DISCLAIMER: Stephanie Meyer owns everything; We just have an overly active imagination.
ATTENTION:This story's theme is rape. In this chapter there are some tiny miniscule limes.
A/N:Thank you to all you wonderful readers who read and reviewed! We love you all.
Special thanks to my Betas: you two are great, and you put up with all my crazy writing ideas, and somehow make them better, and am still are willing to except my next chapter at the end of the day.
Saccharine Sin: I love you girl! We've been friends since… well, forever! I can't thank you enough for everything.
Songster: Thanks for joining out team here. Your ideas were great, and I look forward to more of them.
Now enjoy my next installment!
Tortured Soul
Bella's POV
"Bella, you have to wake up, honey – it's nearly 10:00." I could hear the urgency in his voice, but I couldn't bring myself to act on it. I had finally gotten to sleep no more than two hours ago. Neither of the children had been very cooperative last night and fussed and fussed forhours.
"What is so criminal about sleeping until ten o'clock? I'm exhausted!"
"Darling, I can't feed Nicholas and Natalie – that is what's urgent. They have both been crying for fifteen minutes straight. I swear they understand what I'm saying, because they only quieted down when I said I was going to get you. I have checked and changed their diapers and tried just about every toy in their nursery. Nothing is working - they wantyou!"
Sigh.The absolute jobs of being a mother and there are many joys, but this is a job. Not that I could ever complain my two little angels were my life.
"I'm getting up, Edward, just give me a minute…"
"They are hungrynow."
I very rarely ever got irritated at my husband, but when running on just a few hours of sleep my patience got a little frayed at times.
"Edward, when you have had not one but two infant children that are going to be attached to your breasts, sucking stuff out of you when you haven't been coherent for more than two minutes, tell me about it some time. In the meantime, just give me a few moments to wake up!" I gritted my teeth as I attempted to pry myself away from my lovely feather pillow. At least the man had the decency to look a tad sheepish.
"I'm sorry Bella… I-I just didn't get any sleep last night."
What? Edward talked about my ability to sleep through anything, but the man could sleep in the middle of the street with trucks roaring by! Between the two of us, he was the one who managed to get the most sleep!
"Did something happen? You know I would have helped you." Even ever so slightly miffed, I couldn't help worrying. I would always love him no matter how much I missed the coffee and the resulting caffeine that he refused to let me have until the twins were weaned.
"It was only partly the twins. My law partners wanted me to look up a few things for them on clients that had been exclusively mine, and they needed it done ASAP. I just needed to get that done while everyone else was asleep." He tried and failed miserably to hide a big yawn.
"Edward, you are supposed to have two weeks completely off, then two weeks working from home! Isn't anybody else you work with capable of doing anything? They are not the ones who are up at all hours with newborns; you really need your rest." I worried about him when he insisted he could burn the candle from both ends. Still, day after day, he got calls from his law partners and employees complaining how nothing was going smoothly. Well, I had news for them – nothing was going smoothlyhereeither. Have them get off their bachelor behinds and care for twins someday. That sure as hell makes the morning after a one-night stand look much easier to deal with.
"I see… Well, you get some sleep and I'll see to these two famished children we have on our hands. Make sure about the sleep – you look like you could use a lot of it." The two of us were single handedly going to bring dark circles under the eyes into fashion.
"You don't look any better."
"Hmph! Is that something to say to your bride before she has had a chance to beautify herself or even get dressed? Goodness gracious, my husband, you have so little understanding. Really, Edward, I got a few hours of sleep. I'm fine – it's called being the parents of twins. I love you, see you when you come out of hibernation."
"Hibernation as in a couple of hours, and without you?"
"Ever so true, so you better make your two or three hours and counting last as long as you can." I knew Edward didn't like the fact that the twins took up a lot of our time. He loved them so very much, but I knew he loved me too, and wanted to show it every now and again. I about laughed myself silly yesterday when I was changing Natalie and Edward was carrying around Nicholas and he just came out and told him he was the biggest little cock-blocker he had ever heard of. As if the poor child even knew what he was saying. "Darling, trust me, I crave that chiseled chest of yours every day," I said, putting on my best mock-seductive look. I could pretend that the man had worked out a day in his life, but I don't think a flatter chest could be found anywhere. However, I wouldwanthim no matter what he looked like even today when was sporting a few days of stubble and slept-in clothes.
