DISCLAIMER: Stephanie Meyer owns everything; I just have an overly active imagination.
ATTENTION: This story's theme is rape.
A/N: So here I am again. A little sooner!
Thanks to my wonderful Beta Songster. You make the jumble of words I send you into a readable story line.
It was very different for me to write, but once I got into it I found his POV very fun to write. A little more insight as to what else has happened.
Stick with me here I write off the cuff, and don't always have a plan, but instead just let the words flow.
As like last time italics is a flashback.
Sit back and enjoy this next bit of Edward!
Tortured Sole
Edward's POV
"Hey man how's it goin'? Everything doin' okay?" I knew why he was calling me, but I didn't have time to chitchat, but I could make an exception for a few minutes for my best friend. A little break could do me some good. I had been buried behind my desk all day in prep for trial. We were a fairly large firm, but we weren't the biggest. No, the biggest just shoved so much paperwork at us, we couldn't find our way through our office. I had been working through breakfast, lunch, and dinner for weeks now trying to get everything sorted out for my client not to end up in prison. I felt bad being away from Bella and the kids so long, and so soon after I had to go back to work, but there wasn't a lot I could do.
"I'm not doing too bad. I was just calling to ask you about that paperwork I sent you a few weeks ago. I'm going to need that all back. My company is ready to move forward if you are." This was the last thing I wanted to hear. I had the work done, but I just didn't have time to do this. The files are presently somewhere under piles of other stuff on my desk at home. There was no way I had time to go home, find it them run it over to his house since I knew he wasn't getting off his lazy ass to get it all himself. This is why I hate doing work for friends, but I always get suckered into it anyway. I should have been a surgeon like my Dad.
"Umm…" I glanced at my watch to see what I could do.
"You don't have it done, do you, Edward? I knew it. I need those files today I have an early meeting tomorrow." How is it my fault you waited until the last minute to hand me this box of papers and ask me to make heads or tails of it all? Oh, right because I am his friend and lawyer. Not to mention he was my original law partner who has since started up his own company.
"No, no I have it done. I am just extremely busy at work tonight, and I don't have time to go and get it for you." I heard his groan over the phone. I wasn't an idiot. I knew he was serious when he said he needed it all by tomorrow. That's when it hit me; I could have Bella drop it off. I would owe her a really nice dinner for the hassle it was sure to cause her, but she is my only option. "Okay, wait I can just have my wife drop it off at your house for you. Would that be okay? I can just give her your address and she should have it there in about an hour or so. It may be a little longer since she'll have the twins with her, but at least you'll get your stuff tonight. How's that?"
He thought for a moment. I don't know what there was to think about. If he wanted his junk tonight, this would have to work otherwise it was whenever I could get it over to him. "It's perfect. I actually haven't seen her since before the twins were born. I would love to get to see… Nicholas and Natalie is it?"
"Yeah, that's right. You will absolutely love them. They are the most adorable things you'll ever see." Just thinking about Nick and Nattie brought an ear wide smile to my face. I really did miss being with them all day. They were about four months old by now, and it was amazing how much they had grown.
"Aww, listen to you big guy. It didn't take you long to start sounding like a Daddy. No, seriously it'll be great to see them and Bella. Thanks for having her drop off those files. I owe you one. Talk to you later, Eddie."
"You know I hate it when you call me that." I chuckled into the phone. He knew it and he did it anyways. I'm sure he got a kick out of it.
"Whatever man, thanks anyway." Yes, I was going to be Eddie until the day I died. Why did my parents have to name me Edward? I have been having this argument since the playground in elementary school.
"Yeah, no problem. Later James." Hanging up the phone, an intern popped her head through my door. Another thing I did not want to deal with tonight.
"Are you heading out, sir?" Was she serious? Did she not grasp the workload the firm had right now? If she reported to me, I would have her behind that fancy desk of hers and have her typing up something!
"No, Jessica I am not leaving. I still have work to do. Demetri isn't having you work tonight?" How could he not? We were all behind on our work.
"Nope, he said me and Lauren could head home early. We did a lot of work today." Uh Huh, a lot of work my ass more like work after hours in his bedroom if I had any guess. Those two spent more time gossiping and flirting and pretending to do work than actually doing any work. They had the potential to be promising lawyers if any of us could get them to do anything.
"I see. Well, see you tomorrow." I wanted her out of my office so her voice wouldn't give me anymore of a headache and I could get back to work.
"Is there anything that I can get you?" I was tired and stressed and I still had a lot to do I didn't have time to put up with Jessica Stanley. I waved her away without a word. Maybe she would stop coming into my office all the time if she thought I was just another lawyer bastard.
Reading another two sentences of legal jargon to clear my mind, I picked my phone back up to call Bella. I needed her to get over to James' house soon so he would be off my ass about those damn files he needed.
"Edward, are you coming home for dinner tonight?" She sounded hopeful and it hurt to have to tell her no. Not until this trial was out of our hands would I be coming home for dinner.
