DISCLAIMER: Stephanie Meyer owns everything; We just have an overly active imaginations.
ATTENTION: This story's theme is rape.
A/N (Jessi): Danna (glances below) you have such a way with words. Sorry for the loooong delay here people. We have crazy lives too. Love you too 'peeps' (hehe love it D)
A/N#2 (danna0724): okay peeps! As per the usual… if you aren't old enough to buy cig's/porn or vote, please do NOT go any further! ALSO… this story is the sole property of Jessi's and Danna's, stealing is a crime, and you don't really wanna be a 'ganker' anyway do ya? JessiBel… w/o you holding my hand… where would I be? I love you BB!
Small reminder: Flashback is first, and in italics, and Real time is second and regular font.
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Tortured Soul: Chapter 16Bella's POV
…
"Bella! Oh My Gosh! I haven't seen you in AGES! How are you?" Alice screeched through the arrivals terminal at SeaTac.
It was so good to see her. Ever since she and Jasper departed for Rome the summer after her senior year, it had only been calls and e-mails for us.
For some reason Alice had chosen now to come back and see us. It was the oddest thing since Carlisle wasn't even here. He was out east to visit his boys. Esme was only here since she had a demanding client at the moment.
That left Esme, Alice, me, and Rosalie who still may or may not fly out in a few days. Why Alice would demand for me to fly up from Arizona for just one weekend was beyond me.
It was nice to see my Dad and Jake, but this was strange even for Alice.
Still, the pixie had more energy coming off her second plane of the day from Rome than should be considered normal. Thanks to her, everyone in the airport now knew my name was Bella.
We had been driving with the radio blasting for about twenty minutes before I had just had it with the silent treatment. This was so unlike Alice even if she was tired.
I just didn't get it. I talked to her not that long ago, and she seemed fine. More than fine actually, she had sounded like she was floating on cloud nine. This one-eight change in her just didn't add up.
"So, why the spur of the moment trip to come see us?"
I knew something was definitely up when she hesitated.
"I have news I wanted to tell Mom and you before I told anyone else." She squeaked out under her breath. She sounded too formal for her as well. This 'news', whatever it was, sure had to be good.
"You going to give me any clues? Or do I have to guess?"
"Just wait until I can tell you all… please. I really wanted Rose to be here too, but… since I don't know if she's even coming..."
We were both quiet for a few minutes. Neither one of us really knew what had happened to Rosalie. She wouldn't give us any details. All we knew was that she had gone to the hospital According to Emmett, who seemed to know more about what was going on, Rose's problems were more emotional than physical at this point.
We didn't even know they were still together. Well, none of us had heard a whole lot from them in a while. For being such inseparable friends, we really sucked at staying in touch.
We sat through the rest of the drive just listening to some pop chart music through the radio. This was a polar opposite of the Alice I hugged good-bye all those years ago, and sent off to Italy. This wasn't the Alice that just squealed my name at airport arrivals.
Pulling up in front of the Cullen's home was strange. I hadn't been here since we were all together. Even during my senior year I didn't frequent it as much as I had. It wasn't the same without six of us mouthing off to each other. Not to mention I couldn't stand to see Esme in all her copper hair and green eyed glory, and not be compelled to ask how a certain law student was doing at Harvard. A law student I didn't even have an entitlement to ask about in the first place.
"Oh, my goodness! It is so good to see you both! Come here, sweets!" Esme was always a Mom to me as much as she was to Alice. She quickly enveloped us each in a tight hug. An embrace that for her small size reminded me a lot of Emmett's bear hugs, but maybe it had just been a while since I'd been here.
We were about a half hour into our tea and cookies and no real conversation had yet transpired. Esme had beaten around the bush so many times I feared there wasn't even a bush there for Alice to hide behind anymore.
Shoving the rest of about the tenth cookie I had been munching on into my mouth, I had finally had it with this malarkey.
"Alice, why are we here? Why did I have to come up from Arizona? And for God sakes why are you here from Rome?" There, I had said it. I don't know how much better I felt, but I could finally take a breath of fresh air without being suffocated by my own tension.
Her eyes went all buggy and her mouth hung open, and I almost burst out laughing. Did she seriously think I was going to sit here and listen to us all ramble on about the how crappy the weather has been the entire four hours she's been here? I don't think so. I wanted answers to this… whatever it was that was going down that she obviously wasn't sharing with us yet.
"I-I uhh… well, I… umm…"
"Alice, honey, just tell us," Esme finally stated for her daughter's sake. "We both promise to be understanding about whatever it is that is on you mind."
We both looked to Alice for her to continue. I was preparing my own supportive monologue when Alice finally braced herself and swallowed hard in order to speak.
Instead she didn't say anything. She opened and closed her mouth several times before giving up and fishing around in her purse for something. Finding what she was looking for she pulled out a small velvet box. Pulled out a ring and slipped it onto her ring finger.
Esme and I were in the same state for words Alice had been in moments ago. I don't know which one of us started crying first, but once tears started you would have thought someone died. However, we were just so happy for her.
"Jasper proposed on our trip to Milan," Alice tearfully told us with a huge smile on her face.
I let her Mom have time with her before I hugged her with all my might. Who would have ever thought our little 'Short Stuff' would be the first of us to be hitched. I suppose, looking back, that this was the reason she didn't know how Rosalie would handle being here. We all believed back then that Emmett and Rose would be the first to get married.
