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Chapter 13: You're Going To Think I'm Nuts

BPOV

My eyes drifted open contentedly after a wonderful night's sleep in Edward's t-shirt and nothing else. It was the last bit of goodness I could coax from him before he left last night. The fact that he'd even been at my house was kind of mind-boggling. Given that I'd avoided him for two weeks and owed him an apology, I certainly never expected to see him.

He was full of surprises yesterday: showing up at the dance, rescuing me from Mike, even coming back to check on me after he dropped me off. When he stood in my foyer and said he missed me, I fell to pieces. Sure, having Mike paw me was a precursor to my tears, but it was Edward's sincerity and vulnerability that did me in. Not only did he tell me that he cared about me, he showed me by being there for me, at a time when I really needed someone to lean on. I'm not even sure how he managed it, but he took my crying in stride, holding me until I calmed down, and then some.

In the midst of being held by Edward, it struck me that I was in love with him. Believing that I'd just somehow know when I was in love had always been such an obscure idea to me, but that's exactly how it happened. There was no one thing that made me sure of it; rather, a combination of so many. It was the mixture of joy and comfort I felt in his arms with the excitement of our connection and the stirrings of want. It was the understanding that I needed more than holding hands or kissing and knowing that I was ready for it. It was everything inside me and between us – nothing more, nothing less.

I also realized that despite his introversion and standoffishness, Edward wanted to be just like every other kid his age. He chose to see his curiosity about regular teenage experiences from a scientific standpoint, rather than as a desire to take part. Of course, that didn't guarantee that he'd do the right thing, but it did mean that he wasn't doing the wrong thing because he didn't care about how other people felt. He understood emotion better than he thought he did. It was boundaries that he needed to work on, and I could help him with that by being honest when he crossed a line. It was a way to show him that I cared about him, not about his mistakes.

With Edward's arms wrapped around me, I felt safe in a way that I hadn't experienced since I was a child. The difference between then and now was the ever-present lust that seemed to color my every thought. It was impossible not to be affected by the closeness of our bodies. The fact that he'd initiated it by pulling me into his lap made all the difference for me. Since he offered the comfort, I didn't feel like I was taking advantage of the situation. Perhaps I was pushing it by asking for more, but I preferred to see it as capitalizing on a rare opportunity.

If not for Izzy's unrelenting suggestions, I might never have been able to speak up about the contact I craved. My inner dominatrix wanted Edward in jeans and nothing else. She wanted to straddle him wearing thigh-high leather boots and tease his bare chest with a riding crop. Even though I couldn't imagine donning her getup or teasing Edward with BDSM garb, I understood what drove her. She embraced what she desired wholeheartedly, and she didn't let anything get in the way of obtaining it. As strange as it was, I was beginning to grasp that she was an unadulterated expression of the most erotic part of me.

Izzy had nothing to hide, and she made no apologies. I wanted to feel the freedom she reveled in. Before last night, every time Edward had touched me it was essentially a game of hide-and-seek, where I worked to keep my reaction to him a secret. I was only fooling him because he didn't want to see it; bless his little, self-absorbed heart. Now that I wasn't concerned with concealing my feelings from him, I could enjoy our connection; even use my energy to nurture it. That's where Izzy came in. By channeling her bravado, I didn't feel guilty about asking for what I wanted, and I could give of myself with the same discretion. A little bit of Izzy's humor didn't hurt either. Nothing diffused tension like laughing. So I borrowed the best parts of Izzy to get what I needed, and the payoff was some skin-to-skin affection and the unexpected stealing of second base.

~8~

Alice picked me up around eleven o'clock for our shopping trip and immediately started in on my disappearance from the dance.

"I have two words for you – Edward Cullen. Now dish!"

Nothing worked Alice into a tizzy like gossiping, although I suspected she was genuinely curious about what had happened to me. No one was supposed to know about Edward and me, and I hadn't thought about what to say if anyone asked about us. I decided to be honest but give as little information as possible.

"Mike had another can't-keep-his-hands-to-himself problem. Edward happened to walk by after Mike grabbed me, and he stepped in to help. When he saw how upset I was, he offered to take me home, so I let him."

