Ch 15
He knew he was being unreasonable, after all he was just a pale copy, a mere shadow and half of the man The Doctor was. So it should have come as no surprise that Rose didn't think he was good enough.
He tried to rationalise it, tell his heart to stop pounding out his despair but he couldn't. He had allowed himself to hope that he could be enough, would be the one she wanted, but the minute he heard The Doctor's name spill from her lips, he knew it wasn't to be.
Could he be content to be second best? Would he come to accept being a consolation prize? A second place, a silver medal instead of the gold?
Finding a secluded area of the garden, a neglected brick wall surrounded by tall weeds that had probably once been quite grand he finally stopped running. A single stone bench stood by itself it was still mostly intact so he sat down on it.
The real question was; could he live without Rose? Feeling the sense of loss from the memories he had inherited from his creator, believing that she was gone forever that first awful time. Coupled with the idea of being without her now, could his one feeble heart survive that?
A tidal wave of intense emotions flooded him, jealousy, anger, betrayal, longing and hopelessness washed over him. He curled up into a tight ball on the bench as if he were trying to hold all the feelings in before they gathered into the cry of despair that was building up at the back of his throat.
John had taken off so fast Rose had no idea where he had gotten to. She looked the ground floor of the house and was about to go outside to continue her search there. He had been so keen on going to the gardens, maybe he was in one of those? The estate had many, and covered a lot of ground but she wouldn't give up until she found him.
As she reached the door her mum appeared out of one of the rooms, "you best put a jacket on, it's freezing out there."
"Did you see John?" Rose asked automatically reaching for one of the jackets on the coat rack in obedience to her mother.
"He went out the back," Jackie gestured towards the rear of the house with her cigarette. Then her face softened, "did you two have a row?"
"Why do you ask that?" Rose wondered.
"He looked like he had lost his only friend in the world, even at the super-fast speed he was traveling it was pretty obvious," Jackie explained, "you'd think with those spindly legs of theirs, his and The Doctor's, they'd be shaking on their pins, but they are movers ain't they?"
"I called him by The Doctor's name," Rose admitted with a sigh, "and now he thinks I don't love him."
"Well?" Jackie took a drag of her cigarette, "do you? Love him I mean."
"It may sound crazy, since I've only just met him," Rose zipped up her jacket, "but yes, I do. Maybe even more than I ever loved The Doctor."
Jackie scowled at her daughter, "then why are you standing around here yapping at me?" she opened the door and all but shoved Rose onto the stoop, "get out there and find him!"
A bit taken aback by her mum's sudden change in attitude towards John Rose had to ask, "why do you care about him?"
"I don't," Jackie shrugged, "I just know that if you really love him that much, and he makes you happy then it's worth keeping him around."
Stepping forward Jackie ordered, "now, stop wittering and go find your man!" at that the door closed almost smacking Rose in the back as it slammed shut.