I'm a big BTR fan now, and throughout writing this, I've been listening to Worldwide :D. Now, I've ran to the television every time I heard the song and I noticed something! Hmm, what is it you might ask! KAMES! NICKELODEON IS SUPPORTING KAMES! I say this because? For starters, does anyone notice James's grey undershirt, and grey shoes? And Kendall's GREY jacket is clearly visible! Notice, how Carlos and Logan aren't wearing grey but off white colors? (Logan's tie which looks like two different colors don't count)...sort of in a...matching fashion? Yeah, I know they're in a band and are supposed to dress alike but STILL! DUDE *_* LOOK AT THE EVIDENCE! Oh, yeah and sorry about the double emails! :D

Day 6

I've been staring at this wall for a while. I'm starting to feel the guilt of my lashing out coming down on me; I broke one of Mama Knight's vases and something of Logan's. I fell awful, and somehow I don't feel sorry about that guy, he was acting like a whiney bitch. Carlos wanted to take me out today, but I just don't feel up to it; I feel so bad for lashing out at Kendall. I told him 'fuck you' and it was like it hurt me than it hurt him. I was going to try to walk around the house, I don't want it to be awkward; and last time Logan was doing something for a project. Maybe I'd help him with that to distract my mind, and Katie's got that new game so maybe I can play that with her. Maybe I was trying too hard to forget Kendall, I don't know. I'm going to try to be settle, and act as if I were normal, just act myself; and be normal.

J.D.

I've been staring at that wall for over 5 hours. Just staring at the painted wall, doing absolutely nothing. I sighed, and swung my legs over the bed. I stretched and went out into the living room, passing I saw Logan sitting at the kitchen table working on something. He was always the brainiac, always!

"Hey Logie" I mumbled before shuffling and plopping down on the couch.

"Hi James" He smiled at me, I looked around but no signs of Mama Knight, Katie or Carlos. As if reading my mind, Logan answered

"Well, Carlos is out walking Emerald. Mama Knight took Katie to get that new game" He answered, it made sense

"What's that?" I mumbled

"This" He began to quickly look over it "Is a structured model of a volcano" He answered. I laughed, he always have to describe thing in detail; he could never say just what it is "It's big triangle rock in ground" He spoke slowly as if I was a child

"Asshole" He chuckled

"That's the James I know. Did you write in the book today?" He asked, I nodded. What I really wanted to know was if he got a chance to talk to-

"Kendall says he's sorry" I weakly smiled

"I know" I answered, as much as I love him right now I guess, it's making me freak out that he's calling. At the ring of the house phone I jumped, and Logie light-heartedly laughed, and I stuck my tongue out at him as he answered.

"Hello, Knight Residence" I laughed, he said it so perfectly. I looked at him as I tried to figure out who he was talking to "Hey, yeah I missed you the other day" He said, okay, could be about anyone here or Kendall.

"Who is it?" I whispered, I bit down on my lip, but he just kept talking

"Yeah, yeah! So what's been going on?" He asked

"Who" I asked picking up the pillow "Is it?" I asked, throwing the pillow at him. It smacked him in his cheek, I smiled.

"Yeah. Uh…are you sure that's a good idea?" I picked up another pillow to throw at him and he quickly snatched it from me. Damn, he was fast.

"Logie! LOGIE! LOGIE!" I whispered loudly, he laughed

"Yeah, that's him" He said, I rolled my eyes

"Asshole! Who the hell is on the phone?" I whispered loudly

"Yeah, he's fine. He just wants to know who's on the phone" Logan can be so exclusive in phone conversations, he could probably have a phone call with a terrorist in a police station and they have no clue. He began walking towards me, I froze; I knew who was on the phone.

"I'm-I…"

"Just say hi, or say you're okay. Jamie he's worried, and I can't blame him, pick a safe word and whenever you say it I'll take the phone away" He said, I tugged at my bottom lip

"A safe word?" I asked, he nodded "Will you stay with me?" I asked him, he smiled and sat down next to me

"Of course I'll stay with you" I chewed my lip, thinking of a safe word "How 'bout fire?" I nodded, and offered a small smile. He handed me the phone, my hand trembled as I took it from him; it seemed as if the air got thicker.

"H-hello?" I was ready to finally talk to him; I hope.

"Hi James" I wasn't. My heart shattered and my eyes started singing as I tried to distract myself from the pain.

"Oh god" I mumbled and took a deep breath. Tears were brimming my eyes as I tried to get them not to fall "Hi" The tears slid off my face like rain. I felt Logan squeeze my hand, I sighed

"H-Hi K-Ken-dall" I said, even though I've been listening to that tape recorder a little along the lines of every day, I wasn't prepared to talk to him.

"Hi Jamie, I miss you" I smiled, Logan started rubbing my back and I sighed

"I miss y-you too" I did miss Kendall, with all my heart and there's nothing more I want than for him to be back here with me

"Did you find" He nervously laughed "Find the uh, book?" I heard a sniffle on his end, he was crying too.

