DISCLAIMER: Stephanie Meyer owns everything; I just have an overly active imagination.

ATTENTION: This story's theme is rape.

A/N: Here we have Bella's POV again.Patience my lovelies more drama is definitely coming.

As always italics is a flashback, and standard font picks up where Chapter 4 left off.

Enjoy!

Tortured Sole

"Oh, Bella you look amazing! You are positively glowing!" Raising an eyebrow at the woman in front of me, I seriously wondered about her sanity.

"Rose, I am eight and a half months into what has been a difficult pregnancy. I feel more like a beached whale about to hurl all of my stomach contents. I haven't felt amazing and glowing in quite some time." She had to be off her rocker. Even my biggest maternity clothes were snug. Only Edward calls me beautiful at the moment, and I am positive that is just because he is my husband and I fully expect him to.

"Bella! You have no idea what I would give to look like you." She finished in a whisper. I didn't have a comeback for that comment, I never could, all of us knew Rosalie couldn't have children anymore.

"Rose, I-I…" She held up her hand for me to stop.

"No, Bella. No one is allowed to feel sorry for me anymore. Especially not right now. Now is about you and the little beans growing inside of you." Oh, Rose. She had been through so much, and yet has remained so strong.

"That's right Bella. Speaking of which, when are you going to tell us the names you have picked out for the little beans?" Alice begged for the hundredth time. "I know you two have decided. Edward told me so!" That little pixie!! Some days I could be so incredibly irritated at her need to know and find out everything.

"What do you mean, 'Edward told you so'?" I questioned while narrowing my eyes at her. Edward promised me we would both keep the names to ourselves. It was our little secret… about the only thing we have managed to keep a secret with all the Cullen's being so persistent. All Cullen siblings come by everything honestly. Carlisle and Esme… especially Esme are just as bad as all of them. Those two could pry information out of a deaf mute!

"Bella, I am his baby sister. I know how to get what I want." I knew our secret was still safe when her smug little smile felt into a pout. "But don't you worry mommy-to-be he didn't tell me the names. UGH! I tried everything!" Alice could have been adorable if I didn't want to smack her.

Rose and I couldn't contain our laughter at our dear little sister.

"Fine! Laugh all you want I just wanted to know. Why you want to keep it some big secret is beyond me! I'm going to pick up lunch It should be ready. I'll be back in ten. And no talking about me… or baby names while I'm gone!"

You couldn't help but love her. I spared a few more giggles as she huffed to the door.

I had known Rosalie since grade school. We weren't instant friends like Alice and I by any means. Those first few years we could barely stand each other. I just know she is the one who stuck bubble gum in my hair in the first grade! It wasn't until third grade that I finally won her respect. It wasn't easy and involved a series of events that related solely to bringing down her arch nemesis and my most un-favorite person, Lauren Mallory. Lauren had the audacity to cheat off my spelling test and refuse to admit it, as a consequence, my third grade self-decided to take her down on my own accord. Tripping her in class was just the beginning, which was followed closely by getting the class bully to adorn her face with mashed potatoes in the lunchroom. When she still refused to admit the error of her ways I was reduced to punching her in the eye on the playground. As usual Rose did not acknowledge the awesomeness of my campaign; however, I won her over with a trip to the ice cream shop during recess. From that time on we were inseparable best friends

We met Alice our freshman year of high school when her family moved from the big city to care for her grandparents who lived in our small town of Forks. Alice had to go through the Rose Initiation in order to become her friend just as I had, but soon enough the three of us became the best friends we are today. Little did we know as giggling teenagers we would one day become actual sisters.

Yes, nothing would have made me believe that fashion queen Alice Brandon would end up with Rosalie's twin brother who was president of the chess club and the history club. Trust me,

there was no greater geek to ever grace the hallways of Forks High School. Of course nothing could have convinced me that I would one day fall for the likes of Edward Cullen. The geek I swear didn't own a hairbrush. I tortured him for his old fashioned name since the first time Alice took me over to their house. He was the lanky sophomore with huge frame glasses that constantly slid down the bridge of his nose who played the piano… yeah I would have laughed in your face if someone told me I could one day be married to that little freak. I guess only Rose and Emmett had instant love eyes for each other. He was nearly three years older than she was, but they met somewhere in the middle and made it work out even back then. I am pretty sure he was the oldest guy to attend our senior prom that year.

Rose pulled me from my little jaunt down memory lane. "I'm right you know. You have to see it Bella." This time I had to roll my eyes at my best friend.

"Rose please, come on." Still she had that smirking smile on her face, yet something else was shining in her eyes.

"Bella. Shut. The. Hell. Up. Let me have my moments." She kept talking before I could interrupt. "Bell, I can't have a baby of my own. Emmett and I have tried everything, and I mean everything. Some of the things doctors have done just shouldn't ever be talked about. Royce took that away from me. Bella, let me experience this wonderful blessing with you. Let me just be happy and gush all over you… please. I need this. We are looking into adoption, but let me just have this one little thing. Bella…?"

