I Know You Can Feel This Too

A/N: Gibbs coming to his senses...

Chapter 10 – Realisations

That evening found Gibbs drowning his bad temper in his usual fashion, with bourbon in his basement and trying to soothe his mind by working with wood. He was repairing a chair for a neighbour, but was having a hard time clearing his head so he could concentrate.

It was days like this when he really missed having a boat to work on.

His smaller projects were absorbing and occupied his hands but when he was in a really foul mood or needed to think through something complex or emotional, he really needed the rhythmic sanding involved in working on the ribs of a boat, or the intricate carving required for a larger scale project.

He'd so far spent the evening as he worked tormenting himself, imagining how Fornell might be comforting Abby right now, taking advantage of the fact that Gibbs had behaved once again like a bastard.

Despite Ziva's presence in the parking lot, the hug he'd witnessed between Fornell and Abby had looked to his jaundiced eyes to be… intimate; as intimate as the hugs he and Abby used to share.

Anger rolled through him at the thought of Fornell's hands on Abby and caused his gut to twist with jealousy.

And presumably he'd have to watch as Fornell fawned over her at the dinner-dance tomorrow night. The annual event wasn't something Gibbs looked forward to at the best of times. Now he was dreading it.

Following his confrontation with Fornell, he'd spent a tense and bad tempered afternoon. His team made it very plain by their looks and clipped words when they did have to communicate with him that they considered Gibbs to be the one in the wrong.

There was nothing more guaranteed to make them all band together and suspend their own bickering than an urge to protect Abby.

Only Tony had tackled him outright but they'd all made it clear they were pissed at him. McGee had managed to be nervously curt, a feat only he could have managed. Tony had been equally cold in his exchanges. DiNozzo usually had no problem confronting him when he was pissed enough, and upsetting Abby would certainly do that.

He'd paused by Gibbs' desk when they were alone in the bullpen, and said, coldly, "Look, boss, I don't know what's going on and I'm not sure I wanna know, but if you and Fornell are gonna get into a pissing contest, just leave Abby out of it."

When Gibbs didn't respond, but merely glared at him in stony silence, Tony carried on, undaunted. "If it isn't already a rule by now, to protect Abby, then it should be, that's all I'm saying. She doesn't deserve to be caught in the middle of anything."

Gibbs had watched him return to his desk, unable to suppress a glimmer of pride at the way his senior agent stood up to him.

Ziva had typically communicated her anger in the simplest and most effective way of all of them. When a paperclip landed in front of him as she passed his desk, he'd looked up, startled, to see her normally warm eyes sparkling with anger.

All she'd said was "Fix it."

So it was a relief to escape home.

He'd tried to call Abby a few times, both on her cell and on her home phone, and each time it had gone straight to voicemail. But then he couldn't blame her if she was avoiding him.

Despite the fact that he was on his third bourbon, he contemplated driving over to her apartment but suspected Abby might not let him in.

Although he had a key, even Gibbs could recognise that forcing his way into her apartment when she obviously didn't want to talk to him wouldn't be a good idea... and was more likely to be a quick way to get his face slapped.

When pushed, Abby could be just as stubborn and difficult as he was and it would only likely deteriorate into another shouting match.

The worst of it was... they were all right.

Abby didn't deserve his anger. He owed Abby an apology, despite Rule 6... and he needed to do it in person and as soon as possible.

Gibbs wasn't sure why the thought of Fornell seeing Abby bothered him.

Maybe it was because he and Fornell were a similar age that it affected him so much? He knew Abby 'dated older'. She'd said so often enough but it was the first time Gibbs had encountered evidence of it, and he figured it was just unlucky that it happened to be with a friend of his. Previously, he'd only seen or met her younger lovers, Mikel Mawr, Marty and McGee.

Gibbs was reacting like a jealous lover and he knew it.

That thought brought him up short.

He stopped working and slumped down on a sawhorse, glass in hand as the realization slammed into him as he tried to rationalize it to himself.

Why was he jealous?

Because... Abby deserved better than a divorced, embittered older man?

Yeah, of course she did but hang on... who was he describing here? Himself or Fornell? She deserved someone who would take care of her, someone who was her own age and who shared her own interests, someone she could grow old with, and maybe even have a family with.

Because... he didn't want to see her hurt.

If he were honest with himself, Gibbs knew that Fornell wouldn't willingly hurt Abby. He knew his friend well enough for that. And since when did his need to keep Abby safe change to wanting to keep any other man away from her completely?

Because... because... she was his girl.

And no one should be able to touch her except him.

Now he was getting to it.

His?

Where the hell had that come from? When did he start to think of Abby as his? When did his sense of protectiveness transform itself into one of fierce possessiveness?

Gibbs couldn't remember feeling like this when she was with McGee, but he'd told himself at the time that was because he knew that relationship wouldn't last.

So why was this different?

Why did he see Fornell as more of a threat? Or was it that he'd only just realized what Abby meant to him now that he thought he'd left it too late? Now that he too was involved with someone else? Now that he'd screwed it up so monumentally with Abby there might be no going back?

TBC

A/N: Coming to a head then... patience!