"Yeah, I've write in it everyday" I wiped a few tears away on my cheeks

"James, I'm sorry. I never meant to leave you like that" I nodded even though he couldn't see me

" I know, I know Kendall" I smiled, that was the first time I said his name to him. He laughed, I could just feel him beaming through the phone

"Do you still have your dimples?" I laughed

"Do you still have your eyebrows?" He laughed

"Touché, how are you sleeping through the night?" He asked

"I uh, get nightmares here and there" To be honest, I don't think there's ever been a night where I didn't get nightmares "Make any new songs for me?" I smiled, usually Kendall was the one who made up the lyrics and sometimes Kendall and me.

"No" He nervously laughed "I've lost my muse" I smiled, some of the best songs he's wrote, Kendall said he wrote while watching me sleep. Of course I'd always blush at the statement.

"Mr. Knight, your father wants to have a word with you in his office" The voice sounded almost robotic

"Thank you" He told her, I bit into my lip hard. This is where another painful goodbye is placed, and just swept under a rug to deal with later "Jamie, I have to go. I'll call tomorrow, promise you'll talk to me?" He asked, swallowed. Did I really want to put myself through this agonizing pain?

"I promise" I had a small doubt that I was going to regret this

"And I promise to call you tomorrow. I love you Jamie" His words brought a smile to my face, and even more tears to my eyes. Logie squeezed my hand

"I love you too Kendall" I said to him, I handed Logie the phone back as I lost control and broke out in tears. Logan's hand was rubbing my back as I tried to regain my composure but it was evident that that wasn't happening anytime soon. I heard the beep of the phone as Logan leaned and pulled me into a hug

"It'll be okay James" He said and whispered more and more reassuring and comfort words. My mind was still on Kendall, he said he loved me and he promised to call me tomorrow. His voice sounded tired, I hope he wasn't overworking himself; but a few things that this proved are that I miss him. I'm not angry at him, or pissed like I was before; I can't even put into words how much it hurts to hear his voice, knowing he's so far away. I clung to Logie, and don't get me wrong, I love him like a brother, but I wanted Kendall to be comforting me at this minute. It's been 6 days, 6 days that I've been through hell, 6 days that I've been missing Kendall, 6 days of tears and sniffles and boxes of Kleenex. 6 days of Logan and Carlos and Mama Knight comforting me, 6 days of pure misery. I realized that there were two hands on me, and as I looked up, Carlos offered a smile.

"He called" I told him, he smiled

"What'd he say? What'd you guys talk about?" I wiped away a few tears as he smiled, and continued rubbing my back

"Eyebrows and dimples" I mumbled, which earned a small laugh from the boys

"Did you write in your journal today?" He asked me, I nodded "How'd it feel talking to him again?" He asked me, I laughed with shaky breaths

"Nervous, like I was going to puke. Scared, of what he'd say; I was feeling a lot of things" I said to him, Carlos smiled at me.

"How'd you feel when he said he loves you?" I laughed before I said anything else

"How do you even know that?" I asked him

"Uh, duh! It's Kendall, not some random stranger!" I laughed, and they both poked me in my cheeks

"Oww!" I exclaimed, smiling at them

"That's the cheeky smile I love!" Carlos said, I smiled and pet his helmet. I shook my head, this is why they've been my friends since Kindergarten, and since Kendall began calling me Jammy "So…." I laughed, it was so typical of Carlos!

"I thought I saw some nachos in the fridge" I said, Lolo's eye lit up with excitement and then he plopped down from jumping up

"That…was…so…cruel" He said, holding onto his dear helmet in pretend hurt

"To be honest, I was glad. It's been a tough time without hearing from him" I said, I stared down at my slit wrists; Kendall absolutely hated when I cut, and I didn't when he was around-

"AWWW! Logie it's just like a chic flick" I shook my head at my small Latino friend, as Logan laughed "And then, Kendall would come down riding a horse on the beach!" A girly shriek came from his mouth as he jumped in excitement. His hands flailing around him as he could barely contain himself

"And then you'd be like" He stood up to show us models "'Oh, Kendall come save me'" He said, putting his arms up as a damsel in distress and in a high pitched whiney voice, as Logan laughed at his lover

"And then Kendall would be all like" He spread his legs, as if he were on a horse "'I'll save you" He said in an extremely deep and husky voice, I was laughing so hard, my stomach began hurting. He flipped his imaginary long hair

"And then you'd guys would have sex on the beach and be like" There's no one like Carlos, that could make this moment even funnier "Oh James! Oh, oh, Oh" His high and shrilly voice echoed through the apartment, as he made more 'sex sounds' as he thrusted his hips

"And Kendall'd be like 'Oh James, you're so tight'" He made his voice deep and continued to thrash around thrusting his hips as I gasped for breath

"Lolo…stop" I laughed out, but he continued; even Logan was laughing. I've got great friends, who'd do absolutely anything and everything to cheer me up; especially when I really, really needed it.

"And after you two stop fucking on the horse, he'd take you to his castle, and you'd be all" God, this was getting funnier "Oh, Kendall" And he continued making more sex sounds and thrusting his hips as he very badly imitated Kendall and I in a chick flick.

"And James would be all" I tried to stop laughing as I wiped away the tears from laughter "'Oh, Kendall. I can't take anymore, stop sticking that in there you! Oh, ooohhhhh, don't stop" I heard something drop and Carlos froze as Mama Knight stood there with her jaw dropped, and Logie and I laughed harder. He nervously waved and slid down to the floor and buried his face in Logan's leg, Carlos just scarred her for life.