Hey guys. I want you to enjoy this chapter. Again some emotions in there but it shows how human the characters can be.
Ch. 4 How did this happen
Enjoy!
I thought about that night Edward and I went outside on the patio during the sleep over. Everything he told me, made me rethink everything about my relationship with Jake. I felt like everything happened so fast that night., first telling Edward we couldn't be friends when I knew I wanted to be more then that. Pushing Edward away felt like the biggest mistake I ever made. It didn't feel right to have these feelings for him though. Or that's what I thought should feel wrong. Jake and I have been in a relationship for a long time and I'm not sure if I'll be ready to break it up to try something new. Yes, I thought of it. Leaving Jake for Edward but I wasn't ready to leave someone I knew for so long and try and be with someone new. I was scared.
After the talk with Edward I felt like shit. Alice and Rose picked up on it immediately. I didn't want to tell them at first because I didn't want them to think of me differently. Being in a relationship with a man I care about but also liking someone else during the process. As you can see, I have very low self-esteem and really pay attention to what people think about me.
"Bella, Edward's right. Your not being fair to Jake. At all. I can see your trying to forget your feelings for Edward, but honey, you need to be honest with yourself. If you love Jake, you need to do what's right."
I wanted to know what she thought was right but when I was about to ask she told me I needed to figure this out myself. They know I have feelings for Edward but they don't know the extent of it, and it was up to me to figure it out.
"Bella we love you and you know we'll support your decision no matter what. From what I can tell Edward seems like a nice guy and he treats you well, but so does Jake from where I can see. What makes you happy? Not other people but you. Is Jake really happy in the relationship? Even though he's trying doesn't mean he's happy. Maybe he's doing it for you."
They were right. All these questions came in my head and I really needed to figure things out.
The next few days went on about my relationship with Jake and Edward. I loved Jake I really did, but I realized we haven't been intimate for a while, even when we had days off. Usually we would end up watching tv or just lounging. Then I happen to realized Jake didn't necessarily look at me like a lover would do, it was like a best friend look. I came to realize then that I didn't look at Jake as a lover anymore either. When we were at the club, Jake was looking at me with that same look, best friend, maybe even to the point of being a brother, but no matter what Jacob was always protective of me. The comment he made when we sat at the table, wasn't going to happen and we knew it.
So why be in a intimate relationship when we weren't. Why be boyfriend and girlfriend when we don't look at each other that way. I felt like I had a "DUH" moment with myself. I loved Jake but not in the way I feel about Edward. I could actually see myself with Edward. Doing lovely gestures and being intimate at the same time while with Jake, all I could see was a hug here and there, or a kiss on the cheek.
What the hell is keeping me from moving on then? I was scared but of what? What's holding me back from going with Edward?
I don't know.
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-
"Hello" I answered with a groan.
It was early in the morning. oh let's say six in the morning. On a Saturday.
"Hey Bella, I have a special day planned out. Were all going to the boardwalk in New J!" Alice squealed.
"Who is all? I asked.
"Me of course, Rose, Emmett, Jasper, and Edward."
"Edward! Alice I don't know."
"Look Bella, you need to stop over thinking things. You need to let things happen. You always look for ways out when your uncomfortable. You're an adult and you need to start facing stuff head on. When you do go somewhere with us, you always try to find the negative thing in it. Stop. Have a good time. Its not wrong to hang out once in a while." She sounded like she rehearsed that whole speech.
She was right yet again but my feelings for Edward have become so much deeper ever since the night of the sleep over. Maybe its time to move on. Make myself happy instead of trying to make everyone else happy but what happens if Edward and I brake up. I took a chance and it didn't go right.
"Bella, you've been silent, your not thinking about all these doubts are you. Don't worry about what everyone thinks. You need to worry about yourself, make yourself happy."
"Fine, fine, I'll go."
"Good… Geese, am I going to have to give you a speech every time we ask you to go somewhere?" Alice joked.
I felt bad now. All Alice wanted to do was hang out and I was trying to get out of it like always.
"Sorry" I murmured.
"Oh Bella, you know I love you and I know you can't resist it when it comes to rides."
A smile came on my lips when she said that. I was a sucker when it came to rides. Besides everything that people know about me like being shy and all, I love rides especially roller coasters. Weird I know but what can I say, it brings a rush to me.
"Alice, you know me so well."
"Well of course I do, you're my best friend." Alice giggled.
"What time should I be ready?" I asked.
"At seven. Were going to breakfast before we hit the road."
"Ok"
"And Bella, don't forget to wear some shorts, with your bathing suit underneath, were going swimming while were there."
