DISCLAIMER: Stephanie Meyer owns everything; We just have an overly active imaginations.
WARNING: This story's theme is rape!
ATTENTION: As always the beginning italics is a flashback and the basic type is present day.
A/N (danna0724): I, me personally, am a total fucking FAIL… my RL got in the way and the hold up on this chappy is ENTIRELY my fault. I am so, so sorry guys, please forgive me! On a positive note, we will be turning chappy 13 here VERY shortly… I swear! On my kids and shit! ;o)
As per the usual: IF you are NOT 18 years old, do NOT read TS, as it is rated M for a reason. There are some very disturbing and graphic scenarios in this story. ALSO, while SM owns the character names, Jessi and I own the plot/storyline/idea/etc. behind TS. Don't be a 'ganker', or I'll send Aro after your arse!
A/N #2(~Jessi): Okay. This chapter was pretty much all danna. I only added my 2 cents in sporadically were I just felt the need to blab… like I'm doing now. So sit back, and enjoy this bit of our dear feisty Dr. Rosalie Cullen!
Tortured Soul: Chapter 12
Rosalie's POV
"Miss Hale," I looked to see a nurse talking to me. I acknowledged her by simply looking at her. It hurt to move any part of my body, and I'm not sure exactly what she wants. Probably to run more tests, test after test and they still aren't telling me anything that I don't already know. When you hear things like 'internal bleeding' and 'possible hysterectomy' as you are being moved around a trauma room, you kinda get the picture pretty early on, even if you are sedated shortly after.
I am interrupted from my internal thoughts with her shuffling her feet and looking at me eagerly to say something.
"Yes," I croak out.
"The doctor will be in shortly to speak with you; I was stopping in to see if there was anything I could get you."
"Um, no thank you." And with that I turned my head to look out the window again.
Getting lost again at the view of the Rochester sky outside my hospital window, I barely notice when the doctor enters my room.
"Miss Hale, may I have a moment?"
I turn my head and look at him. He is distressed, that much is obvious, the V-shaped crease line on his forehead indicates he's not happy with what he's about to do. And that makes me anxious, somebody is about to tell me SOMETHING apparently.
"Umhmm…" I voice as I look at him.
"Well, there is no easy way to say this, so I will just come right out and be forthcoming. There was extensive damage done to your body. When you were brought in, there was not only the external bleeding from various injuries on your body and vaginal area; there was also quite a bit of internal bleeding as well. You took quite a beating, and you are very lucky to have survived."
HA! Lucky my ass! There is NOTHING lucky about surviving this.
"We had to do emergency surgery to address the internal bleeding. There was a ruptured artery on your uterine wall that could not be repaired, and to stop the bleeding, and save your life, we had to do an emergency hysterectomy. Now… we didn't do a full hysterectomy, only a partial, your ovaries were left intact, so you won't need to be on hormonal supplements, but… I'm so sorry…"
Here it comes…'The Blow'…here comes the part he's dreading most, I know this because he's starting to stutter and stall.
"What that means…is…well, I'm sure you know that that means."
"It means I can't have kids, right?" I look right at him, tears forming in my ducts.
"Again, I'm sorry," he says simply. "If there were any other way, I would have done it, but to prevent you from hemorrhaging it HAD to be done."
"I'm no longer a woman…" I mumble as I turn my head from him to stare out the window again.
"No, Miss Hale, you are still VERY MUCH a woman; please don't look at it that way. I think it might be best if I send someone in here to discuss the situation with you. In my professional opinion, you would benefit greatly from some form of therapy. I will have a member of the Psychiatry Team come down and discuss your options with you."
"Great! Now I'm not only 'less of a woman'; you think I'm crazy! Well, I'm not crazy, this WHOLE situation…" I start.
"No one said anything about 'crazy'. I was simply stating that it would be best, in my opinion, that you address what happened to you from a psychological standpoint; that is all. That in no way was meant to indicate anything about your mental state of mind. The situation was traumatic for you, to say the least, and you might find discussing it with a professional, or a fellow victim, might be beneficial. Surely, as a student of Psychology, you must understand that?"
