This story does not belong to me, neither do the characters, or anything else about the story. They belong to Cassandra Clare. [But I wish Jace did. ;)]

[AN: see if you can find The Fray lyrics in this chapter. They aren't exact to the song, but pretty close. And the lyrics don't belong to me. They belong to The Fray. Duh.]

[Jace, age 9]

'So this is where you'll be staying. Pick a room, we have lots.'

The boy, Alec, was being overly helpful. I didn't need someone to tell me where to go; I'd go and take the consequences later, but only if I couldn't charm myself out of trouble first. I turned abruptly into the first room with the door open, startling Alec. Hah. If this kid though he could be a good Shadowhunter, he was in for a wakeup call if he was getting scared by a sudden movement. I threw my bag of stuff on the bed, and looked around the room, then looking pointedly at Alec. He didn't seem to get the hint that I didn't want him in the room anymore. He looked really eager to help me, but I really didn't need his help, so I cleared my throat. He still didn't leave, but smiled and laughed nervously.

'So the kitchen is downstairs. The shower is in there, and I'll be downstairs if you need me.' He was still smiling.

'Like I'll ever need you.' I muttered, just loud enough so he could hear me. The smile dropped of his face faster than a vampire hit with holy water. I could see tears coming up in his eyes, and his hands were shaking. I tisked, and went to my stuff to put it away. Alec ran from the room, almost crying. That boy was going to not only get himself killed, but others, too. I wouldn't be one of them; I was too good to be killed. I put all my stuff away, and sat on the bed; there hadn't been much to put away. I toyed with the ring on my left hand's ring finger, thinking. It had been a gift from my father for my ninth birthday. It was a pretty thing, solid steel, with the Wayland 'W' on it and, curiously, stars. I'd never asked why the Wayland family's crest was a group of stars, but there was no way I could ask now, unless my father came back from the grave. I barked a short laugh, then clamped my hand over my mouth. Why was that funny? I should be hoping for him to come back, not finding the idea laughable, foolish, even. What didn't I care? I knew I should care, but I felt nothing. No longings for him, no regrets of things I never said. I had to clear my head. I had to go out and fight something, whatever. I grabbed my knives and hurried out of the room. I took the hall way running, looking through every door that could hold the training room. Finally, I found it, not a moment too soon. I ripped amour off the wall, knocking over a stand of feather staves in the whirlwind I was making, trying to escape the non-existent feeling.

But how could you run from something that wasn't there?

[Jace, age 13]

'Mayrse.' I called out, from the dark entrance of the library door way. 'You wanted to talk to me?'

Mayrse, standing at the table I'd gotten use to seeing with Hodge sitting behind, jumped a little. She still wasn't use to me being around I guess. 'Jonathan! You…You walk so silently. Yes, I do want to talk to you. Sit down. ' She sat down Hodge's chair, while I grabbed one of the arm chairs and lifted it over, closer to the desk. 'Now, I know you've had a hard time with everything, but Jonathan, it's almost four years, and you haven't said a word. Do you want to tell me- do you want to talk about what happened to your father?' She was very hesitant as she spoke, like I would lash out at her if she made me angry. I had done it enough to Alec and Isabelle; she had probably learned from them.

I shook my head. 'No, I don't want to talk about it. You ask me all the time. I just don't like talking about, all right?'

She quickly nodded, and held up her hands in retreat. I smiled slightly; I had power of this "mother" of mine. 'Well, if you don't want to talk about that, is there something you want to talk about? You seem….distant. Is there anything I can do to help or make you more comfortable?'

I thought for a bit, leading her on. 'Well…' She looked very relieved and hopeful, like I would actually tell her if something was bothering me. Stupid woman. I was almost thirteen; I think I had a right to be distant. Weren't all teenagers like this? Something was bothering me, but nothing I'd be telling her. 'I've been really bored lately, so you should send me on more missions.'

Mayrse smiled lightly. 'Of course,' She paused 'Can I call you John?'

Well, that came out of nowhere. She had never been obvious about not liking my name, but why this all of a sudden? 'No. My name is Jonathan, not John.'

She frowned. I guess she really wanted a nickname for me. 'What about Johnny? Jack? What's your middle name?'

Why was she so insistent about this? Mayrse seemed really in to giving people "pet names", if you will. Alec's name was really Alexander, and Isabelle was usually Izzy. I'd heard Robert being called Bert once, but that was it. Alec's father was big and imposing, like my father had been. I don't think he would condone pet names. I didn't really mind my name, so I didn't want a nickname, but might as well humor her.

'Never Johnny, and no way to Jack.' I then though about the second part of her question, about my middle name. I had though I never had a middle name, but I once come across "Jonathan Christopher" in my father's journal, I had assumed it was my middle name. ' Christopher. My middle name is Christopher.'

Mayrse's eyes glazed over. 'Jonathan Christopher? Jocelyn's child….' She shook herself out of her revive, and looked back at me. 'Well, how about I call you Jace?'

I considered it. The name brought up something, some thing was scratching it's way out, something I wanted to forget about….I tried to brush it off by trying to seem nonchalant about it, so I shrugged. 'Sure, I guess. It's better than your other suggestions.'

