DISCLAIMER: Stephanie Meyer owns everything; We just have an overly active imaginations.
ATTENTION: This story's theme is rape. Some scenes are graphic.
A/N (Jessi): Okay so… I love all you awesome amazing readers who read and review for us! I love you, Danna, cuz woman this wouldn't be the fantastic story this is without you. Finally, as always, Songster you are amazing! You take our words and give us a lesson in English and make it readable ;) Love ya Ladies! ~Thanks bunches!
A/N#2 (danna0724): okay peeps! A little bit of angst and a little bit of lovin'! As promised in a/n last chappy, for stickin' w/ us, y'all get a sweet lemon… yup that's right… sweet! As per the usual… if you aren't old enough to buy cig's or vote, please do NOT go any further! ALSO… this story is the sole property of Jessi's and Danna's, stealing is a crime, and you don't really wanna be a 'ganker' anyway do ya?
Many, many thanks and inappropriate love gropes to my lemony pre-readers TEA and Terry! The encouragement and kind words were… NEEDED! And Jessi… w/o you holding my hand… where would I be? I love you BB!
Tortured Soul: Chapter 14
Bella's POV
"Alice, just stop! There aren't enough shops, stores, or boutiques in all of Illinois to make all the bad in my world go away. Let's just leave, and you can go home to Jasper." Even to my own ears I sounded like I needed to be in a padded cell. I scoffed internally; now I was proving them all right. However, I was sick and tired of being dragged around from store to store.
Alice had become used to my behavior though. She'd stopped waiting for me to gush over the cutest pair of shoes of the season or the dress that would have Edward instantly hard. She's stopped expecting the spark to come back into my eyes. She'd stopped waiting for the old Bella to come back. Instead, she just worked with what she had… which, granted, wasn't all that much.
"That comes to $124 even, Miss."
I jumped a little as realized I had completely forgotten we were standing at the checkout at, hopefully, the last lingerie boutique for the day. I hated it for Alice to insist on spending any kind of money on me, but spending this kind of money on something that was just going to go to waste was borderline lunacy. Edward didn't even see me anymore period, much less have the opportunity to see me in so little as lingerie.
As she had at every other shop today she just handed over her credit card to the awaiting… man… the wind instantly was knocked out of me. I had been doing so well-being out in public with people all day. Yet, this man looked just like him. He had the same mousy blonde hair that was leaning toward being brown. He had the same steel blue eyes.
My breathing had started coming out in pants; I probably looked like I had just run a marathon. My knees wanted to give out on me forcing me to grab onto the counter for support.
"Bella?" The panic was evident in my sister-in-law's voice.
I knew I had to get out of here, but I couldn't- I was frozen in place caught in the worried eyes of the young clerk behind the counter.
The young man in the here and now may have been scared out of his mind, but my mind wasn't in the here and now. My mind had taken me back to months ago, and I was staring straight into the cold eyes of my rapist, the eyes of a murderer.
"Bella! Oh my God! Bella!" Her tiny arms were trying to pry me away and out of the store, but nothing was cooperating.
The young clerk moved to offer his assistance, which started my screams. I knew it wasn't rational to fear him, but a broken mind is seldom governed by rational.
"No, no you stay there!" The man halted at her stern words, and hand shoved into his face.
Little Alice began tugging me out of the store she knew once my screams and shaking started, I didn't have long before I would be completely lost to my mind.
"Edward… get Edward." That was all I got to say before I no longer was in a bustling mall in Chicago, rather in a cabin deep in the woods with him.
"I'm going to make it go away, Bella. I'll make the pain go away." The words where so far away I doubted they were even real. No one could take all my pain away.
"Bella! Honey, can you hear me? Come back, darling. Open your eyes. You're safe now. No one is going to hurt you."
The voice was too deep to be from Alice. The arms gently rocking me were too strong to be apart of her tiny body.
"Edward?"
My throat was scratchy from screams I didn't even know I had voiced.
"Yes, I'm here; I've got you. I'm going to get you home."
I was too exhausted to do anything as I felt him pick me up, and carry me somewhere. I'm assuming toward home.
"Get the bags, and follow us home in case… something happens." No one responded so I could only surmise Alice nodded.
"Just a few more minutes, and we'll be home," he murmured as he buckled me into his car.
Soft jazz filled the air during the drive home even though I couldn't focus on much of anything.
I barely noticed as he pulled up to our house, and shared a few words with Alice before answering his phone. He wasn't happy about whatever they were telling him. A long loud string of profanities followed behind him before he opened and slammed the front door. I hoped he was talking to a partner and not a client.
Alice came over to open my car door seeing I wasn't moving anywhere. "He got a phone call… obviously." She was quiet, at a loss for words. Alice was never at a loss for words.
I hadn't even moved to unbuckle my seat belt. I was feeling better, but I never felt right after a panic attack. I didn't know what happened while I was out of it. I just wanted to be alone, and try to forget everything I just remembered.
"Do you want to talk about what happened? You were fine all morning, and then you just freaked out. Was it that man? I was so worried," she stammered while standing next to me. Alice was never anything but assured and confident.
I just stared out the windshield for a long time. I lost track of how long I just sat there with her watching me. How could I tell her that man looked like my rapist and the man who had murdered my children? I couldn't, I wouldn't. For their own safety, NOBODY could know that I knew my attacker. No one could know that man looked liked James Campbell to me.
"Just memories. I'm sorry for scaring you. For a while there I was back where they found me." I hoped my voice was strong, but I knew it wasn't.
For once she didn't say anything, just hugged me tight. I didn't think she was going to say anything as we unloaded the purchases for me into my foyer. We could hear Edward still arguing with someone upstairs in his office. Whoever it was, they were certainly getting an earful of colorful expletives. The poor soul probably just wanted an update on a case and here they found him at the worst time possible.
I was just about to wave goodbye when she spun around, startling me in the process. She opened and closed her mouth several times trying to decide what to say.
"Wear the blue one tonight." At first I was confused as to what she meant. I didn't remember getting anything blue. This was spring shopping, everything was white.
"I know today was hard on you, but… well, only if you're ready… umm… he'll love it," she finally managed to stutter out. Her lack of confidence could only be in reference to one thing. The dark blue nightgown she insisted I had to have at the last store we got to.
I couldn't make her any promises. She could tell me all day Edward would love it, but how could she really know? I was damaged, and broken. How could he ever want something that was used and thrown away by another man?
Without really giving her a yes or a no, I hugged her goodbye, and she finally got to go on her way.