"Did Mike hurt you?" she asked, her lighthearted enthusiasm replaced with concern.

"No, he didn't have the chance thanks to Edward."

"What an ass! It's a good thing Edward was there. Although it is kind of strange, don't you think? I'm fairly certain Edward has never gone to a dance before last night. I wonder why he went." Alice shot me a curious sideways glance, inviting me to comment.

"Maybe he was trying something new?" I hoped my invitation was the reason for his appearance, but I had no proof since he didn't approach me. It did seem more than coincidental though.

"Did you dance with him?" This was one of those times where it felt like Alice had extrasensory perception. She always seemed to know the right questions to ask – the exact ones I wanted to avoid in this case.

"No."

"Did you want to?" Yep, definitely an ESP moment for Alice.

"I didn't even know he was there until he helped me with Mike." Deflection seemed like a better tactic than lying, but Alice wasn't biting.

"Do you like him?"

That's the understatement of the century.

"It doesn't matter. He doesn't really date." My second attempt at deflection fell just as flat as my first.

"But you do like him? At least give me that. Do you really think I haven't noticed how starry-eyed you get when you say hi to him?"

"I do not," I defended, hoping she wasn't right.

"It's fine if you don't want to talk about it, but we both know you're lying through your teeth."

I'd given Edward my word about keeping our experiment between us, but did that mean I couldn't talk to my best friend about him at all? "I haven't quite figured everything out yet…" I admitted. "But there's definitely something there for me."

"Girl, we are going to find you the perfect look-what-you're-missing-out-on outfit today. Edward isn't going to know what hit him." Little did she know that he wasn't missing out on anything.

~8~

I stared at my reflection trying to decide if Alice was being honest or secretly trying to make fun of me. It's not that I thought I looked bad, but it seemed a bit over the top for me. And by over the top, I meant tiny, conspicuous and slutty.

"Ugh! I don't know about this, Alice." I yelled so she'd hear me in the living room.

"Just come down and show me again."

"Fine, but you have to be truthful," I said, as I made my way downstairs. "None of this you look cute bullshit. I want brutal honesty."

Alice was doing her best not to smile, and I was instantly self-conscious.

"I thought you said it looked good," I whined.

"It does," she whispered, looking over my shoulder. "Don't you think she looks good, Edward?"

I spun around just in time to see him blush and look down.

Alice winked and smiled at me. "I'll see you later, Bella… Edward." She nodded in his direction as she passed him and closed the door behind her, leaving me standing in front of Edward in the tiniest bikini I'd ever worn.

Do not squirm. He's going to see the goods eventually.

"Sorry," I began, realizing it wasn't exactly true. I was only sorry that I caught him off guard. I didn't really care that I was wearing so little in front of him. Edward's stunned expression triggered my nervous babbling instinct. "What I mean is, if I'd known you were down here, I would have been more…dressed. Alice and I were shopping, and I was second-guessing my purchase."

"You bought a bathing suit in February?" he asked incredulously.

"Planning ahead for spring break, in case my dad changes his mind and lets me go," I explained, walking into the living room to sit down.

God, I hope my ass looks good.

"Why buy a bathing suit you might not need?" His voice held a curious disbelief that was both childlike and ridiculously cute.

"All the good ones are gone by the time spring break rolls around." Cringing at the idea as it surfaced, I silently begged Izzy to lend me her bravado yet again. I spun around to face Edward, forcing a confident smile to my face. "Do you think it looks okay?"

"Won't you feel exposed wearing that?" His face was contorted in disapproval.

"That's kind of the point," I said, working hard to ignore the trace of antipathy in his tone. I needed to show him it was okay to look – that it was a good thing to appreciate my body. "If you want to meet someone, you've got to get them to notice you."

Notice me, damn it!

"But what sort of person are you trying to meet wearing so little?"

I paused before answering him, purposely making my answer light and comical. "I don't know… someone kind, thoughtful, with a healthy dose of tall, dark, and handsome."

Someone just like you, doofus.