Mayrse immediately let out a breath of relief. She smiled and stood up. 'Well, then Jace, how about you and Alec go and deal with a demon that's been eating cats down in Brooklyn?'

I nodded, and smiled. But the more I though about it...It wasn't as bad as the other names and it had certain elegance if you will. Jace. It was only one syllable, four letters, but I liked it. It seemed to suit me much better than Jonathan ever did. But, something was off. I wanted to get excited about my new name, but I couldn't. I felt the same terrible feeling welling up as before. As much as I tried to like that name, as much as I could tell it fit, nothing would come. No feeling of acceptance, no excitement. I turned and hurried my way out of the library.

Once again, I was running from nothing.

[Jace, age 16]

'Alec, come on! You're slowing us all down!' I yelled, not nicely, to Alec, who was lagging behind Isabelle and I. He was dragging his feet and he didn't even seem alert. We might have been in an ally where the only entrances was where we were going down to, having climbed down from the roof, but he should have been watching for anything. Isabelle wasn't nearly as hard on Alec as I was, but he seemed so distracted lately. He and Isabelle were always talking about something, and he seemed terrified whenever I asked. He always came up with a transparent lie about what he was talking about and looked more frightened then a rabbit under the wheel of a semi.

Alec lifted his head. 'Sorry, Jace, I'm just really tired.' He stifled a yawn, and brushed his hair out of his face. He blinked very slowly, then 'Izzy, look out!'

I whipped around, to find the demon that we were hunting. It was slimy, and the rough shape of a cat. Its ears were tall and pointed, its paws sheathed sharp claws. A panthesin. The thing's teeth must have been four inches long and it was pouncing right at Isabelle.

I didn't even think. I jumped to intercept the demon and got there just as it was going to hit Isabelle in the face. I had gotten my dagger out, and named it in the air. I shoved it into the thing's face, right between the eyes. Its momentum, though, kept it going and it knock both of us over. The thing disintegrated into an acid, and me being on top of Isabelle, took most of it. I felt it biting at my wrists and face, but it didn't make it through the black leather all Shadowhunters wear into battle. Alec, had actually run over, so he must have been worried. He had his stele out all ready to go, but Isabelle and I made no point in moving. We were breathing into each other's faces, and her eyes were still frightened.

'Thank you Jace.' She started to almost sob. 'Thank you, thank you.'

I smiled a little, then cocked my head. My eyes were wondering, thinking, asking. Isabelle was looking at me with the same look, so I leaned in, and kissed her. Her lips tasted like vanilla lip-gloss and sweat. I pushed harder, opening her lips with mine, and slid my tongue over her teeth. She tried to pull back, but as she was on the ground, there was nowhere to move to. I felt like laughing; she was so scared, I could feel her terror. I felt like ripping her apart, destroying her, snuffing out that delicate balance that is life. She squeaked, and I felt disgusted, enough that I pulled myself away from her. I pushed myself away from her, backing against a wall. She looked scared again,more than before, and Alec looked furious.

'What the Hell was that, Jace?' He yelled. I didn't know myself. I had tried to tell myself she was my sister, that we were pretty much related, that I've been living with her for seven years. But I couldn't deny the fact that I had been harboring feeling like the ones that has just almost over taken me, for years. I could feel the same thing for Alec, but it was different and not as strong. I couldn't keep it from myself any longer; what I had just done to Isabelle was proof. I was longing, longing, for Isabelle.

She should have been like my sister, but I had been wanting her for so long. Bile rose in my throat as I recognized the fact that I wanted nothing more in this moment to kiss her until she broke. I squeezed my eyes shut, and rubbed them with the heels of my hands. I could hear Alec and Isabelle's rugged breathing, I could feel the heat coming off their bodies, I could still smell the subtle smell of demons, which, for a reason that bothered me, seemed so senses were on fire, like always, my reflexes faster than anyone's, but I paid for it with this messed up sense of feeling and emotions. Carefully, I peeled myself from the wall, walked cautiously around Alec and Isabelle, and started towards the alley's exit.

'Were are you going Jace?' I could hear the hurt in Alec's voice, but it didn't seem to be in accordance with the fact I had just kissed Isabelle. There was something else to it.

'The subway, Alec. I killed it. We're going.' I spat back, my anger tasting sharp and metallic in my mouth. Why was I angry? I wasn't angry with myself, just disgusted. Maybe I'll grow out of this. I thought to myself desperately, Maybe this is just a teenager thing. I almost managed to convince myself of that fact until I got to the subway. As soon as I sat down, and noticed one of the few demons that could blend in to the human world by changing their appearance, I felt sick again. The familiar feeling of kinship came again. It happened every time I was near or around a demon.

I waited until I was back in my room, in the Institute, until I tried to put everything together, but everything was too screwed up. My head was spinning, as I tried to sort through the feeling that had been bombarding me for years, and now, had taken over me long enough to...Kiss... soon as that hit home, that I had kissed her, really kissed her, I threw up, on the floor. Good thing it wasn't carpet. I spent the rest of the night puking my guts out, as my head kept on whirling around with all these horrible thoughts about the feelings I got when I was near Isabelle, near Alec, near anyone. But especially the feeling I got from the demons.

But I must be mistaking the feeling for something else. I couldn't be related to a demon. Could I?