Une vie qui s'est perdue
En cherchant une juste revanche
- Waltz in Blue by Jean-Jacques Burnel
"It's time," said Bakura suddenly.
"Hm?" asked Mahes, distracted, having no idea what Bakura was referring to.
"It's time for me to go assault the palace and claim the Millennium items that are rightfully mine," said Bakura.
"What?" asked Mahes, suddenly alert.
"I'm old enough. I'm strong enough. I've perfected my skills at tomb robbing. I'm known all across the land. I hear the people whispering about me, when I'm disguised and walking among them. They fear me. My power and stealth are now legendary. Surely you yourself have heard them speak of me when you go out to the markets- the King of Thieves, they call me. I was waiting for the time when I would be the greatest thief alive, and now I am. So it is time."
Mahes was taken aback momentarily, for he had not wanted to believe that this time would come. But maybe, deep down, he had already realized that the time was fast approaching, because there were many nights recently when he had woken up- awoken by the awareness that Bakura wasn't beside him- and seen Bakura sitting on the other side of the room in flickering candlelight, studying the scroll that Mahes had stolen for him so many years ago.
"But...Bakura..." started Mahes.
"What?" asked Bakura, a sharp edge to his voice.
"It's just so dangerous," said Mahes helplessly. "And I don't want to lose-"
"Don't give me an argument!" snapped Bakura. "You've known since the start. This is my destiny."
And he had known. So Mahes gathered his courage and nodded sagely. "Then I will be by your side."
"No, you won't," said Bakura firmly. Mahes opened his mouth to protest, but Bakura cut him off. "This is not your fight. And frankly, Mahes, you would only slow me down. You're not as great a thief as I am. You are a petty thief, while I am a legendary one. If you tried to come with me and help me, I'd always have to be watching out for you, saving your ass, and I can't have that kind of burden-"
"Burden?" asked Mahes, indignant. "I'm a burden?"
"You know what I mean!" shouted Bakura. "I can't be looking out for you, the way I did in your first days of thievery. This is too important! I have sworn to free the souls of my people, and that is what I will do. I can't have you getting in the way of that."
"Is that all I am to you, then?" asked Mahes. "Someone who is in the way of the only thing you really care about?"
"Shut up!" yelled Bakura. "Just shut up! Stop making this harder for me! I told you, you've known since the first day you met me! You knew this day would come. I will avenge my people, and I will not have you screwing it up!"
"So, I'm just screwing up your destiny, am I?" asked Mahes. "Maybe you'd be better off if I'd never come, then. Is that what you wish? That you hadn't had to take care of me all these years? Even though it was you who refused to let me help you rob tombs and become as good at stealing as you are?"
"I admit, this is my own doing- I wouldn't allow you to help me rob tombs, so you never became truly adept at stealing. Yet this does not change the facts. You are not the thief that I am, and therefore you are not equipped to help me now. But there are others- others who are loyal to me- and they will come with me and join me in my fight."
"What others?" asked Mahes.
"It doesn't concern you," said Bakura flatly.
"So you have others- others you apparently trust more than me- to help you with this, and that doesn't concern me?" asked Mahes.
"No, it doesn't, because you will have no part of this, and it has nothing to do with trust," said Bakura.
"Then what does it have to do with?" asked Mahes.
But Bakura ignored him, turning his face to the side.
"So that's it, then?" asked Mahes. "You're going, and you're going without me?"
"Yes, that's it," said Bakura.
Bakura had intended to stop there, but then he looked at Mahes and saw him standing there, bewildered and dejected. And something in his mind beyond conscious thought compelled him to go on. "Look, Mahes, if you were with me, I'd be focused on protecting you, and I can't afford-"
"So that's what this is about?" asked Mahes. "If I was with you, you'd prioritize protecting me over your mission?"
Bakura opened his mouth, then closed it. He seemed unable to come up with a response.
"So you finally admit it- you do care about me," said Mahes, smiling a little despite the graveness of the situation.
"I didn't say that!" exclaimed Bakura defensively. "I just-"
"Bakura, I-I love you," said Mahes, unable hold back the words now, in light of what had already been said, and of Bakura's imminent departure. "I love you so much, and the thought of losing you is just-"
"Stop being so sentimental," said Bakura. "I've told you that a hundred times."