"Oh, Rose I love you hun… of course you can. I'm sorry for ever giving you the feeling that I wouldn't. I just don't see how you think all of this," I said gesturing to my very predominant belly, "is gorgeous. You should see the stretch marks I am endeavoring to keep at bay. I know that the idea of being pregnant is beautiful, but Rose, right now at this exact stage, I don't feel beautiful. I felt beautiful when it was a tiny little bump and I could still tell you if my socks matched."

"One day, my darling, one day." Rose exclaimed.

"Ugh! Now you sound like Edward! He tells me that all the time. Yes, one day! As in the day when I have finally given birth and these two little guys are out of me." That, at last got her to smile.

"Speaking of Edward, how is the daddy-to-be doing?"

"Ha, Edward is ecstatic. There hasn't been a father-to-be more excited than him. He brings home a new baby toy, outfit, something every single day. Everyday! The nursery is looking more like a baby store now than anything. It's all he talks about. He gushes to anyone who will listen that he is going to be a dad soon." I smiled to myself at the memories. "He likes to talk to them. They know his voice already. It's so amazing. If they are kicking and just won't stop moving around in me, he talks to them and they calm down. Oh, Rose I think I fell in love all over again, after we found out we were going to have a baby." It wasn't until probably my third ultrasound that both of them cooperated and let us know there were two of them in there. That made Edward's year I just know it.

Rose looked like she was in total bliss just as she always was whenever I talked about the twins. Just looking at her so happy because of what I was telling her, made me want to cry again. We sat in comfortable silence until Alice came running in with our Thai food.

~*~

"Hey Rose, I'm glad you were able to drop by on such short notice. I ordered Thai, which just got delivered. I hope your favorite still hasn't changed."

"Ha, please Alice is the Pope Catholic? Of course my favorite hasn't changed." I loved watching them interact, and remembered better days seemingly so long ago that I would have been sharing in their friendly banter.

"Good, because that's what I got you. Word to the wise, don't go anywhere near Bella's. That shit is so spicy, I about cried off my mascara just handing it to her. How she can eat that stuff is beyond me." Rose gave me a look telling me she already had heard the reason. Edward, I would assume. Thankfully, she quickly changed the subject. I didn't want to bring up memories of my pregnancy.

"So Alice actually got you to go to that overly expensive café around the corner from your house? I thought the food was average, and they were too busy selling décor if you ask me. A dive with mismatched chairs and weird paintings on the walls will do IF the food is out of this world." Rose ranted. Yeah, you wouldn't know that to look at the model in front of you. We had all learned long ago that Rosalie Hale was not what she seemed.

"Rose! That is just appalling. How could you ever walk into a place like that! Not everyone wants to sit on chairs that don't match with distasteful décor. That just isn't right!" Alice hadn't changed one bit from the spoiled little girl who was dragged kicking and screaming from the big city to Forks, Washington.

"Alice, I'm a small town girl. What can I say? The diner back home has the best pie on this planet. Trust me, there aren't two chairs in that entire restaurant that match." Alice just huffed, clearly not feeling the same way about out beloved little diner back home. I think Rose and I would frequent the establishment everyday. It was our home away from home in Forks.

"You two little ladies going to have your usual?" We both smiled as we hopped up on two barstools at the counter as we did nearly everyday after school.

"Yes, Mrs. Scotsman. Two tall chocolate shakes with an order of French fries to share, please." This was our after school routine from the third grade on. Something Alice never quite got into the spirit of. There was always some dress she wanted to fit in for the next school dance coming up.

This was our time together as friends. We didn't have anyone else to be with it, it was just us. We sat and talked over our milkshakes and fries until either Charlie or one of her parents came and got us to take us home. Back then we loved it when Charlie would drive us since he would turn on the siren and lights as we got in the police cruiser.

Hmmm… yes, today I don't think we would see Charlie's police cruiser the same way. The shakes and fries were still a favorite though. Whenever we did go back home, we had to go to the diner and sit in out usual barstools and get our usual order, even if Alice protested every time that they still didn't have a single fat free item on their menu. Still to this day, she gets water and the spinach salad.

"Alice, leave the diner alone, and eat just your overpriced Pad Thai in silence." Rose snorted trying to hold in her laughter. Yeah, we weren't lady like when we were all together like this. I loved how we could still just relax and have fun. Edward just couldn't do that anymore. He felt that I would just faint if he did anything. True enough for a while I was that way, but I am a little better now. I definitely needed this little reprieve from reality with my girls after the James incident from earlier.

After our little discussion over the Thai food Alice brought back for us, we fell into some lighter conversation… or so I thought. "Has either of you two seen any good movies? I have been waiting for something good to come out for forever. I don't even go to the bookstore anymore. There just hasn't been anything good out in a while." Thanks Rose, keep everything neutral. I need neutral right now.

"UGH! No! Nothing for weeks! My last holdout was the mall, and have you seen the spring lines that have coming out?! GAH! They are wretched! I feel like emptying my stomach contents just window shopping!" Nice dinner conversation Alice, good one.

"Alice, you can be so pathetic at times. The world does not revolve around the mall." Oh, no. Rose do not get her all riled up… please.

