Chapter 8: Please give me the strength to believe in my dreams.
A/N: Not what I planned on having for this chapter, but I like it. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter
"Crystal, do not fuck this up." Her dad screamed as he held her by the collar. "I swear to god if you do fuck this up, I will more than torture you." He screamed finally dropping her back down to her feet.
"Yes of course father." Crystal did not smile, did not nod, she didn't even move a muscle. "This is the highest honor I can receive."
"You bet your ass it is. You worthless piece of shit." He shouted before the slamming the door behind him.
Crystal shook her head. That scene kept playing over and over in her head. It happened right before they were leaving for Hogwarts. Her father let a flurry of swears fly at her. He was afraid that she would mess up any hopes the Dark Lord had for her. Of course, he was right. She would, but not yet. She was still too afraid to approach Dumbledore. She didn't know how. Now that she was here, back at Hogwarts, she was scared. She couldn't get the courage to talk to him. And that's how it was up until February. Yes, Crystal was terrified at the news that Death Eaters escaped from Azkaban, but she saw it coming. She heard the plans all throughout break, so it wasn't a surprise, more of a painful truth. It did give Neville hope for some odd reason, but for Crystal it just brought this truth closer and closer to home. She had to get away, she didn't want to be one of them.
It was a couple days before Valentine's Day and she still didn't know what she was going to do for that night. Draco had asked her to hang out with him. But on the other hand Hermione said it would be worthwhile to stick with her. Then there was Neville and the Twins. She had no idea who she wanted to be with more on Valentine's Day. If she was with Neville that would send off a message as a date, which was no different if she went with Draco. The twins would be harmless fun and with Hermione would be business.
"Crystal? Mind if I sit here?" Crystal shot up from her thoughts as she sat curled up by the fire place, to see Harry smiling down at her.
"Not at all Harry" Crystal smiled at Harry before turning back to the fire. "Where's Ron?" She questioned wondering why it was just Harry and no one else.
"He went to bed, tired from practice." Harry said while taking a seat next to her. "And how about you? Where are Fred and George?"
"I just wanted some time to think." Crystal sighed as she pulled her legs closer to her chest "A lot happened over break."
"Yeah, Hermione said you looked a lot thinner." Harry looked at her with warmth in his eyes as he reached out and patted her back "Care to talk about it?"
"To the boy who lived?" Crystal looked over at him. The baby blue eyes met with the emerald ones in shock. Harry could see it now, the fear, the anger, and the confusion flooding through. He didn't like it one bit. Crystal knew he felt it, but she tried shaking it off and carrying on "I trust you and all, just I don't think you'd trust me if you knew what my break was like."
Harry shook his head at her words. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. She may have come from a long line of Slyhterin's but she was a hundred times better than them. "I doubt it." Harry shrugged "But I'll be nice and change the subject." Harry smiled and Crystal could have hugged him. She loved how sweet he was. Why would Voldemort have it out for such a great guy was beyond her? "Did you decide who you are going with on Valentine's Day?" Harry questioned.
This wasn't exactly what Crystal wanted to hear. Tomorrow was Friday and that was pretty much her last day to decide. "No, but given my situation" Crystal scrunched up her face in annoyance. "I think I should go with Draco."
Harry let out a groan. "You know my opinion on him, but as your friend all I can say is do what you think is best."
"I actually don't know your opinion, please do elaborate." Crystal grinned sarcastically at Harry.
Harry couldn't help but laugh as he playfully pushed her. "You see…" Harry started but Crystal couldn't help but cut in.
"It all started on a stormy night, when he left you for Crabbe." Crystal carried on teasing with her slight laugh.
"Haha" Harry glared "Hardly what happened." He shoved her once more "But because we are friends I'll let that cruel joke slide."
"Harry, I know the truth hurts…" Crystal grinned, but soon let her face fall at Harry's harsh look "Okay okay…you know I think I'm going to go for a walk, to you know clear my thoughts."
"Crystal it's almost curfew, you want me to come with?" Harry looked at his friend with concern. He didn't want her to get in trouble. He knew her family well enough and his guess was that their attitude towards her had not changed during break. The last thing he wanted was to get her in trouble.
Crystal just smirked. Even if she would get caught, she had a feeling it wouldn't matter at this point. Besides, right now she wanted to see Dumbledore, her mind was made up. Finally after weeks of debate, it was time. She would shed her skin of evil and go where she belongs. "No, I'll be fine" Crystal said while getting up. But Harry didn't fully buy it. He followed her and got up as well. "I mean it Harry." Crystal put a hand on his shoulder and gave him a stern look.
"Fine when you get a detention and lose an arm, do not blame me." Harry teased.
"I'd lose an arm if I was seen getting a detention with you." Crystal smirked and Harry laughed, he knew was true. There was no denying it. "Maybe I'll tell you what happened during break if this walk goes alright." Crystal smiled reassuringly before turning to leave the Gryffindor common room.
It was a quiet walk there. Crystal was lost in her own hopeful thoughts. She had high hopes for visiting Dumbledore. All the great things she's heard about him there was no way he would turn her down. She may be a Nott, but she's still a loving human. Dumbledore had to give her a fight chance then.