Mahes was used to hearing that response from Bakura, and normally, he took it in stride- but this time, the situation was different.
"Why do you always have to act like such a jerk?" asked Mahes, anger sparking in his eyes. "You're going on a mission from which you might never return, and even now, that's all you can say to me?"
"That's right," said Bakura. He stared at Mahes impassively, his expression hard and unemotional.
At that, the anger that Mahes already felt towards Bakura wanted to rage out of control. But another part of Mahes only felt helpless and lost and afraid- because he didn't want to leave things this way, because it might be the last time-
"Bakura, please," Mahes finally said, his eyes softening as he looked at Bakura imploringly. "If you're leaving, then at least-"
"Yes, I'm leaving, and I'm tired of arguing with you!" exclaimed Bakura, his patience for this conversation now entirely gone.
So Bakura turned to go, and Mahes stood behind him, dismay stunning him into silence.
At the last moment, Bakura turned back to Mahes and said, "If I survive, I'll be back." And then he left without another word.
"Bastard," Mahes growled. But he was talking to an empty room, because Bakura was already gone.
Maybe Mahes should have been used to waiting and worrying for Bakura by now- but this time, the stakes were much higher, and he knew it. The idea of sitting there by himself and waiting for days- weeks- possibly forever- was unbearable.
So Mahes reached for the wine on the shelf- wine that he'd bought at the market himself, using Bakura's ill-gotten gains to pay for it- and he drank until he couldn't think. And then he kept drinking until he couldn't keep his eyes open, his consciousness fading further and further away from him, and finally his mind was able to recede into a strange sleep in which he tossed and turned and always felt that he was partially awake.
But even this mild respite was brief. When he awoke fully, he was achy and nauseous and hot, feeling that every inch of his skin was on fire. Yet still, he did it all again, trying to blank out the thoughts in his mind. And the next day he did it again, and he didn't stop until his restless half-sleep was finally disturbed by the sound of someone entering the hideout.
"Bakura?" Mahes asked groggily, barely daring to hope. By sheer force of will, he was already beginning to pull himself out of his stupor, and he sat up, rubbing at his eyes. Then he looked towards the door and saw that it was him, after all, and suddenly he was fully alert. "Bakura..."
Bakura heard the hopeful tone in Mahes's voice, and didn't want to give the false impression that he was in the clear. So his first words upon his return were, "I'm not done yet- I have to go back. Tomorrow."
Mahes's face fell at this news, but his relief at seeing Bakura alive overwhelmed him, and so he gathered his strength and managed to say, "Where have you been, partner? Tell me the tales of your adventures."
So Bakura did.
"Well, first, I successfully raided the tomb of the Pharaoh," said Bakura. "And then I went to the palace. I fought my way inside with Diabound, and I found them- the new Pharaoh and his court. And each one of them was holding a Millennium item. And I told them-" Bakura paused for a moment and winced- "how the items were created. They acted as if they were surprised, as if they were horrified- and yet, they attacked me. They attacked me using the items, the items made from the pain and suffering of my people- they used them against me-" Bakura broke off and seemed unable to go on, his face twisting in some mixture of anger and sadness.
Instinct took over, and Mahes rushed to Bakura immediately, taking him into his arms. For the moment, Bakura allowed himself to be held. Mahes stroked his head soothingly.
"Do you know, they called me evil..." Bakura said quietly.
"They're the evil ones...you're the one trying to do right," said Mahes, burying his face into Bakura's neck.
"I had to retreat," Bakura admitted then. "They- the items were too powerful for me, even with Diabound. But I escaped. At least there's that much."
"And then you came back here?" asked Mahes.
"No," said Bakura, finally pulling away from the embrace. "I knew I had to find something that would help me- something to make me more powerful, so that I can succeed when I go back. So I went to rob another tomb, hoping to find something there. And I did...oh, yes, I did."
"What is it?" asked Mahes.
"That's what I wanted to tell you, because it's very important- not just for me, but for you, too," said Bakura.
Mahes gave him a questioning look.
"I thought the tomb would be empty of life," Bakura continued. "But there was a man in it. And he had a Millennium item. I had to kill him- I needed the item, and besides, he would have killed me if I hadn't killed him. So when he was dead, I took the item."
