A/N: Thank you so much for the reviews. It's good to know people are reading the stories and what each one of you would like to read. I also like to read your ideas and suggestions.
So here come the angsty chapters. Some of you have been asking me some questions and I think they will all be answered in this chapter and the next one. I hope you enjoy this chapter
Santana rested her head on the couch's arm-rest. She was content. Things couldn't be greater in her life. She was a popular cheerleader at school. She was getting good grades in her classes and her parents were really proud of her. The most important thing though was Brittany. She was so in love with blonde it was just stupid. Brittany was really the sunshine in the latina's life. She thanked all the gods in this world for giving her the strength to finally admit her feelings to the blonde. It was so amazing to love and to be loved. Did she already say that life was great?
She heard the door open and close. Someone was making their way to living room and judging by the light steps, Santana knew it was her bubbly girlfriend. Brittany made her way to the couch and lay by her girlfriend, half topping her. Santana kissed her forehead and caressed the blonde's back.
"Hey Beautiful"
Brittany stayed silent for awhile.
"Is there anything wrong B?"
"San... we need to talk…"
Both girls sat up and faced each other. Santana was getting anxious by the minute. Brittany was acting strange. She was worrying at her lower lip and her eyes were looking everywhere but Santana.
"B is there something wrong at home? Is it about your parents?"
"No… It's…" Brittany sighed and Santana couldn't even be more confused
"What is it then B? You're scarring me"
"I haven't had my period for two months San" Brittany said in a low voice and Santana almost didn't hear her. It took a few seconds before she could completely process what Brittany just told her.
Oh no!The Brunette thought but she quickly brushed off the idea
"Huh? But isn't it normal? Like… you're still on the pill, right? That's supposed to happen"
Brittany looked blankly at her girlfriend. She was not sure what Santana was trying to say.
" But you stopped make me take them after that first week we did it… So I didn't touch them anymore… Was I supposed to take more?"
Santana's emotions were mixed. Her heart fluttered for a split second at the possibility, but after a quick glance at her girlfriend's sad face, she felt bad. The latina's head fell into her hands. She couldn't believe this was happening. The chances for this to happen were so small. She couldn't blame Brittany though. After their first time, she really didn't make sure Brittany was still taking her birth control contraception. The taller girl didn't know better and Santana should have kept an eye on her through all this. A baby now would be so many complications for the both of them. She saw how Quinn struggled with being pregnant and never wanted Brittany to go through that.
Looking up again at the blonde, Santana tried to hide her own distress for their sakes.
"Did you take a test?" the latina asked. Brittany shook her head no.
"Do you want to?" she nodded
"I'm so sorry San" Brittany said in a shaky breath
"Hey! You did nothing wrong." The brunette paused and took a deep breath "C'mon I'll go buy a test. Just wait for me here okay?" she then kissed the blonde one last time before going to the pharmacy.
The trip to the pharmacy was so weird. Santana never thought she would be standing here now in a pregnancy tests aisle, looking for one to buy. Her head was pounding as a lot of thoughts went through her mind. What if it was positive? How are they going to tell it to Brittany's parents? To her parents? Are they going to keep it?
Santana ignored the pharmacist eyeing her suspiciously and went home as fast as she could. Brittany was still sitting in the living room but someone else was home now.
"Ah! Mija you're back. Where were you?" the latina's mother said as she came out of the kitchen. Santana just had enough time to hide the pregnancy test and put on a face.
"Um... I... Brittany and I kind of wanted pizza so…" She was always good at making up excuses to her mom but she couldn't help but feel that she fell miserably this time around. The way her mom eyed her also didn't reassure her.
"Uh Uh I see…" her mother said, turning to face Brittany who was still completely looking crestfallen. She then eyed both girls suspiciously before walking back to the kitchen and shouting over her shoulder.