"I started planning when I knew he was going to ask. So don't worry, I think I have already thought of everything. I should only need a few months to get everything together."
Esme and I stared at her for a moment. The Alice we knew was definitely back. She was practically vibrating in her seat. Not even considering that we were having nightmares of endless Alice's wedding planning. We should be able to survive a few months until 'I do'… right?
…
Whatever made us believe helping ALICE get her wedding together would be something we could survive I will never know. Firstly, Alice wants to get married in CHICAGO! Who gets married in Chicago? It's the windy city for Christ's sake! Not exactly the most romantic place in the world for someone who basically has the world to chose from. However, it was manageable. It was secondly and thirdly and fourthly and so on that I think are going to be Esme's AND my demise.
"Okay, Emmett and Rosalie are flying in tonight, but they are pretty much going to stay at the hotel for now since Rose is still a bit shaky. Could you shorten it a little more? I don't want to look so last season on the day I get married, thank you. Now, I ordered the cake and place settings, and the flowers all in my colors weeks ago, so everything should be coming in on time. Bella, they are being sent to the house Mom and Dad got. Oh, and Edward is flying in three days from now. The bastard can't be bothered to show up more than a week early to his only sister's wedding. Sorry, Mom; he's Dad's son right now. Can you please add another bow to the back? The one you have is too over-powering for the effect I want with it; and ditch the crystals on the hem, they draw too much attention to the bottom of the gown. Whoever said they would be better there obviously didn't know a thing about fashion. And Bella…"
I tried to keep up; I really did, as Alice barked orders to Esme and I along with the poor woman who was tailoring her designer dress. AND I was doing good until the mention of a certain 'bastard brother'. Up until now I had just known his name was included in a mountain of invitations I had mailed and a name place cards that was going to be set at each seat. Apart from that, I could pretend that Edward Cullen didn't matter and that it was highly unlikely I would even see him. Even though there was the time two weeks ago when I about choked on my own Diet Coke when I was informed I would be escorted at the wedding by the same Edward Cullen.
"Bella, were you listening?" Esme stood in front of me with a worried yet understanding look on her face.
"Well… no, honestly, I wasn't. I'm sorry. Did any of it by chance happen to have nothing what so ever to do with me?"
"Afraid not, darling. You are due for, hopefully, your final fitting tomorrow. You are going to have to go with her to her final cake meeting tomorrow since I have a client, and Rose will want some company tonight, hopefully. And, Edward is going to need someone to pick him up from the airport when he gets here, and you were volunteered."
I froze in my spot wanting to scream at both Cullen women, but I was unable to find it in me to utter the words I wanted to either of them.
…
Why couldn't the bastard be on time? Not that he had any control over the arrival time of the flight he was on, but, jeez, I had now been pacing in this same spot for over an hour! If the traffic miraculously cooperated, then it shouldn't theoretically take too long to get from O'Hare to the hotel we were occupying. I wouldn't have to endure too much awkward time with Edward in the car. I couldn't even get Rose to come with me, as a buffer or something, and I'm almost certain that is because Alice or Esme had gotten to her before me.
Just then the overhead announcement made me want to cry for joy. "US Airways flight 2614, service from JKF with overlay in Charlotte, now arriving at gate 24." No sooner had I done my internal happy dance, when I realized I wanted to bolt from the airport altogether to avoid facing Edward. It had been so long, how would all of this go down, how should I behave… WHY am I so nervous? Alice had told me Edward knew I was the one driving him from the airport, but it didn't mean a thing. I hadn't seen him in years; it was questionable if he would even recognize me anymore.
"Bella?"
I think all the air that had been in my lungs whooshed out in one breath. I had been so distracted by my own worries that I completely forgot to be on the lookout for passengers coming from baggage claim. I had to mentally tell myself to turn around.
"Oh, my God, it is you! Alice said she couldn't make it, but I didn't know she was sending you! It's so good to see you!" None other than Edward Cullen stood in front of me and drew me into a tight hug. Out of all the possible scenario's I had imagined, THIS was not it.
"Yeah, you too… it's been a long time," I managed to squeak out. What was wrong with the Cullen's and their bear hugs these days? Not that I would ever complain about Edward giving me a hug.
"I'm parked just outside. Traffic is nightmarish. I'm sure you want to get back to see everyone," I said when he released me from his arms. I missed the contact immediately. I hoped I wouldn't have the same breakdown I had when he left as I did when I was a junior in high school. I was a grown woman now; I could deal with this. He was just my best friend's brother who I went out with once, not to mention I knew I fell in love with, but I wasn't going to dwell on the latter.
"So how have you been? I hear you went to Arizona for literature and writing didn't you?" He asked as he was trying to stuff his suitcase into the tiny trunk of my rental.
"Yeah I did, how about you? Are you a lawyer yet?" I was beginning to get nervous. I hadn't even started the car, and I was running out of questions to ask him. I hated the whole conversation thing. That much had never changed about me.
"I'm finishing everything up. My friend, James Campbell, actually about lost his shit when I told him I was going to be in Chicago. This is the city where he would like to start our own law firm. I told him I would look around, but I don't know how much time I'm going to have. I haven't even had one tux fitting yet. Alice is probably going to have me living there or something." We both snickered at the absurdity of his comment, even if it wasn't all that funny, but knowing to never put anything over Alice, she'd probably do it.