But as she walked farther and farther in the castle, she realized that she had never been to Dumbledore's office. In fact, she had never been in any professor's office for that matter. So unlucky for her, she had no clue where to go. She should have brought Harry with her. At least he knew where someone was that would be able to help guide her in the right direction.
Sighing she kept walking to what she hoped was the right direction. Deep inside though she was hoping and praying that Umbridge wouldn't find her. She found that lady most repulsive. Of course who wouldn't with her fake girlish laugh?
So when she heard footsteps she started to panic. Looking at her watched though revealed it wasn't curfew just yet. She had a bit more time to meander, though whether the professor's saw it that way was another story.
Crystal's heart began to quicken as she realized the footsteps were gaining in closer and closer behind her. But she didn't dare turn around. She was afraid too.
"Is there something I can help you with Miss Nott?" Crystal force on the spot picking up right away that usual bored drawl that belonged to Professor Snape.
Crystal half smiled at her luck, but quickly it turned to a frown. She turned around and stared at Snape would was approaching her quickly. She had not been too fond of him lately. He had been her favorite Professor ever since she started at Hogwarts, but he seemed to lose all credit in her eyes the minute she realized he was a Death Eater. Crystal realized that started to become apparent when her grade in Potions was dropping out of sheer fact that she was no longer listening. Rather she would start to get that sick feeling that came over her when she thought or was around Voldemort.
"Thank you Professor Snape, but I am alright." Crystal smiled her best smile, despite the fact that her stomach was rolling around. "Just heading to Professor Dumbledore's office" She didn't want to give too much away to him, but she needed to know how to get there before someone else who didn't favor her found her.
"Professor Dumbledore is a very busy man." Snape said with a passive face, as usual. But a little warmth was spread throughout his eyes. He for some odd reason, always felt a little warmth when he was around Crystal Nott, and he couldn't understand why. Nor could he understand why he wanted to help her. Surely it couldn't have been that look in her eyes the night she sat across from him at dinner with Voldemort? That same scared look he had years ago. "I am sure whatever it is I can help you."
Crystal didn't like that answer at all. She wasn't sure if she could trust Snape. All she knew was that he worked for Voldemort and that wasn't very promising at all. It wasn't promising because from what she heard, Snape was Voldemort's right hand man. She tried not to frown, but all this thinking of Voldemort was making it harder and harder to stay the composed pureblood she was raised. "I do not mean to be rude Professor, but I wish to speak to Professor Dumbledore on this manner." It was the best Crystal could do. She didn't know why Snape took such a liking to her, yes she admired it in a way, but right now she wanted Dumbledore. Sure it could wait, but this couldn't wait forever.
"I am sure that I can help you with any matter. Please follow me to my office." Snape was growing weary. He couldn't possibly imagine why she was insisting on talking to Dumbledore, the girl always seemed so carefree. It wasn't only that, as hard as he try he couldn't break through and read her mind. It was as if she didn't have any thoughts what so ever. And if she did have thoughts she was good at keeping him out. No wonder why the Dark Lord was so interested in her.
Crystal swallowed hard as she followed Snape down to the dungeons. She had no clue what she would say, but either way she would have to worm out of this, somehow. This was her life at stake. Perhaps not only her life but her dreams as well. Without dreams, what would she have left? She had to hang in there. She wanted to stay friends with Harry, Ron, Hermione, Neville, and the twins. No she had to stay friends with them. Without them she was a dead empty shell. They were getting her back to normal, they were getting her to be Crystal again. They were healing her from her harsh childhood. Caving in and falling into Voldemort's world would only pull her back. She had to figure out a way out of this.
Snape was glad they finally made it to the office. He could sense that she was thinking hard, but he could tell over what. She was blocking him out altogether. It angered him, but seeing her taking a seat across from him at his desk cleared it up quickly. He could tell she was truly troubled by something. Her eyes, those beautiful blue eyes were seeping with pain. It didn't take an genius to notice that. Snape may have been good at showing no emotions, but he was no fool. He knew what he saw in her eyes and he wanted to help her somehow. "Miss Nott, care to share what is troubling you?" He could have cursed himself. Maybe he should have taken her to Dumbledore. His words always seemed to be so harsh, even if he meant it sincere.
Crystal smiled despite his tone. Maybe he was actually caring. He was giving off a gentle warmth. It was possible he meant well. Maybe she could dabble around with her troubles. "Professor Snape, truthfully I am very trouble by…" she paused, this had to be worded just right. "What happened this Christmas break." She could have kicked herself. If that wasn't obvious she doesn't know what is.
Professor Snape stared at her a bit, before his eyebrows furrowed. He should have listened to her when she said she wanted to talk to Dumbledore. Dumbledore would have been a lot better at handling this manner, but now he would have to try his hardest. He got himself in this mess and wasn't about to back out. "What about Christmas break seems to be troubling you?"