"I rather think you'd be attracting just the opposite wearing that."

His comment was so matter-of-fact that it was impossible not to take personally. I turned my back to him and walked over to the window so he couldn't see my face. For once, my inability to remain unemotional was to my advantage. The window reflected the room back at me, including Edward staring intently at my ass.

"So if you saw me at the beach, you wouldn't find me attractive in this bikini?" I asked, smirking. I followed his eyes as they inspected me.

"That's not what I meant." His voice was aggravated and clipped, contradictory to what I expected from guy who was ogling a girl in a two-piece. I wished I knew what he was thinking. Guessing was confusing me.

"I know, but I'm trying to get a male's opinion." I wanted this man's evaluation in particular.

I turned around to face him, working the angle to my body's advantage.

"You look fine," he mumbled, his eyes falling to my feet.

"Fine as in perfectly adequate or fine as in amazing?" I pushed.

"Do you really need me to tell you how you look?" He was visibly angry now. I'd taken things too far and decided to quickly back off before the afternoon went down in flames.

"A girl always likes to hear when she looks pretty," I offered. "But if you don't want to give me your opinion, that's your prerogative." Feeling slightly self-conscious, I walked past him and mumbled, "I'll just go change."

EPOV

As Bella passed me, I grabbed her wrist and spun her toward me.

"Why do you always play these games?"

My question was rhetorical, and I didn't wait for her answer, pressing my lips to hers with urgency. I didn't understand my compulsion to kiss her – not where it came from or why I acted on it. She hadn't asked for a kiss or given any outward sign that she wanted one. All she'd done was ask if I thought she looked good in her bathing suit. It wasn't an impossible question, nor did it demand any kind of physical response. Why did it feel like a challenge?

I found bare skin no matter where I put my hands, and it was doing nothing to help me control myself. Finally, I grabbed the ties of her bikini bottoms and gripped them in my fists to hold her to me. We stayed like that for several minutes – my hurried, impetuous lips taking whatever Bella offered. The familiar anger bubbled up inside me once she pulled away.

"It would have been slightly easier, though not quite as much fun, to simply tell me you liked the bikini."

"That's not why I kissed you," I insisted, realizing that it wasn't entirely an honest answer.

"It's not?" she asked, looking sincerely surprised.

"Isn't that the sort of response you were looking for in regard to what you're wearing?" It was logical that if she wore the bathing suit to attract the attention of willing males, then she was expecting some kind of physical response to her body. At least it was logical to me. I wasn't positive if that was what compelled me to kiss her, but I wasn't ready to rule it out.

"No," she said softly. "I just wanted to hear that you thought I looked good. I'm sorry if I gave you the impression that I was expecting something beyond that."

I stepped back from her, sinking down onto the couch. Even if the situation had been some kind of test, I'd obviously failed it.

Bella climbed onto the couch beside me and stayed sitting on her knees, looking worriedly at me. "Can you tell me what you were thinking?"

"I was trying to understand why a woman would want to show that much of her body and thinking that I'd be uncomfortable showing that much skin."

"That makes sense. The boardshorts that guys wear are so long they're past the knee sometimes. I guess I'm more used to wearing less. Bikinis seem to get smaller and smaller each season." After a moment of hesitation, she asked, "Do you know what you were feeling?"

"I don't know," I admitted. "Frustration? I guess I felt pressured to give you some kind of a response."

"I'm sure you weren't expecting to find me in a bikini when you knocked on the door, so I can see why you might feel put on the spot. I didn't know you were down here or that you were coming over," she reminded me quietly.

"Which is why my behavior makes no sense," I concluded, angry with myself for complicating something that should have been very simple. She looked pretty in her red bikini. It shouldn't have been so difficult for me to tell her. Why did I find it so hard to verbalize that thought when kissing was clearly a more intense response?

"Maybe it's my fault," she joked. "I've been pushing you to stop thinking so much and trust your instincts."

"Clearly, my instinct here was wrong."

"Edward, relax. Don't be so hard on yourself. The situation surprised you. Why not chalk your reaction up to excess, and leave it at that?"