We sat in silence for a while as I tried to maneuver through the insane Chicago traffic. I think I heard him sucking wind through his teeth several times when I 'accidentally' cut some idiot bastard off. Sounded like damn hissing to me. One thing I loved about this little rental it actually had some zoom to it. I loved my truck, but it was past its last leg and only lumbered anymore. Anymore I nearly felt compelled to send a silent prayer to return safe every time I drove it.
Edward must have opened and closed his mouth half a dozen times, and still said nothing. I had to wonder if he was trying to come up with something to say or had already come up with something and was just trying to decide whether or not to actually say it.
"So what have you been up to? Done anything fun or, umm… been seeing anyone?" Edward asked in a strained voice. This question bothered me more than it should have; after all it was a perfectly normal topic of conversation between two adults. However, the way he said it made me think twice about it. It was almost as if he wasn't sure if he wanted to know the answer. A little bit of fishing around you could say.
"Well, I'm actually kind of boring… I guess that part of me hasn't changed since high school. I started a short novel that I fear won't even get finished, but I'm working on it. As for seeing anyone… no… I'm not," I finished quietly. Here he was in all his hot glory, and probably had a different date every night, and here I was single like the day I packed up from home.
"Really? A book; that's amazing, I'm sure it will turn out great. I know what you mean though about not dating anyone. I haven't been on one in forever. James, my roommate, has a different girl over every day. I don't know how he does it, and still maintains his grades. Not that I could actually find someone who would interest me at all."
I was completely floored by his statement. That was not at all what I had been expecting to hear.
"Dear Lord! Alice is waiting for us!" He said as he slumped in his seat, and covered his face with his hands.
I didn't have to look around long before I saw Alice in the brightest dress ever sewn, jumping up and down waving her hands in out direction in front of our hotel. I wanted the Earth to swallow us up right then and there. Of course, that just reaffirmed to me that she HAD done this on purpose. I knew she could have gone, at the very least, WITH me to pick up her brother!
"Oh, the HELL with this!" I shouted in her direction and sped off down the street. I hadn't even made it to the first intersection before my phone started buzzing in the cup holder next to me.
"You do know that's Alice, right?" Edward asked, still smiling thinking about me fleeing the scene.
"Why do you think I'm not answering it?" I thought for about two seconds when my conscience began to talk to me. "I can take you back if you want. If you… it's just," I let out a frustrated sigh, "I've been dealing with this for MONTHS!" I knew I was whining, but at the moment I didn't care.
"Pull a right at the next light. There's this amazing café there. You need a coffee, a piece of cake, and someone to listen. I know how my sister can be."
I just nodded, not at all sure how conversations and me would go together right now, but sure enough just down the street there was this cozy little café. I wondered how he even knew it was there. The question must have been written all over my face, since as we were getting out of the car, I got my answer.
"I came to Chicago at the end of last semester to get away from school. I was walking one day, and stumbled across this place. It became my favorite place to come and think. It's never really that busy, and even when it is, it's quiet."
We walked in and I swear I was in heaven. It was the most adorable little vintage café ever created by man. We quickly got our drinks and just as promised a slice of cake each. If Alice knew, she'd kill me. I had been on a strict diet ever since she started the designs for my dress. I hadn't seen sugar in any form in so long I was salivating just looking at it.
We sat in silence just sipping coffee and looking around anywhere, but at each other. I knew one of us would have to initiate some kind of conversation, but I wasn't sure how. The last time I had seen him I was a junior in high school, when I was absolutely certain I was in love with him.
"So why didn't you ever come back to visit? We all really missed you." I quickly realized this was not the place to start. No sooner had I spoken, and the tension that had been their previously was now back ten fold. Edward visibly stiffened, wouldn't look in my direction, and was all too enthralled with a string hanging from his cuff.
"Never had time, I guess," was his mumbled answer.
"Oh, well I guess that makes sense." I lamely tried to lighten things only for the chasm of silence to fall back into place between us.
"You would have hated Phoenix. The heat is practically unbearable, but I guess for me it was kind of like going home. Still I had to buy jeans and a jacket when I came up to Forks this last time. I just can't believe Alice and Jasper are the first to get married. Even more, I can't believe they decided to get married in Chicago. They were just living in Italy! This coffee is really good. That's one thing I like about being here in-"
"Bella!" Edward's loud interruption of my nervous ramblings did not go unnoticed by the patrons around us who shot him annoyed glances.
"I'm sorry. I fill silence when I'm nervous with speed talking." Now it was my turn to mumble, and not meet his gaze. I was beginning to be annoyed by how nervous he made me. I was supposed to be over him, yet here I was acting like a bumbling idiot.
"I know… I remember." His voice was strong not at all shy, yet it was spoken like a confession, a whisper that escaped his lips of their own accord. That got my head to snap up in his direction. I was met with those gorgeous green eyes of his.
He looked down a second later; the shyness creeping in, I suppose. I wasn't so much taken aback as I was surprised. I didn't know what this meant, or if it even meant anything. However, the way he said it, and the slight red hue to the tips of his ears cued me in that there was indeed something more to his words than their face value.
"Yeah, doesn't everyone. Mom and I had the same misfortune…" My cell phone buzzing in my pocket interrupted me. "Damn Pixie Bride-to-be!" All Edward did was chuckle as his phone started buzzing in his pocket as well. We both moved to shut off our phones.