"I understand EXACTLY what you are saying, and AS a student I know that you cannot FORCE me to speak to anyone.So don't waste your time, I don't want to talk," I practically yell. As if on cue, he knew his exit line.
"Yes, you are correct, no one can force you to talk, although I wish you would reconsider," he stated as he exited my room.
~0*o~
Knock. Knock. Knock.
There it is again, that damned knocking. Why won't everyone just go AWAY and leave me alone? I don't want to see anyone. I don't want to talk about 'it', and I'm certainly not going to be able to just 'get past this'. I've been lying here, holed up in my room, on my bed, just trying to remember to breathe. The physical pain has subsided long ago. The emotional pain, well that's a different story. I'm a Psychologist, and I feel like I'm losing my damned mind. How am I going to be able to help anyone else? I can't even help myself. It's been quite some time since I was…raped… by Royce and his friends. And I know everyone is worried about me because I just can't seem to move on. But today, is the anniversary of THAT day, the day that changed my life, ultimately changing me.
"You need to eat something," comes from the other side of the door. Emmett, is trying to coerce me out of my despair.
He had immediately made the six and a half hour drive from Cambridge to Rochester, in less than four hours, when he found out I was in the hospital, and I was certain he would get right back in his Jeep and head back to Cambridge when he found out why I was in the hospital. To my great surprise he booked a hotel room across the street, and stayed with me. Of course, I don't think even the man that was full of more love than any other, could have reduced my hostility to the human population in general.
"I'm not hungry!"
Oh, please Em, just leave me alone. I don't want you to see me right now; I don't want anyone to see me right now. He's given me so much, and asked for so little in return. He has loved me, even with my flaws, my baggage, and my bitterness. I don't deserve him, that's the truth. I can't fully be with him, as broken as I am, and I can't ever completely fill his life. I will never be able to give him children. THAT is the hardest part of dealing with this, knowing I will NEVER be a complete woman, because my ability to bear children has been ripped from me. God's gift, a woman's sole purpose, to create life and give birth, I can't do it. I never will be able to, even with the medical advances and the fertility treatments, no, my womb was destroyed beyond all medical help and had to be removed from my body.
"I know today is a difficult day for you, but I won't allow you to be swallowed into a pit of despair and self loathing," he states as he enters the room. "You are a beautiful, intelligent, and wonderful woman and I love you just the way you are, and you will NOT shut me out."
What he doesn't know, is I HAVE to shut him out. He doesn't want to enter this world; he doesn't want to know my internal struggles. How could he? What man would?
"Can you hear me?" he says waving a hand in front of my vacant stare. He had been doing that a lot lately. That didn't make me care anymore though, especially not today of all days.
"Yes, I can hear you, I'm NOT deaf!" I don't want to be mean, but I fear he won't leave me alone if I'm not.
"I know you aren't deaf, but you aren't 'there' either." This is the way it always is with him. No matter how bad I am to him he never leaves. He never stops loving and caring for me, and he's right, I'm not here. Not fully. I don't think I ever will be. How can I be?
"Just leave me alone, I don't want any help; I don't want to be 'here'," I retort cynically.
"I'm not a Psychologist, or a doctor for that matter, but I am a man in love, and I'll be damned if I will turn my back on that!" Oh yeah, I've hurt him now. "You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I've loved you since high school, even though I was too stupid to realize it, and God help me I am not going to let you go again. NOTHING will change that."
I chance a peek at his face; it's twisted with underlying pain. I truly do NOT deserve this man.
"Em, please, I just want to be left alone."
"No… I'm not a professional, but I know that THIS isn't something you can go through alone, and I will be here by your side, whether you like it or not, because I love you!" He grabs me by the shoulders and gently faces me towards him. "Do you understand that?"