"I've made pasta. So if you're still hungry come down"
"We'll be in my room"
"San, I'm hungry" Brittany mumbled to Santana
"Later B." Santana all but whispered to her girlfriend as she grabbed her hand and led her upstairs "we have more pressing issues now"
She sat on her bed, her left foot hammering anxiously the floor. It was an eternity since Brittany entered the bathroom and Santana couldn't wait anymore. She got up and paced around the room anxiously. As she decided to went straight up to the bathroom, the door shot open to reveal a confused but distraught Brittany. Brittany handed her the two tests and immediately started sobbing. Santana looked at them and it was her turn to be confused.
One test was positive and one was negative.
"How the hell is that possible?" The latina questioned to no one in particular
"What are we going to do San? I don't know what to think"
Santana didn't know either. They couldn't just stay in the unknown like that. They needed help. But who?
"What?" Mrs lopez all but screamed at the words her daughter just uttered.
Santana fidgeted in her seat her left hand holding Brittany's. Her mother was the only adult who could help them. But they had to go through this painful discussion (without Santana being castrated) before they could ask her any help.
"Don't do that mom… it's hard enough for us"
"Hard enough? Hard enough? You should have thought about that before sticking it up into her"
"MAMA" the latina screamed, blushing at her mom's bluntness
"What? Oh don't play shy with me, I know what you two have been up to but I never thought you would be stupid enough to let something like that happen Santana"
The older woman was now furiously pacing around the room.
"Don't you know about contraception? How is that even possible?"
Brittany whimpered at the older woman's outburst. She wasn't keen on telling Santana's mother but the latina insisted and convinced her that it was their last resort.
"Mom…" Santana sighed "Please listen to us… We're not even sure that she is pregnant"
"Wait… Didn't she take a test?"
"I took two tests" Brittany finally piped in the discussion but her eyes were still lowered
"Well?" Santana's mother inquired as Santana got up to get the two tests.
She came back in the silent living room and handed them to her mother. Mrs Lopez took a good look at them and frowned.
"What's this? Why are there two different results?" She asked both girls. Santana just raised her hands defensively
"We don't know… That's why we asked for your help. Please Mom, you can yell at me and even castrate me after" the thought made Santana shudder "But you got to help us, please?" The latina pleaded hopelessly to her mother.
The older sighed and sat down. She stayed quiet for a few minutes before speaking up.
"Your father is good friends with Dr Keyes, she's a gynecologist… we'll know where to stand after seeing her." She paused to look at the both girls. Brittany really looked sad at the moment "Brittany… Just go home and get some sleep. Santana will tell you when the appointment is and we will all go." She paused again to look at the downcasted blonde "also… you don't need to tell your parents yet. Trust me girls, when we'll be sure, my husband and I will have a conversation with your parents."
She got up and pulled Brittany up onto her legs.
"Don't worry Mija. Everything is going to be alright." She hugged the blonde and patted her back.
Santana stood there awkwardly. She was a little surprised at how maternal her mother was with Brittany. Not that she had ever been rude to the blonde, but she wasn't so openly sweet with her. She guessed that her mother understood her girlfriend's thought situation.
"What are you doing standing there? Give her a ride home" the older woman scolded Santana, bringing her out of her thoughts.
She did as she was told and dropped Brittany home after a rather quiet car ride. Seriously she hated all this and wished it was just a nightmare.
When she came back home, her mother was in the living room reading some books. Santana didn't really want to be alone with her mother, so she made a beeline to the stairs but was stopped by her mother's voice.
"Santana?" her mother called from the living room. Santana sighed and ducked her head before entering the room. the older woman looked at her daughter for a moment before closing her book and taking off her glasses.
"Dr Keyes can receive us tomorrow afternoon at 3. Tell Brittany to get ready then"
The latina simply nodded and silence fell again in the room.
"You shouldn't have put Brittany in this situation. You're both too young"
"I know mama" Santana sighed again. Santana's mother paused again before speaking up
"Maybe it's not a bad thing after all… I mean considering…" her mother didn't finish her sentence that they heard the garage's door open and the noise of a car. Santana's father was home. Santana's mother got up hurriedly and took Santana by the arm and led her to the stairs.