"Chiseled chest, eh? What about you Mrs. Double D's?" He could always make me laugh. Double D's my ass – it was more like double A's. Even while pregnant, I would never be mistaken for anything but very average in that area.
"You got that right; I don't think even being as insanely pregnant as I was could ever make a woman that greatly endowed… when she didn't have it to begin with."
"Bella, waiting the five years until they are in school seems like an awfully long time to wait to get some."
"Edward, I would jump you right in the middle of the frozen foods aisle of the supermarket if I had to wait five years. Trust me, baby, we will find time – even if we have to make it a quickie on the kitchen counter, we will find time. After all, I think you might die of blue balls if you have to wait that long." I couldn't help but smirk; ithadbeen a long two weeks since we brought home Nick and Nattie… for the both of us.
'Newborns normally sleep most of the day' my ass, Dr. Know-it-all! That's what my doctor said before we left the hospital after my release. They might have been supposed to do that, but as of the last two weeks they had not. All hours of the day or night they would wake up crying and wanting attention or to be fed or changed. If it got any worse, I don't know what we would do. I never saw him anymore since we started sleeping and caring in shifts. The times like these – as he was coming to bed and I was getting up – were the only times we had together.
"Good God, baby, do you have any idea of the mental images you just gave me? Bella, the twins can't wait, I know, but just come right back. I need you sleeping next to me." He had just been reduced to whining. Whining with a smile on his face, but I knew he was serious. I couldn't say I didn't see it coming.
I hadn't had the easiest delivery. There was some mild tearing and I had to have a few stitches. It wasn't comfortable at all, even now. I tried to explain it to him beforehand, but I don't think he believed me, but after seeing the birth I think he got the picture very well.
The first week after we came home he didn't even want me to walk or do anything. He was still reeling from witnessing the whole thing. He told me it wasn't something he would want to go through again soon. As if he actually did anything but watch.Iwas the one who was in hard labor for a day and half bringing his son and daughter into this world. I may have been in the worst pain of my life, but I do distinctly remember him standing there look ghostly pale like he was about to hit the floor passed out cold at any moment.
"Ha, as you said earlier I need to see to our children at the moment. Edward! Whatever has gotten into you?" I asked, even though I knew very well what.
"No sex." Yes, andeverybodywas sure to know it before long.
"That simple, huh? Now, you get rest and we'll see about everything else… in few more weeks." Kissing my husband a sort of goodnight, I scurried out of the room snickering on my way to the nursery. Doctor's orders… and mine, and he knew it. There was no way anything was happening to this body any time soon.
There was nothing in this world that could ever be compared to a child of your own. You don't think you have enough room in your heart to love them more, but every second you are with them you find more room.
Sure enough, they were fussing together in Nick's crib. Edward really must have been trying everything if he even put them in the same crib. The doctors had said the twins would want to be together more than most infants. They loved to snuggle and play together even being so young. Even the physicians said they were unusually active for infants their size. How fortunate we were to get energetic children indouble doses.
"Hello, my sweets, Daddy told me you two were hungry." Just with the sound of my voice, Nicholas, the oldest by about two hours, voiced his opinion that indeed he was ready for food. The difference in their two personalities was profound. Nicholas was rambunctious and very vocal in what he wanted. Natalie, on the other hand, was quiet and shy. It is definitely going to be amazing to see them grow and develop into their own people. Nicholas is Edward's pride and joy. He carts him around everywhere and tells him everything. The time that I get to even hold him is scarce. Natalie, though, is adorable, yet in all reality they both are.
"I know, Nicholas, I know you want food first, you growing boy. You haven't listened to Daddy talk about ladies first yet. You will though. You see Daddy opens doors and pushes in chairs, and anything Mamma could ever need, he does. I'm sure he will teach you everything he knows. Of course I saw you having a ball with Grandpa Carlisle, when Grandpa Charlie finally handed you over, learning all about his doctor stuff. Especially that stethoscope you thought was just so cool, didn't you?"