"I don't want you to think I can't control myself around you," I mumbled.

She put her hands on my cheeks and pulled my face toward hers. Her hands felt so soft on my skin. "Enough, okay? I don't think that. Mike has issues with his control, not you. One unexpected kiss isn't going to change my opinion about you."

"I like the way your hands feel on my cheeks," I noted distractedly.

She smiled and bent in to kiss me, her tongue inviting me to kiss her back. Her affection gifted me so much warmth, it was impossible to hold onto my negativity.

"Now we're even in the unexpected kiss department," she explained when she pulled back, laughing to lighten the mood. "We've got to stop feeling like we're doing the wrong thing all the time. We've agreed to this, so that's reason enough to justify everything we do."

I gave her a small smile of appreciation. "While your reasoning may sometimes be a mystery to me, I'm grateful for your understanding and compassion," I confessed, casting my eyes downward because I felt a little self-conscious.

"Would you like to do something today?" she asked hopefully.

"I came over to ask you to lunch, but I don't really feel like going out any longer."

"Oh," she muttered, working hard to smooth out the disappointment on her face.

"If you'd like to try out your bathing suit, maybe we could go for a swim?" I suggested, hoping I hadn't ruined the afternoon.

"I don't think the pool at the community center is open for public swimming on Saturdays."

"I meant at my house. We have a small lap pool," I told her.

"You have a pool? Like, indoors?" Her genuine surprise caught me off guard. I thought she knew. Everyone else seemed to.

"It's in the yard, but it has an enclosure so it can be used year-round," I explained.

"Let me grab my stuff." She smiled enthusiastically and headed upstairs, taking the stairs two at a time. "How do you not swim every day? I'd never get out of the thing." She spoke loudly so I would be able to hear her from the second floor.

Matching her volume, I smiled to myself and answered, "I'm in it every day. I didn't know you liked to swim."

"I love the water. It calls to me."

It was another thing about her that I hadn't anticipated. I was beginning to wonder if I knew anything about Bella at all. For someone who considered himself relatively observant, I was feeling very obtuse.

"You don't have to bring a towel." I yelled. "We have lots."

I don't know why the idea of Bella using our towels appealed to me, but it did.

~8~

"I wouldn't exactly call this small," Bella said with a snort. "It echos-os-os."

"It's the glass. You can go ahead and jump in. I'll just go get my bathing suit on."

I showed her where to change and put her things. When I got back, she was swimming under water across the pool, her long, brown hair trailing behind her, spread out in beautiful, dallying waves. I was happy to see the reappearance of the red bikini. After what happened, I didn't want her to feel self-conscious about wearing it in front of me. I watched her as she spun her body playfully and came to the surface for air. Back down she went, her tiny feet peeking out of the water before she submerged her entire body and followed along the pool floor. Her love of the water was easy to see. It brought her to life even more, if that were some how possible.

I made a shallow dive and started in on my laps. It took a little more focus than usual on my part to keep my stroke even and measured. I'd never realized that I paced myself on the noise of my hands breaking the water's surface, until I had trouble hearing the sound over Bella's splashing and giggling. I began the flip turn on my tenth lap, blindly letting my arm pull me into the beginning of my somersault. Once my feet were in position, I used the wall to propel my body forward, and as I rotated from my back to my front, I collided with Bella with considerable force.

"Are you okay? I didn't hurt you, did I?" I quickly grabbed her by the shoulders only to realize that what I thought was coughing was actually her laughing.

"I'm fine," she assured me, splashing water at my face. "I got in your way on purpose."

"Why on earth would you do that?"

"I think you forgot you were in the middle of a play date," she teased. "Who does laps when there are so many other fun things to do in a pool?"

"I guess I do," I said, laughing with her. "It's what I always do."

"Well, today you're going to do something different." Her tone and manner were so determined that I didn't dare challenge her.

"Okay. What?"

"How about Marco Polo? You're it," she squealed. "And no peeking!"