"No, but honey I need to ask a favor from you. Can you do that for me or are you busy right now?" God, I hoped she wasn't. I don't know what I will do in that case. I knew she didn't particularly like James, but he was a decent guy. I worked with him since college where we were roommates, he was my friend. I needed someone to this for me.
"No, what do you need? I made some dinner if you want me to bring it over for you." Man, that sounded good. Stop salivating Cullen, and get back to work! I had been getting distracted all day.
"Baby, I'm sorry I had Vicki, the receptionist, bring me up some dinner for me a little bit ago. I'm sure yours is better than takeout. I'll have to remember that for another night. But, what I need you to do is find a folder of files for me and take them over to James." Cringing at what I knew would most likely not be pretty I heard her huff in annoyance before she answered.
"Why can't he just come and get them? I take it he wants them now, and can't wait for me to drop off the twins at your parents or something across town?"
"Yes, he needed them ASAP. I'm sorry I forgot all about them, otherwise I would have just mailed them when I got them done."
"Fine, I'll do it. Where are the stupid files?" She didn't sound happy at all. I was definitely taking her out to her favorite restaurant the next time my parents or someone had the kids for the evening.
"Thanks honey! They are on my desk under the keyboard. There may be other things under there too, but the folder should be labeled with his name. I'll text you the address so you can get the directions through your phone. Thank you so much for doing this, baby. I owe you a nice dinner out." I hope that is where I left it. I usually keep all outgoing files under my keyboard, but it could have gotten moved. She would never find anything in that mess that was my home office.
"I got the folder. You really need to clean out your office though. I felt like an archeologist in there, sweetie. Yeah, just text me everything, and I will get it there for you. I need to hire you an assistant though, some little old granny, to take care of all this stuff for you. And, Edward I don't want dinner out I just want you home with me."
I loved my wife more everyday if that was at all possible. "Thanks Bella, I love you. I don't need an assistant though. I have you. See you later tonight. I won't be home for a while so you don't have to wait up."
"Again, Edward?! Why can't you just come home with everyone else? It can't be healthy for you to work the hours you have been working lately. I'll drop off this stuff though for James."
"Thanks love, I miss you. Give a kiss to Nick and Nattie for me and tell them I love them. See you later."
"Of course, Edward. Love you, too. See you when you get home." I gave her a kiss over the phone before hanging up. Nights like these I hated being a lawyer. A doctor had a set amount of hours he could work in so many days. Lawyers didn't have that, right now I can remember every time my father has told me that. But truth be told, I love what I do, I loved helping people. I loved seeing the relief on a person's face when everything was over and they could get on with their lives.
I quickly texted Bella James' address knowing she would still need a few minutes to get her and the twins ready to go. I hope she is all right driving in the dark. I rolled my eyes at my own thoughts. She is a grown woman who is fully capable of taking care of herself. Something she reminds me of often. I just need to stop worrying so much she has been driving safely for years. I can't do anything about the predicament I have found myself in. I just need to trust her, and get back to work so I can get home.
Sliding into bed beside her at night is the only time I have gotten to be close to her since I came back to work. I get to hold her in my arms and let her snuggle herself up against my chest in her sleep. I get to listen to the soft gurgling noises from the twins as they talk to each other until they fall asleep over the baby monitor. Knowing what awaited me made my fingers type just that must faster. The sooner I could get a dent put into this case prep, I could get out of here and get home.
"Sir…Mr. Cullen?" Someone who did not sound like Bella was gently shrugging me awake. "Mr. Cullen, you have to wake up." I was so disoriented. I didn't know where I was or why I was being woken up. I had a killer crick in my neck and my back hurt like I had been run over by a truck. The shaking of my arm persisted as this person continued to call my name.
"Alright, I'm awake. What is it?" Every light on the floor seemed like it was on as I lifted my arm to shield my tired eyes.
"Mr. Cullen, the night janitors are all leaving. You should head home and get some rest so we can lock up after you." It took a minute for everything to piece itself together in my mind.
"I…" I looked around my surroundings, the papers I had been reading and the document I had been typing were still open on my desk. I had fallen asleep! Bella must be so worried. I probably have an entire inbox of missed calls in my cell phone. "I'm sorry sir, let me just gather my things and I'll be out of your way. I'm sorry I guess I was more tired than I thought."
He smiled sadly at me and I wondered why until his gaze dropped to the three photos I had framed on my desk. One was of Bella and I on our wedding day. The next was Bella very pregnant and the last one was a new one of the four of us. "A Beautiful family you have there, Mr. Cullen. A word to the wise, spend as much time with them as you can." He reached into the pocket of his shirt and produced a small tattered picture. "If not, then before you know it they will be all grown up." His tone was sad. I looked at the picture and saw three sons and a daughter all about high school age. "My youngest just got engaged last month. Time goes by faster than you could ever imagine. Treasure those little ones. They don't stay that way for long." Nick and Nattie were so little I couldn't fathom them ever getting that big. They were my little babies we just brought home from the hospital. I knew he was right though. I had seen with my own to eyes how they had grown even in the short months since we had brought them home.
