Ch 16
Still marvelling at her mum's pep talk Rose head for the first garden. As she approached its lush greenness she realised why Jackie had such a clear insight into her current predicament.
In some ways her mum's life mirrored her own. The first Pete, Rose's true father had died young, and then this world's Pete came into her life and spirited her heart away. Did her Stepfather ever wonder if Jackie was comparing them? Did he ever think that she could trade her first husband for him if she could?
Rose remembered very little of her father. Mostly through her mum she found out that while well intentioned he was not a great success at anything and they fought constantly. This Pete, was, by contrast, wealthy and a savvy business man. Anything he touched tuned to gold, he was a slick salesman and could probably sell ice to Eskimos.
But still, he had to have that little bit of doubt, buried deep in the back of his mind. Did he measure up? Or hopefully surpass the first Pete of Jackie's life.
Rose realised why Jackie was so keen on her finding John. Maybe it wasn't Pete worrying about being good enough, maybe it was her mum who felt somehow inferior? Picturing her bold, brash exterior, her no-nonsense approach to everything it was hard for Rose to imagine her mum being insecure about anything.
Shaking her head she cleared her mind and refocused on searching for John. She needed to find him and hopefully by then she would also find the right words to make him understand that he was the man she wanted to spend the rest of her life with, not The Doctor.
Not finding him in the front gardens Rose followed the flag stone path to the back of the estate. The whooshing of the fountain off in the distance sounding like a torrent of water in the silence of the grounds as she continued her search.
John, still curled up into an almost foetal position heard her calling for him. He heart leapt at the sound of Rose saying his name, but then he remembered her saying the wrong one earlier and he was miserable again.
"This is ridiculous," he chided himself as he uncurled and tried for a more dignified position, "be a man," he growled under his breath. But even as he gave himself this pep talk he realised he had no idea how to do that. He had the knowledge, born into him, to be a Time Lord, but being a human? He had to discover that all on his own.
And really he was neither, half of one thing, half of another. Never to be a whole.
But he felt whole around Rose, and had allowed himself to think she felt the same way.
From his vantage point he could see the top of her blonde head come into view. His first instinct was to run and hide but he summoned the courage to stay where he was, stealing himself for whatever was going to happen next.
He could picture her telling him the truth, that she loved The Doctor, more than him, and really who could blame her? She would be sympathetic, and do it in the kindest way possible of course, but in the end he would finally know that she would settle for him only because she couldn't have the Time Lord.
Or worse, that she could never be content with him and would go in search of The Doctor, leaving him alone?
He was so lost in his terror inducing thoughts that when a hand reached out and brushed his face he almost jumped out of his skin.
"You're ice-cold," Rose smiled down at him, "you told me to bundle up and here you are freezing your skinny arse off," at that she sat next to him and took his hands in hers.