Knowing exactly where my husband was, I peeked in the door of his office. He was thankfully off the phone and looking at one of the papers that were constantly strewn everywhere in the organized mess that was his desk. He even had on his ridiculous glasses he's had since forever.Whatever that call was about must have been serious for those glasses to get pulled out.
I stood there for a moment taking him in. His face, although beautiful, was worn and paler than usual. His hair was a disastrous mess that had, no doubt, been pulled in frustration many times. His work suit which was always immaculate was rumpled and in dire need of going to the dry cleaners to be laundered and pressed. His shirt was un-tucked and un-buttoned and poking out the bottom of this suit jacket, which was never tolerated- ever, not for him or any of his employees. His tie was barely clinging to its original Double Windsor knot.
When he noticed my appearance in his doorway he looked uneasy, his agitation from his phone call earlier long forgotten. What I detested the most was that his eyes were cautious. He was afraid to do anything lest he upset me in some way.
"Hey, Alice just left. I was going to start putting everything away that we bought." I should have thanked him for today, but I couldn't. I didn't know how. I didn't want to remember what happened. I didn't even really want to believe today really happened, and talking about it would do just that.
I didn't want to talk about how he had to rush out of work early, obviously leaving people very pissed, to scoop me off the floor of the ladies room at the mall. Not something I'm sure he necessarily wanted to do today.
I tried to smile back at him, but I'm fairly certain it didn't come across like one. Either way he didn't mention a thing. Instead, he pushed back from his desk and tossed his glasses on top of the papers he had been reviewing.
He appraised me for a moment before opening his arms up for me to come into them. He had been doing this periodically, and each time I was unable to go to him. I just couldn't…not yet. He had carried me, for Christ's sake, not even an hour ago; it should be effortless. On the outside it appeared to be just that a simple hug. People did that all the time, just not me.
"Isabella," he called to me softly.
I had been uncomfortable with any touch since I came back from him. Every touch was his touch, and they would just remind me of him. I so desperately wanted to run into my husband's arms and never let go, but memories of such real clarity had me grounded in place. Clutching at the doorframe of his office, I was unable to do what we most wanted in that moment.
"Edward." It was more of a sob that anything. "You know I want to so much… I'm sorry," I cried as I choked back a sob.
I couldn't even look at him as I denied him. I couldn't wait around to see devastation paint his beautiful features. I took the coward's way out and fled from that doorway, leaving him behind.
I busied myself with putting away the many purchases from today. I was really stalling for Edward to come out of his office. Not long after I fled, the door softly closed with a soft light escaping from underneath it.
Still waiting…stalling, I stared at the pieces of blue lace Alice had bought for me today. It really was quite lovely. That didn't make the innocent fabric any less frightening. I had a feeling deep down in my gut that nothing good would come from me putting this 'thing' on. I still had that feeling as I slipped the expensive silk over my skin.
I waited in our bedroom for my husband. He always came in to say goodnight and blow a kiss from afar before either retreating back to his office or lying down on the couch that was crowded in our room as well.
Growing tired of simply waiting, I cracked open a new book I had picked up, and immersed myself in a world where everything was perfect. In a fictional world where there was no hurt or sadness.
I woke up abruptly sending my book tumbling to the sound of a loud crash. It was like something glass shattered. Getting up I saw Edward was no longer in his study. Thinking perhaps something could be wrong I set out to investigate, pulling on my robe.
The house was quiet and vacant from what I could tell- too quiet. I didn't readily see where the sound had come from or where my husband might be.
Coming into the kitchen the back patio door was wide open with dark colored glass broken just outside. It was a beer bottle.
I cautiously stepped through the open door into the cool night air there sat Edward with a nice collection of bottles beside him- more than a six pack, I noted.
He didn't hear me approach as he tipped his head back to take a long drink from the bottle in his hand, finishing it off.
"Edward?"
He jumped a bit, surprised to no longer be alone.
"Why are you awake? Did you have a nightmare? Do you need something?" I was surprised to see he could form a coherent thought at this point in his drinking. Shyly smiling thinking of how even inebriated he still cares for me.
Shaking my head I went to stand in front of him, and sat down on the ottoman there.
"So is this what you do with your nights," I noted while appraising him. His eyes were dull; sluggish- perhaps he wasn't as much of his normal self as I had previously thought.
"You should try it sometime," he snapped. Now, I wondered how long this had been going on. My Edward would never have said that to me just now. He didn't even hold a lick of shame for his actions.
I, however, couldn't help but think of what I had done to this amazing man.
There wasn't any point in trying to talk or reason with him tonight. I just took the empty bottle from his hand. He, without a doubt, had a case stashed somewhere I didn't know about.
I didn't want to see him drown his grief like this. I could handle many things, but this wasn't one of them. I couldn't watch him destroy more of himself than had already been.
"Let's just go back to bed. You need to sleep all this off."
I didn't think about the words I had used until I saw his eyes shift. They were still visibly drunk; they just took on another quality besides sadness… lust.
"Bella," he mumbled through his drunken haze, making me want to run back inside and lock the door.
I was too close to him to move away as he leaned into me planting a sloppy, wet kiss to my lips. I nearly lost what little grip I had on this situation remembering James doing the same thing.
I tried to push him away, but that merely seemed to make him all the more eager. I knew this wasn't my Edward; this wasn't my husband, but that didn't make this any less terrifying. I wasn't ready for this, none of it. I didn't know what I would do if, in a drunken fog, Edward did the same thing he did to me.
"Wait! Edward, please stop! I can't do this please," I begged him, but to no avail.
Tears were streaming down my face that he didn't seem to notice.
"Mmm, Bella, it's been so long." His words were slurred; it was hard to tell exactly what he was saying against my skin. "You feel so good Baby, so damn good." Nothing could have stopped that word from reaching my ears. I tried to worm out of his grasp, but he still held me strong.
My nightmares were threatening to break through to my consciousness. This couldn't happen to me again. His mouth was everywhere, just like his. His hands were rough, just like his. My pleas fell in deaf ears, just like with him.
"Baby, I need you, honey. Let's go up to bed."
He began to pull me back toward the house while stumbling around in the dark. I shoved him with all my might just as he stepped us into the house. Unfortunately I went to the floor right along with him.
"Eager, my love?" he laughed into my ear. NO! I wanted to scream at him, but it would do just as much good as all the past screams had done. "Baby, I can't wait either," he whispered like a shared secret between us.
I closed my eyes tight, trying in vain to wake up in my bed alone with my sober husband sleeping soundly on the couch beside me. I counted to three before opening my eyes again. Nothing changed though; Edward was still spreading his saliva anywhere he could reach.