"I know sir, and thank you. They certainly don't stay that small forever. My son and daughter have already grown so much… I miss them so much when I am away." I finished my statement in such a whisper, I doubted he even heard me. I didn't want him to hear me. What kind of father is at his office working on cases more than he is at home with his newborn twins? I didn't want him to know I was already shaping up to be such a failure of a father. I couldn't even come home at a decent hour. No, instead a night janitor has to wake me up in the wee hours of the morning telling me to leave. I'm sure he knew I wasn't cut out for this.
"You'll make a wonderful father." That took me for a loop. How could he say such a thing? He stated it with so much conviction as if it really were a truth already. I certainly wished he were right. I tried my hardest, but raising kids wasn't something that came with a manual. I couldn't study nonstop for months and pass parenthood as I had the Illinois State Bar Exam. Before I could say anything more he turned and walked out of my office, and went back to his cleaning of the office across the hall. I quickly gathered my things and booked it out of there. The parking garage was completely deserted as expected since it was early in the morning by now. I can't believe no one found me asleep in my office before then. I checked my phone as I pulled out of the garage expecting many texts and frantic messages from Bella. However there weren't any. Not even one to say she made it home okay, she always did that. She knew I would be sick with worry if she didn't. All I could think of was that she was just overly tired.
I couldn't imagine what home life had to be like for her these past few weeks since I have been working around the clock. I am so getting chewed out when she wakes up in a few hours. She told me the twins were getting better and sleeping longer, but I knew her well enough to know she was very full of it. Those two cried, ate, slept and wanted attention on their own times… which never coincided with normal sleeping hours. As soon as this case is over I am going to request some time off. She is going to need a break from pretty much being a single parent since I went back to work. I had never worked this much before… of course I had never gotten solely assigned to a case this big. I should have one of my law partners helping me out on this, but instead I get two brainless interns. They were competitive and out for blood with each other, but quite frankly didn't know the first thing about how to win a case that actually got to trial in an actual courtroom.
I sped down the road toward our house. I knew no one would actually be awake, but I wanted to be home with my family. I had to creep into the nursery and watch Nicholas and Natalie for a few minutes before getting out of this damn suit and sneaking into bed with my wife. I was already on edge seeing that she hadn't called. I hope she made it to James' house and back safely. His house can be a little tricky to find in the dark in that old subdivision he lives in. I'm sure she would have called if she had any trouble. She knows I could probably get there with my eyes closed. I used to spend so much time over there. We had been friends since college and had gone through law school and started up a law firm from scratch. We got a long great and enjoyed just relaxing and taking in a game with a cold beer after a long day at work. Whenever Bella wasn't at home, I would be over there. This was the longest I hadn't seen him since we found out we were going to have a baby. I'm sure if I asked James he wouldn't think me having kids was as great as he said earlier. Now he had to find someone else to hang around with.
I had always hoped Bella would get along with him. His long time fiancée, Victoria, is a receptionist at my law office. I thought for sure she would quit when James moved on, but she stayed for some reason. I always wanted the four of us to become friends as James and I had. That never happed though. Bella has always been very nervous and leery of him and even Vicki. The night I invited him over to dinner, I think she wanted to attach herself to me and never let go. She made sure they were never alone in the room together. I just couldn't understand her aversion to probably my best friend outside of my family who Bella absolutely adored. So in the end James never came to our house for any length of time after that. Bella seemed okay with the idea of dropping off the file this evening though. I suppose just because she wouldn't have to spend that long there. Knowing James, he would offer something to drink, and knowing Bella she would decline and run the hell out of there.
Pulling up to the house not a light was on anywhere. How odd since Bella is always so worried about everything. She says that if she doesn't leave a light on for me then I could trip and fall and break my neck and die walking up the front walkway to the door. However, the entire house is dark tonight. She must have been really tired after getting back. I'll have to be extra quiet. That being said I didn't even park in the garage. Sometimes opening the garage door can wake her. Instead I pulled in the drive way and carefully shut my door and made my way up to the porch.
Walking into the house it is eerie quiet. Much quieter than is should be even at such an ungodly hour. The door to the twins' room is wide open, and they aren't in their cribs. They must be with Bella. When she feels alone, she brings them into the master suite with her. Hopefully, she didn't make a pen out of pillows on the bed, and actually set up their playpen this time. I knew what would await me swinging open the door to our room. My stride didn't even break until I was well into the darkened room. I didn't bump into the playpen and I didn't hear the steady breathing of three. Knowing full well I was going to get yelled at, but feeling on edge I crossed back over to the light switches and flipped them all on. The brightness that filled the room brought my arm up to shield from the onslaught of light. In the light I could very distinctly see a pristinely made bed with no signs of my wife and children anywhere.
I panicked. I ran back down stairs flipping on every light that I passed. Soon every light in the house was on. I never once got shrieked at for blinding anyone. No little voice came through the house upon hearing my hurried footsteps. There was only a note left on the kitchen table saying that dinner was in the refrigerator and she would be back soon from dropping off my 'dumb files'. She never came back. I have no idea where my wife and children are. Standing in my kitchen in the darkness of early morning my heart stopped beating. I had to find them.