"I haven't been down to The Navy Pier yet. Bring your coffee, let's go check it out." I smiled and nodded. I'd love nothing more than to spend a few hours alone with Edward.
We strolled down the Pier for a while, looking out at Lake Michigan and all the many things to do. This would definitely be a spot I'd visit again. This and the magnificent mile; I wasn't a shopper by any means, but all those stores could make any woman fall to her knees. I just had to make sure I came without Alice, and hope the horrors of pre-wedding shopping didn't resurface into my conscious memory.
I had been so lost in my own thoughts that I didn't even feel right away the large hand that encased mine tugging me in the opposite direction I had been headed in.
"Come here, this way looks interesting." He was smiling like the fool he was, to even think about getting me on the Ferris wheel. I hated those things, pretty to look at, but all I could think of was it short-circuiting or falling over while I was on it.
"Edward," I whined sounding every bit my inner four year old I was at the moment.
He stubbornly shook his head. "Face your fears and all that," was all he said as he tugged me toward the tiny little bucket with seats molded into it.
When he said that I knew he remembered that time down at La Push when I nearly lost my shit watching Jake, Sam and boys jump off the cliffs there. He did remember I was afraid of heights. The bastard probably even remembered how I hated going into his room on the third floor and looking out the floor to ceiling windows there.
"You'll love it," he cooed into my ear as he pushed me onto the Ferris wheel. The operator even had a devious smile on his face. He'd probably send this contraption around twice just to mess with me.
I white-knuckled it the entire time. The wheel rotated two times, just as I had thought it would. Just for the hell of it I think I might have fractured a few bones in Edward's hand I squeezed it so hard, and to his credit, or not, that cocky smile of his never left his face throughout the entire ride. If I didn't like him so much I would have screamed and cussed in his face for making me do this. I had my eyes screwed shut most of the time anyways, and I was still hyperventilating when I got to bolt for solid ground with Edward's laughing trailing behind me.
"Just for that we're going back to the hotel, and I'm letting Alice loose on you." I smirked jogging toward where I'd parked my rental.
His face was priceless. Sheer panic. I laughed to myself still jogging ahead with him frozen on the spot. I was almost to victory in my car when he caught up with me, and I was suddenly shoved up against my car with a wide-eyed Edward in front of me.
"Bella, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry; I thought it would be fun. You don't have to do this." The fright in his eyes had me doubled over in no time.
"It's just your sister! You'll have to face her sooner or later." I managed to sputter out between peals of laughter.
I heard him huffing toward the passenger door before I could compose myself. Still smiling like an idiot, I slid in behind the wheel. Though he was trying to remain pissed at me, he was fighting a smile of his own. I had missed this between us. I may have thought he was a geek back in the day, but we could always conjure up a few good laughs with each other.
"Give it up, and laugh, asshole."
He didn't, but he did crack a smile.
As promised I drove back to the hotel. It was nearly dinnertime anyways. They'd be sending out the cavalry before long if we didn't make a showing soon. Throwing the car in park, I noticed Edward wasn't breathing anymore, just staring out the windshield with the same wide eyes as before.
"Oh, you big baby! I'll go with your for goodness sake. Just get out of the damn car, and let's go up and see your sister. Get a grip on yourself. You know I have been dealing with this for months! You people who show up a week before, and think your life is crumbling in around you!"
Rolling his eyes, he got out of the car. I didn't see what the big deal was about greeting Alice. They had always been so close growing up; a bond I didn't get because they were so different in every aspect. She was a ball of pent up energy, and Edward was so calm all the damn time.
"It's about time! Jeez, how long did you have to be gone! That was like the entire day! Edward, you missed a tux fitting! But, by the way, it's great to see you," Alice laughed as she launched herself into her big brother's arms. I just wanted to roll my eyes. So far all his fretting was for nothing.
We all spent the rest of the evening stuffed into a booth downstairs at the restaurant catching up, and when I say we were stuffed in a booth, I mean stuffed in a booth. I was half sitting on Edward, and the poor guy had to get a few drinks in him before he finally relaxed a bit. People even gave the six of us a double take a few times, but the place was packed there wasn't anywhere else we could all sit together.
…
"Edward! You have to keep Bella in time to the music. She's walking too slow, lead better! God, if you can't get walking down the aisle, how are you two ever going to be able to dance together! That will be cute by the way, I haven't seen you two dance since prom. Oh, it will be so adorable!"
We had all been dealing with this ALL-damn week. She'd start a sentence yelling at us, and finish it squealing about how great everything was going to be. The pixie chick was hormonal, what more could we say. Thank the heavens for Jasper; he was the only one able to rein her in. Of course that still didn't stop this from practically being a red carpet event.
…
The only thing that had been bearable was Edward's presence. We'd gotten to spend a lot of time together since he arrived. We kept things pretty much on the surface, neither one of us really willing to delve into the past. I just wish I had the courage to tell him my feelings, however I know for a fact that isn't going to happen since I just as big of a chicken as I was in High School. I wanted to just beat my own ass for that. Here I was grown woman, a grown woman who was still smitten with a high school crush. It sounded like something that'd be found in a bad romance novel.
Still, where there was Edward there was me, I even went along to his tux fitting. It was pure coincidence that he needed someone to drive him since he didn't have a rental of his own. Heaven forbid I hand over my keys. Of course I don't think any two women were happier to see this than Alice and Esme.