Bakura pulled out the item and held it in front of him so that Mahes could examine it. It was a golden ring with sharp points hanging around its edges. Mahes had only the vaguest recollection of having seen it before, long ago, when he had gone back to the palace to steal information for Bakura. But still, he knew what it was, even if he didn't really understand what it could do.
"So that's one item that is now where it belongs...with me," said Bakura. "And as much as I hate to use it, I know it can help me. It will give me power. The next time I go back to attack the palace, I'll have not only Diabound, but the power of this ring- the Millennium Ring."
"So you think you'll succeed next time?" asked Mahes. "In getting back the rest of the items from the Pharaoh's court?"
"Well, if I don't-" Bakura started. Then he seemed to change the subject. "How long has it been since I thanked you for bringing me that scroll with information on the Millennium items?"
"Never," said Mahes, smiling a bit.
Bakura smiled back. "Well, I should have, because the information I learned from it is unimaginably helpful, now that I possess an item. I know the Ring's powers- I know how to best use it to help me when I go to assault the palace a second time. And I know how it can save me if I happen to fail."
"Save you?" asked Mahes, hopeful.
"Yes...you see, the Millennium items have the power to house spirits. If things look hopeless- if I know I'm going to be defeated- then I can seal my soul inside this very Ring. Then, I won't die- my spirit will live on. You understand that I can't afford to die, Mahes- not before my quest is complete. If I die, and I'm reincarnated, I'll have no memory of my life goal. My vengeance will never be taken. But with my soul living on inside the Ring, I'll never forget. I'll know what I have to do, and I'll be able to wait for the right time to finish what I started. I'll be able to wait as long as I have to."
"But what can you do from inside...there?" asked Mahes, inclining his head towards the Ring in a questioning manner.
"That's another thing I've learned from your scroll. When someone willingly puts the Ring around his neck, then I'll be able to take over that person's body. I'll be able to speak through him, to control his movements- to do whatever I want," said Bakura. "And the Ring has the power to hone in on other Millennium items. It will lead me to the other items, and I will be able to collect them as I've always planned, using the body of whoever willingly takes this Ring."
Mahes shivered a little. "That's a bit creepy, isn't it?" he asked. "Taking over someone's body, using them against their will, like a- like a puppet- it just doesn't seem right..."
"I will do what I have to do," said Bakura adamantly.
Seeing Mahes's look of slight disapproval, Bakura continued hastily. "Besides, I won't hurt the person. It wouldn't benefit me to hurt him, anyways. I'll need his body for my purposes, so there would be no sense in damaging it."
"Alright, Bakura," said Mahes. There were many things that he'd learned to accept during his life with Bakura, and he supposed he could accept this, as well- especially if it meant that Bakura would survive. "If this can save you- keep you from dying- then it's worth it. I don't know what I'd do if you left again and you didn't come back-"
"Mahes," interrupted Bakura, "if it comes to that- if I have to save myself by sealing my soul into the Ring- I can't promise you that I'll be coming back here. I don't know how long it will take for someone worthy to get the Ring and put it on. The Ring can only be held by someone of great will. A weak person who tries to wear the Ring will die. It could be lifetimes before-"
"Lifetimes?" Mahes asked, looking horrified.
"Mahes, remember when I said that this item is of great importance to you, as well as to me?"
Mahes nodded numbly.
"Let's- let's take a walk, alright? I'll explain on the way," said Bakura.
Mahes cocked his head, his eyes questioning Bakura about the meaning of this.
"I...regret the way I left last time," Bakura finally admitted. "I want to do this differently."
That was about the closest Bakura had ever come to apologizing for anything in his entire life. So Mahes, confused though he was, agreed to Bakura's request, and they walked out of the hideout together. Ra was dipping low in the sky, and the colors of the sunset might have looked beautiful to Mahes if his mind hadn't been so very troubled. As the two walked alongside each other, Bakura reached out and grabbed Mahes's hand, and Mahes interlocked his fingers with Bakura's automatically, feeling slightly comforted by the simple contact.
After they had walked for a while, hand in hand, Bakura began to speak again.
"As I said, I can't promise I'll be coming back here. But no matter what happens, someday, even if it takes lifetimes, I'll be able to find you again. Because my spirit will be in the Ring, and I'll remember you, and I will find you in your reincarnated form."