Her lightheartedness was contagious, making her impossible to refuse. She definitely had an effect on me that no other girl - no other person - had. I followed the sound of her voice and played along, calling her twice for 'fish out of water.' She insisted the rule didn't apply in such a small pool and continued to evade me. Eventually, I gave up and went to sit on the steps until Bella promised to play fairly. Fat chance.

"Let's play another game then. How about tag?" she suggested, bouncing up and down on the balls of her feet while she waited for me to answer.

"It's not safe to run on the pool deck. We'll slip."

"Okay. We'll swim the length of the pool, get out and run-walk back to the starting line. First one to complete three laps wins."

"Deal!"

I had Bella beat by an entire circuit and watched her swim her last pool length. She walked back to me with a pout on her face.

"You cheated. Your legs are like the size of my whole body. I should have had a head start or something."

"It's all in good fun when you can win, but everyone's a cheater when you can't," I teased.

"Best two out of three. We could see who can hold their breath the longest?"

I beat her by twenty-two seconds. She accused me of having gills. She was really pouting, now. Her mouth would have been almost adorable if it hadn't been so funny.

"Do you have a boogie board?" she asked.

I pointed to the deck box in the corner, and she retrieved it.

"Okay, this game determines the winner," Bella explained. "You have to throw the boogie board in and then try to jump on it. To win, you have to be able to stay standing."

"That's insane. The pool is barely four feet deep. It's too easy to fall and hit your head."

"Are you forfeiting?" she goaded.

"How is it forfeiting? I won every game but the one you cheated at."

"You cheated at every game you won," she said with a laugh. "And if you won't accept the challenge then I win by default. This is an all or nothing proposition."

"I'm going to soak in the hot tub. Have fun," I told her.

I watched as she tried her own challenge six or seven times, never managing to stay standing for more than a fraction of a second. On her last attempt, the board shot out from underneath her, and she flipped back but didn't come up. In a panic, I rushed in after her. She was floating face down by the time I got to her. I rolled her quickly but carefully on to her back.

"Bella, can you hear me?" I asked.

She smirked and opened her eyes.

"You're such an easy mark." She could barely talk through her giggling.

I dunked her under the water in retribution and went back to the hot tub. She came to sit with me after she coughed the water out of her lungs.

"You're lucky you were faking it. You would have owed me for saving you three times," I joked.

"You wouldn't play the boogie board game. I had to secure my victory somehow."

"But, Bella, you are the winner. You're the biggest cheater of the day."

"Well, at least there's that," she said with a grin. She splashed me and laughed. After a few moments, she slid over and leaned against me. "There's something I wanted to talk to you about."

The shift in her mood was palpable, and the sudden disappearance of her lightness left me feeling apprehensive. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, everything's fine. I was just thinking about what happened earlier."

"I'm really sorry for how I acted, Bella. I know you said to forget it, but I want to make it clear that I respect you. I never want to treat you in a way that hurts your feelings or makes you uncomfortable."

"I know," she said quietly, looking down. "I feel the same way about you, and that's why I wanted to talk to you about how we're doing things. What happened between us last night was sort of a function of Mike's shitty actions, and no offense, but I really don't want to have to go through that kind of grief to advance things between us." She laughed, trying to disguise her statement as a joke, but it really wasn't funny. There was no excuse for what Mike had done to her, and I certainly didn't want her to have to experience anything like that again.

"Did you have something in mind?" I was sure she must. She'd obviously been thinking about things.

"Sort of…" Her voice was hushed as a scarlet blush slowly crept along her cheeks. "You're going to think I'm nuts."

"I won't," I promised. "I think you've done a really tremendous job guiding us so far. I know I haven't said much about it, and I apologize for that. I'm not very good at communicating to begin with, and I get kind of caught up in my own thoughts. I'm trying very hard to understand each thing you tell me and apply it every time we're together. I wouldn't be able to do any of this without you."

"Sure you would," she encouraged. "You're a really great guy, Edward. I don't think I'm doing much besides helping you stay relaxed."

"You're wrong. You have the patience of a saint. Probably the kindness of one, too. Honestly, Bella, the courage and understanding you've shown is… well, it's beyond words. I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that you have our best interests at heart, and that's why I would never think you're nuts. Besides, considering this experiment was my suggestion, I think I pretty much have the market cornered on insane ideas."

