A/N: I can't resist! I've been looking forward to this chapter for a very long time. Only 2 more including this one and the epilogue. Its so sad. Thank you SO much for my reviews, I really love you for them Plus they're really lovely if you've had a crappy day. So thanks loads. Please read and review!
"I'm getting fat" Aurelia gasped in horror, "Oh hell. Sonea, look!"
Sonea moved over to the mirror and scrutinized Aurelia's belly, "Aurelia, it's practically flat. It's hardly noticeable"
"I've noticed it!" Aurelia retorted shrilly, "Oh, Sonea, am I going to be huge?"
Sonea was smiling with amusement, fighting laughter, "Eventually, yes. It's quite gradual. Though Lorkin was a big baby, my belly was more obvious. You still look stunning, you have a gorgeous figure. I'm jealous; I don't even have a figure"
Aurelia laughed, "You do too! Oh...I don't want to get fat" she sighed, moving away from the mirror, "Where's Rothen?"
"He's just helping Dorrien with the finishing touches. He's completely rearranged Dannyl's rooms, you wouldn't believe they'd ever been as messy as they were! You should go and look"
Aurelia shook her head firmly, "No thank you. It would feel...strange. Being in Dannyl's room, where we made so many mistakes, and without Dannyl? It's just odd"
Sonea looked thoughtfully at her. Lorkin, who had been playing quite contentedly, started playing with the bracelet round Aurelia's ankle, making the young woman giggle. She stopped, noticing Sonea's watchful eyes.
"Why are you looking at me like that?" she asked nervously, "Have I done something?"
"No" Sonea hesitated, "Are you missing Dannyl, Aurelia? It's been nearly a fortnight now"
Aurelia sat in musing silence for a very long time, "I...I don't know. I mean, I miss him, of course I do. But he's been communicating with me every day, to ask how I am, and talking to all of you...and...I don't know. I suppose I'm not as upset as I thought I would be"
"But why not?" asked Sonea, leaning forward, her face alight with curiosity. Aurelia couldn't help smiling at her eagerness.
"Because...because I know that he's happy. Because I know that he's where he wants to be, because he loves Tayend and Tayend loves him. Because...I do want him to be happy" she was smiling almost dreamily now. Sonea frowned, confused.
"But do you still love him, don't you?"
"Oh yes, of course!" Aurelia cried, but her reply was a little too quick. In her head, she meant it. But, wondered Sonea, did she mean it in her heart?
"Aurelia-" Sonea began, but quickly stopped herself. If Aurelia was beginning to fall out of love with Dannyl, then she needed to figure it out for herself, no prompting, no hints. So instead, she said;
"You know that we're going to do everything we can for you. Me, Rothen...and especially Dorrien" a mischievous glitter appeared in her eyes, and Aurelia gave a low, exasperated exclamation.
"Not you as well! Dannyl is convinced that Dorrien's in love with me, and now you're sitting there smirking away! He just wants to...well, you know what he wants to do. He doesn't really love me"
Sonea looked away, but she was grinning, "If that's what you want to think"
"It's the truth" huffed Aurelia.
"Why don't you just give him a chance?" Sonea said gently, "If he asks you anything, just say yes"
Aurelia looked suspiciously at her, "What are you all planning?"
"Us?" queried Sonea innocently, "Rothen and I aren't planning anything. Dorrien...well, I can't speak for him"
Just as Aurelia opened her mouth to demand to be told, Dorrien and Rothen appeared, both looking tired, sweaty and slightly bedraggled.
"Dorrien wanted to move furniture without magic. We agreed, after several long hours, that it was not a good idea" Rothen explained, flopping into a chair. Aurelia and Sonea both laughed.
"You are a strange one, Dorrien" said Sonea, rolling her eyes. Aurelia said nothing, looking warily at Dorrien. Rothen and Sonea slipped into easy chatter that seemed somehow set up, and Dorrien came and sat next to Aurelia.
"Are you hungry?" Dorrien asked abruptly. Aurelia jumped, startled.
"Um...yes, actually, I suppose so. Why?"
"Tania has made a lovely dinner. In my new rooms. For two" Dorrien's eyes bored keenly into hers, "Would you like to share it with me?"
Aurelia gaped at him for a minute. She was more than a little shocked by the audacity of the suggestion. Her eyes darted towards Sonea, who was nodding encouragingly. She looked back to Dorrien.
"Um...alright. Do you mean...now?"
Dorrien beamed, "Yes, now. If you'd like" he rose and turned to Sonea and Rothen, "Aurelia's going to join me for dinner. See you later" he ruffled Lorkin's curly hair. Aurelia followed him, still slightly bemused, and not really sure why she was following after all.
Aurelia picked through her food. It was delicious, but she couldn't concentrate on the food. Dorrien had asked her here, it felt more than a little romantic, and he couldn't take his eyes off her. She was finding this rather annoying – it's difficult to eat food attractively. Then, she didn't need to eat it attractively, seeing as she wasn't interested!
Oh, it was all so confusing.
She pushed the plate away, and Dorrien finished a few moments later. She struggled for something to say.
"You've made the rooms look ever so nice" she said at last, "It's so...strange, to be able to see the floor!"
Dorrien laughed, "It was in a bit of a state" he paused, "But Aurelia...I didn't ask you here to talk about the rooms. I need to talk to you. Honestly"
"Dorrien, I really – "
"I love you"
There was a heavy silence. Aurelia's mouth opened and closed, but no words came out.
And before either of them honestly could understand what was happening, they were kissing.
Aurelia had launched herself across the table and into Dorrien's lap, where they were kissing each other with such fierce desire that Dorrien was completely ecstatic. He what he wanted! Aurelia was kissing him, and his hands were tangled in that beautiful honey-coloured hair, and surely this meant that she loved him back...
She jumped away as suddenly as she had come, her eyes wide with horror, her fingers pressed to her lips as if she couldn't quite believe what she had just done, as if she couldn't quite understand why her lips were tingling and she felt slightly dizzy.
Dorrien stared at her, still seated, still in a happy daze, "What are you doing?"
"I – I'm not ready for this, Dorrien" she stammered. Then, a yell of frustration, "God! I'm really not ready for this! I'm sick and tired of having my life ruled by men. Men and desire and love for all the wrong people, it's just too much! I can't do it anymore. I'm having another man's baby, I'm not over him yet, I can't just...I can't do this"
Dorrien got up from his seat, his smile gone, "But you just kissed me. I told you I love you. I meant it"
"Yes, yes, I'm sure you do" Aurelia pressed her fingers to her temples, "But I can't do this right now"
"So you don't love me?" his voice was heartbreaking.
"I didn't say I don't love you, I just said – "
"So you do love me?" Dorrien now looked confused, and rather angry.
"I don't know!" Aurelia cried, "Okay, Dorrien, I just don't know. I can't love you, I've only just started to get over Dannyl. I'm not doing this now. Thanks for the lovely dinner"
"And what about the kiss? You can't say you didn't want it to happen, because you did. Surely that must mean something?"
"I think I should just stop kissing people" Aurelia muttered to herself, "It gets me into a lot of trouble" she raised her voice again, "Please, Dorrien, I can't. You have to understand this, I've been through too much, I can't get involved in anything else. Just leave me alone, Dorrien" she swung round to leave, but Dorrien grabbed her arm.
"Didn't you figure it out, Aurelia? I can't leave you alone! You think I haven't tried?"
Part of her wanted to turn around and kiss him again, tell him that she loved him too, tell him that it would all be okay.
But she couldn't do it. She couldn't say it when she wasn't sure.
"Then you'll have to try harder" she whispered, and walked sharply away.