I was lazily listening to music and reading the newest novel I had picked up, when there was an unexpected knock on my hotel room door.
"Hey, I just wanted to see if you were doing anything tonight. Everyone else has paired off. So… uh, well I-"
"You want to come in?" I asked with a grin. He was never very good at this kind of thing. One more thing that hadn't changed through the years even though I thought it would during law school.
He briefly nodded before walking past me taking in the mess I had made during my stay here in Chicago. I silently sent a prayer to whoever may be listening that nothing overly embarrassing would be lying on my floor.
Tentatively he sat down on the corner of my bed. I got the sinking feeling he wasn't here to invite me out for beers. I could have handled beers in a noisy pub just fine, but sitting here and talking I wasn't so sure about. I knew we had been dancing around a topic of conversation that we really did need to confront, but I was terrified to find out what that would mean for us. I had gained a true friend these past few days, a friend that I actually enjoyed being around, and wouldn't drag me into the nearest mall. I hadn't truly sat and thought about how much I missed Edward as a friend until I had him back, and now wondered what I was going to do now when I didn't have him around anymore.
True, I had plenty of pity parties for myself thinking all doom and gloom for a long time. I'm not going to lie and say I never once thought my life couldn't go on without Edward, and that I would never be able to find love again all because of a stupid high school crush. Of course I had. I spent years thinking that. I just didn't want that to happen again. I could blame the past on being a dumb, inexperienced little girl. I didn't have that luxury anymore; I'm a woman now for fuck's sake!
I didn't moved from the doorway, which only make him appear more on edge than he was when we sat down.
"Bella," he said my name as if he could let himself, he would have been crying. That alone terrified me all the more.
My feet moved on their own accord to kneel down in front of him resting my hands on his knees. I had to know what was bothering him. Did he not want his sister to marry Jasper after all? They seemed so perfect for each other. I could only hope it was that simple. A few reassuring words would have everything fixed up just right again. It was if this whole thing was because of something else entirely, that petrified me.
"I sorry," he stated and didn't continue. I sat there puzzled for a moment before seeing he wasn't going to add anymore.
"What's the matter? What's bothering you? Did something happen?"
"No! Well, yes. Maybe… okay, I'm not sure." He stammered out while nervously running his fingers through his hair. I tried not to get too distracted, but I had found I loved it when he did that.
"That didn't make a lick of sense. What happened or didn't happen? Is everyone all right? Is-"
"I think I love you." He rushed out in a gust of air. I had to pause to gather exactly what he had said. When I did I fell over to land smack on my ass with the wind knocked out of me.
"What?" I asked, since apparently I was incapable of forming coherent thoughts or sentences.
"I know it's sudden, and you probably don't feel the same way, but I just had to tell you. That day when I saw you pacing and biting your nails off in the airport, I couldn't stop thinking about how I felt about you when we were kids. Then this past week I haven't been able to stop thinking about you, all the things I loved about you. I- I… those thoughts haven't gone away. I don't even know what to think about whatever the fuck I'm feeling it's so-"
"Shut up, Edward." I smiled up at him. He was going to turn blue if he didn't take a breath soon. Only Alice could go on tirades like that on only one breath.
"Does that mean you think I'm crazy?" He inquired of me quietly, unable to look up at me. It was hard to place the man sitting before me in the same body as the man I'd seen a court video of thundering away at some poor law student playing the part of someone on the witness stand. The two sides of him just didn't mesh. The confident law student and the insecure, shy man here, neither one of them were really the Edward I had known.
I tilted my head to be able to look up into his eyes. "If I thought you were crazy, I'd be saying the same thing about myself."
The smile that slowly crept its way across his entire face was worth all the tension preceding it. He looked like a boy in a candy store with a nickel in his pocket. I had to giggle a little bit.
"You really feel the same way?"
Still smiling I nodded.
That right there, that moment changed everything. That was the day I knew deep down in my gut that one day, I didn't know when, but one day when everything was all sorted out I would be the one in the white dress.
…
"Bella?" Edward chuckled into my hair, "You kind of have to let go now or I'll miss my plane."
"Then you miss it." I stubbornly insisted. He had just got here, and now he had to go back? I don't think so. It's not like he was really working or anything. He'd been doing a little consulting on cases, but nothing he couldn't do from Forks.
"I know honey, I know. I don't want to go either, but I have to. When you are ready, you will know. When you're ready, you'll come back home."
I wanted to glare at him, and scream at Rosalie. They had come up with this master plan I was sure of it. The whole thing just had their genius written all over it. Yeah, sure lure Bella back to Chicago with the promise of seeing her husband again. Ha, I'm positive Rosalie about lost her shit when I finally confessed that Edward and I had done more than talk. I left her to fill in the blanks, but it didn't take a rocket scientist. Her evil plan finally had some fuel and backing.
"US Airways flight 6159, non-stop service from Seattle to Chicago, O'Hare, now boarding First Class passengers and travelers with special needs," the announcer said over the terminal speakers.
We both groaned. I'd really have to release the death grip I had him in. "Bella, I have to go. I'll see you soon. Okay? If you're not back to Chicago soon, I'm sure I can work it out to come back in a few weeks. Alright?"
I weakly nodded. I wasn't one hundred percent fine with this, but I would have to live with it.
He went to pull away to board his flight, but I still gripped onto him.
"Bella…" His voice was sweet and loving, but a warning at the same time.