I had now been nursing for a week and a half now, and still it was an unusual feeling to experience. I didn't think it would be, since there had been many times Edward himself would plant himself there and not want to come up for air. However, nursing a child was so different, the milk coming in and then being drawn out by their tiny lips was so… motherly. It was a beautiful thing to see even if I occasionally had Edward laughing at how Nicholas was a very messy guzzler, while Nattie was all prim and proper. He loved to watch them, and just be with them no matter what they were doing. For that, I was glad. I didn't want him to be aloof; I wanted him down on the floor playing with them. Edward hasn't disappointed, yet, and I knew he never would.
With full little tummies my little Cullens fell asleep in a crib curled up together. Since they would be wide-awake in a couple of hours at best, I was in desperate need of some breakfast. Before heading down the stairs, I spared a quick look in our bedroom.
Edward was asleep for the first time in who knows how long; I wouldn't dare wake him up now. I would make something later when he was among the living again. I loved watching him sleep. He got this adorable little pouty expression that made you want to skip over and kiss him good and hard. Natalie had inherited the sweet sleeping face… it couldn't be healthy for me to be surrounded by so many gorgeous beings all in the same house.
I stood in front of the refrigerator for a few minutes rocking my head from side to side looking at my options. I really needed to get to the grocery store soon. I sang some Lady Gaga to myself while I whipped up some lovely cheesy eggs with peppers and onions and cubed ham with a good dousing of hot sauce. During my pregnancy, I nearly killed Edward with my newfound taste for everything spicy. There would be some dinners where I would be devouring some dish I created and I would look up to see him chugging his water and sweating while staring at me wondering how I could eat it and think it was delicious.
My mouth was watering and I hadn't even tasted it. This better be fantastic. We had been living on cereal and everything frozen for a while now. I had gone through morning sickness that thankfully passed, but during that time Edward had gotten a preview of the meals he would be responsible for once I got closer to my due date, and came home from the hospital. This was the first thing that I had cooked in weeks. It felt good to get back into a version of my daily routine. A lovely home cooked breakfast was a luxury I had definitely missed. I was just about ready to put some of it on a plate for myself when two arms came around me from behind nearly causing me to dump my delicious creation and burn myself in the process.
"Jesus, Edward! What on God's name are you doing up? You are supposed to be sleeping! You scared me half to death. What do you want?" I was sleep deprived, hungry, and was ready to dig into my food. I was in the sourest mood I had been in yet.
"Only because I am starved and this smells fantastic even all the way upstairs, am I not ticked by that little rant after so few hours of sleep. Sorry for scaring you, I wouldn't have wanted to wait for more eggs. I love your cooking! I have missed it so much! Mine never tastes as good even with you sitting right there telling me just what to do. I think it's all the love you have for me oozing out into the dish you created." He was always so silly, but ugh! The man could be so infuriating, yet somehow I still loved him. Looking at him smiling like the cat that ate the canary, I couldn't take it. So, I just shoved the plate of eggs that had been intended for me at him and turned to get yet another plate. Truth be told, I didn't know what was going on with me. My moods were still out of whack. I could be happy one moment then irritated beyond belief the next. My hormones were all I could think it could be. Of the two of us,Iwas normally the calm and reasonable one.
"What are you doing up? I checked on you before I came downstairs. You were sleeping very peacefully, and dare I say snoring quietly when I left to make breakfast." He still had dark circles under his eyes so I knew full well he hadn't gotten enough sleep. He just shrugged his shoulders and continued eating.
Sitting down at the table after a few bites of food in me and a giant drag of OJ, I was ready to be rational. "I'm sorry, honey, for snapping at you." With a mouthful of eggs he waved me off as nothing happened to continue forking food into his mouth. Most meal times I wondered if Esme ever taught him any table manners. "I got Nick and Nattie to fall asleep; like you said, they were just hungry. They should be down for about two, two and a half hours." Going for another forkful while eyeing some toast and jelly Edward had brought out, I heard a fork clank to a plate. He must be finished already; the man could put away food like I never fed him.
"If you think I am wasting these precious two hours, you are so very wrong. If you're not done, then bring it with you." He was already standing next to my chair expecting immediate action of some kind with that crooked grin plastered across his face. I was still eating! The last thing I had gotten in my system was a bowl of soup at dinner and all that was left of it had just gone into two infants! There was no way my butt was leaving this chair unless he wanted to get stabbed with the fork in my hand.
