Seven Ways to Help Rid James of his Unwanted Fanclub

Written by Lily and Mary

Approved by Sirius

Foreword(s):

I, Lily, am sick of giggly girls that haunt the halls, following – no, stalking, James Potter. It's painfully obvious what they're doing and even moreso that James isn't interested in them. I mean, during Quidditch, they all sit together with their sandwich boards that say 'Potter for President' and 'We love Potter'. I swear that there was one that said 'Marry me, James' on it once.

I, Mary, agree with you on the fact that this 'Potter club' is annoying, although that last one was hilarious when it happened – Black hijacked it afterwards and wore it all the way back to the castle, serenading James all the way.

That was rather funny. But his fanclub aren't – they're starting to get in the way. They break the rules on purpose in front of him to get his attention, they stop him on the way to class, they play pranks on me because they don't like me. It's making me irate, it's making James irate, and when you put two irate people together, nothing productive gets done.

Plan #1: Detention

I am Head Girl, I can deal them a detention for loitering. I don't care if I get called for abuse of power, they shouldn't be in the damn halls. They shouldn't hassle the poor boy. I will make them scrub toilets and clean up after the Marauder's pranks - they won't think them smart after that!

Plan #2: Hex them

Jellylegs, perhaps, when James walks past them so he laughs.

Lily, that is child's play, do something like a Bat-bogey Hex.

Mar – he'll help them if it's that. He'll know it's me and demand an explanation. Maybe some sort of spell that will give them pimples or warts – they won't show their faces to him. Humiliation over destroying them – we're not Slytherins.

Plan #3: Take advantage

I'm thinking along the lines of little tasks, like 'James needs to 'insert task here' but he's got Quidditch practise and he'll cancel Quidditch if he has to do that task – can you do it for him so he can play Quidditch? I'll get him to sign your diary.' When in reality, it's a task that I'm meant to be doing. Is that too evil?

Plan #4: Blackmail

I'm not normally one for black mailing, and I'm not very good at digging for dirt, although I've noticed that Black is getting irritated with the fanclub too, and he's rather good with the get backs, maybe we should call in the likes of him and his ideas and see what we can come up with.

Negotiating with the enemy's best friend, Lily? I never thought I'd see the day.

Shut up, Mary.

Plan #5: Embarrass

This goes hand-in-hand with Hexing them, I spose... and also blackmail... and Detention. Either way, they need to be embarrassed. In front of him. So they will never show their faces again! No Mary – no smart comments from you about possesiveness

Plan #6: Anti-Potion

There is a potion that I've heard about, a repulsion potion. It really doesn't have many uses, but now that I'm in this state of frustration I can see why it exists. The only problem is, how do I get them to consume it?

Use that 'advantage' point from before. Tell them James made it.

You're a genius, Mary.

Plan #7: Go out with Him

THIS IS NOT MY IDEA! ONLY USE AS A LAST RESORT!

Lily! Don't yell at me, get off me, let me write.

Ahem. The girls are obviously trying to woo James – well you don't have to. They'd surely leave you two alone if you stress the fact with them that he is taken. James won't have a problem with that. Problem solved.

Uh, hello? Do you care what I think?

You're in denial – hey there's Black...

I, Sirius Black, (what the hell is with this declaration of names?) thoroughly approve of this list and insist you must do all and everything on here. I will help you where I can, including sliming the trophy room so they may serve detention in a scum-worthy manner, so they never annoy your headship, Princess Lilykins, ever again so may live happily ever after with Prince Prongs and...

That's enough... Thanks... I think. But breathe even a single word to Potter and I'll string you to the Whomping Willow.

A/N: I'm aliiiiiive. Thank you for being so patient! Writing this felt so forced But I knew I had to do it, I've already written later chapters. Next one will hopefully come soon...

Lily is so in denial... even Sirius knows now