I gaze into his boyish eyes, and they reveal true adoration. He does love me, and he isn't going anywhere. I can't help but be scared because of it.
"I don't know what to do," I start, because I genuinely don't. "I don't want to talk to anyone about it. I don't want to relive it; it just makes it all the more tangible and I'm afraid that if I accept it fully, it might break me."
"You are the most strongest-willed person I know. You can't break; I know you can't. It's impossible," he assures me.
"I don't know about all of that." If I wasn't well on my way to being broken already, I didn't know where I was then.
"I do." He pulls me into his warm embrace. "You don't need to worry; I won't allow it to happen."
And I believe him, because I trust him, because I love him.
"What did I do to deserve you?" I sob into his chest.
"What did YOU do to deserve ME?" he asks incredulously. "Hell, how did I manage to land you?"
I let out a slight chuckle into his chest. My monkey-man truly is clueless.
"I mean, ME, a computer geek from M.I.T., able to be with you...you who are so brave, and strong, and God help me, too smart for your own good."
"I'm not THAT smart."
"No, seriously, you scare me sometimes with how ingenious you truly are." He pulls back a bit to look me in the face.
"Okay, so I am smarter than your average blonde, but that's no prize." I say jokingly as my lips start to curve upward.
"There's that smile…THAT is what I live for every day of my life."
And I can't help but let my smile spread further. "I love you."
"I love you more," he teases.
~0*o~
I push the off button on my phone. 'James' is what she had said.
Bella hadn't realized that she slipped. In her distressed state she named her attacker. I didn't say anything, I didn't acknowledge it to her, and I won't. I don't want her shut down on me, and that is exactly what she will do if I tell her. After a year of silence, she's said something, and I'm not going to stop that progress. But I need to know more.
Okay, what I do know is that this is a 'James' that Bella knows. But that's such a common name, hell her hairdresser's name is James I think…but isn't he gay?
Surely it couldn't be… James Campbell, Edward's old law partner and buddy from college. No, they were 'thicker than thieves' back in the day. But…what if? The thought won't go away. It festers in the back of my mind until I can't take it anymore.
I pick up my phone and dialed my husband.
"Hey babe, what's up?" he picks up.
"Hey honey, not much, just a quick question. That guy that stopped by a few weeks ago to visit Edward, what was his name?"
"Oh, um… James, James Campbell, his old partner, why?" he inquires.
"I just thought I recognized him, but I wasn't sure, and I was thinking about it today, and it just seems like it's been a while since he's been around. They were such good friends, and then poof I hadn't seen him."
"Yeah, he recently came back to town from California. I guess he had some big case out there about a year ago."
"What a friend! The hardest year of Edward's life, and he's nowhere to be seen?" I throw out there to see what else I can get him to say.
"Don't be like that. Edward hasn't talked much to anyone, and Bells hasn't talked at all. There's a good chance he didn't know. He probably stopped by the office to see Edward and they told him he'd been out for a bit."
"I suppose you're right. Sorry, I just know the value of 'real' friends' babe," I stroke his ego.
"Well, they were friends forever, but they did have a falling out over some clients that James was representing. Edward was very vague about it, but we could all tell it bothered him pretty bad. He forced James out of their law practice for Christ's sake! It had to have been pretty bad."
"That would explain why he didn't know, I suppose."
"Was that all you wanted?" he sounds hopeful.
"Well, no, actually that was just a thought that crossed my mind, nothing important really. I really just wanted to hear your voice and ask you when you'd be getting home tonight. I know since Edward's been at the house and we've been so preoccupied that I haven't been paying much attention to my 'wifely duties'." I say to change the subject and distract him.
"I can leave now, if that's the case." He is extremely eager, but I need a bit more time.
"I'm not going to be home myself for a bit, honey; I have a few errands to run. Just work your regular shift, and I will grab something for all of us for dinner and we can head to bed early," I say suggestively.
"Sounds perfect to me. I love you."
"I love you, too. I will see you in a bit."