I jerked awake suddenly nearly falling off the couch I have been sleeping on for a few weeks now. I had this dream often even before moving out of my house with Bella. That was the last night I talked to the Bella I married. After that night she would be forever changed. She isn't the same carefree and happy person she was. I know she wants so badly to be, but she just can't be right now. She still needs time… I know that too, but it is so hard to stand by and watch her remain so broken.
It had been nearly a month since Bella had asked me to move out of our house. Standing by and watching her pull away so completely was nearly my undoing. I crashed in a hotel room and didn't leave for really anything. I didn't eat much except for what all was in the mini bar. Once my family found me I was taken in by my brother.
I have been lying on my brother's couch in his den, and haven't moved. His wife will bring in food every now and then or a new change of clothes. I haven't been in the mood to do anything. I am just thankful that they don't want me to talk about anything right now. Something I didn't think I would find with a head shrink around. Who knew Rosalie could keep her mouth shut for so long.
I spend most of my days just reliving the past and trying to pin point what I could have changed to stop this all from happening. I daydream about my sweet Bella; the woman I will love until the day I die. If she realizes it or not she will always be my wife, and we are in this together. I took a vow to her to be by her side in everything for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health. I am determined with every fiber of my being to fulfill and honor that most sacred vow.
I try not to dwell on the fact that they haven't been able to find out who did this sick crime. They collected evidence from just about everywhere and questioned everyone, but could prove nothing. They never got any leads it was just a dead end… a cold case… an unsolved mystery. They had many terms for it, but the bottom line was whoever did this is still walking free out there possibly doing this same thing again and again. Bella says she has no idea who they were, but I see the lie in her eyes. She knows something and isn't telling a soul. She chooses instead to torture herself.
My brother has left me alone however, when he could see I wasn't making any plans on moving any time soon, he called in the big guns -our sister. Mid-morning on day eight of my stay in Emmett's home he set loose Alice. She is the baby of the family and spoiled absolutely rotten. Emmett and I could deny her nothing. Alice was going to get my depressed ass off this couch sure as day follows night. I just had to wait and see what her method would be to accomplish this.
"Where is he?" You could always hear Alice before you saw her. She was a tiny little thing with a big mouth no matter how sweet and innocent she looks.
The Alice that came solemnly walking into the den I had been inhabiting was not the happy go lucky girl we all loved. After this she sat next to my head while looking at me for a moment just staring into my eyes. She was gently running her fingers through my hair, which admittedly hadn't been washed in a few days. If I closed my eyes though, I would almost imagine it was Bella's slender fingers instead of Alice's immaculately manicured nails massaging my scalp.
"Edward I'm sorry this whole thing happened to you. I'm not going to lie to you and say I hadn't expected this. You had been so strong for so long for Bella. You needed this week and the days previous." She stopped for a moment to take in a shaky breath. "Brother, now it's time for us to be strong for you. We have been so worried about you both. Let us help you Edward. Bella will come around, I promise you."
Alice was always so optimistic. Nothing could ever rain on her sunshine. Any other day I would have believed her. I would have believed her if I had not just seen Bella with my own two eyes for the past year not get any better. She pretended she was, she put on a brave face for everyone, but I heard her sobs at night. I saw her small body shake with fears and the tears she would never let me comfort.
"You can't know that, Alice. You haven't seen her just close in on herself with each passing month. You know she won't take her meds anymore or go to therapy or tell her doctor anything anymore. She will barely let me touch her after a year. A year Alice, do you know what it was like to have my own wife flinch if I even moved or how she would tense up if I got too close? I don't know what else to do anymore."
I wanted more than anything to have my life back. I wanted my amazing wife and our adorable children. God, how much I wanted our children back. I wanted to chase away monsters from under the bed and in the closet. I wanted to bandage cuts and scrapes. I wanted to watch our children grow up and start kindergarten. I wanted to be up late helping them with math homework they didn't understand. I wanted to teach them everything I know. I wanted to tell a moody teenager to turn their music down. I wanted to wait up on nights they had a date. I wanted to go to their high school graduation. I wanted to see our children live a happy life. I wanted to give each and every one of my daughter's boyfriends absolute hell. I wanted to be there for them in everything they could ever need. I wanted to walk my little girl down the aisle. I wanted to see them begin their lives with their own families as Bella and I await the day we will become grandparents. I wanted it all… I wanted every parent's dream. I still wanted it even if I knew it was wrong to still want it.
The images of the lives that will never happen flooded into my mind. Once they started they wouldn't stop. I had always foreseen this perfect life with my perfect wife. None of that was possible now. I didn't even know how much longer I would have a wife. I wanted Bella back no matter how much it hurt to look at her and see my daughter's eyes and my son's nose. It hurt to look at her and be reminded of the nine months she carried our children, and as her flat stomach grew to accommodate our growing children. It was physically painful to look into her eyes and know she was blaming herself for taking all those hopes and dreams away from us. She couldn't see that it wasn't her fault. None of it was; it was that faceless monster and no one else.