He had my nightgown shoved up as far as it would go without pulling it over my head. Lovely idea, Alice, I couldn't help but glare at her in my mind. Edward sure seems like he loves it, great job. This was by no means her fault, but nothing in my mind was making much sense at the moment. Nothing ever did when I was trying to fend off memories of that experience.
"Please stop, honey, stop I can't do this," I tried cooing in his ear. If yelling at him wasn't getting through, I had to just try something else. I was all too much aware of the erection that was straining against the material of his pants.
Nothing was working, he was currently groaning around my left breast that he was sucking on. I was just about to give up, and just accept that something I was not at all ready for was going to happen tonight, just about to accept that I was going to suffer too much tonight, and Edward isn't going to have a clue when he wakes up in the morning with a killer hangover.
That is when I heard the most wonderful sound in the world; the doorbell, repeatedly. That alone could only mean one person- Alice.
I wanted to scream and yell for her to save me, but before I could even get out a single cry for help Edward planted his lips against mine. I could scarcely breathe let alone shout.
"I know you're in there! You guys never go anywhere anymore." Yes it was definitely Alice. "And I know you two aren't having sex, because you don't do that either," she added.
"Alice, quiet down! They don't need you screaming through their front door right now. Just wait a minute they probably aren't even awake right now." This voice was so quiet through the house I questioned myself if I actually heard it. I had to hope that Jasper was with her. Jasper would be able to stop Edward from hurting me.
I was afraid he would be sensible, and insist she leave us alone before she scouted around the house looking for any signs of life before banging on the door some more.
Edward was still oblivious to anything going on while still keeping my mouth otherwise engaged. He had his pants down around his knees, and all that was separating us were my tiny little panties that Alice was so excited about since they matched my gown, apparently, perfectly.
"God, Bella, you feel so damn good. I need to be inside of you. I love you. You're so fucking sexy," he stated against my lips.
There wasn't anymore talking from the front door, I was alone again. For once I was thankful for my mind to take me back to the cottage, back to him. When the signs of a flashback came around, I didn't try to fight them- I welcomed them. If I saw James that meant I didn't have to see Edward doing the exact thing that monster did to me, the same monster that took our children from us.
"Oh, my God! Edward, what are you doing? Get off of her! Jasper!" Alice's high-pitched shriek sounded so far away. It didn't make sense; she wasn't there with James. I would have known if she had been there.
I couldn't focus on anything other that the steely blue eyes boring into mine. Hearing my sister-in-law's voice was a nice little comfort in the hellhole I found myself in.
What I couldn't figure out was why James suddenly was no longer on top of me. One second he was there and the next he was gone. That's when Alice's voice came back.
"Bella! Come back; you're okay now. You're safe; Jasper's got him!" she cried from somewhere near me. I didn't know how Jasper could have gotten to James so fast- he wasn't even here. They were all supposed to be in Chicago, but I wasn't going to argue. James had been intent on raping me.
I could feel her tiny arms encircling me, but I couldn't see her. I was still trapped in the small bedroom of that cottage. There was so much yelling and struggling coming from somewhere, but I couldn't tell where. The small room I was in seemed to be empty of anyone else.
She kept whispering comforting things in my ear never letting go. I don't know how long it was until my vision began to darken. That is when I knew this was another flashback. My mind always gives me that one little sign that what I was just seeing was not real. All I could do now was to wait for my mind to cut me loose from its vision.
Slowly, I blinked enough for my vision to brighten until I could see the blurry outline of her little elfin face. She was smiling a little sad smile with tears in her eyes, and wet lines from where tears had just been. I hated being the cause of hurt for someone who was always so full of joy.
My attention was abruptly pulled toward the far side of the room where Jasper was using, what looked like all his strength, to hold a very pissed, not to mention drunk, Edward at bay.
"Let me go! She's my wife!" he screamed at the top of his lungs. Anyone could tell, however, that he still wasn't anywhere near sober.
I closed my eyes from the sight before me. I couldn't bear to see him like this. I couldn't watch what I had brought upon this amazing man. It was cowardly of me, for sure, but I couldn't stand there and behold his tortured soul.
"Put coffee on, Alice, a very strong, very large pot of coffee. He's needs to sober up, and see what he has almost done," Jasper suggested sounding just as strained as he looked.
Alice quickly scurried out of the room leaving me with the two men. Edward was still locked in a vice grip even though he appeared to be settling down a bit.
"Why are you doing this? You said you loved me? I love you, Bella. I don't understand isn't that enough?" Edward mumbled looking so lost it nearly broke even more of me. No words could take back any actions though. What was done, was done, and I didn't have to be happy about it.
"The man I love, the Edward I love, would never have done what you did to me tonight," I shouted at him as fresh tears ran down my face again. "If Alice and Jasper wouldn't have come… you… it wouldn't have been any different than what he did to me," I snapped at him.
He had to know what he was about to do, would have hurt more than anything James had done. I held a hatred for that man, which ran so deep nothing could ever erase it. However, the love I will always have for Edward is just as deep- deeper. Having Edward stoop that low… I couldn't even think about it.
Fresh tears were already streaming down my face, which only served to piss me off. I was so God damn tired of crying! I just wanted to be happy!
"Here," Alice thrust a large cup of coffee toward Edward making Jasper tentatively drop his hold on him. "Any stronger and it would be sludge." So much for my imported coffee I guess.
Taking a long look at me, then staring down at his cup, he took a shallow sip. "This tastes like shit, you do know that, right 'Pix'?"
"Yes, and you will drink the entire pot before you even think about doing anything." As if this entire situation wasn't enough to fuel her fire, he had to go and make a pixie reference. She was practically seething. I hadn't seen her this angry since the caterers ordered the wrong type of caviar or something for her wedding.
"How could you do this?" And now we were back to this. I had never seen her lose her cool like this. She actually gripped her perfect hair in frustration. I thought that was only a male Cullen trait. "You probably shot all the progress she's made straight to hell, you fucking idiot!" she screamed at him.
Mascara was running down her porcelain face. I'd never heard her use that kind of language before. Her brothers, hell even me, spouted it all the time, but never Alice; she was too much like Esme.
Alice always looked up to her older brothers. According to her, they could do no wrong. They were as much of a god as any human could possibly get in her book. I couldn't imagine how crushed she must be to have seen what she just walked in on.
Turning to me, she stated with finality, "You're spending the night at our house." She didn't need to tell me twice. I didn't want to leave him, but I wouldn't do him any good locking myself in our bedroom with the door and windows barred with furniture.