I hit the end button on my phone again.
I look at the clock. It's late, but hell, it won't hurt to try. I scroll through my contacts, and locate a number I haven't used in a while- a very long while. I silently pray that Bella either won't find out about this or she will forgive me if she does. Regardless I have to do this… for her, for Edward, for Nick and Nattie.
After three rings a familiar voice responds, "Jenks here."
In my line of work, I've seen some patients that have revealed information to me, that has warranted some delving into for my own safety, and Jenks was a damned good private investigator.
"Jenks, it's Rose, can we meet?"
"Dr. Cullen, are you okay?" he asks genuinely concerned for my safety.
"Yes, thank you, but I need to see you as soon as possible, please."
"It's late tonight, but for you… there is a Greek restaurant around the corner from my office, and I haven't eaten yet. Will that work for you?"
"Perfect, actually, what time?"
"Give me thirty minutes and I'll see you there."
"See you in thirty." And I hang up. I knew I could count on him. I needed him more than ever at the moment. Bella was my best friend, and I couldn't let this go on any longer. I had to figure out what she is hiding, what she knows, and who this 'James' is.
~0*o~
I arrived to the Greek restaurant a bit early. It was late and the place looked pretty deserted, thank goodness. I didn't need any eavedroppers hearing what I was about to disclose. I wasn't sure how I was going to approach this with Jenks, I didn't even know exactly what I was looking for either. Telling a private investigator to pry into someone's life, without much rhyme or reason was a difficult task. The task becomes even harder when it's going to be like looking in a haystack for a single, solitary needle. But I needed something to go off of. Bella was secretive for a reason, and I understood that, and even though she pleaded with me not to pry, in her best interest, and in the best interest of many women out there that could be in danger, I needed to delve in and figure this out. What little Bella did give me would have to start something. I'm sure Jenks would have some pretty crafty ways of finding a pile to dig in; I mean that's what he did for a living. He had done it for me before. The man worked wonders fishing out dirt on 'Rochester's Playboy' all those years ago; I had to believe he could do it again for Bella's situation.
"Thank you for meeting me on such short notice," I said to him as he approached me.
"Sure thing Dr. Cullen, anything for you, you know that."
"Look, Jenks, I need you to look into someone for me. This is a very delicate situation, and needs to be handled with kid gloves. I'm not sure how involved this will get, but there is something BIG here, bigger than I've ever had to deal with before."
"Are you in danger?" he asked genuinely.
"Not that I know of, but someone, somewhere, may be. I need you to be as discreet as possible; NO ONE can find out that you are looking into something for me."
"That's not a problem; you should know that."
"Well, this situation is a bit different than my normal request. This isn't just a patient, but a friend…actually, my best friend," I warn him.
"You want me to investigate your best friend?"
"Yes, and I don't have much for you to go off of, but I need you to get as much information as possible."
"Sure thing, tell me what you DO have."
I proceeded to tell him a brief version of Bella's story that she gave the authorities over a year ago, and then I divulged the little bit extra that she's slipped in our conversations. I needed him to understand the severity of the situation. Bella is scared for a reason, and I'm not sure what this 'James' person is able to hold over her head to keep her quiet about her rape and the murder of her children, but it must be something big, something monumental. There must be some power behind this threat that is strong enough to keep her silent.
I hate that I am going against what she requested of me. I know she fears something, but how can I help her if I don't know all of it? How can I be comfortable knowing that her attacker and the murderer of her children is loose on the streets? What does he have on Bella to keep her quiet? Bella was never one to cower in a corner somewhere. The girl was shyer than a kitten, but she was tough. Something else had to have gone down to shut her up like she has been. Over a year this has been going on, and she has just made her first few slips. I just hope I have the proper shoes for the shit pile I know I am certain to find by opening this can of worms.
"The thing is, you will have to dig into her history and find out who exactly this 'James' is. I have written down a list of a few individuals that I know she is acquainted with by that name, you will need to look into them as well, the last year or so of their lives. Find out where they have been, what they have been up to, who they have associated with."