"Edward…" She took my face in her hands so I had no choice, but to look into her determined eyes. "You'll pull through. You will get through this and so will Bella. Now sit up! I feel like the head shrink that you really need." Here was a glimpse of the Commander Alice we knew. She didn't feel right unless she was wearing six-inch heels, carrying a clipboard and wielding a pen while going Mach two. Her playful expression that covered her small elf-like face for that second vanished as seriousness and concern took its place again. "Edward, maybe you and Bella should talk to Rosalie. She's a psychologist who works closely with a psychiatrist and other professionals and doctors in related fields. I think you would be more comfortable talking to her. Especially, Bella. After all she knows her."
That's when it all finally clicked. Everything Bella had ever not wanted to tell me. "Alice that would be the last thing Bella would ever want. Rose may be very good at what she does and know exactly what she is going through, but no, Bella wouldn't do it."
She looked up at me exasperated. Welcome to my world little sister. "Why, Edward? Tell me why. Rosalie felt the same things as Bella once. The same thing happened to Rose. She knows what it is like to lose everything she ever cared about in one night to one horrible monster. Tell me, Edward, why Bella wouldn't want her to help."
I heard every single one of Bella's I don't want to tell yous while listening to Alice. I finally realized what she had meant every time she refused to talk about anything to me. "She won't talk to Rose because she doesn't want anyone to know what happened. Think about it Alice; none of us know what happened to Rosalie. I'm not even sure if Emmett knows the explicit details of what happened to her. All Rose ever is able to say is that Royce raped her. That's it; end of story. You two are best friends and she has never once confided in you anything about that night. What makes you think that just because Rose has the title Doctor in front of her name that Bella would want to tell her sister-in-law the gory details of what happened to her: the details of the night our children were murdered. Alice she won't do it." I begged her with all I had in me to understand and not press the issue.
Alice was quiet as she thought about what I said and formed her opinion. "I see what you are saying Edward. I really do, but please just think about it. We all want what is best for Bella. Don't think I haven't seen how bad she is. I go over there every chance I get. What is best for Bella is not sitting in that big house full of memories, all alone with no one but herself. She is closing in on herself. She knows it, and she can't do anything because she is scared. She doesn't know what to do Edward. She doesn't think she is worthy of our help and love and support. She thinks she is to blame…" I start to interrupt her, but she pressed on with her speech. "Yes, she knows that the man who raped her is the one who ultimately destroyed your lives, but she still holds herself responsible. We can't just sit here and do nothing."
Alice was right. We couldn't sit around doing nothing. Exactly what I had been doing since I moved out. I sat in a hotel room, I moped at my parents' house, and I have not vacated Emmett's couch since I got here. I can't keep doing this anymore. Bella needs me and here I am crying my eyes out. I needed a case to sink my teeth into, but our firm had hit a dry spell. There were no cases to be had right now in the Seattle and greater Seattle area. Now I needed a distraction the most, for the first time ever I didn't have my pick of any case I wanted. I was glad to know Alice goes and checks on her. I told Bella I wouldn't so it was good to know someone was. "None of us are giving up on her, Alice."
You could tell when Alice got an idea in her head. Her eyes got all big and bright and she couldn't sit still… even more than was normal for Alice. "What if I take her shopping?! We could spend some quality girl time. She could use a few new things and a day out of that house. I swear she is as bad as you when it comes to doing anything. Rose can come, too! It will be great. I'll go call her!"
Oh, no! This was not a good idea. Bella did not need Alice dragging her through the mall again. We tried that, and it was a crash and burn. I ran out of a meeting to come and get my sobbing wife out of the ladies room in the mall. She was surrounded by purchases and having a panic attack. Apparently one of the store workers was a man. Alice was all upset about the whole thing. Bella had been fine around men up until then. Something about him must have set her off. There didn't seem to be anything particularly scary about him. He was a tall white man with light brown hair that was almost blonde and longer than a normal haircut and blue eyes. He was pretty average looking. If anything he looked a little like my best friend, James. None of us got it, but I am sure as hell not going to let Alice have a repeat performance of the mall scene.
"Calm down Alice! God, acting like that, you'd scare the poor thing away! I'd have to give you a downer just to be allowed into the mall in the first place. I do not think it is such a good idea." Rose interjected. Finally someone to understand!
"Thanks Rosie! …"
"Watch it Edward! You better be glad this is Emmett's den and I have no say over what happens here, because otherwise I would have sent you packing for what you just said. You know I hate that name. In fact just for that I am letting Emmett in here." Before Alice or I could voice a complaint, Emmett came barreling into the small room. Was I seriously the only normal one of the family? Where did they get this insane energy, no concept of personal space, and no volume check? Mom and Dad seemed normal. Perhaps there is an uncle we don't know about or something.
"Finally! Hey baby sis, bro, which by the way you needed a shower like three days ago man." Alice of course laughed, not that I was in a position tom deny anything.
