Twilight: Impossible Destiny
Suzanne - Leonard Cohen
Suzanne takes you down to her place near the river
You can hear the boats go by
You can spend the night beside her
And you know that she's half crazy
But that's why you want to be there
And she feeds you tea and oranges
That come all the way from China
And just when you mean to tell her
That you have no love to give her
Then she gets you on her wavelength
And she lets the river answer
That you've always been her lover
And you want to travel with her
And you want to travel blind
And you know that she will trust you
For you've touched her perfect body with your mind.
And Jesus was a sailor
When he walked upon the water
And he spent a long time watching
From his lonely wooden tower
And when he knew for certain
Only drowning men could see him
He said "All men will be sailors then
Until the sea shall free them"
But he himself was broken
Long before the sky would open
Forsaken, almost human
He sank beneath your wisdom like a stone
And you want to travel with him
And you want to travel blind
And you think maybe you'll trust him
For he's touched your perfect body with his mind.
Now Suzanne takes your hand
And she leads you to the river
She is wearing rags and feathers
From Salvation Army counters
And the sun pours down like honey
On our lady of the harbour
And she shows you where to look
Among the garbage and the flowers
There are heroes in the seaweed
There are children in the morning
They are leaning out for love
And they will lean that way forever
While Suzanne holds the mirror
And you want to travel with her
And you want to travel blind
And you know that you can trust her
For she's touched your perfect body with her mind.
Chapter 5: Alterity
EPOV 5
I listened to her as I looked into her eyes and I felt I had known her forever. And the words she was telling me were saying just what I was thinking and feeling. Yes I knew she was right. I knew her right away. There wasn't even time for me to say hello, would you like to go to dinner with me. Or take a walk with her through the alleys of Venice. No, there was no time at all. I had to make her mine immediately.
"I read a novel once and I kept reading one part over and over until I could never forget it. And I didn't know why I had to do that, I just did. And now I know. So I can tell it to you right now. It was written by Marguerite Duras.
In the novel the captain of a yacht and his wife sail from port to port, stopping only briefly at places they have been before. They have been very much in love, but she keeps a secret from him about another man she only spent one hour with. A man who read her poetry and loved it. And in that one hour that she speaks with him, she falls in love with him. And says this to him":
"I wanted to tell you what I think, which is that … one always ought to keep oneself a ... place, yes, that's the word, a private place, where one can be alone and love. To love one knows not what, nor whom, nor how, nor for how long. To love... now all the words are suddenly coming back... To set aside a place inside oneself to wait, you never know, to wait for a love, perhaps for a love without a person attached to it yet, but for that and only that. For love. I wanted to tell you you were what I had waited for. You alone became the outer surface of my life, the side I never see, and you will be that, the unknown part of me, until I die. "
"And that is what I want you to know right now. That I have been waiting for you, waiting it seems like forever. I knew I would never stop waiting. And as soon as I gazed at you, I knew I had to have you. And that I could not wait another second, no matter what the consequences.
It felt like madness but I couldn't have stopped if the building were burning down on us. If it had happened when the Twin Towers were hit, it would have been the same. That's the level of madness I felt when I saw you.
So yes, I believe what you say. I have no idea what to do about it, but right now I don't care. I just need to have you again and this time I am going to savor you. For a very long time."
And I began to kiss her softly, then more urgently, then insistently, cruelly because I couldn't get enough of her. I couldn't stop and I would have gone on all night but her hands reminded me I had other parts of me besides my lips and mouth and they began to demand my attention.
I strained against her, then touched her everywhere and then after I had finished with her mouth, her breasts, her thighs, her hot center, I began the journey all over again.
My mouth was on her body and moved of its own accord, drinking her, devouring her, demanding her, never stopping, my hands between her legs, my body crushing her beneath me, then lifting up and pulling her over and I couldn't get enough of all this touching and eating her skin, hair, ears, hands, feet, breasts, and I knew if I began eating her folds and entrance I would never stop so I began tasting her, sucking her, smelling her until I was driven mad again and couldn't be tender any longer.
I was starving for her, hungry as I had never been for food, desperate for her, to be in her and I groaned and entered her again, slowly at first then harder, until I was frantic with desire, unable to stop and I slammed into her again and again until she screamed my name over and over.
And she tensed, held her breath, tried to stop but couldn't and began to tremble and convulse against me and I pounded into her harder and harder until I gave up and let everything go into her moaning and crying out and holding her so hard I thought I might break all her bones.
"You're mine now. You're mine. You're mine and no one else's. And I will kill you too if I see you, hear you, imagine you ever touching anyone else again the way you touch me. You're mine! I grabbed her throat and knifed her eyes and threatened her with murder if she ever even thought of anyone else. "
My god what is going on with me. She laughed about this, but I cannot even smile about it. I am dead serious. She's mine, mine and no one else's.
Everyone seems to stop here and not go on. I am wondering why.