So instead I tied my robe tighter, and slipped on a pair of shoes that had been kicked under a couch. I didn't think I had the energy to go upstairs and change. No one would see me anyway. Of course that's what I thought when I put this get up on in the first place.
I made it as far as the front walk before I turned to spare one last look at my husband, who had come trailing behind us as we left. Jasper sensing my current mood gently tugged on my hand to get me moving. He knew if I stared too hard into those mossy green pools, I'd crumble and go running back inside.
He opened the rear door to his truck helping me in. "He'll be alright in the morning." He gave me a smile, which I returned in kind.
As he pulled away from our house, I let my eyes linger on the hunched figure at the front windows watching our departure.
For whatever reason Alice had in coming back this evening, I would be eternally grateful.
Tomorrow, when he was sober again, I would come back. I had already forgiven him, of that there was no question, but to forget it entirely, that's another thing.
Tonight I couldn't give him what he wanted, and it would be many more nights before I could. Deep down I feared I may never be able to.
Alice and Jasper left me alone on their guestroom to curl up undisturbed. They left me alone to my thoughts, and in the darkness to cry anew for what I knew I had to do. I realized tonight that I had to begin keeping Edward at arms length. When I go back to him next, it will be the last time. I will ask him to leave… for both our sakes.
"Rosalie, how do you feel about me asking Edward to come to Forks for a long weekend coming up?" I questioned my best friend as we talked on the phone.
I had been mulling over this since the last time I talked to him. I wasn't sure if I was ready, but I knew I had to start changing things. It was time to let him back into my life.
It seemed so long ago that I started pushing Edward away; I didn't know how to let him back in. I needed help- I saw that now.
"I think that would be a wonderful idea! He's wanted to see you. I told him it would work!" For a moment I forgot I was talking to calm and collected Rosalie. I had to hold the phone away from my ear to combat the screaming. Apparently, she was very excited.
"What would work? What are you talking about?"
"Please, woman, would you have ever wanted to see Edward if I hadn't asked him be on the phone with you while you went through the house?"
I had to admit I hadn't really thought about it like that before.
"I could have been the one blabbing in your ear as you were going through that, and it wouldn't have been nearly as profound an experience. You two needed each other. I know we're friends; I know we're close. You and Edward though…" she trailed off, but I knew exactly what she meant. Edward and I had drifted, and we needed to start reconnecting.
Whether I knew it or not having him with me did just that. I realized he could be there for me… that he still wanted to be there for me.
She asked all the particulars as to when he could come and so on. I heard banging in the background, but chose to ignore it at the moment. She was in the middle of telling me to make sure I told Esme right away so she could get a dinner ready for when he was home, when she all but growled.
"Do you want me to put him on?" she seethed into the phone. "I've had to lock myself into my bedroom to keep him from trying to make grabs at the phone. I swear the man has the reach of a tree monkey!"
I didn't mean to laugh at her exasperation, but I could just picture the scene.
"Is there even such a thing as a tree monkey?" I chuckled.
"Ha, I don't know how you put up with him. Emmett is so polar opposite; you'd think Edward was adopted sometimes." We laughed for a moment before she cleared her voice to speak again. I thought for a moment Dr. Rosalie was going to make another appearance.
"Anyways, let's see here. Let me find this husband of yours," she said extra loud so Edward could surely hear her on the other side of the door. "Oh! Look at this. I open the door, and speak of the devil."
I couldn't help but smile at her, even though Edward probably wanted to scream at her. Rosalie had been through so much in her life, and yet she could still be carefree and playful. I only hoped that one day I could be that way too, that one day I could be like the old Bella again.
"Just give me the damn phone!" Yeah, he wasn't happy with her.
"You know you should try and be nice to my best friend," I chided once I knew he had the phone.
"I am when she isn't being a pain in my ass."
He and Rosalie just couldn't be friends. They tolerated each other, but that was about it. They had gotten a little better since they were forced to live in the same general proximity.
"Well, as soon as you're done growling at my BFF I wanted to know what your plans were for this upcoming Friday through Monday."
There was a long silence I wasn't sure if he was even breathing.
"If I were to say 'I don't have any plans', would I by any chance be booking a ticket to Washington in the next ten seconds?"
"You're good; you're very quick. If you don't think it would be…"
"Bella, if you think there is any way in hell I'm not coming, then you are very much mistaken. Hell yes, I'm coming!"
He sounded so much like Emmett at that moment I had to clamp my hand over my mouth not to laugh at him. Rose was right usually they were so different people wouldn't think they were even related. It was times like this we were reminded that they most definitely were.
"I thought so," I giggled.
We talked for a bit more, finalizing a few more details about his stay. He was going to call up his mom, and ask her to get our house ready for someone to stay. Not that is wasn't already, but even if we thought the house looked flawless, she'd huff that we didn't let her know.
"Hey, kiddo. Where are you going? I thought you said Jake had stuff going on today?"
Rolling my eyes, I turned to face my Dad. Jacob wasn't the only person I socialized with… okay he was, but the Rez wasn't the only place I went.
"Grocery store, Edward's coming out Friday so I thought I'd cook a night or two."
I smiled as I walked out the door. Behind the utterly shocked expression he wore, there was elation also. He had been so worried when I was alone, and when I abruptly decided to come home and stay with him.
I wandered up and down the aisles of the small grocery store, filling my cart with various things that caught my eye.
I knew we'd have dinner at the diner at least once, Esme would insist on cooking, and if I cooked there were the three dinners we'd have. I'd have to check with him and see when his flight out on Monday was. Maybe Dad would be able to 'treat' us to The Lodge the last night. Neither Edward nor I were especially fond of it, but Dad loved it.
Back in Charlie's kitchen I had enough ingredients to cook for a whole week.
"Jeez Bells, did you think Emmett and Jake were coming for dinner? It is just going to be the four of us… right?"
He still looked skeptical even after I nodded, and continued putting everything away.
I was antsy all week, and I was still antsy as I waved goodbye to Charlie on his way to the station. I was still antsy the entire drive out to SeaTac.
Wringing my hands, I waited at 'Arrivals' for the flight coming in from Chicago.
"You must be waiting for your man." I looked around for a moment wondering if this stranger was talking to me. Was I really that obvious? I hoped, as I looked around, it wasn't one of the women who I had heard whispering recognizing me from my picture on my book jackets.
My eyes landed on an elderly couple who were seated across the small aisle in front of me.
"You have it written all over you; the look of a young woman who is just itching to be back in the arms of the man she loves," the elderly woman said as she smiled kindly at me then up at her husband seated beside her.
