A/N: Oh, hello. :) This is a more of a dialogue than detailing the setting and characters chapter. Hope that's alright.
A/N: And this is a 'how the Marauders explain away their dissapearances and nicknames' chapter. Plus, a hint of 'where did Eli go?'.
Lily laughed. She couldn't help it. She just had too.
James and Sirius were explaining away Remus and Peter's absence in a way that it was a) impossible to follow, and b) was extremely ridiculous.
"Well, you see, Peter got mauled by a large... reindeer - "
"A REALLY large reindeer. What have they been eating, recently?"
"Hey! In the reindeer's defence, it might have been really hungry!"
"ANYWAY, Remus tried to help him. Of course, the bear was all 'Roar! Imma eat you all!' and almost squashed the poor bugger - "
"You can't go around calling your ailed friends 'poor buggers'!"
"You can't go around trampling on your friends!"
"I had something in my foot!"
"And now Wormtail has something in his back. Happy?"
"Not particulary. When have you been concerned about my happiness?"
"Since the elf appeared."
"Don't call my girlfriend an elf in that tone!"
"Fine! A lovely little princess who can turn us into icicles with one little magical touch!"
That's when Lily laughed.
"Really, guys, just..." she giggled again. Bridget, KayCee and Lionel joined in.
"Speaking of that 'lovely little princess who - ' what was it again? Oh, yeah, 'can turn us into icicles with one little magical touch', where is she, James? Have you killed her already?" asked Lionel, grinning.
"That hamster was NOT MY GIRLFRIEND!"
"The way you were telling us that story, I'm surprised that you didn't burst into tears proclaiming your love and self-hatred for killing 'that blasted furball of hamster pellets'."
"I'm choosing not to comment."
"Then what was that?"
"A bold statement."
"Can someone just tell me where the heck Eli is? Really?" said Bridget. She was curious the moment when she realised that Eli was not 'just coming down to breakfast in a few'.
"Well, I think she said something about her parents and that she had to 'fly'."
"Do you think she was being literal?" asked Lily, her eyes brightening and her mind whirring.
"And how is she supposed to hide those massive big things when she's walking around? Use safety scissors?" chortled Sirius, making snipping motions with his fingers.
"They'd obviously fold to her back, like a bird's. Tell me, James, when you are eating her face, do you feel the back of her sweater? Where there any slits?"
"Well, generally, we just get down and snog. There isn't much thought to it. It's human instinct. It's not like I'm thinking 'Oh! What the heck are these cut slits into the back of her sweater for? I'll ask her after our hot make-out session'."
"Well, aren't you just a useless piece of - " started Sirius.
"Eli!" said KayCee, pointing to their friend.
When Eli breathlessly sat down beside James, everyone was quiet and avoiding eye-contact with everyone else, for fear that they'd burst out laughing.
"...So... anything interesting happen?" asked Eli, reaching for the jam.
No one answered.
"Why do I get that feeling you get when everyone has been talking about you and suddenly they stop when you enter the room because the conversation is mean/backstabbing/embarrassing/funny/judgemental or the group just doesn't want you to know at all what they've been talking about you?" asked Eli in one breath.
Sirius' eyes slid to the side, pointedly staring at Lily.
"Well... we have been talking about you - "
"But I swear it wasn't mean! It was more... speculating!"
"Ahm. And what have you been speculating? That I have wings or something like that?" asked Eli with a little laugh. Everyone looked down.
"Oh my gosh, you have!"
"Honestly, it was just a little... conversation starter! We had nothing else to talk about!"
"So I suppose you want to know if I have wings?"
Everyone nodded.
Eli took a deep breath.
"Well, I don't. My great-grandmother did, but they died out when my family started marrying humans."
There was a pregnant pause.
"That just made us seem so different, when you called us 'humans'."
"To me you are just ordinary people, but I know that I'm an elf. I'm different to you. I had to classify you in some way. Would you rather the 'unceremonious nose-pickers'?"
"I don't pick my nose!" said Sirius, outraged.
"Sirius," said Lily, placing a hand on his arm in a way that suggested that she was breaking the worst news to him, "We've all seen you do it. It's not very nice." She looked around for confirmation. They all nodded. His face looked so shocked.
"My reputation is ruined!"
"No... no, it's just... changed. Changed to 'Most Known Nose-picker'."