"I see." He looked over the list with calculating eyes. "Is there anyone in particular you want me to begin with?" Taking the pen I had been fiddling with I circle the name 'James R. Campbell' on his list. He nodded before continuing. "Is there anything else?"
"I need to know what is being held over her head to keep her quiet about these things. She won't go into detail, and I will give you any more information if she slips again. But like I said, she has made me promise not to dig and try and find out more; that is why this needs to be handled very delicately."
"I understand…no one can know that they are being looked into… out of sight, out of mind, got it."
"Exactly, someone has gotten away with something for far too long, and I know Bella, I grew up with her, she's a good person, so I know something must be BIG here. I just don't know what it is." I couldn't lose my best friend over this, not again, not when she had just started to open up to me.
"I will start with the list you gave me and I will also look into her phone records from about two months before her attack to current, as well as all the credit card and bank statements I can get my hands on. Is there any way that her husband could be involved in this? I mean, they were his kids, too."
I think my eyes bugged out of my head. They may have just popped out, if not for the glasses I was wearing. That was impossible. Edward was… well, Edward, but I didn't think he could be capable of doing something like that. Not by a long shot, but that didn't mean he wasn't involved in other ways. Becoming one of the state's top lawyers didn't come without earning you a few people who hated your guts.
"Edward? I'm not sure; he's an attorney, so maybe, maybe a disgruntled ex-client of his, look and see what you can find there as well. But I really want you to focus on the first 'James' I put on that list. He actually kind of ties the questions you are asking together. He went to college and used to be partners with Edward. They had a falling out professionally, difference of opinion I suppose, but they remained friends. I do know that Bella was never comfortable around him or cared for him much, even though he was Edward's best friend. She never would talk about it though. He was a creep, but there was something else Bella was tight lipped about."
This whole thing had me questioning if I should have pressed harder for answers as her friend way back then.
"See what you can find there, but don't stop with just him. I don't want to jump to conclusions, and I want to cover all the bases on this one. I need to know as much information as possible, as discreetly as possible."
"I can do that. How do you want me to communicate information to you?"
"Good question, actually, I normally have you send everything to my residence, but because Edward is staying with us right now, that would not be ideal. For the meantime, I will set up a new Gmail account and you can always use my business cell phone. Don't send anything to the house, or call the house phone. I don't want to have to do any unnecessary explaining or lying. I have had to rein in Edward enough as it. If you come across anything that you think may be substantial, I would like to meet you in person for that."
"Sure thing Dr. Cullen, I will get to work right away and get in touch with you in a few days."
"Thank you, Jenks. I appreciate your assistance and willingness to do this for me."
With that he stood up and exited the restaurant. I walked up to the counter and ordered take out for Edward, Emmett and myself. This was gearing up to be a long few days.
~0*o~
"What have you been up to?" I had been expecting the Inquisition, but I had at least hoped I might get fully inside the door before Edward descended on me like a mountain lion.
"Out getting dinner." I held up the bags of Greek food. "I thought that would be obvious."
He still didn't look convinced. I don't know what he saw, but there was something to tip him off to something. He just couldn't find out exactly what it was, or I know he will be diving head first into some rash and ill thought out decision.
"Hey, babe! Greek food! You didn't get ALL salads, did you? You know I hate that green garbage."
I rolled my eyes. Yes, everyone knew my man had to have lots of fresh meat in his diet. "Of course I brought more than salad. Now come on boys; I'm famished."
We sat in quiet peace for a few minutes, longer than I expected with Edward sniffing around. What I didn't expect was for Emmett to open his big mouth. Not what I needed to fuel that boy's fire.
"So, babe, did you figure out whatever you were looking into today? You sounded tense over the phone. I'm sure Edward, here, can tell you that James is a good guy. Right, man?"