"Whatever, Rosalie." Thank the Lord! "Oh, I was talking to Bella at lunch." Oh, no. Time for the hole to open up under me and swallow me up! "She is starting a new book. I will FINALLY have something good to read. No matter what she feels like writing, it is always amazing." Alice! Some days I wonder about you! Why would you bring that up?

"Oh, really! Do NOT tell me what it is about. I want to be surprised! Bella, I have loved all your books. I am personally hoping for something a little more dramatic or angsty or something besides romance lovey dovey fluff crap." YES! Saved by my Rose!

"Ha, then you definitely won't be disappointed. I'm actually looking forward to this one too. It's been what? Almost two years. It was definitely time, Bell." Yeah, two years… right before I found out about… I couldn't even complete my own thought. I couldn't. I wouldn't allow myself to ruin this evening with my best friends because of my sorrows. I have done enough of that for this past year. Time to suck it up.

"Well, I'm glad at least you two will buy my book. Hell, I'll even sign 'em for you. I'm hoping I haven't lost my entire fan base. Or that the ones that I do have left won't run for the hills once they find out what it's about." That didn't go too badly.

"Ha, yeah. Oh, have you guys seen who is going to come perform in concert next month?!" Leave it to Alice and her ADD to relieve all pressure from me.

The three of us carried on like that for a while until Alice's phone rang. Jasper. He had been away working, and now wanted to go to dinner with Alice. After a few minutes of convincing, we finally got her to go change. Alice must have tried on eight different dresses before we finally pushed her out the door telling her to go have fun. With a few final laughs Rose and I settled back into the couches.

We sat that way for a while. Not saying anything just listening to the soft instrumental piece still playing from Alice's iPod. Rose looked deep in thought, but about what I couldn't tell. I didn't know if Alice had talked to her about talking to me about my obvious issues. Most likely she did, since Edward was mentioned somewhere in that whole mix of conversation. I couldn't make up my mind whether I wanted to talk to Rose or not. I know I told Alice I would, but call it cold feet, I just didn't know anymore.

Granted, Rose would understand me better than anyone, but I don't know how I felt talking to her about me. I couldn't even begin to tell her all of the events of that night. I wouldn't be getting any more people killed because I couldn't keep my mouth shut. Edward wasn't getting murdered and neither where any of the other Cullen's. No, they are all too important to me. I couldn't possibly tell Rose anything. I couldn't even tell her that I knew who raped me.

"So Bella, how are you really? I know I call you dutifully three times a week, but Bella I know you still hurt. Honey, we are all worried about you. You have been cooped up in that house of yours all alone for weeks now. You told Edward to move out, and won't let him or anyone else visit you. Bella… trust me, I know that is not the way to help yourself better."

What could I possibly say to that? I already felt terrible that I was still causing the ones I loved to. NO! I couldn't think like that. They are still alive. That is what truly matters! Only as long as I keep quiet, will that remain the case.

"I'm sorry for making you all worry, but I just needed some time to myself. I have just been so… smothered this past year. I know you all do everything because you care about me and want me back to normal, but I just…"

"Cut. The. Bull. Shit. Bella, I want to believe you, I really do, but I can't. You, my dear, are chewing on your bottom lip. You do that when you are nervous or when you are lying. Bella, tell me the truth. Why are you pushing us all away? Why are you not going to counseling anymore? Why did you have your husband move out? Tell me Bella. I am not asking as a psychologist. I am asking as your best friend."

"Rose." I was on the brink of tears. My voice nearly didn't hold out long enough just to say her name.

"Okay. I know I put you, Alice, and my family though hell and back again after my rape. I didn't want to talk about any of it either. I still don't like telling people a whole lot of details. Let's face the music, Bella, what happened to us was sick, and twisted, disgusting, and wrong. People shouldn't have to know what happened to us. But, we know because it happened to us. We lived through it, Bells. We are still here. We are still alive. We are fighters and we pulled though physically. Bella, we can help each other. We two who have been forced to have sex with men who we don't love, we two women who have lost the ability to have children, we two women who have had our lives, our happiness ripped away from us by one monster, we can do this together."

I was full out crying at this point. Rose did know. I was being drawn in as a moth to the flame. Her words and her promise of comfort were pulling me in despite what my brain was telling me. No matter how much I wanted to tell her everything I knew I couldn't. No one could know, but me.

"Bella, let me tell you about Royce."

A/N: Please don't hate me for leaving it here. It's a tough chapter ahead, and I wanted some time to make it perfect.

I hope you all liked this chapter though.

My many thanks to my amazing Beta's (Saccharine Sin, Songster, and Danna0724) who fix all my many mistakes and blunders and share their wonderful ideas to make this story exponentially better.

I will attempt to have the next chapter us shortly, but as I said it is going to be rough. I don't know how much of the gory details I want to include for either of them, but we'll see. Next chapter may also be Bella's departure for Forks.

It's always a pleasure to write for you.

Thank you all who read these little pieces of me, all you who review thank you so much, all you who add me to your favorites and alert lists I love you all.

Till Chapter 6,

~Jessi

A/N #2 (danna0724): Okay BB's, I'm up next…hit the review here though and tell me what you thought of this wonderful chappy by Jessi!!