"Go to bed. Your father doesn't have to know yet. We'll tell him when we'll know for sure"
The latina complied to her mother's request and went to her room. She took the opportunity to call her girlfriend.
"Hey B."
"Hey" Brittany replied in a tiny voice
"Is everything okay?"
"I don't know… I want to be with you now San" Brittany's voice broke and in return made the brunette's heart break. She hated when the blonde was sad.
"Shhh B. It's okay; we'll see each other tomorrow. My mom called the gynecologist and our appointment is at 3. I'll come pick you up and later you'll come back here and spend the rest of the week if your parents don't mind… Okay?"
No answer from the other end of the line, but she could feel Brittany nodded quietly at her suggestion. She sighed.
"Go get some sleep B."
"Okay"
"Brittany?" the latina called the blonde before she hung up "I love you. I love you and please, never doubt of that" She heard Brittany sighed of contentment and felt better.
"I love you too San… Goodnight baby"
"I love you" Santana said before the line went dead.
She really didn't sleep well that night.
The next day didn't start any better. She put on her best acting performance around her father. He didn't notice anything as he left for work. Her mother didn't really talk to her that morning. She just made sure Brittany was ok and if Santana informed her of their appointment. After that she practically ignored the latina till the afternoon.
Santana was getting more and more anxious on their way to pick Brittany up. She was dreading the confrontation with the blonde's parents.
What if they find out? Was all she could think about. The blonde's parents were pretty free spirited and knew about her daughter's relationship with Santana since the beginning. But Santana was sure none of them wanted to be grand-parents so soon…
"Are you ok Mija?" the older woman asked in a rather gentle tone which surprised Santana.
Santana shook her head "I'm scared mama…"
Santana's mother stopped the car and gently patted her daughter's head "Be strong. Brittany needs it now!" was all she said before getting out of the car. Santana didn't even notice that they were at the blonde's house already. She contemplated waiting in the car but a quick look at her mother's glare made up her mind. She dragged herself into her girlfriend's house and stayed quiet for the whole time.
"It's such a pleasure to see you again Maria. How is everybody?" Brittany's father spoke enthusiastically as they all sat down in the living room.
"Oh everyone is great thank you Edgar. Um Is Brittany ready to go?"
"Oh her mother is upstairs with her. She will be down here soon… So Santana how are you? Still killing it with the cheerios?" he asked turning his gaze to the younger latina.
"…."
"Um is she upset or something?" He asked in a soft voice
"Oh don't worry Santana doesn't really like shopping especially when it's not for her." Her mother laughed nervously at the obvious lie."
"Uh? Brittany said you were going to the doctor for Santana's annual checkup?"
"Oh… Yes that too…" she laughed again to hide her nervousness.
Before things got weirder, Brittany and her mother came down and the three of them didn't spend any more time with the Pierce than needed. They went back to the older woman's car and drove silently to the gynecologist.
The waiting room seemed cold for both girls. They were tightly gripping at each other's hands as if they life depended on it.
"I'm so scared San" Brittany all the whispered to her girlfriend. She was really scared about all this. She never thought she would go through that at such a young age. Her biggest fear though, was that Santana would blame her for destroying their lives. She wasn't the smartest girl around but she knew that a baby would forever change their lives like one of these girls in this MTV show… She needed reassurance.
"I'm here B. whatever happens, I'm here" the latina said as she took the taller girl in her arms. Her mother watched them with a sad smile and sighed. She had so many conflicting feelings about this situation…
"Mrs Lopez? Dr Keyes is asking for you. Would you please follow me?" The secretary gently showed them the way to the doctor's office.
"Oh Maria! It's been a long time!" An old redhead woman got up from her desk and greeted Mrs. Lopez warmly.
"I heard you came back from Europe last year" the older Lopez replied
"Yes! It was such a nice trip but it feels good to be back." The woman turned to Santana and squinted her eyes before putting her glasses.
"Oh Oh Oh what do we have here? Is it our little Santana? "
Santana scoffed at the woman and crossed her arm across her chest. Her mother cuffed her on the back of her head. Dr Keyes just chuckled.
