him knowing he loves her so much that he wanted to marry her? No matter how much it hurts, I need to go to him. I need to help him. After all, that's what friends are for, and Booth is my best friend. I will be there for him no matter what, or how I feel.

Its four o'clock in the morning and I just got home. I went to the Founding Fathers, and found Booth. He was pretty drunk when I got there, but even more drunk by the time we left. He said some things to me that really hurt. I don't know if it was because he was drunk, or if he meant them, but he told me he didn't want anything but a partnership with me. He said, "If I didn't want that, I could leave, and tomorrow he'll find me a new FBI guy."

I knew I couldn't leave him, so I stayed, and we drank together. He told me he was angry with all women, and he couldn't understand why he wasn't good enough for anyone. He wouldn't let me explain that he is too good for any woman, and they don't know what they lost, but I was one of those women, so I just let him talk.

He said he loved Rebecca, Hannah, and me, and that no one wanted him. I wish he knew how much I regret my decision that night, but I was so scared, that I could never make him happy. I didn't understand what we had together, and I lost the one chance I had at happiness. My one chance to be loved.

14th Today is Valentine's Day. It is a ridiculous holiday, and I don't know why anyone celebrates it. Banks aren't even closed. Booth is in a bad mood. He also hates Valentine's Day. Everyone at the lab wanted to get out early, and men kept calling me for a date. I don't want a date, because a date on Valentine's Day comes with the expectation of affectionate companionship and sex, and I do not intend to engage in either.

Cam said something cruel to me today; she said that at least she has someone. If I had accepted Booth last year, I would have someone too.

I met Booth at the shooting range with a pair of machine guns from the roaring twenties exhibit. We shot into targets with hearts on them. It was good to see him smile. I think he liked my Valentine's Day gift.

March

10th It's been a month since Hannah left, and Booth and I have been getting closer. We meet on a regular basis at the Founding Fathers, and just talk. He is starting to talk to me again. He met me at the park while I was running today. He asked if he could come with me to a lecture on the Peloponnesian war.

11th Booth seems irritated with me. I don't understand how he can be so much like Brodsky, but still say they are not the same. They both were paid to kill, but Booth says that they are on different sides. I believe I need to think about this more.

13th Booth and I have been going out to have drinks again after solving a case. Tonight we went to the Founding Fathers, and it was nice to spend some time with him. It was also good to see him smile when I told him he was good.

17th There was a blizzard today. Booth and I were stuck in an elevator for most of the day. Sweets kept trying to get us to talk about our relationship, and Booth became very angry with him. I'm going to write this in the order it happened, although I would like to jump to the end, because I think a future with Booth may be possible.

Booth told me about a time when he went to a game with his father. I'm glad he is starting to trust me. I feel like we are getting closer, but I am also starting to feel anxious. If Booth wants to try a relationship with me, I hope I am ready.

I told Booth that making love with him would be quite satisfying. We both have excellent stamina, and passion, so I think it would be an incredible experience, but then he told me we would never work as a couple. I know Booth won't have one without the other, so I guess making love will have to wait.

After we got out of the elevator, I went to Booth's place, and we just sat and talked. He told me he wasn't angry with me anymore. He just needs time. I can wait for him.

I told him, "A time could come when you aren't angry anymore, and I am strong enough to risk losing the last of my imperviousness, maybe then we can try to be together."

He said we should both write down a date, and if we burned them together, our wish would come true. I know it is a ridiculous notion, but I hope it works. I wrote, 'whenever he's ready', because I believe I am.

April

7th I disregarded another scientist's work, and Booth thought I should apologize. The article I wrote was true and factual. I don't see any need to amend my findings.

8th Booth said something to me today that reminded me of something that Avalon said to me a few years ago. He told me, "Because I know the kind of person that you are, and I think that you should let other people in on the secret too." Does he know the real me? Is that why he thinks someday we have a chance?