Edward in a swimsuit.
"I recommend wearing the blue one."
"Fine" I sighed. There was still a smile on my face.
"We'll pick you up at seven. See you then Bella"
"Bye Alice."
We hung up and I got out of bed to start the day. The truth of what's going to happen is really making me excited. I'm actually thinking about myself then other people. I really was excited to see Edward and to just hang out.
I took a shower , washed my hair, and shaved. The water relax my nerves. I know I was excited but I couldn't help but feel a little nervous. I'm only human.
Once I finished showering, I dried off and went in the bedroom. I realized then that Jake wasn't here. He didn't leave a note or anything saying where he went. I'm going to have to call him. I then noticed that I wasn't panicked or necessarily angry at him. It was weird knowing he could be anywhere and I'm standing here relaxed and somewhat anxious where he could be. That was a fact that I didn't look at Jake as a boyfriend and the fact that he could be with a girl didn't make me jealous either. I shook it off and decided to call him later.
I grabbed the blue bikini that Alice suggested. Some dark blue jean cut shorts with a cute black tank top. I let my hair air dry and began to put my clothes on. I decided on no make-up if were going swimming and started to put my bag together. I needed a tan but it was always good to pack some sun block. The rest was my usually stuff. Mirror, compact, wallet, keys, gum, ipod, personals, camera, my make up bag, deodorant, iphone, and lip gloss/chap stick.
I also grabbed a blanket and towel incase we stay at the beach for a while.
Once I was packed I was ready to go. I grabbed my black sandals and pulled them on. My hair was dry and was down in waves. It was perfect.
I had twenty minutes left before they got here so I went downstairs to watch tv. I needed a distraction. I didn't want to over think things, so I'm doing what Alice told me, just let things happen.
I was watching a rerun of Jersey shore, when I heard the doorbell ring. I answered it and was greeted by Mr. Edward Cullen himself.
"Hi." he said.
"Hi" I whispered back.
We were staring at each other until we heard Emmett honk the horn.
I blushed and grabbed my stuff from the living room and locked the front door.
"Here, I'll carry it for you."
Before I could protest, he already grabbed the stuff out of my hands. I followed him to Emmett's jeep, which was huge by the way, and watched him put everything in the trunk.
When it was time to get in the jeep, I just stared at it. How the hell am I going to get in this truck? It looked like the step was higher then my thigh but I didn't have to worry long when Edward came over and asked me if I needed help. I blushed again and nodded. His hands grabbed my hip while I lifted my leg onto the step. Good thing I took yoga with Alice and Rose because I would have never been able to get up there. Once in the jeep, there was Alice and Rose sitting in the back. I sat with them and we chatted for a while, till we got to the restaurant. We wanted to go somewhere where we wouldn't get over stuffed. I didn't need to go on any rides with a stuffed stomach, trust me.
I decided to get a classic. It was a sandwich with ham, turkey, lettuce, cheese, tomatoes, bacon, and mayo. I also got water and some fruit. Alice and Rose got the same thing as me while the guys had a something totally different. We were talking about what rides we were going to get on, and I said all of them. I was glad all of us liked rides because I hate going with someone who doesn't.
Cough. Jake. Cough.Once we were all done, Emmett paid. I know I could never win against him when it came to paying, so I never said anything anymore. We were all back in the jeep and on the road. We sat in our same seats so us girls came have more girl time. I really happy spending time with them until Alice said something I didn't want to talk about.
"So, Bella, are you going to try the advice I gave you?" She asked.
I sighed. I might as well get it over with.
"Yes Alice I am"
"What advice?" Rose asked.
"The one where I told Bella to let things happen and just have fun."
"Oh, yeah, Bella, we're going to have fun today and you should live it up." Rose said.
"Yeah, I know, but I have to tell you guys something." I sighed out.
"What?" They both asked.
"Ever since that sleep over and the talk with Edward" I whispered his name. I didn't want him to hear me. "I see Jake as more of a friend. I can't see him as a boyfriend anymore. Yes, we sleep in the same bed but its not like I'm sleeping with my boyfriend. We haven't been sexual for a while, even though we make jokes, and I can see on his face that he looks at me more like a friend too."
"Really? So you didn't tell Jake yet?" Asked Alice.
"No, but I need to tell him soon. I don't want to keep this relationship up like this if I can only see him as my friend. Its not fair to him or me." I said.
"Oh, Bella, we're proud of you. I don't like to see you unhappy." Rose replied.
"Thanks you guys. Today I actually want to see what it feels like if Edward was my boyfriend." I smiled.
"Aww Bella!"