It was so hard to resist him when he got that adorable little grin on his face. I don't know what I am ever going to do if the twins inherit it; I will be doomed to never get my way ever again.
However I was not backing down when food was in question even if I was almost done. "What on earth are you talking about? I amnotdone yet, and I have every intention of finishing it here, thank you very much." Mid-reach for the jelly, my chair was yanked back from the table and I was no longer sitting in it but had been thrown over my husband's shoulder, a full six feet from the ground or thereabouts.He had started for the stairs with an extra spring in his step despite my added weight.
I may not have liked being drug away from the last bite of my breakfast, but this sounded so much better. Being able to be in my husband's arms without a baby to feed, cries to be comforted, or a diaper to change sounded amazing.
"Actually making it to bed are we? I thought the kitchen counter was going to see some action before we ever made it up there." He chuckled deep within his throat. He knew very well he couldn't carry out that plan.
"We, my love, have two hours to spend however we choose, and I, my dear, have just chosen. We are going back to bed. I'm exhausted, you're exhausted, and rest sounds heavenly to me.
I was gently laid on my side of the bed and he pulled the blankets up around me before sliding himself in next to me. He went to wrap his arms around me as I rolled over to face him. He was just settling himself into his pillow to go back to sleep.
I, however, wasn't ready to trade in the real Edward I had before me for the one of my dreams… not quite yet. Tilting my head up to look into his sleepy eyes, there was nothing I wanted to do more than kiss those pouty lips of his. In return I got a surprised moan and a little jump. I had a smile on my face before I could even focus in on his wide eyes.
Edward had both his hands on either side of my face demanding my attention. I didn't understand his change in mood. It was just a kiss; I just wanted to be close to him.
"Bella, you know I was just kidding earlier… well I wasn't really kidding, but I uh- I know that you- we can't. I just… I love you honey. We can just rest, sweetie, okay?" That explained it. He thought for some reason I was taking our morning banter seriously. If there is anyone in this house who is a bit sore it is me, I know good and well the doctor was serious when she said a minimum of two months until sex.
Brushing the hair out of my face, he tried to make me lay back down beside him. I may not want what he was thinking of… not yet, but this is the first time since the twins came home that they are both sleeping at the same time. I just want to be with him.
"Edward." He knew that voice, and the raised eyebrow I gave him. All women were taught the skill from their mother, and I was looking forward to teaching it to my Natalie. "Don't think I don't know that. Two weeks ago I pushed two babies the size of two small watermelons out a lemon-sized hole. I know we can't." Sometimes I wondered what went on this that brain of his. Was this something that all wives dealt with? Was this a male species trait? How did he become one of the best lawyers in the state? "Honey, can't I just kiss you and lay with you 'til we can't stay awake anymore?"
He was quiet for a few moments just rubbing his hands up and down my shoulders. He thought about it, I'm sure contemplating on how long of a cold shower he was going to have to take this time. Ever since my doctor implemented the no sex rule, his showers had gotten longer and when I would go in to take mine there wasn't one cloud of steam. I guess the water heater was getting a break for the time being.
He loved being a father; he showed that every day that he treasure being with them. These first few months until we find a routine and get back to a normal rhythm of things is hardest. I could see the war going on behind his eyes, a war I was full bent on winning.
I pressed another lingering kiss to his lips. I knew as another moan escaped from him and his arms came to wrap around my waste I had got him. Here I was tired as ever with dark circles under my eyes, sore in all the wrong places, and he still wanted me like I wanted him. I would love this man till the day I die.
"Damn, you are beautiful." He could still make me blush. He would say something or do something to set my face ablaze. I always knew he meant it when he said such things – you could see it in his eyes. I felt beautiful when I was with him even if I was heading well into twenty-four hours without a chance to have showered. I felt beautiful even though my hips and abdomen were still carrying a few of the extra baby pounds I'd gained. I didn't have a speck of makeup on, but Edward made me feel like a goddess worthy of his love and affections.