"Hey to you, too Emmie." I used the nickname Alice and I came up with ages ago. Emmett chuckled and went to ruffle Alice's hair as she dodged away then rounded back around to jab him in the ribs… not that he would have felt a thing. But, oh, boy we Cullen siblings could go at something like this all day. We used to drive our parents insane bickering back and forth about some random little thing that meant absolutely nothing. I was going to attempt to stay out of this one as long as I could.
"You want to play like that pixie? Bring it Tinker Bell." I made for the exit before World War Three could break out. Nobody called that little lady a pixie or Tinker Bell or any other name having to do with a sprite or of fairy origin who wasn't looking for a fight.
For the first time in a few days I made my way out of Emmett's room and out into the rest of the apartment. I took a quick shower to rinse the grime off myself. Emmett was right I more than was in need of a good scrubbing. The headed into the kitchen where I could hear Rose banging around. "Hey, Rose. Did you need a hand with lunch?" If she would have had anything in her hand I think she would have dropped it right along with her bottom lip that just hit the floor. Was it something I said or just the fact that I was at last out and about?
"Who are you and what have you done with Edward Cullen? Since when do you help in the kitchen? Are you the same man who would run in, grab a cookie and high tail it back to wherever you came from?" Helping out Bella had become second nature. First because she would have my hide if I didn't help around the house, and secondly pregnant women need it apparently. I was a bit taken aback by her questions though. I didn't like talking about Bella. It brought back the happy memories that I so desperately missed.
"Well… when Bella was pregnant she had terrible morning sickness. Some mornings she just didn't even get out of bed so obviously she didn't feel like cooking. Then as she got closer to her due date she got tired really easily so she would sit in the kitchen and dictate what I was suppose to do. Then after she came home I didn't want her doing much of anything so she didn't strain herself after taking care of the twins. Helping out around the house became came out of necessity, I guess." It was difficult to admit. It was so hard to talk about Bella and the twins. Rose looked intrigued, but must have read it on my face that I did not want to go any deeper into the subject.
"Let me see you can… umm… how about you mix up the barbeque sauce for the ribs. Make a lot. Emmett still eats like a bear. Use whatever you can find; we should have just about everything you could need." I was a bit surprised she was entrusting me with something so… complicated I guess. I was expecting her to have me set the table or get water glasses or something trivial. We worked in relative silence for a while. I began to think I would get off easy today. I was always nervous around Rose the head doctor. She knew us far better than she would ever lead on. My hopes were soon dashed.
"Umm… Edward. I heard what you said to Alice… about Bella. I understand where you are coming from, but Bella needs to talk to someone. Just to give you something to think about, I would be willing to talk about anything that Bella needed in order to help her. To help her see that she isn't alone, that she isn't the only one who has gone through something like this. She needs to see that in time she can have a normal life again. Just think about it Edward, that's all I ask, I really want to help her." Wow, Rose was setting a lot out in the open. Did she really mean that she would be willing to talk to Bella about what happened between her and Royce? We all know that, like Bella, Rose is also unable to have children.
Rose was crushed for a long time that she would never be able to raise a child of her own. It was well after her attack and after she met Emmett that she could be around children and not cry or have to leave. They have been talking about adoption for a while now. They are both for it they are just getting everything figured out and deciding what they want to do. For the time being I think Emmett is enough for Rosalie to handle.
Still, I don't know if Bella would be okay with this. Even if Rose poured out her story to her I don't see how Bella would see that as being any different than the group therapy sessions she detested. Bella has always been a very quiet, shy and kept to herself person. She is a lot like her Dad. She says something when she wants to otherwise she is content in comfortable silence. Something I never had growing up, and had to get used to after being with her.
"Rose I just don't know. I can't answer for Bella right now. Over the course of this year after the incident, I have come to realize that I have no idea what Bella would prefer. I can guess based on her past decisions, but I really have no idea. She has changed so much. I know you know that. We all can see how she has changed…" She held up her hand while nodding her head. She didn't need me to attempt to explain something I knew nothing about. I could do research all day long, but I would never understand what these two important women in my life went through, and unfortunately countless others. Didn't sons get taught how to treat a woman anymore? Esme should hold classes or something.
"Edward, I know. I'm sure people who knew me before and after my rape would say I changed. I can't pretend that something like that didn't have an effect on me. Bella was one of the ones who said it to me first. Bella saw how I tried to cope by myself and failed. I have to remind her of that. I know I can help her; I have to believe that I can help her. I'll take this slow with Bella. I won't put her on the spot or anything."
Rose always amazed me at how seemingly nonchalantly she could refer to her rape as such. With Bella, granted it had only been a year, but it was still 'the incident' whenever anyone would talk about it or refer to what happened. I believe truly that Rose could be the best thing for Bella. I just don't know how we could ever convince Bella of this.
Well, I never thought of it that way before. Bella was torn up about Rose and how she needed to get help and talk to people. She told me all the time how she couldn't do it on her own, and how she needed Emmett more than ever before. If Rose could get Bella to see that she is doing the exact same thing as she did all those years ago… maybe, just maybe she can help pull her out of this self induced coma she has herself in. Before I could even start to ask Rose another question, she was already back to checking on the ribs for lunch.