Lily winced, waiting for the outburst of unnecessary sound. Sirius wailed uncontrollably.
"There there."
Remus opened his eyes gently. He winced as he sat up on his pile of pillows. He looked around at the Hospital Wing. This is astoundingly boring and white... I feel like I'm in an asylum for mad people.
A strange wimpering sound followed immediately by an ear-piercing scream sounded to his left.
Oh, wait. I am.
He heard whispers outside his curtain.
"Remus was certainly out of it when we found him after the giant reindeer attack."
"You would expect him to be."
"What about Peter?"
"Oh, he's next door. Madam Pomfrey was just taking out the massive piece of glass out of his back."
"Ouch."
The voices paused.
"Has he woken up yet?"
"He should have. It's after 10. He's usually up before 9 after coming from his mother's."
"So, let me get this straight. You, Sirius, Peter and Remus all went to see Remus' mother. Remus was out the back, and Peter was further in the garden than he was, and they got attacked by glass-weilding, giant reindeer. You all left it until the screams stopped, then you all immediately flooed to the Hospital Wing?"
"Yes."
Remus fell back onto his pillows. Trust his friends to make up a cover story for his werewolfyness.
"That's bull."
"What?"
Remus suddenly broke a sweat. Someone didn't believe their cover story. They'd probably figure out that he was a werewolf and report him to the Headmaster. The Headmaster would probably kick him out, then were would Remus be?
"What reindeer attacks a person with a shard of glass?"
"Wait, no, it wasn't attacking them with the glass in its... hoof. Peter was further in the garden, right? There was an old greenhouse there that got overheated and exploded. He fell back when the reindeer attacked."
"Oh. That makes sense."
Another pause.
"Let's check up on him?"
"Yeah."
Remus saw the other figures shrug and the curtains gently pulled back.
"Remus!"
He beamed at his friends and then winced.
"Oh, poor Remus," sighed Bridget.
He chuckled softly.
"I'm just slightly injured. I'm not in a body cast and having to be spoon fed."
"Well, OK then. Team, let's ditch this ungrateful Prefect," said Sirius, clapping his hands together.
"Hey! I do need my friends!"
"That's what I thought, Moony."
Something clicked in Lily's mind.
"Why do you have those weird names?"
"Huh?" asked Remus.
"Well, you're Moony, Sirius is Padfoot, James is Prongs and Peter is Wormtail."
"Ah, yes, well, you see, the thing is..." stuttered Remus.
"Well, it's obvious, isn't it?" said James.
"What's obvious?"
"Our friend Remus has a secret passion. A passion for mooning."
"What?"
"He tries to moon as many people as he can when we're crossing the street in the summer holidays. It's embarrassing!"
"Yes, I've told Mum to make him stop - "
"But he continues. On and on..."
"Scaring more and more people forever."
Remus turned bright red, and Lily assumed that it was in shame.
"So, what about Peter?"
"Oh, well this one is rather embarrassing."
"Quite."
"You see, it was Halloween."
"A terrible time for accidents to happen."
"And Peter had grabbed the first sweet in sight; a gummy worm."
"Of course, it wasn't all that gummy, but a lot more goey and earthy."
"He didn't know it, but everyone else it."
"So, later that night, he's partying hard in the common room."
"When all of a sudden..."
"POP! He has a tail that looks like a worm."
"That's horrible!" gasped KayCee.
"I know," James bowed his head solemnly.
There was a pregnant pause.
"What about you, James? What's with all the Prongs business?"
"Er..."
"Well," said Remus with relish, "Prongs here had a nasty prank played on him."
"Oh, yes, that one."
"You know how sometimes the run down kids say 'I'm going to shove this up your arse!'?"
"Well, someone actually did shove something up his arse."
"A fork."
"Boy, was he howling."
"His mum wasn't happy."
"Oh no."
"Anyway, to this day, we call him Prongs."
James narrowed his eyes.
"And finally, Padfoot."
"This young fellow has been a victim to the Padfoot."
"You know how you 'pad' down a hallway at night?"
"Yeah?"
"Padfoot does that."
"ALL THE TIME!"
"It's annoying."
"When you're thinking about killers or robbers - "
"And suddenly..."
"Pad. Pad. Pad."
"While the story about his nickname isn't exciting, it suits him. Don't you think?"
No one answered.
"Tough crowd."