Edward didn't even bother to look up from his fervent kisses down my neck. I felt the smile on his lips. He was happy to have a few minutes with just the two of us.
He had started to work on the row of buttons closing the front of my shirt. Yes, he was going to need another one of those long showers when he was done. The flesh he uncovered there quickly being covered in saliva from kisses. Only when he wanted something really bad did he get messy. Something his son must have inherited from him. I couldn't help but smile; they were so much a like, our son and Edward in so many ways.
"Edward…" He always brought on my inability to think straight. I think it fueled his ego more than anything. Being able to take an educated woman to unfinished sentences and single words.
"God, baby, I love it when you don't wear one of those awful bras. You don't ever have to wear one again… and these," Edward moved his hands down to the panties he had uncovered when discarding his shirt I had been wearing, "these little things right here are some of the sexiest things I have ever seen, and I have seen you in both a lot and very little." Edward may have voiced how much he liked my undergarment, but he got just as much joy from removing them.
I'd have to thank Esme. I had blushed profusely when she bought them for me. It wasn't a gift you expected from your mother in law, maybe a sister in law, but not a mother in law. I always expected cookware or something from them.
I glanced over at the baby monitor on the nightstand. Both our little angels were still sleep ever so peacefully… fabulous. "Do you want to get up and check on them?" Edward was always so sweet, and I loved him for it.
"I can see them on the monitor just fine. I'll probably wake them up if I go in there. Only Nicholas sleeps like the dead."
"Like you." Yes, I knew I could sleep through all their crying spells. I had figured that would change with motherhood… apparently not. "See all the good traits he got from me." He buried his nose in my hair. I wasn't sure it still smelled like my shampoo anymore.
"So you're saying they got all the bad things from me?"
I heard the scoff that was muffled by my neck. "Bella, you have no bad traits." At that he kissed me again. I knew we were going to make it through this; no matter what, we were in this together.
He placed more loving kisses starting with my lips down my neck, and then behind my ear, everywhere he could reach without moving too much. "Honey can… can I uh, do more? Is that okay? Can I touch your breasts or are they strictly a baby area now?" I could hear the laughter in his voice triggering me to the same reaction. Intimacy between us had always been a fun thing. Laughing was a common thing for us – it was even better that way.
"Whoever said you aren't my baby?" If he could joke around so could I.
"You know what I meant, Bella." There was still laughter in his eyes, but his tone was serious. He wanted to truthfully know what I wanted and what I was okay with now.
"Of course, it's okay, Edward… it definitely won't feel as strange now." I giggled at my next thought. "You can see if your son and daughter left you any from this morning." A smile still playing at my lips, I watched for his reaction. His face scrunched up in thought as to what I was referring to.
My doctor had said to give this a try. She voiced that it was a very intimate thing that we could do until my body was physically ready for more. I was still unsure about it until just now. This was something I was definitely wanted to share with my husband.
"You-you mean I… I can… too?" I laughed – not at him of course, but … all right sort of at him. He could be silly at times.
"Why not? You claimed them long before they did. I won't make milk forever, you know – it will stop when they stop." I swear sometimes I know he wasn't listening to word that was said in any of those baby classes we took together… probably not.
"What does it taste like? Is it good?"
"Well, our kids gulp it down. I think it would have to be good." It seemed logical to me. I had licked a drop or two of my finger when cleaning up after Nicholas especially, and it didn't seem terrible.
"Hey, you can't blame me for asking! You've seen the stuff kids eat that comes in those little jars. Some of that just doesn't look like anything that should be ingested." He made a face like I had just made brussell sprouts for dinner or another of his least favorites.
"Only do what you want… just be gentle, they get a little tender and sensitive sometimes." Now I was the one being serious. He could do what he wanted, but if teeth came into the picture like they used to he was getting kicked off.
"You really don't mind if I take a taste?" God, the man could be so dense! Isn't that what I just said?
"No, I don't mind, baby. I don't know how much was left after Natalie was done." He probably wouldn't get anything at all, and this whole conversation would have been a waste until the next time. I hadn't felt any more milk come in yet.
"I don't know how I feel eating after my daughter." It was jest in part, but he looked like he was really thinking about it.
