Disclaimer: This should have been at the top of Chapter One. I do not own these characters, but they inhabit my head and occasionally pester me to write about them…
If Only…Chapter Two
Maura stacked several files on top of her computer bag. She hoped to get a lot of work done during the flight to Australia. Making a mental checklist of what she needed Maura wished to distract herself from her phone conversation with Jane.
I surprised myself, Maura thought. I left several messages for Jane and couldn't wait until she returned my calls. Then I told her I couldn't see her, thought it was for the best if we ceased communication. I don't know who was more surprised, me or her.
Maura stacked her computer bag and the files by her personal luggage near the door. The car was picking her up at 5 a.m., to make a 7 a.m. trip to Australia. She thought for a minute more, then realizing she was completely packed she went into the kitchen. She plated the leftovers from the night before and slid them into the microwave. Pouring herself a glass of wine Maura took the plate and sat down at her dining room table.
Not for the first time Maura wondered if returning to Boston had been a mistake. Ghosts of her previous life here were everywhere: some of the police officers recognized her when she'd be out shopping, doctors from the hospitals sought out her company at charity events, or she remembered different cases from the locales where the bodies were found.
Even the other evening when she passed by the closed up remains of The Dirty Robber brought back memories of her previous life. I was happy then, Maura thought. I'm not happy now, nor have I been particularly happy these past few years but I counted on having Jane in my life…Maura's thoughts trailed off. She didn't want to dredge up the past with Jane; the memories were both precious and painful.
Maura finished her dinner and washed the dishes. She cleaned out the rest of her refrigerator, throwing away any opened cartons and pouring the rest of the milk down the drain. Some of the unopened perishables were being picked up the next day by her housekeeper and donated to one of the local homeless shelters. Maura insisted on not wasting food that could be eaten safely by others.
Securing the deadbolt she retreated to her bedroom. Maura grabbed the latest financial statements dropped off by the accountant to review before morning. She purposely left the medical journals on the bottom of her coffee table. She would read those when she'd exorcised Jane Rizzoli from her mind.
Jane looked back at the newly cleaned kitchen. Jane cleaned up the kitchen from dinner and set out the cereal bowls and spoons for morning. She liked having the least amount of chaos in the kitchen in the morning, it made for a smoother start to her day.
She snapped off the kitchen light and wondered briefly what Maura was doing. The way Maura ended their phone conversation bothered Jane more than she wanted to think about. When Maura lived here before we were best friends. Our sleepovers were legendary, one of us needed the other constantly and we found excuses to have to drive over to see their friend before the next day. More often than not, I needed Maura. I couldn't sleep then, Hoyt was after me. He invaded my dreams nightly. Maura kept seeing the dark circles under my eyes and began showing up in the evening with an excuse to stay over. I don't know how many times I relaxed into her arms and sleep peacefully.
Now she doesn't want anything further to do with me, Jane thought. From best friends to acquaintances to…what? Although Jane knew she left out a step: lovers. She and Maura were lovers for a time. Jane shot herself and that changed it all.
Frankie survived, I survived, but Maura's and my relationship didn't. I couldn't handle recovering from my wounds and being open about Maura. Ma and Pop didn't have a problem with it, but I did. When Joey showed up I practically ran into his arms. We married and that was the end of Jane and Maura.
Why am I standing here like this? I have my life now, my children, a good man for a husband, why am I trying to forget Maura?
Jane had a sudden recollection of the first time Maura kissed her. Maura had attended a charity function that evening; Jane was supposed to go with her but had bowed out at the last minute. Jane knew her feelings for the medical examiner were probably one-sided but she hoped for more.
"Jane, I want you to come with me to the next Isles Foundation dinner," Maura said one day at lunch.
"You want me to embarrass you in front of your friends?" Jane asked.
"Oh, Jane, you won't embarrass me, and anyway, they're not my friends. Just some people who enjoy supporting various causes that the Isles Foundation supports."
"I have to wear a dress?" Jane's eyes narrowed. She hated dressing up.
Maura sighed. "How about a tux with a nice pair of heels?"
"Not too high of a heel, Maura, I totter."
"Fine, Jane."
The night of the benefit came and Jane dressed in the tux, slipped her feet into the heels and waited for Maura to pick her up. With twenty minutes to go before Maura was to pick her up Jane called Maura.
"I can't go," Jane said when Maura answered.
"Why not? You're dressed aren't you?"
Jane sighed. "Yes, but I don't want to go. I can't explain it, Maur. Have a good time, thank you, I'm sorry and I'll see you tomorrow."
Jane snapped shut the phone cover and went into her bedroom to change. She couldn't exactly say why she bowed out and knew Maura would be hurt, but she'd try to come up with something to explain it to Maura tomorrow morning.
Jane settled on the couch and watched a couple of videos. Just as the last one finished she heard a knock on the door. Maura waited on the other side.
"Maura, why are you here?" Jane asked. Maura was wearing a gray silk dress that hugged her curves in all the right places. Jane tried to take in how breathtaking the doctor looked while paying attention to what Maura was saying.
"Jane, I realized something tonight. I should have said something earlier but I was afraid I'd lose your friendship. I may, anyway, but I'll have to take that chance."
"What are you talking about, Maura? I'm confused."
"I was, but I'm not anymore." Maura sat down on the sofa and Jane joined her.
Maura turned to face the detective, knowing her heart and her mind were on a collision course. She was betting on her heart to win.
"When I asked you to go with me tonight, Jane, I fully intended to sit you down and explain that I wanted you to be there as my date. That's why I suggested the tuxedo. I knew you didn't want to wear a dress, you're not comfortable in them. I had every intention of introducing you as my date or as my partner."
Jane felt her jaw drop. She watched Maura, not knowing what to say. Maura watched the detective's emotions play out on her face. After a moment Maura decided to cap it all off. She leaned forward and captured Jane's lips in a kiss that was not chaste but was not too passionate. She didn't want to scare Jane off.
What Jane remembered about the kiss was Maura's face and lips coming toward her, and the softest kiss she ever knew. Jane licked her lips in remembrance.
"Janie? You coming to bed?" Joey stood at the top of the stairs.
"I'll be there in a bit. Hey, Joe, I have to leave for a minute. I forgot something," Jane said. She grabbed her keys and walked out before realizing what she was doing. She started the car and left before she changed her mind.
Maura sat the file on the bedside table and turned off the lamp. Silvery moonlight bathed her bedroom in a wonderful light and she watched the night sky from the open French doors. She turned on her right side to be better able to see the moon. It was full and looked almost like she could reach out and touch it.
Maura was too restless to sleep. She got out of bed and walked over to the French doors and glanced out. The street was quiet. She saw one of the neighborhood cats streak across the quiet street and stop to sniff the tires of a car parked across the street.
She strained her eyes to get a better look at the car. It was familiar looking to Maura. Was it-was it Jane? Maura couldn't tell who the figure was sitting behind the steering wheel but the car was too similar to Jane's to be anyone else's. She smiled.
Jane parked across the street from Maura's house and looked up at its darkened windows. She knew with a business trip to Australia Maura was probably already in bed. Jane didn't intend to disturb her anyway; she didn't know what she'd say to Maura after that phone call. For some reason tonight, after speaking with Maura and the way Maura had abruptly ended the call Jane had no desire to walk to the door and see if Maura was home. For some reason, sitting here outside of Maura's house was comfort enough.
TBC. I am now on twitter, hbCarolyn.