"Yes, I remember when you would look at me like that," her husband quipped back at her.
She playfully swatted at his arms that was resting next to hers. "Of course I still do! Don't you ever deny it."
The love these two shared made me smile back at them. I wanted to be like them when I'm old and wrinkled.
"I didn't know I was being so obvious."
"Oh, young lady, love is not something you can hide."
Just then, passengers began flooding out from their three-hour flight out of Chicago.
I bolted up out of my seat, causing the elderly woman to chuckle to herself. They both turned to watch the passengers file out.
"Bella! Honey!" he yelled over the dull roar of the small crowd around him, waving his arms in my direction.
"Oh, you have quite the catch there, sweetie. You keep a hold of that one, my dear."
"I intend to, it was lovely to talk to you." I gave one last smile and small wave to the couple, and met my husband halfway.
Even after sitting in a cramped airplane, he still looked breath-taking. Anyone could see he wanted to pull me into his arms, and hug me tight, but he didn't. Instead he took my hand, and pulled it up to his lips to place a lingering kiss on the back of it.
"I've missed you," he smiled down at me, still not looking to move toward the short-term parking lot. "It's so good to see you," he murmured leaning in close to my ear. "I love you."
I didn't immediately shrink from his closeness like I would have just a handful of weeks ago. They were right; I was making progress.
"And I, you, it's great to see you. Now… I want a double chocolate extra thick, so thick you need a spoon, milkshake from the diner in Forks. That's three hours away so we need to go." Grabbing his hand I pulled his toward the parking lot, all the way suppressing a smug smile at the shocked expression on his face, and his mouth hanging open a bit.
I let him drive on the way home. He was sure to take us through Port Angeles to pass by Bella Italia, a quaint little restaurant that was part of our one and only date in high school.
Feeling brave at seeing a little of our past, I placed my hand over his on the gearshift. He didn't make a big deal about it or even comment on it; he just smiled keeping his eyes on the road.
"Aren't you going to stop by your parents?" I asked while devouring my amazing shake. They were practically a food group all in their own.
In response to my question all I got was a I-can't-believe-you-just-asked-me-that look.
"I just got off a plane where I was surrounded by too many people and screaming kids. I don't even want to think about what kind of hell was going on in coach." He visibly shuddered at the thought. "Not to mention Alice and Rosalie took over my packing this morning. Trust me, all I am up for is parking in front of your Dad's flat screen, drinking a Vitamin R."
Chuckling to myself, I almost felt bad about breaking the bad news to him.
"Well, you and Dad won't be the only ones camping out there after dinner. This is the Friday Night Ball Game at the Chief's house. He got them to hold the pizza, and just settle for the beer later so we could have dinner just the four of us."
He let out a loud groan. "Couldn't they move it for a week?"
"Charlie said it would be good for you to spend some time with the 'men'," I said as sweetly as possible.
He turned to gape at me like I had gone loony.
"Oh, don't look at me like that. It's not like you're stuck there! You can leave whenever you want. Depending on how much beer is consumed, I might be right behind you." I doubted it, but I might want to. "Besides he misses you." I'm sure he knew this, he and Dad talked all the time, but he nodded anyway.
Pulling into Dad's driveway he picked up our interlocked hands and kissed the back of mine. "It seems as though I haven't seen you for an age," he whispered in the silence between us.
Before we could sit out there any longer Dad came bursting out the door. He had been looking forward to this more than I was, I think. He'd taken half the day off and everything.
"You kids can't sit out there all evening! Bells, I'm starved! Come feed that man of yours."
We both laughed, but when I moved to get out Edward kept hold of my hand to place one last kiss there before getting out and hugging my Dad.
I chuckled at the two of them together chatting away like old women. Eventually they settled into whatever game happened to be on.
While they caught up, I busied myself in the kitchen.
I was all nervous smiles and jitters. One would have thought it was the first time I'd ever cooked for him.
It was hard for me to pinpoint exactly how I felt about Edward being here. In many ways I was glad, but at the same time uncertain.
I loved him, of that there was no question. However, I still feared being too close to him. I turned him toward darkness once I couldn't do it again. I would always hold the fear of telling too much. I always had to guard what I said- I had a deal to keep.
Also, I felt damaged and worthless, poisoned by what had been done to me. Not to mention responsible for the loss of Nicholas and Natalie.
"Dinner's ready!"
I got a grunt from Charlie as he stalled to watch one last play before he moseyed over to the table. Edward on the other hand made a beeline for the kitchen.
"Slow down honey, it will still be on your plate when you finish chewing." I laughed as Dad and I watched him inhale the lasagna on his plate already eyeing what was left in the dish.
The only sound besides vigorous chewing and hard swallows was a moan now and again. I'm sure that was man-speak for 'dinner is fantastic, honey, thank you so much.'
"Did Rosalie not feed you?" She and I would have serious words if she hadn't been taking care of my man… even if he was the occasional pain in the posterior.
He swallowed his last forkful so he could speak without choking or showering me with bits of food. "Of course she did. There's just something about your cooking. Don't you remember? It's all the 'Bella Love' that you put in there," he stated smiling at me.
Yes, I did remember, but no I try not to think about all those happy times that do nothing but depress me further.
Soon enough the lasagna I slaved over was ancient history, and all the guys from the Force and the Rez (except for Jake who apparently had, yet another, date with Leah) were crammed into our small family room. The Sports talk was loud in between plays as cheap beer was guzzled and greasy pizza (which showed up even though I told them to hold it for next week) was devoured.
I was still getting the kitchen back into order from my day of cooking when Edward came in holding one of my jackets. "Let's take a walk."
"Edward, I'm tired. Can't we just sit and talk." I had been up before the sun and I wasn't up for a stroll. The guys were sort of at a dull roar… we could still talk here.
"Just a short walk, come on, walk off some of those calories from that shake earlier."
I think he knew he was in for it as soon as the words left his mouth.
"Are you saying I'm fat?"
Groaning he trust the jacket toward me. "Bella, don't be difficult. You are not fat. I just want to take a short walk. Humor me. I want to spend some time… alone, with my wife. Is that a crime here in the state of Washington?"
"I'm not sure, but we can run it by Charlie if you'd like. I'm sure he would know," I quipped. Rolling my eyes I took the jacket, and stepped out into the chilly and damp night air.
We walked hand in hand toward the small downtown of Forks. I still wasn't particularly happy about being out this late at night, even with my 'knight in shining armor'. I never felt safe out after dark anymore.