"Ha, you better get used to it. Wasn't Alice ever like, 'Daddy, eat this…try this… I don't like this… take the first bite… will I like this?' I know I did it all the time. Same thing pretty much." He looked slightly appalled, which was very fitting for someone who didn't believe in the five-second rule and ate his pizza with a knife and fork.Heaven forbid, he would one day have to eat after someone else. It came with the job of being a Dad.
"You really did that? I didn't pay attention to Alice much. Emmett and I were so much older than her." How did we get on this tangent again? "So, you think it's okay?"
I mentally sighed. How many times was I going to have to answer this question? "Yes, Edward, I'm sure it will be fine if you want to." I reached up and ruffled his hair some more not that you could tell I did anything amongst its normal dishevelment.
With a tentative dip of his head, took a breath before taking a nipple into his mouth. He licked a few moments before he applied any suction. Barely a second after he did so, he drew back with large eyes. "It's sweet, like milk, but much sweeter. Like candied milk if that makes any sense," he thought out loud while licking his lips.
"You got all that from that microscopic taste. Seriously that lasted a second, tops." He was still staring at mychest like it was going to do something other than just be there.
"I didn't want to hurt you." I smirked – his son gets into it more than that.
"Can I take another taste?"
I quirked an eyebrow at him, "This coming from the one who didn't want to in the first place? I don't mind, there most likely isn't that much left, though." He smiled like I just gave him a gift.
"Hey, it was good. I see now why they like it. Let me see how much is left." Without any hesitation his lips curved around my nipple and began to suck a little harder this time. When he couldn't get any more from that one, he moved to the other, letting out a protest when there wasn't any more for him to drink.
"Don't worry, I'll make more." He was pouting!
"Forget 1% - they should sell this stuff at the store.I'dbuy it." We both started laughing at the absurdity of the image we got of a carton of breast milk in the refrigerated section of the supermarket. "Thanks for putting up with me, hon. I love you so much. Now can I… continue? The twins haven't woken up yet..."
"Anytime, my love, anytime. I will always love you, and of course you can continue. I think I needed that bit of humor. I feel more comfortable about this now." A smile once again spread across his face – I knew he'd be happy about not having to stop.
Edward leaned back down and kissed me again. There was a faint taste of the sweetness still on his lips. I had heard that the milk would take on the mild flavor of the things the mother eats. I'll have to ask Edward to tell me if that is correct after I eat something with a definite taste.
His kisses meandered about everywhere again. Far too soon we were both too tired to fend off sleep any more. For the first time in two weeks I fell asleep in Edward's arms.
I woke up in a slight panic. I was still a bit tired, but that wasn't unusual. I'm surprised I woke up on my own. Edward always has to wake me up. I listened for sounds of activity, but it was still early morning.
Something was wrong. Where was Edward? Why aren't arms wrapped around me? I spared a glance to the right side of our bed. Instead of tousled sheets they were just as crisp as they had been after I made the bed, how very odd. The twins are still sleeping; he didn't have a reason to be up. I peeked over the end of the bed and his old worn out slippers weren't left for me to trip on. Neither were his massive sneakers, I swear I about broke my toe once on those things. I listened hard and I didn't hear anything coming from downstairs or his office. The house was quiet and dark and so very lifeless – too quiet.
Getting up out of bed, I wandered downstairs and checked the garage his car wasn't even here. Jogging quickly to the phone, I began dialing the familiar numbers to his cell. I had to know where he was; I had to know if he was all right, there wasn't even a note on the kitchen table!
That's when realization hit me like a hard slap. Edward's things weren't here because Edward wasn't here. He hadn't been home for weeks and wasn't coming home anytime soon. That dream had only once been reality over a year ago. I had asked him to leave me alone, and so far he had been listening to me. I hadn't gotten one call from him or anything. Of course, that didn't stop him from sending other representation. I knew exactly why Carlisle or Esme now called everyday. It wasn't just Charlie and Renee who called regularly anymore. Alice and Emmett too checked in more often than they did before their brother moved out.
I think it was Alice who gave me the last Edward status report. He had been staying at his parent's house, and then after a little bit moved in with Emmett or something to that effect. I was glad he didn't have to stay at some hotel. I didn't like the idea of him staying in impersonal guest rooms or on someone's sofa. I couldn't have him here. He has family that loves him as much as I do, to take care of him. He couldn't cook to save his life, but Esme could, so I knew he wouldn't be eating takeout every night.