9th I spoke to Dr. Filmore today about his remarkable skill and expertise. Although I didn't think an apology was necessary. I did tell him I considered his input on the case to be the basis of our solution.

After solving the case, Booth and I met and talked about the difference between apologizing and feeling contrite. An apology is a speech in defense, whereas to feel contrite, is to be crushed by a sense of sin. I believe we both have made mistakes in the past, and it's time we both feel contrite about what has happened between us. The past is in the past, it's time to let it go.

16th I'm having a difficult time understanding Booth lately. I know he still has some residual anger, but it's as if he's intentionally trying to confuse me. Our case was about a mythical animal called the chupacabra, and Booth and I started to talk about mythical creatures. Then he told me he saw the Yeti in Nepal.

I told him that was impossible, because there is no such thing, and he said, "Why don't you just trust me here? Why can't you just use the brilliant scientific mind of yours to at least admit the possibility that what I'm saying here is true?"

I tried to tell him that maybe he saw something else, instead, but he just became angry and told me, "Just forget it, you talk a really good game here Bones, but when it comes down to it, You know you're no different than people who were certain that the sun revolved around the earth."

He compared me to Galileo's accusers, and that really hurt, I would like to believe him, but I know it is not true. I think I will research the idea, and see if I can come up with another explanation.

17th I told Booth today that I believed that he believes he saw a Yeti. I said that it was possible that he saw an ursus arctos isabellinus instead, and because it was covered with snow, it looked like a Yeti. He was very happy that I believed him enough to look at other possibilities. Maybe some things need to be approached with an open mind.

We went for drinks at the Founding Fathers again tonight, and as we left, Booth told me he never really saw the Yeti. He said he made the whole story up. He told me I rationally explained something that never happened. However as he said it he had a strange look on his face, so I asked him if he was trying to confuse me.

He said, "I might be?"

When I asked him what the point was, he said, "That some things are confusing. Just because you can explain something, doesn't mean that it's explainable, like us. We don't make any sense at all."

As I got into the cab and drove away, I looked out the window and he waved at me. I started to think of our conversations over the past few days, and I concluded that if I consider the possibilities of things that science can't explain, maybe it would open up the possibility of us. Maybe I need to look at some things from a different angle.

21st We had to go to Florida to investigate a murder today, and I met a friend of Booth's. His name was, Walter Sherman. Booth says he finds things, and because we needed help in finding a chart, here we are.

Walter is very strange. He seems paranoid and delusional, but if Booth believes, I will too. We had a strange conversation.

Walter asked me, "Are you two sleeping together?"

When we told him no, he asked, "Would you sleep with me?"

Booth told him,"You know what, find the map and maybe you got a shot."

I punched Booth in the arm, but he gave me a look that said he was kidding, and then he said sorry. I am defiantly getting better at reading his expressions.

23rd Booth knew that I doubted Walter's abilities, so he suggested that I ask Walter to find something for me. I told him to find an award that I had won when I was eleven years old. I was surprised when he came to my office to deliver it several days later. He was still flirting with me, but no one is going to turn me away from Booth, because I know I love him.

28th I found out today that sometimes Booth goes commando. I know that isn't relevant information, but I still found it interesting.

Booth told me he lied to me to spare his own feelings. I wonder what he meant by that? He wouldn't elaborate in the subject, but he did promise that when the case was over we would discuss it.

30th We solved the case and again we went to the Founding Fathers to celebrate. As I looked at him, he knew what I wanted, the truth behind the lie. He looked uncomfortable, as if it was almost painful to tell me.

"Fine, Ok, remember when I broke up with Hannah? Well I didn't lie to you; I just didn't tell you how much it meant to me that you were there for me. It meant the world to me.

I told him I stayed, because I am an exceptional partner, and then I asked him, "Why is it so difficult to tell me something I already know?"

He just said it was hard to explain. I wonder if it has anything to do with the way he feels about me?