Passing by a few shops before the diner, I waved at an older couple that had lived here my whole life. They looked so happy, so content, and so much in love. They reminded me of the older couple in the airport this afternoon. They reminded me how I wanted to be that older couple when I was their age.
Looking over at Edward, then down at our joined hands, I glanced back up at Mr. and Mrs. Harris. Gently slipping my hand from Edward's, I tried not to dwell on the pained look he gave me before quickly looking away to mask his hurt. Closing my eyes, I knew I was doing the right thing. I leaned my body into him as we walked, and hugged my arms around his waist. It was the most physical contact we'd had since my 'incident' that wasn't during a flashback or panic attack or…
His pace faltered, then stopped altogether. We had moved past the light of the businesses, and into the park along the woods. His face was shrouded in darkness. I would have sworn, though, that he had tears in his eyes. He pulled me tight against him, hugging me to him like he couldn't ever get close enough. In that one moment I felt genuinely loved.
We didn't talk much just enjoyed being close, while occasionally reminiscing about old times. He never once relinquished his hold on me, and for the first time in over a year I welcomed it.
By the time we made it back to Charlie's, everyone had thankfully left. Pizza boxes and beer cans overflowed the small trashcan. There was no sign of Charlie, save for the light snoring coming from his room.
A part of my brain yelled at me to just say goodbye, and make a run for my room with out a backwards glace. However, I had promised to fight to get some semblance of my life back. The Bella I used to be was strong, and determined to get what she wanted.
Tentatively I stepped toward him. "Edward?" My voice was so tiny I wanted to kick myself. I had to be stronger than this if I wasn't going to cower in the shadows for the rest of my miserable life. I had to fight harder.
Before I could change my mind, I closed the gap between us and pressed a feather light kiss to his lips. It was our first kiss since my rape that he would actually remember in the morning. He had probably only been expecting a hug, and he stood frozen for a second or two before he gently cupped my chin in his hands making the kiss tender without pushing me at all…finally bringing his forehead to rest against mine.
"I've missed you." It wasn't the first time he'd said it, but this time his confession held so much pain. I wanted to shield him from all my hurt and suffering. That was why I left. I couldn't do that, though, I saw that now. By me leaving, I had only succeeded in making things worse.
He held me for several minutes until his yawn broke the silence in the dark house. "We should get some rest. Goodnight, my love." He said as he kissed my hair before standing straight again. "Sweet dreams, and I'll see you in the morning." For the first time I didn't want him to go. I wanted to hold on to him, and bring him to bed with me, but I didn't. I let my hands fall my sides, as he pecked my lips one last time before jogging out to the rental car. I watched him drive away, not so unlike his last departure from me all those many weeks ago.
I am a different woman from then- a stronger woman both physically and emotionally. Yet, it still wasn't any easier to walk upstairs leaving him behind.
To waste some time before going to bed, I sent my last few chapters off to my publisher. My beloved character had gotten her happy ending. She had gotten her prince. She had gone from the pits of the deepest hell, to a happy and normal life, a life with a man who could love her imperfections and all. I had finished them days prior, but I just hadn't sent them. This book held more of my secrets and hopes, hidden in between the lines of text and I didn't know if I wanted it published. Typing a quick note to my publisher and editor, I gave them their prize long ahead of schedule. It wasn't one of my romance novels, but it ended on a happy note. I think they will be pleased with it.
Lying in my small childhood bed, not even an hour after I'd watched my husband walk away from me, I was tossing and turning unable to find rest. I hadn't been able to write or even read, being unable to concentrate long enough to accomplish anything.
All my mind could dwell on was the image of Edward getting into his car and driving away, and how very wrong it all felt.
I watched the numbers on my alarm clock slowly tick by. My brain knew what I needed to do, my body and soul just needed to catch up. I was afraid. In that house just outside of town, was the unknown. I didn't know what I would find once I got there. I didn't know if I would have the strength to go in.
It was an internal battle that would not rest. Thinking of the soft press of his lips against mine, I sat up briefly pausing before swinging my feet to land on the floor. I was determined; I had to do this for Edward… I had to do this for me. I couldn't let myself shy away from things anymore. The old Bella wouldn't have done that. Intrepidly I slipped on a pair of worn boots, and threw on a long coat over my oversized shirt and panties.
I really should have taken the time to get dressed, but I feared I would chicken out and just run back under my covers if I waited any longer. I was determined, but that didn't mean I was still wasn't scared out of my mind.
Creeping down the steps trying to avoid all the creeks, I hunted around for my keys. Edward had taken the rental so that left me with my truck. I prayed Charlie was more sound a sleeper than I remember him being or by some miracle my truck doesn't make so much noise tonight. He could read my note in the morning as to why I wasn't in my bed down the hall from him.
The entire drive out of town I had to constantly remind myself why I was doing this. It's a wonder my poor nails survived all the stress of the trip.
Pulling up to the front of the house, I allowed myself to take in the grand hominess of it all. Esme had the gift to make a large house appear lived in, not museum-like. She did it with her house, and she did it again with this one.
Hurrying up to the front doors I quickly let myself in, locking it behind me before I could turn and run.
Looking around in the moonlit darkness there were telltale signs that Esme had been there to prepare the house. Furniture was uncovered, and blankets and pillows were set out on the couches. The front closet had hangers where I placed my coat.
Taking a deep breath I turned to the stairs. The last time I had been here it was for a very different reason, in a very different room.
As I walked into our old bedroom, wearing only my top and a pair of panties, I felt trepidation. What was I doing? I think this is what I want, I know that Edward probably needs this, but am I ready? Even the slightest touch in the wrong motion might set me back, and I know Edward couldn't live with himself if that were to happen.
Edward was lying on his side of the bed, as was the norm, but the sheets were haphazardly covering his body, as if he'd been tossing and turning. I wonder if he is having nightmares. I know Rose said he doesn't sleep much lately; this could possibly be the reason. With the sheets barely covering bits and pieces of his body, I take a moment to really look at my husband.
Even in the slight hue the moon was casting in the dark room, I could see that his reddish bronze hair is a mess; you can tell he'd been running his fingers through it and gripping it out frustration. His face was calm right now, no worry lines, no scowls or frowns, almost serene looking. My eyes ventured further down his body. Even in the last year of our life, with as much turmoil as it has been in, he hadn't let himself go; he still has the tone and definition of an athlete- a runner's body. His broad shoulders seamlessly lead down to his defined arms. Arms so soft, yet so strong, why have I been avoiding them? Those are not the arms of the person who hurt me; those are the arms that I had sought comfort in for years, the same arms that cradled Nick and Nattie with such tenderness and care. I felt myself choke up a little at thinking of the twins; I miss them so much. To distract my wayward thoughts, I continue my ogling downward, to his hands… pianist hands. You could see the tendons and his long dexterous fingers. Not skinny or bony by any means, just inviting. Looking at his hands made me want to touch them, and in turn, have them touch me.