"How is that sauce coming?" How could she go from one conversation to another so fast? My mind was still reeling over what she had just told me, and here she was asking me about the sauce long since forgotten in front of me. Come to think of it I have no idea what I have put in it while my brain was on autopilot. "Oh, I Umm… yeah I'm done with it."
"Fantastic. Why don't you set the table and go put a stop to the Cullen Sibling War of 2010. I am absolutely starved having looked at all this food all morning." I just nodded still not feeling completely into the conversation and idly set the table for four.
"Emmett…Alice! Lunch is ready." I didn't have the courage to go any further toward the den than the hallway. I could still hear a heated argument. Neither of those two could just drop anything. No, they had to battle it out till the end. Of course the original argument was long since forgotten… whatever that had been. At least lunch would give them a diversion.
"Do not think this is over Emmett!" If this kept up I would seriously considering moving back in with Mom and Dad even if that meant moving halfway across the country.
"Whatever Ali, you know I am right you just can't admit it." With a very unladylike snort they both exited the den and set opposite each other at the table. Hopefully I wouldn't have to duck any flying food. Mom used to wear her apron to the table whenever she would make mashed potatoes. What can I say, it was just too tempting to resist.
"Rose baby, this is really good. Dang the barbeque sauce is down right spicy and I am definitely going to need more water but this is fantastic!" Oh, no! How much hot sauce did I add? I got so used to making everything spicy with Bella that I totally forgot. She turned this wimp into someone who could stand some heat, poor Emmett…and Rose and Alice for that matter.
"Why thank you but I'll have you know that Edward helped cook today." Was that pride in her voice? Who was she my mother? I feel like I am going to get a pat on the head and a gold star next to my name on the reward chart.
"Edward?!" Both Emmett and Alice looked at me wide-eyed. Didn't anyone believe I could be of more use that sitting behind a desk going over legal documents… obviously not.
"What! I am not completely helpless in the kitchen I got trained well. Now come on and let's eat, I'm starved!" Would they stop looking at me like I grew a third eye?
"It's about time! You have been laid out on that couch hardly eating since you got here, Edward. I was getting really worried about you." 'Yes, mother Rosalie' I called out in my head. She will make an excellent mother one day. The thought alone was enough to cause my eyes to glass over with tears waiting to be shed. A great mother like my Bella was. A mother to kids like Nicholas and Natalie. The rest of them must have seen that I was barely holding it together thus continued the conversation not including me. I tear slipped down my face.
The last time I had ribs to eat was when Bella was still pregnant. She had been having cravings for pork ribs and demanded I go out and get some and then for me to make them for her. That night as we sat at the table gnawing on bones and licking our fingers clean of sauce we decided on baby names. We wanted them both to start with the same letter just not to rhyme or anything.
"How about Nicholas and Nichole? We could call them Nick and Nickki. That would be cute."
"Edward. That would be so confusing. No. How about we name them after family. I have always liked your mother's name. Carlisle is a very sophisticated name for a son."
"No way, middle names are for family names. We can't have another set of Carlisle and Esme Cullens! No, I like the name Nicholas." I didn't want to back down on this, but if she persisted any more I wouldn't have a choice. Not if she pulled out her pouting routine. It seems like all I have been doing for weeks is conceding to everything the woman wants.
"Nicholas Carlisle Cullen? Sweetie does that sound okay? I kind of like it. What about Charlie? Do you think he will feel left out? I know I don't want to name my son Charles. Oh, this is so hard!" I wanted to laugh at how easily frustrated she was getting. We still had plenty of time to decide on names for the twins. She didn't have to get all worked up now. She was cute when she would put her head in her hands and pull on her hair. Something I know she got from me. When she thinks about something now not only does she bite her lip but she sometimes will pinch the bridge of her nose.
Repressing that smile, I tried to calm her down a bit. I didn't want her to worry about anything, just enjoy being pregnant and becoming a mother. "I know it's a big decision. What do you think? Nicholas Carlisle or Nicholas Charles Cullen? And what about Natalie for a girls name? I still like the idea of the same letter thing."
"Let me think about the middle name I don't want to upset anyone here. I like Natalie… we would call them Nick and Nattie. I think they sound adorable. So now it's just Natalie Esme or Natalie Renee."
"Hmm… how about we decide on middle names later. Nick and Nattie it is."
"I love those choices… and I love you."
"Thanks honey I love you forever."
It seems so long ago. Like I am looking back on another life. Everything seemed so simple and set then. Nothing could have made me believe it all would have ended the way it did. Everything was so perfect then, like a fairytale.
I look back up at everyone now more into eating lunch than talking. I can't help but think I just don't belong here. I belong with Bella… if only she would let me in. "I'm sorry for crashing here so long. I didn't mean to impose. I'll head somewhere else soon, I promise." I think I startled everyone by speaking which makes me wonder how much time has passed since I spoke last.