"Kiss me first."
He cracked a smile as he bent down, no doubt relieved he was going to be able to not waste his ticket, or have to re-book his flight.
I didn't care who was watching as I snaked my arms around his neck, and kissed him good and hard. This kiss would have to last until I was brave enough to go home, or he was desperate enough to come back. Skype just didn't cover all the bases.
"I'll see you soon, I promise." This time when he pulled away I didn't hold him back. I let him leave me.
…
"Bella this has to stop!" My dad stated gruffly, setting his coffee down a little too hard on the table at breakfast two weeks after Edward's departure.
"What?" I asked not even looking up from my plate of scrambled eggs. Once again they didn't look at all appealing. Not even the bacon I had just fried to perfection. Food just didn't hold that big of an interest to me right now.
"You know what, young lady. God! I feel like you're back in high school with the way you have been acting. This has gone far enough. You miss him Bells. Now go home," he said with finality. I didn't know Dad had it in him.
"This is my home."
"No it's not."
I looked up at him confused. What did he mean this wasn't my home? I grew up here! All my memories are here.
"Your home is either two and three quarter miles west of town or in a fancy suburb in Chicago," he continued, enlightening me as to what he was referring to. "Now, I said you could stay here as long as you needed to. However, you're not staying here behaving like this. You were finally making some great progress up until two weeks ago. If you can tell me that melancholy is due to some cataclysmic atmospheric event or something, then I will let you be, but I am willing to put all I got betting that it's not. I'm willing to say that it has everything to do with a certain lawyer you happen to be married to."
I didn't even have the good sense to look him in the eye. I just sat there staring at my mangled eggs. He was right. Charlie was always right. I never gave him credit, but he always was. He saw through all the shit I pulled and didn't hold back, he got right down to the heart of the matter. That's how Charlie always was, and right now was no different.
"I'll let you think this over, but you can't stay here. You have to start making changes. Start with calling Rosalie back. The poor woman has practically worn out the phone lines from Chicago to here; the least you could do is stop ignoring her. I'm going fishing today so that should give you plenty of time to figure out what you are going to do."
No more was said between us. He just dropped a kiss to the top of my head before he left to go meet up with Harry.
I didn't move until the clock above the stove told me I had sat there in Charlie's kitchen for over an hour. I knew when I decided to get up that I would have to do something. I would have to start with calling Rose. I didn't want to do it, but I knew it was in my best interest if I did.
"Hey Rose."
"Hey girl! How's it been?" God I loved this woman. I had just treated her like shit for two weeks by ignoring her, and all she has to say is this.
"I've been better. Charlie thinks I should come home." There was silence on the other end, where I thought there would be chatter. However, that didn't mean I couldn't literally feel her smile all the way from Chicago.
"Bella, I can tell you what I know and what I think is the same as Charlie, however… the only person who knows what you think is you. Only you know what you are ready for. Only you can answer for yourself if your time in Forks is over. Are you ready to leave behind the peace that exists only amongst the evergreens and rain-logged town where everything began with all of us? Are you ready to hug Jacob goodbye, to hug Charlie goodbye?"
"I don't know. I know what I should do. What I should have done long ago, but I don't know if I can. I asked Edward to leave for the good of us both. I miss him and I know he wants me with him, but there is a lot more to it if I decide to come back. The same reasons I ran away are still there. Me coming here didn't solve or fix anything."
I didn't want to cry. It didn't seem like I should be able to cry anymore, but tears came anyway. I wanted to curse every single one, but even more so I wanted to curse James for putting them there in the first place.
"I think you are forgetting something. Things have changed. You're not the same woman who I helped pack her bag, and first began telling me about her darkest secrets. Bella, that woman wouldn't have been able to confront the things you have these past few weeks. That woman wouldn't have been able to lace up boxing gloves and beat the shit out of Jake. That fragile woman wouldn't have been able to see an old friend and his wife with a baby and gush over how cute they were. That woman most certainly wouldn't have been able to walk into the house that she shared with her own family and not go looking for a kitchen knife." She let her words sink in before she continued. "And Bella, the woman that I hugged before getting on that plane wouldn't have let her husband hold her hand much less love her. Don't you dare say that nothing has changed, because things most definitely have."
Rose made her point. I sank down into Charlie's old couch clutching the phone to my ear with steady tears running down my cheeks. She was right, I had changed, and if I was being honest with myself I had changed because of and for Edward. Yes, I needed to get better for myself, but I wanted to be the wife Edward needed and deserved. That's when I realized something vital was long overdue.
"Rose," my voice was small and sounded like a frightened kitten even to my own ears, "how did you get better?"
Rosalie had wanted to help me for so long, but I had never listened to her story. We all knew her recovery was a very dark time for her. I didn't fully understand just how dark until I slipped into the same darkness as well. She hadn't ever really told anyone what all happened or what Emmett did all those years ago in Rochester.
"I knew this day would come." Her words were difficult for me to explain. There was relief very evident in her voice, but also a degree of solemnity in the mix too. It was almost as if she was accepting something she long ago knew she would have to face.
"Bella, I don't have to describe to you the place I was in. You have been there… and to a certain extent are still there." It was as if she had been privy to my thoughts just a moment ago. "I know I've told you guys Emmett was my saving Angel during that time, but… I don't think you could ever understand just how true that is."