I was beginning to feel a yearning while looking at my husband, which I haven't felt in over a year. A spark ignited in my body, that I recognized but had thought was long gone. Apparently it isn't dead. My eyes travel further to his chest, and the sheer power you can see by looking at it. It was toned but not 'muscle head' thick. It was firm, yet soft enough to lay my head against and find comfort. From his chest down, led to what some would call a 'six pack' although I've never understood that terminology. As Edward doesn't have six definitive muscles, there are the main six, yes, but more…his oblique's were very prominent and led downward to more lines of muscles that form the most appealing 'V' shape right between his hip bones. From his hips, were his long, strong legs, which were at the moment, sprawled out and spread quite wide. I couldn't help but notice that all he was wearing was a pair of boxers, and his much-endowed manhood was quite apparent, even in a non-aroused state.
I blushed realizing I was scoping out Edward in a sexual manner, while he just lay there innocently sleeping. What were these thoughts going through my head? I haven't appreciated the sight of a man's body in a very long time, and to be honest with myself, I never thought I would again. But this wasn't just 'any' man's body; this was my husband's, my Edward's body. A body that has held me, comforted me, and pleased me for years. When his body is molded to mine, it's like we were yin and yang, fitting together perfectly, without effort and completely aligned equally… as if we merged and part of me was immersed in him and vice versa, just as the dots on the yin and yang. Balance, among many other things, is what that symbol represents, and for the last year the balance has been way off between Edward and me. I sincerely hope that I can rectify that tonight; I will do my damnedest trying.
I cautiously made my way closer to the bed, steeling myself for what I was about to attempt. 'This is Edward…this is Edward…this is Edward' I repeatedly chanted in my head, trying to convince my brain that this was, in fact, right. I leaned in and placed one knee on the edge of the bed, preparing to crawl up to him. As the mattress dipped from my added weight, Edward stirred, but just slightly. I continued to make my way up his form. I laid my body parallel to his, with only about six inches between us. He was on his left side, and I faced him on my right. I gently laid my head down on his left arm that was extended out over my pillows. When I touched his arm with my head, he moved again, adjusted, not away, but to accommodate my head into the crook of his elbow. I settled in and slowly raised my left hand and reached to touch his arm. As soon as I laid my hand on his bicep he startled fully awake, jumping back about a foot. He immediately reached behind him and turned on the bedside table lamp.
"Bella?"I looked at him through my lashes and nodded slightly.
"Honey, what's wrong, is everything okay?" He started to panic. He reached out for me, putting his hand on my left shoulder, as if to square me off to face him directly.
"Nothing's wrong, I…um, I missed you," I replied sheepishly.
"Wh-," he started, "what did you say?"
"I missed you," I repeated, while reaching out to touch him again.
He pulled back a bit, and held me at arm's length. I will admit, that hurt, but I couldn't blame him. He hadn't been able to be within a few foot radius of me without me freaking out for the last year. The look on his face was mix of emotions, confusion, anxiety, and possibly hope.
"You missed me? What are you saying exactly?"
"I'm saying that I've realized that I MISS you, in EVERY way, and that I want to feel the closeness we once shared, again."
"I'm not sure that's a good idea, what if you aren't ready, I mean, I move out, you run to Forks, we just start talking again, and I come for this visit, and…"He stopped dead in his tracks as he noticed my eyes start to get moist.
"I want this Edward; I need this. I have to at least try," I manage to squeak out.
"Bella, are you sure, I just think that it might be too fast. I mean, don't get me wrong; we had a great day together, and I'm so glad to be talking to you and near you again, but I don't want anything to cause you to backtrack."
"I'm positive Edward; I had an epiphany the other day. All this time, I felt as if this had only happened to me, as if the twins' death only affected me, and my rape only hurt me. And I was wrong, SO wrong… all this time I've dealt with the loss of Nick and Nattie, thinking it was all on me, only felt by me, and you've not only lost them, but you lost your wife in the process, and that's unforgivable, and looking back now, totally avoidable. But I would like to try, try and be your wife, your friend, your… your lover?" The last part came out as a question, because quite frankly, I wasn't sure if that's what he wanted anymore.
His very familiar crooked grin appeared, "My lover? Bella, honey… you say that as if it's a question… do you doubt my affection and love for you?"
"It's… it's just been so long, and I know I can't expect anything of you, and…" I began to stammer out.
He stopped me mid-sentence, placing his lips on mine. His kiss was tender and soft, just featherlike touches of his lips. They were so warm and familiar; I slowly parted my lips to invite him to progress further. I snaked my left hand up to the back of his neck and began fisting the hair at the nape of his neck, this elicited an erotic moan from him, which shot straight into my soul. In that moment I knew, beyond a shadow of doubt, that not only did I need this with Edward, but he needed it with me. I needed to reassure him that I was ready; I needed him convinced that the time was finally right.
I pulled away and looked in his eyes, "Edward, love me… please," was all I could get out before both of his hands were on either side of my face and he was leaning in, pressing his lips to mine once again, this time with more urgency and desire. He deepened this kiss quickly, parting his lips and touching his tongue to my bottom lip. I immediately responded by tilting my head to the side and opening my mouth to invite him in completely. He accepted my invitation and began massaging my tongue with his own. The kiss was sensual and slow, he took his time, as did I, in reacquainting ourselves in this fashion.
As we kissed, I began roaming my hands over his body. Tracing my fingers on the same defined muscles I had just been admiring a few moments ago. He slowly tilted to the side, effectively laying me on my back, while he hovered above me with his forearms on either side of me. Very slowly he adjusted his lower body to where he situated his very apparent erection at my center. As he lay between my legs, the ache there grew; I lifted my knees slightly to rotate my hips and deliver some much needed friction to the area.
"Mmmm… honey, are you sure about this?" he inquired yet again. The expression on his face was a collage of emotions; desire, hesitation, want, need, fear, but most of all love. I knew that I needed and wanted this with him. The look on his face wiped away all the trepidation I felt and I simply nodded.