I knew they would help him heal in ways I couldn't. Without me he didn't have the constant reminder of what happened. He didn't have to watch me mope around and be reminded by the features that had once been also carried by our children. Without me in his life he could move on and become the happy, funny, witty, and charming man he was before I ruined his life. He could start to have the life that through my mistakes and inability to act took from him in the worst way. No one sees my failure though the mask of my attack. I am not James, but I am no less to blame. I failed in every aspect. I failed to do anything to preserve our lives, our happiness.
At this point I didn't have to run upstairs and look in the doorway to the nursery. I didn't have to look to know it no longer held the furniture we bought for the twins. I knew the only thing I would find in there was a matching queen bed set for guests. Not that any guests would ever sleep there, anyway. There weren't any stuffed animals strewn across the floor. The rocking chair wasn't waiting for me in the corner. All their little adorable clothes weren't neatly hanging in the closet. My children were gone and they weren't coming back. There isn't ever going to be a child of mine growing up in that room ever again… because of me.
That dream brought back the memories of the happiness that once filled this house so long ago now. Dreams like this brought back the loving banter and passion that existed between the two of us and the joy of being first time parents. These dreams were welcomed compared to the nightmares, but they still were no less dreadful. Instead of the evil eyes of my attacker, I saw the eyes of the three people I loved more than anyone else. My dreams weren't filled with screams of terror; they were filled with laughter and happiness. Happiness we would never have again, because of me.
Life had been so different then. Things that had troubled me seemed like molehills compared to the mountains I had labeled them as then. What I wouldn't give today to have my husband look at me as he had then, for him to not look at me with something other than sadness and pity. What I wouldn't give to have those magnificent green eyes sparkle with pride and joy as they had so long ago.
I sat at the kitchen table as I had over a year ago, and just stared off into random space waiting for anything to change. I was tired of this monotony… I needed change. While Edward had been here, he had pulled me to every activity this city offered. I hated it then, but now I miss it.
I kept the cat, but gave away every other critter he brought home. She was nice company, and she kept me company without the hassle of a dog. Even if everyone protested that a dog offered more protection than a little feline, I still preferred my cat. My rebuttal was, exactly what is the point of having the best security system ever made, if I still needed a dog to save me. I didn't need an animal to have to clean up after and walk and play with. I just wanted a little company when I was lonely.
I had stated writing again not long after I was left alone in this expansive house. My editor was ecstatic even if she was surprised and a little shocked that it wasn't going to be another of my juicy romance novels for which I had gotten a name. I just couldn't write something like that right now. I couldn't write about something that I couldn't feel anymore. I couldn't write about something all the while wishing I had just what I was writing about. So instead of something light and fun, my readers were getting dark and suspenseful. She said it was certainly my most moving and dramatic piece even if it didn't have the Bella Cullen trademark love story.
Writing was a way for me to get out some of the pent up emotions I kept inside of me. I could let everything flow out through me and onto the screen in front of me. I just wanted to forget about my life for a while and lose myself in the fiction of my new characters. My new heroine could deal with anything anyone dished out at her. She was fearless and confident, yes; she was everything that I wasn't. However, she was alone and broken inside like me. The woman that everyone saw was only the façade she put up for everyone to see – it wasn't who she really was. I never knew where my fingers would take the storyline as they danced across the keys of my keyboard, but everyone had been pleased with my comeback after over a year away from the writing world.
I had been staring at the blinking cursor on my laptop as I sat curled up on the sofa for God knows how long. I couldn't think of anything worthwhile to amuse myself with. I couldn't get that dream out of my head. I had taken to writing them down as I remembered them; the doctors had said it might help. It did to an extent, but nothing could heal the wounds that had been made inside of me. On days like today nothing helped, not journaling my turmoil, not writing some fictional fantasy, not comfy blankets still warm from the dryer. Nothing worked on days like today.