She paused for a long moment. I was just about to ask her what was wrong when I heard her breathing quicken on the other end.
"It had been a year exactly, and I wasn't eating or talking or existing in any better of state since I had been released from the hospital. Emmett had been there throughout the entire time commuting from Cambridge to Rochester every chance he got. I think he killed about three Jeeps with all the miles he drove in that year.
"I had pushed him away since the first day he got there. I didn't think I was worthy of the love he said he had for me. I wasn't even a woman in my eyes. I couldn't even imagine how he could possibly want me.
"You know Emmett, though; he didn't give up that easily. I remember that day as if it were yesterday. The pain in his voice mixed with the love that was unmistakable and I couldn't deny its existence anymore. It was only after that day that I let him in, that I let him help me."
She paused again collecting her thoughts, and letting her words sink in on my end. I knew this had to be hard for her. I knew telling me this had to be right up there with recalling the night of her rape. Two very different pains, but pain nonetheless.
"It was after that day that I let him see me for who I really was; the scared and afraid, the nearly broken woman that I had become. That was the hardest thing for me. I didn't want anyone, especially him, to see how truly unstable I was. Look… I know there were many reasons why you forced Edward to leave and why you decided to leave, but tell me, was that a major contributor? Were you afraid that the people around you, the people that you knew loved you, would see that there was more wrong with you than you were letting us see?"
That was a tough one to answer. I pushed Edward away because I finally got to see how I was affecting him for the worse. I ran from Chicago because James turned up at my house and threatened me. Was there more though? I had pushed people away long before any of that. I had put on a smile for everyone long before that.
"Yes," I confessed, and I knew it to be true. "It was a part, not the whole reason, but a reason."
Without missing a beat she asked the question that would change things either for better or for worse. She was leaving it up to me to decide.
"What are you going to do about it now?"
It was such a simple question. Less than ten little words, but my answer would either leave me here in Forks feeling sorry for myself like the naive high school girl I once was, or my decision could have me a on a plane en route back to Chicago.
I knew what I needed to do. Hell, it was what I wanted to do. I just didn't know if I could do it.
"I don't know," I managed to squeak into the phone.
"Yes, you do. You knew the answer to my question before you even picked up the phone. It's why you decided to call me in the first place. All you have to do now is believe in yourself and the decision you are making."
Damn! Dr. Rosalie was good. How did she know these things?
I sat there staring at the black television across Charlie's family room. There was so much more involved than me just getting on a plane. There was Charlie and Jake here to consider. There were all the Cullen's there to consider. There was Edward to consider. There was even James to consider. My brain was swimming with so many things I felt and heard my breathing accelerate. What would I do if James came back to find me. What if he knew I had been talking to Rose? What if he hurt Edward? I couldn't endure losing anything or anyone else. Not after everything I had lost already.
"Bella." Rosalie's calming voice brought me back to the here and now. "Don't over think this. We will all deal with everything once you're back. It will be fine. Plus, I will have a den again."
She knew me so well. She just stripped away all the subterfuge and walls to the bare bones. She knew I was fretting over outcomes neither of us could possibly know. She also knew, that I knew deep down inside, that by the end of this week I'd be back in Chicago.
"How is Edward?" The question was out of my mouth before I realized I may not want to know the answer.
"He's okay. Not great or fantastic or even good for that matter, but he's taking one day at a time. He's been running more since he came back."
I had been right, I didn't want that image of Edward. Edward ran to clear his head and to think, but he also ran to punish himself. I didn't know which one of those had him running now, but I didn't necessarily want to know. Not until I was back, and could do something about it.
"I need another week Rose. I need to tie things up here. It will give you guys a chance to open the house up for when I get there. One week, I promise only one week, and I will be back."
Rose was quiet, which was something I hadn't been expecting. I had envisioned screaming to rival Alice, but this silence had me on edge.
"Why?"
I knew what her question meant. Why was I coming back? She wanted me to say it out loud.
"I want my life back. Keeping silent isn't the best way to protect the ones I love. I've done that, and it's not working… for anybody. Just maybe all those shrinks and shit were right when they said, 'knowledge is power.'" I got that look that just said 'so eloquent, Bella.'
"Rose… I am ready to fight with all I've got to get the life I had. I know it's not going to be the same, but I have to do something. I have to make things right with Edward… with myself."
"Oh darlin', that is exactly what I wanted to hear!" Now was the time for the Alice-rivaling excitement. I could hear her clear as a bell with the phone held an arm's length away.
"Bella! I know you're home; Charlie said so!" I giggled as I went to my window to wave at Jake who was screaming at me. What was it today with loud people.
"Rose, that would be Jake. I promise to call you later. One week. I promise that's all I'll need. Love you Rose."
"I know Bella. I'll be here beating your husband away from the phone. It will buy you a few hours of peace… okay maybe an hour. Tell Jake your intentions; I'm sure he'll up your training."
"Ugh! Don't remind me. I think I should try out for the Chicago Bears as it is. Later Rose!"
I was still laughing to myself as I let Jake in, who immediately wrapped me up in a hug.
"It's great to see you looking like yourself! I was getting worried there."
I closed my eyes to hold the tears at bay. I didn't know I was doing such a lame job at appearing to be normal after Edward's departure. Apparently just about everyone had noticed.
"Yeah, I'm sorry about that. Turns out, though, you will only have to put up with me for another week. From then on out I will be in Rosalie's hands."