"You know how it is at that age Maria." Turning to Santana "When I last saw you, you were not taller than this" she lowered her hand to her knee. "What a beautiful young girl you've become Santana. " She paused as she slowly noticed the presence of the sullen blonde. "But who is it? I've never had the pleasure to meet her before…"
Santana's mother walked over to Brittany and put a protective arm around her
"This is Brittany. She is our neighborhood's child but we know her since forever so she's practically like our daughter" Santana made a gagging sound at the idea of her and Brittany being related. Her mother glared at her again.
"Oh Hi Brittany! Nice to meet you" she said as she extended her hand to the girl
"Hi" Brittany mumbled as she took the extended hand.
"Well Maria, I guess you're not here for mundane things… Let's sit!"
They all took a seat next to each other while Keyes sat down behind her desk. Santana's mother coughed a little before speaking up.
"It's about Santana…"
"About Santana?" Keyes' eyebrows shot up. Maria laughed nervously.
"haha no, not really her but she's involved…" Keyes nodded her to go on.
" I told you that Brittany is our long time friends' daughter, right? Well she happens to be Santana's girlfriend too" She paused and both women turned to look at the young girls who fidgeted in their seats. The older Lopez went on
" Brittany is Santana's girlfriend and you remember my daughter's condition, right?" Dr Keyes nodded again "Well, it seems that my lovely daughter never heard of protections and put her girlfriend in a complicated situation: she took a pregnancy test and it's positive"
"Oh! So you want to…" Dr Keyes started
"It's not all. She actually took two tests…" pause "One was positive but the other one was negative"
Dr Keyes frowned and leaned back into her chair.
"That's why we're here. It's all really confusing so we're to know on which leg we should stand."
Keyes stayed silent for a few seconds. She then looked up at Maria.
"Ok! We're going to test Brittany here to be 100% sure of what's going on. Let me get the nurse." She pressed a button on her intercom and then turned to Brittany
"So Brittany, how is school?" she smiled at the blonde
"Fine. Classes are a bit boring and I don't get half what's said but it's still great though. There is Glee club and cheerleading, so I guess that makes up for the rest…"
"Oh so you're a cheerleader?"
"Yes" Brittany answered excitedly "And we win pretty much every competition"
Dr Keyes smiled at her enthusiasm. She wanted to distract the girl's mind a little from the present situation. The distraction was short though as the nurse entered the room.
"Brittany you'll have to follow Kimberly for your test. Santana can come with you, I'll stay here to discuss with Maria." She said as she smiled reassuringly to both girls.
Brittany got up and followed the nurse with Santana in toe.
"Well, Maria that was kind of unexpected!"
"I don't know how I should feel about all this…" Maria Sighed as she lowered her head.
The test was rather quickly over. They asked some questions to Brittany and took her blood. Dr Keyes said that they would have the results in two days. They all then took a silent ride home, stopping by brittany's house so she could pick a few things up for her stay at the Lopez.
They laid in bed at night with a multitude of thoughts at mind.
"San? Are you awake" Brittany whispered
"Yeah B. I can't really sleep…"
"Me too…" the blonde said as she cuddled further into her girlfriend. Two minutes passed before she spoke up again.
"I'm so scared San" The blonde finally admitted in a shaky voice.
Santana engulfed her in her arms and started rocking them
"Hey it's okay B." she took a deep breath "I'm scared too but we're going to be fine I promise"
They both stayed silent for a while before Brittany spoke up again
"what if… What if the results are positive…What if I'm pregnant? What are we going to do San? What if my parents kick me out when they found out?" Her voice caught in her throat "Will you leave me?"
"Brittany look at me" the latina cupped her girlfriend's cheeks and lifted her head so she could see her face
"Your parents won't kick you out. They love you way too much for that and I'll never let that happen anyway. Whatever you decide about the baby, whether you will keep it or not, I will be right by your side. I won't leave B. Never… I love you" and she kissed her girlfriend and put all the love she could in that kiss. Santana was scared but as long as she had Brittany by her side, everything was fine.