She looked up at me and smiled, staring into my eyes with an expression I didn't recognize. There was a hint of happiness there, but something else I couldn't place. I smiled back at her. She looked away suddenly and closed her eyes. She kept them closed while she spoke, and a new round of blushing began.

"How often do you masturbate?"

"Umm…" I hesitated, not out of embarrassment but self-preservation. I didn't want to give her more information than what she was looking for. "Routinely."

"I like the way you put that." She giggled softly at my choice of words. After a moment, she smoothed out her expression and took a deep breath. All trace of humor was gone from her voice when she spoke again. "Up to now, I've used personal experience to guide us, but touching someone else is foreign territory for me. For that matter, so is having someone touch me. Since we both masturbate routinely, we each have a pretty good idea of what feels good. The problem is conveying it to one another. Don't get me wrong, I know we're capable of the whole a-little-to-the-left, faster, harder, slower, softer thing. I'm just not sure it's the right approach for us. If we're fumbling around, it could lead to an awkward or uncomfortable situation. I really want this experience to be positive for both of us. I mean, that's the whole point of it, right?"

"You've certainly been able to keep the awkwardness to a minimum so far, although I think a certain amount is to be expected, given the circumstances. I imagine even a conventional couple must go through some degree of self-consciousness and incompetence as their physical relationship progresses."

"Their insecurities don't come in to play in the same way ours will," she insisted. "Sex is an expression of emotions for a couple, and the feelings they have for one another help to override the awkwardness. I'm talking about intention here."

Knowing this was a point of contention for her, I felt compelled to allay her worries. "I disagree. Diffidence is diffidence, at least in a new situation. And we aren't without intention. I would like to learn the process, and we'd both like to enjoy the physical pleasure. Isn't that enough?"

"I don't know. Couples have physical attraction going for them, as well as a desire to please their partner. Both things drive their arousal."

I hesitated for a moment, considering her viewpoint and trying to discern what her strongest misgiving might be. "Arousal is driven by many things – words, sight, physical touch – so I don't think it will be a problem for us. I'm not denying that love may play a role in arousal, just that it plays the only role. We simply have to capitalize on what works for us. As far as physical attraction and a desire to please a partner, I believe we possess those things."

"We do?" she asked, surprise etched on her features.

"Well, speaking for myself, I earnestly want you to feel good when I touch you. I think you deserve to find the fulfillment you're looking for, if for no other reason than the great personal sacrifice you've made by helping me. And as far as attraction-"

She raised her hand to stop me, shaking her head fiercely. "Don't say it, Edward. I was trying to make a point about the differences between our situation and that of a normal couple, not asking you to bullshit me."

I laughed at her assumption. She knew me better than to think I'd say something I didn't mean, let alone just to make someone feel better. "And I was simply pointing out that things aren't as bleak as you're making them out to be. You're a very pretty girl. It's not a difficult thing to understand how someone would be attracted to you."

"And if attraction were transferable, we'd be good to go. Since it isn't, the lack of it may hinder our attempts."

"So you think we'll fail?" I was beginning to wonder if her reservations with the challenges of the experiment had become so great that she was trying to find a way to pull the plug on the entire thing.

"More that we're setting the bar pretty high, which is why I don't think fumbling around is the best approach. I'd like to remove as many impediments as possible to help us achieve success."

"You sound like me now," I noted with a laugh, trying to hide my relief that I'd been wrong about Bella's motivations.

"Uh-oh. You know I've been hanging around with you too long if I'm beginning to think like you." I rather liked the idea of us thinking along the same lines. It would make things between us easier.

"So how do you suggest we proceed?"

"This is the crazy part, the one I warned you about before." She squirmed uncomfortably beside me, taking so long to speak that I was beginning to think she'd changed her mind about telling me. "I thought that we should take turns watching the other person… masturbate."

My mouth fell open in shock as I stared at her. I thought I was prepared for crazy, but her suggestion was not was I was expecting, at all. It was a giant leap forward, one I hadn't considered taking all at once.