With my unspoken answer, he trailed a hand down my side and slowly lifted my top to expose my breasts to him. I was anxious and tired of reservations, so I crossed my arms, grabbed the hem of my top and pulled it over my head. Needing to feel his skin against me, I ran my arms under his and around his back and pulled him to me. With my fingers splayed out to feel as much of his broad shoulders and back, I began trailing a circuit with my fingertips up and down the lines of his muscles. He leaned in and placed his lips on mine again; I eagerly accepted his kiss and deepened it. The passion between us was building quickly, and I pulled back to catch my breath. He took that opportunity to kiss down my jaw line, and lick just below my ear. I moaned in response to the stimulation, and earned a deep moan back from Edward. The sensation of the vibrations from that moan spurred me even further; I moved my hands down to his perfectly sculpted ass and pulled him into me.
Edward pulled back, and I felt the immediate longing to have him back. He noticed the expression on my face and gave me my favorite crooked grin. He leaned back on his knees and pushed his boxers down, freeing his erection, once they were pushed down to his knees he shifted and slid them off his calves. I lifted my hips and hooked my thumbs in my panties and slid them down my thighs. With Edward positioned on his knees, right at my knees, I couldn't progress any further, I lifted my legs and he slid my panties the rest of the way off my legs, pulling them up directly in front of him. He held my ankles at eye level, and inspected the scars I still had from being tied up, he tenderly kissed around my ankles, silently attempting to kiss away the pain associated with them. He began a slow and torturous trail up my right leg to the crook of my knee, stopped, and repeated the motion on my left leg. The yearning building in my core was desperate at this point, and my legs instinctively went lax and bent and the knees and spread. Edward, sensing my need, placed each one of my feet back down on the bed.
His eyes were hungry as he took in my body displayed before him, with my knees spread like a butterfly. He slowly licked his lips, as he continued to gaze at my body. I began to feel slightly exposed, spread open before him like this, but the look on his face and in his eyes were reassuring.
"Can…may I taste you?" he inquired sheepishly.
"Please."
I looked at him through hooded eyes, knowing my need for this level of intimacy. Edward restarted his ministrations at my right knee and slowly kissed and licked his way up my thigh. When he reached where I wanted him most, he pulled back and began his exquisite torture up my left thigh. My physical response was mounting and I felt some of my juices flow from my body, my hips lifted, as if on their own accord, expressing the ache that I desperately needed him to tend to. Responding to my actions, Edward licked at the bottom of my bundle of nerves and trailed his tongue upward to hit dead center on my clit, his mouth and lips closed down on the area and he applied the perfect amount of suction. My whole body shuddered at the sensation; as he continued by dipping his tongue deep into my core, I moaned loudly, and looked down to see his eyes locked on my face. Seeing his head between my legs, and the look of sheer love in his eyes, made another wave of juices flow and my hips lifted again, meeting his mouth with more pressure.
"Mmmmm, so good," Edward muttered just before he dove back in and buried his face deep into my center. The sucking and licking and kissing became intense, and my knees started to come together on their own. Edward ran his hands up the insides of my thighs and gently spread them apart again, once my knees relaxed, he hooked his left hand under my ass and pulled me closer to him, while his right hand started with one, then two fingers in my center. He continued to kiss and suck on my clit while he plunged two fingers in and out of my body, the dual sensation made my walls begin to pulse on his fingers and I knew my climax was near. As the pressure built, and the tingling increased, my hips began to buck in sync with his movements, when I didn't think I could take much more, he curled his fingers and rubbed my g-spot while sucking with just a bit more pressure on my clit. My orgasm hit, and wave after wave of juices flowed while my walls fluttered and clenched on his fingers. My moaning was bordering on sounding like a porno, and in turn, Edward moaned deep into my body.
I've always heard the expression, 'I saw stars', but never truly appreciated it until that moment. Maybe it was the heavy breathing, the accelerated pumping of my heart, or the most intense feeling of release coming from my body, but I saw little white spots floating across my vision. As my body continued to clench and release in succession, Edward slowed his movements and drew out my orgasm as long as possible.
When my body finally calmed down, he withdrew his fingers from me and slowly kissed his way up my hips and to my breasts. He licked and nipped at my nipples, causing them to harden even further. I arched my back to offer my chest to him completely. He alternated going back and forth between my breasts, when I felt the tingling in my core begin to rise yet again.
"I want you in me, Edward," I pleaded. He looked up at me from where he was, and I saw a glint of relief in his eyes. He moved his way up my body and lay on top of me. He was engulfing me completely, as he stabilized himself on his elbows on either side of my shoulders, while he cradled my head in his hands. His thumbs were rubbing the sides of my face while his other fingers weaved into my hair. Our eyes locked, and without words, he leaned in and began kissing me slowly, and passionately. As our kiss deepened, our hips adjusted, and I felt his head at my entrance, I rocked ever so slightly and took in the tip of his erection. He pulled back and looked me in the eyes again, looking for any signs of hesitation, but he found none. I picked my head up and kissed him again as I lifted my hips to encourage him to continue. I grasped firmly onto his waist and urged him forward; never breaking the kiss he slowly sheathed himself in me. I stilled.
HOME.
No other word could express how full and complete I felt at that moment. I sighed in relief and joy, and began running my hands up Edward's back signaling him to move forward. He slowly pulled out and pumped back in, while leaning in and kissing me again. He thrust his hips and his tongue in sync slowly, with love and adoration. Without ever picking up too much speed, or pushing too hard, my husband poured his soul into me as he made love to me. We held onto each other as if our lives depended on it, and maybe in some emotional or philosophical way, they did.
I felt the pressure building again, and knew I was going to go over the edge. As my walls began to constrict, Edward moaned and I felt the familiar twitch of his release. My orgasm built and continued to milk him further, and the feel of his love pumping into me was the purest, happiest feeling I have felt in a long, long time.
A/N: (Jessi): Wow. Are there any more words for this? I think I died and went to heaven… or hell I don't really know or have the desire to care. Danna did a FANTASTIC job on this lemon. Love ya BB!
A/N: (danna0724): WHEW! So… be brutally honest… what did you think of my lemon? It was my first… and where I don't shake the lemon tree (thank you to one of my fav readers for that phrase, you know who you are!) quite like some of the bigger FFn rockstars, I think I did a decent job! Now for the begging and pleading… PLEASE, review… it means the world to me… truly it does! You make my fucking day all peaches and cuppycakes when you hit that little button and say somethin'! To all the readers: I love you and thank you for reading! You totally rock! (btw I'm still on my knees here… the button is right there… see it? Pretty, pretty please with a Cullen Man on top?)
And a VERY special thank you to Songster, BETA extraordinaire… we are pleased, honored, and tickled she has a huge fucking 'S' on the front of her shirt, cause she is the bomb fucking digity!