I told him some things are better left unsaid.

I probably should have told him I stayed because I loved him and I couldn't walk away. That would have been the truth.

May

5th Caroline brought me an alive suspect today. When the police picked her up, she was covered in someone else's blood, and carrying a knife. The main problem is she is deaf and non-communicative, and she refuses to tell us what happened.

Sweets reminded me of the way it feels to be a foster child today. I wish he didn't bring up those feelings again. I had them hidden deep down inside, and now that they have surfaced. I understand how Amy feels.

6th Mr. Vaziri told me, that this case was personal to me. He said I distance myself from the victims, and I don't care about them. This is the second time today that someone has told me that I am uncaring. Is that how everyone looks at me? Do I really appear cold and heartless? If I knew how to convey how I feel I would, but I don't know how to do that.

I talked to the suspect today. She allowed us to take X-rays of her bones, and we found that she has been severely abused. I saw many kids like her when I was in the system, good kids who were never loved or cared for. I think I am becoming too attached to this case.

12th I am becoming concerned for Booth, he has refused all cases so we can only concentrate on Brodsky. I'm concerned that Brodsky is going to take matters into his own hands. I can't handle Booth's death again.

Mr. Nigel Murray and I are delivering a paper at an upcoming conference. He is an excellent intern, and I am looking forward to presenting with him.

14th Vincent was shot today; he died in my arms. As he died, he told me not to make him go. Why would he say that? Do all the interns think I am so coldhearted that I would just throw them out? Why did he have to die? He was an excellent intern. I was looking forward to working with him.

Booth had me go home with him, so he can watch over me. He gave me some clothes to wear. I am lying on his couch alone. I feel so sad. Why did Vincent have to die? He kept saying don't make me go. Why would he say that to me? What kind of person am I? I think I need to talk to Booth; I can't lie here any longer.

15th I went into Booth's room to talk to him, and he told me Vincent was talking to the universe not to me. I asked him to hold me, he pulled me into his arms, and we lay down on the bed. He held me while I cried. He told me he understood and he was there for me. I cried in his arms until I feel asleep.

When I awoke, he was looking down at me, and he pulled me closer and kissed me. My mind went back to that kiss on the steps of the Hoover building, and the fear I felt, but this time there was no fear. This time there was only peace. I responded by pulling him closer to me. I instantly felt an overwhelming desire from deep inside me.

Booth stopped, and looked at me, asking me if I was sure I was ready, because I knew this would lead to a commitment between us. Booth didn't believe in casual sex. I looked in his eyes and saw all the faith and trust that he had given me, from the day we met.

I told him, "Yes Booth, I think I've wanted this for a long time."

I pulled him back to my lips, and he continued to kiss me. I felt my heart rate increase, as I ran my hands over his pectorals, and his deltoids, then around his trapezius muscles. He felt just as good as I knew he would. I quickly became breathless, and pulled his shirt over his head, revealing his gorgeous chest.

Booth pulled away from me, and told me he wanted to stop. Was he kidding? I didn't know how I did it, but I stopped. He told me he wanted to wait until after he got Brodsky. As I thought about it, I realized that he was right. He needed to close this chapter in his life, and then we can start another together.

I asked him I could stay with him, and he agreed. Eventually, I fell asleep in his arms. When I awoke in the morning, I felt his arms around me, and turned to look at him. He smiled.

"Good morning."

"Good morning."

I lay my head on his chest and held him close, a short while later we got up and dressed. He dropped me off at the Jeffersonian.

Booth caught Brodsky today. He shot him in the leg, because he wanted him to go to trial. I'm glad he had enough restraint to only shoot him in the leg.

We said goodbye to Vincent tonight. As we placed the box containing his remains in the hearse, everyone sang 'Lime in the Coconut'. It was his favorite song.

As we walked back onto the Jeffersonian, I took Booth's arm. We were going back to his place tonight to be together. I am definitely ready for this next step.