I had to resist smacking my palm to my forehead. This was NOT good. Here we go in 3, 2, 1…
"Why were you asking about James today? Yeah, he's a good guy. What is he to you?" He kept his voice calm, far too calm. I reluctantly looked up from my plate, and saw the eyes that could make any liar on the witness stand crumble. I had to remind myself that I was doing this for Bella, and for him. He couldn't know. Edward could ruin this whole thing right now. I couldn't let that happen. For the sake of my best friend, I couldn't let that happen.
"Oh, I was just curious about him. He came by a few weeks ago, and I just really didn't remember who he was. It had been bugging me so when I called Emmett this afternoon I just asked. I know he's a good guy." I gave him a smile to help my case and a wave of my hand in the air, trying to pull off a nonchalant attitude, hoping to God he bought my partial bullshit story. Now was not the time I needed to be cross examined by 'Lawyer Edward'.
He held my gaze longer than was necessary. He didn't want to believe me. He knew something was up. He wouldn't just drop this; I knew that. He was too much like Emmett. They were both so damned stubborn. A male Cullen trait I believe; Esme has complained numerous times about Carlisle.
"Why did you go to this restaurant? If you wanted Greek, there is one right down the street. Why go all the way across town?" Damn it! This is what makes him great at what he does. He assesses and formulates a new plan of attack, and fires at you before you have any idea he's changed tactics.
"We go to that restaurant all the time. I wanted something different tonight. Besides, I heard this one has the best baklava around. Is there something wrong with that?" I think that went okay. For having to scramble a bit, I think I lied pretty well and managed to maintain my 'bitchy' attitude as well. Now it was time for MY next battle tactic.
"Why the Inquisition, Edward? You seem tense; are you feeling okay?" I went to put my hand to his forehead to see if he was funning a fever, a joking gesture I knew he hated. It accomplished the desired effect.
"I'm fine," he spat at me.
Yes, because flying off the handle was really rock hard evidence that he was 'fine'. Maybe more like freaked out…insecure…neurotic…emotional- that kind of F-I-N-E.
With that he threw away the rest of his dinner and stormed into the den, and slammed the door shut. I huffed, feeling sorry for my doors lately. They had never been slammed so many times since we'd lived here.
Emmett was sitting there staring between Edward's wake and me. That could have gone a wee bit better in my book.
"Well, I think that is our cue to retire early for the evening. What do you think?" I raise my brow with a suggestive smirk to my husband.
I didn't need to ask twice. I'm sure Emmett has been waiting for me to say that since I walked in the door. That's all the encouragement my monkey man ever needed. For tonight, the crisis was averted. Now all I needed to do was wait, and see what Jenks could dig up for me.
A/N (danna): Oh what a tangled web we weave… going against B's request, involving Em, who in turn raises E's suspicions, and now she has to tip toe through the daisy's… our little Rose had best be careful ;o)
Okay, seriously, I BIG puffy heart LURVE all your arse's for the review's/rec's/fav's/etc that you have done for TS… I'm like giddy fucking fangirl happy every time I get a review. It's quite inappropriate actually! To fangirl squee whilst at work… so… PLEASE for the love of all that is Holy, keep it up and keep my coworkers guessing what the hell is going on with me!
I would like to shout out to PattyRose, who rec'd us in her story! WHAT A FUCKING HONOR! IF you haven't read either of her fic's, you should, she's amazingly talented!
And as always, thank you to the BETA extraordinaire, Songster. Without her, this would be drabble… TRULY!
A/N #2 (Jessi): WHAT? We got rec'ed! That is so amazing! Thanks PR! Okay everything that Danna said. Love all you reviewers, and readers, and fav'ers, and alerters and EVERYONE who has any idea about our little story! Love you all, and I am 100% positive you are going to be knocked off your sox with what we have coming up next. Songster! You make this all readable… cuz otherwise my part of this story would look as scary, and misspelled, and misused grammar everything as my A/N. Love you chica! Thanks a billion bunches!