Emmett is out of his chair and towering over me before Rose can begin her protest. Alice is glaring at me like she can't believe I would ever say such a thing. "No, you're NOT! You are staying here with us! You are my brother! This is what family does; we take care of one another! Don't you ever say that again. Not unless you can't stand us, but know this the next place you are going to stay is with Jasper and Alice." I know he means it, and I know the warning in his voice. Living with Jasper wouldn't be too bad. He keeps to himself and we all get along great with him. It's Alice who would be the problem. I'm sure I would be in every therapy session and anything else related in the Chicago area. She is like Esme just with about a gallon of caffeine in her.
I sigh and put up my hands in defeat. They win this round, but still I can't just sit here anymore. "Alice… Rose would you two mind checking in on Bella everyday? I know everyone takes turns calling her but I just want someone to see her. I know she is a good little actress. I don't want her pretending she is better than she really is. Rose, I'll help out around here when I'm not at work. I just need to know she is okay."
"Are those your terms in order to stay here?"
"I guess they are. Will you do it? Please… I-I…" I couldn't talk about Bella too long before the lump in my throat got too big for speech to be possible.
"Edward, that is the very least we could do, of course we will. Rose and I will set up something in our schedules to spend time with her. I know this great little bistro that just opened not far from your house. Not many people are ever in there, yet I think it would be perfect to get her out of the house." I knew I would have to rein her in.
"Alice, don't smother her. She is still a bit shy around people." Whenever I would take her out she would get jumpy and scare easily.
"Don't worry, I won't. Rose?" Oh, she was worried about Rosalie being too much for her? This was being said to the woman who is content to sit through an entire ball game with her husband. I think the most strenuous thing Bella would have to worry about with Rose would be changing the channel. They would probably talk about books and movies and which recipe they wanted to make later that day. They were always so easy going together. Alice on the other hand was already planning lunch outings and most likely shopping trips in her head as we speak.
"I know I don't have to worry about Rose." I answered for my sister-in-law, hoping I wouldn't get a smack to the back of my head. Emmett got one all the time when he answered for her. I guess this afternoon she was being lenient. "Alice, just don't freak her out. Just go easy on her; keep things slow." I gave her a pointed stare. I may not still be living under her same roof, but I was still her husband and I was still going to take care of her.
Before the issue could be pressed further or the subject could be changed, the doorbell rang. I gladly shot up to get it. I had no idea who it could be, probably just Jasper finally making it over for food. I wasn't prepared for who I would see on the other side. The man In front of me was most certainly not Jasper.
"James?!" I couldn't believe it. I hadn't seen him much after Bella's attack. He had a second office starting up somewhere else, I forgot where, so he wasn't able to be around much. It was probably for the best anyways. The police had rained down fire on him since he was one of the last people besides her attacker to see Bella. Just knowing he was most likely the last person to hold my Nick and Nattie nearly brought up tears that I knew wouldn't stop once they started.
"Hey Edward, you recognized me with my hair cut." Whoa, I hadn't noticed. James did cut his hair. He had worn his hair longer than what was business world acceptable the entire time I had known him. I may not have a trim cut either, but his could always be pulled back into a ponytail.
"It is so good to see you!" I wasn't normally one for hugs or anything, but I hadn't seen my best friend in what felt like ages. "I can't believe you cut your hair!"
"Ah, what can I say, things change. You know you are one tough man to track down Cullen. I called everywhere to find you. The old phone numbers I had for you were all disconnected and you're now unlisted. Once I got back in the area I had to run by your office and ask them where you were. Some blonde bimbo gave me direction to your brother's house." I cracked a smile at that.
"That would have been Jessica. Annoying tramp isn't she. Sounds like nails on a chalkboard." It felt good to joke around and talk to him again.
"Ugh! That's it! I couldn't figure out what that hussy's voice sounded like. You know her laugh is even worse! Who hired her anyway? I'm betting on Demitri, he would be one to tap something like that."
"Yeah, he hired her right after her internship ended. Something like that was probably going on."
We shared a few more laughs at the girl's expense before he got serious. Clamping his hand on my shoulder and looking at me remorsefully, he asked the one thing I didn't want to hear. I didn't want to hear it, but I know I needed to talk about it. My best friend would probably be the place to start. "Did that horrible thing with your wife ever get taken care of? That all happened just before I left for California. Did they ever catch the sick bastard?"
I couldn't even get words out. I just shook my head from side to side. Seeing me he quickly put an arm across my shoulders. Nothing too much he knew I didn't like to be touched overly much, but enough to show me he was there for me. After being there for Bella for so long I needed someone to be there for me.
"Thanks James."
A/N: I hope you liked it!
Thank you all for reading and reviewing. All the wonderful words of feedback and encouragement mean the world to me. Thanks so much!
I hope you guys like the little tiny cliffhanger. I hope a few questions were answered.
I had a few revelations when writing up my outline. So I am not planning on this story being done any time soon.
I know this chapter should have been before chapter 2, but I guess that's how it goes. I know you guys will be able to keep the timeline straight.
Some more of Bella's POV should be up next.
Thank you all for reading! I would love reviews! I never truly appreciated how much reviews meant until I posted this and started to get them. They literally make my day. So go ahead make my day!
I love you guys!
~Jessi