"But- but how will you find me?" Mahes asked, forlorn and completely confused.
"All of this, I have learned from the information you stole," said Bakura. "You see, the items tend to be bound to those who were first close to them. When the members of the Pharaoh's court die, their reincarnated forms can't help but be close to the items. Now, you know as well as I do that loved family members tend to be reincarnated together. You will be reincarnated near your sister, because you two care for each other. Your sister is the first holder of the Millennium Tauk, so she will be near the Millennium items in all her lives to come. I'll use the Ring to track down the Millennium items, and where I find the items, I will eventually find you."
"Bakura!" Mahes burst out. "You're talking about leaving me alone for the rest of my life! I can't- and even if- how can I know that you'll be able to find me?"
Mahes looked near panic, and Bakura stopped walking and grabbed him by his arms. "Mahes, I've told you before that I don't make many promises, but when I do, I keep them. And I am promising you that I will always find my way back to you."
Mahes's eyes were downcast. Finally, he said, "How- how will you even know me, if I've been reincarnated into another body?"
"I will always know you," said Bakura quietly. He tilted his head back, staring at the tiny points of light just beginning to appear in the sky.
"I don't want to wait lifetimes to see you again," said Mahes in weak, resigned protest. He slipped out of Bakura's grasp, sinking down onto the ground.
Bakura sat down next to him, and Mahes felt Bakura's strong arms come up to encircle his body. "Souls are eternal. A lifetime or two is nothing," said Bakura.
"You really don't know if you're coming back for me in this lifetime, do you?" asked Mahes quietly. Bakura didn't answer. There was no need. Mahes's body began to shake, and Bakura knew that Mahes had started to cry silently.
"Shh," said Bakura, holding him tighter. "Don't think. Don't think."
Bakura tilted his head to the side and kissed the tears from Mahes's cheeks. "Don't think," he repeated again. He brushed his fingers over Mahes's face, and then leaned in and kissed Mahes's lips gently.
Soft, almost reverent kisses slowly became deeper and more passionate, and Bakura's hands began wandering. His fingers slipped underneath Mahes's robe to rub along his bare shoulders, just after his tongue had slipped into Mahes's mouth. Soon, Mahes was indeed finding it very hard to think.
And eventually, when Bakura laid him down and made love to him underneath the stars, Mahes found it completely impossible to think.
When it was over, Mahes drifted off to sleep, mentally and physically exhausted. And Bakura picked up his body and carried him back to their home, making sure to tread softly so as not to wake him up.
Back in the hideout, Bakura laid Mahes down gently on their bed. A part of him wanted to climb into bed himself and spend one more night close to his partner. But he didn't want to be there when Mahes woke up. He wanted Mahes's last memory of him to be as it was. He had already said goodbye to Mahes in the only way he knew how- in the morning there would only be fighting and awkwardness and tears when he had to leave. So he kissed Mahes gently on the forehead, and forced himself to stand up and walk away.
He left the hideout with a thief's trademark silence, knowing he wouldn't awaken his sleeping partner. Bakura was exhausted himself after all he'd been through in the last few days, but he forced himself to walk for a while before finding a place to shelter himself. Then he laid down to sleep by himself, cold and alone on the ground.
He knew what awaited him the next day, and he was ready for it- he had spent almost his entire life readying himself for it. Maybe, he thought, he would be lucky, and he could succeed and return to Mahes. And if not- well, he'd planned for that.
He hadn't told Mahes that he'd made a deal with a demon. Or that a part of the demon's soul already inhabited the Millennium Ring that he now carried. But it didn't matter. One way or another, he would have his vengeance, no matter how long it took. And then everything would be alright. Everything. He let that thought carry him to sleep. He needed rest for what was to come.
AN: I hope you liked it! Please let me know what you think!
The song lyrics at the top are in French, and they basically mean, "a life that was lost in seeking a justified revenge." I really love that song. Thanks, years of high school and college French that allow me to understand that song, yet have had virtually no other use in my life!
Stephen King is my all-time favorite author, and he often starts his chapters with short quotes or bits of song lyrics (credited, of course). I always really liked that, and I'd like to do that for some chapters of this fic. Hopefully no one finds that annoying.
Is anyone surprised to know that my favorite author is Stephen King, in light of the kind of stuff I write? I'm honestly curious.