The waiting was killing their nerves. They all sat in Dr keyes' office, dreading what will happen next. The silence was only disturbed by Santana's foot hammering the floor. She didn't get enough sleep for the past three days and was way too anxious for her own health.
Finally Dr Keyes came back in the office and Maria let a sigh of relief out. She sat down and folded her hands on her desk, scrutinizing the faces in front of her.
"Please Pamela, we can't take it anymore" Santana's mother pleaded
"Well… I have your results Brittany. The Hcg in your blood is about really low about 5%."
Brittany blinked at the gynecologist's words and looked at Santana who equally had not understood. Maria, however, was smiling and held Brittany's hand. Sensing Brittany's confusion Dr Keyes clarified.
"You are not pregnant Brittany"
Brittany let out a loud sigh of relief as Santana's mother engulfed her in her arms and told them to never put her though that again.
"Wait" the blonde interrupted their rejoicing "then why am I not having my periods?"
"We're going to do more tests for that but just enjoy your day for now."
Brittany smiled and squealed with Santana's mother.
Santana, who stayed quiet during all this, sighed. It wasn't a sigh of relief though
"Does that mean nothing has changed?" she asked Keyes in a raspy voice
Keyes's smile fainted and she grasped Santana's hand and squeezed it
"No, probably not… But you still need to do your annual checkup to be sure. I'm sorry Santana"
The latina chuckled bitterly as she glanced at her happy mother caught her eyes and her face mirrored the painful expression on her daughter's face. Brittany was the only one oblivious to the sadness in the room. Sure Brittany was happy and it's a relief that she's not pregnant now. But will it be the same when in a few years she will want to have a family and will have to face the fact that Santana is very much sterile?
Santana learned from her father and his colleague that she was sterile two years ago. They told her that she was 80% sterile and couldn't get a girl pregnant with the deficit of her semen or couldn't get pregnant herself. Seeing his daughter's distress, her father was quick to reassure her that there were new treatments for sterility and that they would try them. Untill now, none of them worked and Santana was convinced now of her doom.
It wasn't that she particularly liked toddlers before. In fact she though they were insufferable little brats. She never even thought about having her own kid but now, that the choice was even taken from her, she felt something in her heart break. The reality of her condition, of the fact that she was a freak dawned on her. She was not a woman and knew now that was less than the shittiest man. It was all normal though, the incongruity she was should absolutely not reproduce.
Her greatest fear and regret was Brittany though. The blonde loved kids. Santana saw how Brittany was with children; how she took care of her little sister. Brittany was destined to be a mother and told as much to Santana. It killed the latina that she couldn't even give that to Brittany, a child to call "theirs", an expression to the love they shared. The blonde would eventually either resent her for keeping her from that blissfulness or simply leave her. Santana will lose in both situation and that thought saddened her. She was scared because she couldn't do anything about the situation.
It's with her mind filled with these thoughts that the latina laid in bed with her girlfriend, her eyes fixated on the ceiling. Brittany shifted next to her and Santana's eyes fell on her angelic face. Brittany was so beautiful. She deserved so much… So much more. Santana sat up in her bed and took her head in her hands. She left her bedroom cautiously, silently.
Maria didn't know why but she woke up in the middle of the night. She recalled the events of the past three days and sighed. This situation was finally over. The image of Santana in their ride back home, her head low and her figure downcasted made her heart ache painfully. She was happy for Brittany, the poor girl didn't have to go through the hard journey that is pregnancy and parenthood, not at such a young age. But her daughter will never experienced it and it hurt Maria. It stung really hard.
As she made her way down the stairs to grab a bottle of water, she heard sobs coming from the living room and stopped dead in her track. She leaned against the wall and silent tears also ran down her cheeks as she listened.
In the dark living room, alone, Santana was crying.
A/N: :( The next two chapters are not much better. There will be more non happy situations. But it will eventually get better... I guess.
Thank you for reading.