"Stop." They were making me blush.
I didn't need to be tomato right now.
So for the next couple of hours we sang to music and just had fun. We stopped once at a gas station to get some snacks and that's when I received a phone call. I looked at the caller I.D. and saw that it was Jake. I sighed and answered the phone.
"Hello"
"Bella." Jake yelled.
"Hi Jake." I sighed out.
"Where are you, you weren't here when I came back." He said angrily.
"I was going to call you but I had other things on my mind." I said and it was true.
"Other things on your mind! Bella, you should've called me or something while it was on your mind." he yelled.
He was going to make me mad already. He had no right to say that to me when he didn't even leave me a note this morning.
"Jake you should've called me when you decided to go somewhere early in the morning."
"Look Bella I had to go to work and you know it."
"Jake if I knew I wouldn't have to think you may be somewhere else. You never to go work Saturdays. Ever. So excuse me for not knowing where you where." I yelled.
I was outside so nobody really heard me.
"Look, I'm sorry Bella, I'm just stressed out over work and everything. I'm almost done with this case and I'm ready for it to be over with." He said sadly.
"Its fine Jake and I'm with my friends. We're going to the boardwalk in New J.
"Oh, well I hope you have fun." short and simple.
"Jake how do you look at me?" I covered my hand over my mouth.
Oh shit that wasn't suppose to come out.
Good job, Bella. You know you can't keep things in your mouth when your thinking about something.
I felt like the biggest dummy in the world. I wasn't going to talk to Jake about this till we were alone.
Fuck.
"What do you mean, how do I look at you?" He asked.
"Nevermind Jake, forget I said that." I said mortified.
"No Bella, tell me. I want to know. Think about it, the sooner you say it and get it off your chest, the better."
I didn't want to say it. I wanted to forget I ever said it in the first place.
"Bella." He said.
You're an adult and you need to start facing stuff head on.
You always look for ways out when your uncomfortable.
Make yourself happy.
Everything Alice said to me came rushing back.
I took deep breathe before replying. I already said something so I might as well finish it. But what if-
Stop with the what ifs.
"Jake I want to know if you still see me as a girlfriend or just a friend Tell me the truth. I need to know." I rushed out.
"T-The truth" I heard him stutter.
This was a bad idea.
"Well I see you as my best friend and girlfriend."
"Really?" I asked.
"Yeah. How do you see me to you?" he asked.
Was I ready to tell him that it was over. It would be one thing if we were face to face but we're on the phone.
"Bella"
"I-I"
I was scared. How will Jake think of me after this? Keeping in a relationship this long without saying anything.
"Bella, tell me the truth."
It just doesn't feel right saying this on the phone.
You're an adult and you need to start facing stuff head on.
You always look for ways out when your uncomfortable.
Make yourself happy.
"Jake…I-I-I don't. I'm sorry but I don't."
Here come the tears.
"I don't feel that connection anymore. I don't want to keep you in this relationship knowing that you believe I have feeling for you when I don't."
Nice. Break up over the phone, Bella.
It was a long pause before he replied.
"Bella, let me say something." I didn't sound like he was angry or sad.
"I love you….and I want you to be happy. To tell you the truth I don't feel the same either. I see you as my friend but that doesn't mean we can't hang out or just have fun."
I cried some more. I couldn't help it. We both felt the same way and it sounded like he was saying the truth but I don't want it to end like this. If we're adults, we're mature enough to say this face to face.
"How about we talk about it when you get back. Ok?" Jake said.
I sniffed. "Ok."
"I'll see you when you get home."
"Ok, bye Jake."
"Bye Bella."
I couldn't believe how all this happened. If I would've just kept my big mouth shut I wouldn't be in this situation. I never thought we would brake up like that. I always thought breaking up on the phone was such a lame way to go and I did just that.
What the hell is wrong with me?
.You're an adult and you need to start facing stuff head on.
I have to face this head on
You always look for ways out when your uncomfortable.
I need to stop.
Make yourself happy.
I won't be happy till I do this face to face.
But today I won't let this mess up my day. At all. So I walked up to everybody and told them I'm ready. They all smiled and we got in the car to start our day. The right way.
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-
So tell me what you guys think. Bella and Jake breaking up on the phone. Wow. Never saw that coming. So you really think Jake feels that way or was he really doing just for Bella. Hmmmm…who knows. We really need to see what Jake is thinking. I need some reviews to confirm this thought.
If you guys leave me some good reviews I'll put a sexy washboard Edward in the next chapter and maybe a steamy little lime in there. I know you guys would like to see that so leave some reviews my way.