I saw the wheels turning in his head. He stared at me for a few seconds before his face lit up.
"You're going back? That's great! Hey," his tone changed for a moment to serious, "don't think that I am happy about not getting to see you practically everyday, but it's time, loca," he said while tightening his grip on me.
I knew he was going to miss me. I didn't even want to think about how much I would miss him. Jake had gotten me through a lot of dark times. Give me a few months and I might, just might, miss his crazy work out sessions. I wasn't holding my breath or anything, but I had to admit I had never been stronger or more fit in my life. I had always razzed Edward for running, but now I finally see why he does it.
"So you leave at the end of the week?" His voice was tentative though he was smiling. He really didn't want to dwell on it even if he was happy for me.
"Yeah, I haven't even looked at flights yet, but it will be somewhere in that area."
We were both quiet for a little while. Just looking around and intermittently at each other, he, like me, hadn't a clue what to say.
"What are you doing over here anyway? You concerned I haven't been doing my daily required number of sit-ups or something?" He laughed good naturedly; he knew I hated those.
"Yeah, well not really. You hadn't been by in a while, and you hadn't called or anything so I figured we could grab something to eat or something or just go down to the beach."
"How about both, I haven't really eaten yet… well I picked at some eggs, but that doesn't count. Going to the beach sounds nice, and I haven't actually been down there since the day I found you running in the rain, and that wasn't really a beach faring day."
He nodded a few times as he shuffled to get us out the door. We picked up some food to go at the diner and drove down to First Beach.
We laughed about some old times when a big group of us would come down here. Reminiscing about the brave ones who would attempt surfing, or those of us who were not so adventurous who would check out the tide pools. Whale watching was always pretty cool too.
"Do you remember us talking about the last time we brought Nick and Nattie here? They were so adorable! They were so curious about with the sand. I don't know if they were really old enough to be curious per se, but they would like to swoosh their little toes around in the sand. It had been so adorable.
Of course that was the same time when Edward about gave me a heart attack when he would hold them over the water and dip their feet in, somehow I just knew 'Jaws' was going to come out of six inches of water and get my babies," I giggled at the memory.
I looked over to Jake who had gone quiet and sat there looking at me with cartoon eyes. I was about to ask what was wrong, since birds were about to take up nesting in his wide-open mouth if he didn't shut it. That was when I thought about what exactly I had just related.
I never talked about Nick and Nattie… ever. Right now, sitting out on the beach with Jake, the memories were good. They weren't sad, but happy times. I realized that was all I really had left of them.
"Yeah, they were cute. You had them in matching little outfits then… okay all the time. I am surprised Edward survived the encounter though; somehow I would have thought you would go all Mamma Bear on him. I guess you wouldn't have wanted to scare the kiddo's." I rolled my eyes at him.
He had that big goofy grin on his face again. "Yeah. Yeah. Whatever."
"Of course what is forever burned into my retinas when I come down here is the day when you and Edward could no longer deny you weren't 'just friends'."
My face flamed red at the memory even if it was so long ago. Something that… humiliating just isn't forgotten.
It was the summer between my sophomore and junior year and we were all getting together down at the beach. Edward and I had showed up early to set up all the shit because we were always volunteered to bring it. I would fill the entire bed of my truck with stuff 'no one else' could bring.
Edward wasn't much better. He would bring the sound equipment so we'd be able to have music down here. Poor guy couldn't even see out the back of that little silver thing he called a car. I don't care how fast they go; little cars are just road hazards.
We had gotten to talking, and somewhere along the line I had missed exactly when the pimply faced nerd got replaced with this amazing, and not to mention incredibly hot guy in front of me. Thus, my endeavors to brush him off and ignore him quickly got the kibosh. We'd popped the top on a few beers, and pretty soon talking from across the fire pit turned into talking right next to each other. Then progressing to the scene Jake had the misfortune of walking in on, that didn't involve any talking whatsoever.
Jake was the only witness to our five minutes of summer love, but still one hundred percent mortifying at the time.
"Yeah, well that doesn't matter anymore," I said still looking like a tomato. "Just shut it and eat your burger."
He knew my smile meant it was still all in jest, but he fortunately dropped the subject.
"So one week? You know I am going to have to work extra hard with you to finish up everything, right," he stated looking right at me. Of course I had already thought about that. "Plus I'm gonna have to set up a work out program that you can do on your own. I'm sure I could get Edward to drag you running with him," he said and thought the last part out loud while tapping his fingers to his chin. He knew damn well I hated running.
"Yeah." I wanted to be brave and all valiant about my imminent departure from home, but I was scared. I wanted this… God I wanted this so bad, but this was still uncharted territory. I didn't know what… rather who waited for me when I got back to Chicago.
So even though I should have been more enthusiastic than 'yeah', I just couldn't manage anything more. I knew I was getting on a plane regardless.
"I'm really going to miss you Bells, and I expect phone calls. I know for a fact authors aren't that busy."
And just like that my world was light and easy again… for now.
…
A/N (Jessi): Yeah, there it is. Another step. Far from the end, but another step ;)
A huge thanks to our amazing Beta, Songster! You guys don't want to see how scary this thing looks with all the red marks all over everywhere. Thanks for making Jessi-speak into something not just Danna and I can read!
A/N#2 (danna0724): A bit of a turning point for our B here, huh? 'Knowledge IS power', now… what to do? WHAT TO DO?