As I was about to get up from my perch in the corner of the couch to get some Ben and Jerry's ice cream, the phone rang. I sighed knowing it was one of Edward's representatives checking in on me. Someone did everyday sometimes twice a day. Thinking about it while walking to the phone, it was about time for Charlie's turn to come around and make sure I wasn't suicidal or anything. Knowing the list of possible callers, I didn't bother to check the caller ID. I failed to see the point in even having it anymore since I only got calls from a total of four numbers.
Picking up the phone, I was in too miserable a mood to pretend otherwise. "What do you want to ask me today?" I said into the handset instead of my usual attempt at a chipper 'hello'. The other end was quiet and I wondered if somehow in my daze I had accidentally hung up on them. That was sure to send them all into a fit and soon I'd have my entire family over here pounding on my door. That, today of all days, was the last thing I wanted. Rolling my eyes at my own ineptness, I pulled the phone from my ear to look at it as if that was going to solve the problem. That was when I heard something coming from it. So I said "Hello" again to see if someone was really there… there wasn't a dial tone.
"Mmm, Bella I've missed your sweet voice, my pet." That was a voice that would forever send chills up my spine and goose bumps across my arms. That was the sound of a voice that I would know anywhere. A voice I had never wanted to hear ever again. I took in a shaky breath trying to force words to come forth or to give my hand enough strength to hang up.
"W-what do you want?" He let out an eerie chuckle that sent me right back to my memories of that night faster than any nightmare ever could.
"I was over to see your darling husband, Edward, last night. He didn't look so good Bella; I think you should be worried about him. I had no idea you were in that big house all alone. What a pity, someone like you shouldn't be left alone. You never know who could be watching." His voice alone was enough to cause bile to rise in my throat.
"What are you talking about?" I had to think of something fast, yet my brain wouldn't move from the fear he instilled in me. I couldn't get any part of me to move – I was paralyzed.
"Don't play ignorant, Bella; I know what you're going through. Don't worry your pretty little head." I stood in the kitchen, looking out the rear of the house where the large French doors led out into the woods that encroached on the small suburb. It was then that I saw something that didn't belong. It was a figure dressed in dark colors, holding a small silver cell phone to their ear. Cold, dead, ice-blue eyes were staring back at me. I would know those eyes anywhere. He had come to fulfill his spoken words of that night. It had taken nearly a year, but he had finally come back into my life. And he was right – I was so helplessly alone in my expansive house with no one to hear my screams.
James had come for me.
A/N: Thank you all for reading! You all are amazing, and I love you all!
Sorry for the long wait for this chapter. It took me a while to collect my thoughts from that spur of the moment first chapter. I suffer from too many ideas that they get all jumbled up and I feel like I have to include everything (Which my Betas correct me on). Then that added with some procrastination and all these other story ideas I feel I have to type out. Then life, and all the stories I read.
Wow, I don't know how all your writers do this all the time. Cheers for all of you who entertain us with the laughter, tears, suspense, and everything Twilight all the time. It's an honor to be among you.
Anyways, I hope all your wonderful readers enjoy this peak into Bella and Edward's life from before the attack. It was fun to write. Not all the doom and gloom of after.
Tell me what you think about the cliffhanger. I debated over that the longest.
Also do you guys want to know what is going on with Edward? Or do you want me to save those details for another time and another place?
Okay so with that I hope you liked this, and that is was everything you expected it to be. Hopefully my next chapter will be up sooner.
So go ahead tell me people your thoughts, and send me a review. I love 'em all!
~Jessi
B/N: (Saccharine Sin) It's my fault this chapter is so late – I took forever to get it all beta'd. Lo siento! _ –is shot–
A/N-Much Later-(Jessi): Okay so here is the perfected chapter. Commas are so pesky! That's why Songster is an angel! Also I have to add in a thank you to my collaborator! Danna, darlin', you weren't here yet when I wrote this chapter originally, but you still have worked your magic and made it all the better. I love working with you, and look forward to many chapters and new story ideas yet to come!
A/N #2 (danna0724): true, true… I was just a "reader" at this point in time in the story, who knew? I adore working with you and you know I love the story! Here's to MANY chapters, ideas and a deep, twisted plot that are gonna have the readers wanting to know what's next. (Hey, press that 'Review' button and reveal your thoughts on this… it makes me love you in very inappropriate ways)