"But we haven't even seen each other naked…" I blurted. "We…"

"I thought by doing it this way, we'd be pouring out all of our insecurities into one big, gooey blob and getting them over with." She looked up at me suddenly, meeting my gaze with fierce determination. "I don't think we should touch each other. I'm talking spectator sport here. You've seen me in a bikini. Naked is not that big a step away, in theory, but in actuality, it's a huge step. It brings up all kinds of anxiety – are my boobs big enough? Does my ass look okay? Am I sexy enough? Can I turn a guy on? Anyway, you get the picture. If we do it all at once, it will be like ripping a bandage off – one giant pain followed by relief."

I knew she was looking at me, but I couldn't meet her eyes. A flood of thoughts deluged my brain, among them the fact that she was rambling and that it was probably in my best interest not to point it out. I opened my mouth to dispute what she'd said three or four different times, but each time I closed it. Regardless of how enormous her idea was, she was right.

"Okay."

"Okay?" she repeated incredulously. Wide-eyed and shocked, she stared at me, waiting for me to change my mind, I supposed.

"I'll do it. I'll even go first if you like." I turned toward her and smiled, to prove I was serious.

"You will?" She must have expected me to say no. I had no other explanation for the confused look on her face.

"This is exactly what you said. We don't want one of us to have to endure trauma to advance things between us. Seeing each other nude or even semi-nude is a big step, no matter how slowly we work up to it. There is bound to be some anxiety and self-consciousness. Better we get it over with than ignore the elephant in the room. That way it won't impede us."

"Are you sure?" She was giving me a chance to reconsider; at least I think that's what she was doing. She had the strangest expression on her face.

"Quite sure. I need to take a shower anyway. Since that's where I normally do it, I'll leave the curtain open so you can watch me."

"You make it sound simple." Her voice was so quiet that I had to wonder what she was thinking. For once, we agreed about something, yet my answer seemed to confound her more than anything else.

"It's not simple, but it doesn't have to be complicated. And it's the next step, so it's kind of like I'm taking one for the team." I grinned at her, hoping she'd appreciate my baseball idiom.

"Sports humor? Seriously? Now you sound like me, and that definitely means we're spending too much time together," she teased, her bewildered expression finally giving way to a smile.

"You shouldn't always have to be the one to go first." She blushed and looked away from me, embarrassed by my sentiment. But it was true. She'd done so much. This was the least I could do.

I reached back to get a towel and offered it to Bella, then grabbed a second one for me. There was no time like the present to get this over with. I was already hard from the masturbation discussion. The idea of touching myself while Bella watched turned me on even more. I wasn't sure why, only that it seemed even more exciting. I wrapped the towel around my hips much lower than I normally would have, hoping to conceal the evidence of my arousal – not that she didn't expect it or wouldn't see it with her own eyes in a couple of minutes. I'm sure it was as plain to her as hers was to me. The water we sat in was one hundred and two degrees. Her nipples weren't erect because she was cold. No, we were both appropriately aroused, and I suppose in some strange way, it made what we were about to do easier to accept.

At least it did for me.

A/N: A chapter's got to end somewhere, doesn't it? Should I prepare to be pelted by tomatoes?

Do you think Bella went too far in initiating Intro to Boobs 101 , if I can borrow the phrase from Mugglemom08 . (You don't mind, do ya hun?) Was it manipulating a situation or capitalizing on an opportunity? Was she right to allude to her feelings for Edward to Alice? And on the topic of Alice, nice move on getting Bella to come down in her bikini... or was it? Was it fair to Edward? To Bella?

Was Edward's reaction to the bikini expected by you guys?

Anyone suddenly want to play Marco Polo? I do. Marco...

And now we move onto the hot tub conversation. "How often do you masturbate?" is currently my favourite Bella question ever. Edward's answer was... (fill in the blank in your review :D) I think it was awesome - honest and witty without really meaning to be. Did his willingness to take the big jump forward surprise you? What do you think will happen in the next chapter?

I would love to hear your thoughts. Click that review button and share them with me! Until next time.