Crystal could have thrown something. He knows, he has to know how much Voldemort wanted her. So why is he playing dumb? Or did she put up such a good act that he couldn't even tell the difference? Fine, she will just use the best skills she has, "You being one of the Dark Lord's right hand men should know, that he would like me to join his ranks." Crystal while biting her lower lip, she knew if she did this right she would be able to tell where Snape stood. She had heard some rumors about him that not many of the Death Eaters trust him because he is so close to Dumbledore and Voldemort. She had no clue what to believe.
"He had mentioned you once or twice." Snape answered in his usual drawl. It was such a Snape answer too. He didn't really know where she was going with this, but if she didn't want to be on the Death Eater side, that would make sense to why she wanted to talk to Dumbledore. But he couldn't see why she wouldn't. But the more he thought about it, the more it made sense that she didn't want to be on Voldemort's side. He had seen her with people like Neville, the Weasley's, Potter, and Granger. She accepted everyone, she probably was so ill during break because of the thought of being around someone who has destroyed her friends lives. And Snape knew how that felt…but he was over that stage now. He would help her the best he could, to the very end.
"This will make it easier then." Crystal smiled, though deep inside she didn't think so. Either way she was still talking to Voldemort's right hand man. "I am young, I am not even fifteen yet, so you must understand where I am coming from when I say I do not want this." Crystal was taking a leap of faith. She wasn't sure why, but she trusted Snape. She might have been crazy, but something in her heart told her to take a gamble, but keep her etiquette so she could always back out of this.
"Miss Nott, from the time I have known you, I can tell you are not a normal Nott." Snape let out an awkward smile that did not fit his features at all. It was as if he had not smiled in years. "If you being in Gryffindor does not speak volumes, then I don't know what will."
"That's because I am not a Nott." Crystal didn't know what came over her, but her words were out before she could stop it. "So this glory that the Dark Lord wants, I don't. Call me foolish for telling you. But I am not ready for any of this." Crystal grimaced as she fiddled with her hands.
"I am ve-" Snape started but was cut off by a sharp knock on the door, followed by a nasty ahem.
Crystal and Snape both inwardly groaned. Umbridge.
"Come in" Snape said very composed but Crystal couldn't help but notice the annoyance in his eyes.
"Pardon me, but I noticed you were not patrol-" Umbridge started but cut herself off the moment she saw Crystal sitting down across from Snape and let out her girlish laugh. "Out of all the students to be breaking curfew, I would not expect Miss Nott to be one of them." She commented with a toad like grin.
"I assure you, she did not break curfew." Snape stood up, he felt defensive. He could not stand this woman. He wanted nothing more than to tear her down. But he knew that was not an option. He had to stay composed. "We were merely discussing her latest homework assignment. She is an excellent Potion master and I was merely letting her know of some options, seeing as 5th year is when they decide their career path." It was a complete lie, but it was the best Snape could do. He was glad to see that Crystal smiled warmly and gave a slight nod, she was good.
"Shouldn't you let Professor McGonagall decide that?" Umbridge let out her most stern look she owned. Snape didn't flinch or move an inch under the glare. He wanted to respond, but Crystal was quicker.
"Excuse me, if I may Professor." She smiled and turned to Umbridge. "I have been struggling the last couple of weeks. And a lot of this information is vital for our OWL's, I was merely getting help when the subject came up. Professor Snape here seems to think that I am not struggling at all." For some odd reason she wanted to laugh. This was amusing to her and it was bringing a strong smile upon her face. But she knew she couldn't laugh, so she suppressed it and waited for Umbridge's response.
"In any case, it is after curfew. Please escort her back to the Gryffindor common room." And with that Umbridge left. Leaving a grinning Crystal and a please Snape.
"Let's get going then. We can finish this discussion later." Snape said while moving around his desk.
"I would love to discuss about my fine potion making skills." Crystal held her grin, even though Snape was giving her a harsh look. He couldn't fool her though, he seemed to be enjoying himself as well.
The next day flew by fast and before she knew it, it was Saturday morning. She had decided that she wasn't going to go with Neville, or meet up with Hermione. No, she was trying to make this the best she could.
The night before she ended up sleeping in the twin's dorm after a long explanation to why she walked back with Snape the other night. They had a million questions and all revolving around the Dark Lord. She couldn't explain it, but she was happy that she had told someone about this break. It had been weighing on her hard and the twins understood completely.
"So where are you meeting Malfoy?" Fred asked with hate laced upon every word.
Crystal stopped walking and glared. She hated their attitude towards Draco some times, but she knew she'd have to get over it. They'd never get along. "Outside of the Three Broomsticks" Crystal answered regardless.
"Excellent, so we can spy on you." George clapped his hands together with a grin.
"I'll put on a good show just for you" Crystal rolled her eyes and began walking again down the snowy slush path that lead to Hogsmeade. She knew full well that was the plan. They would spy on her anyways. Not like anything would happen at all.
Fred let out a sigh "But still, out of all the Slyhterin's it had to be Malfoy?"
"We have to do it this way." Crystal answered quickly in a hushed tone.
"She right, if she wouldn't have spilled to Snape…we just have to make sure you act normal." George added in.
"Normal?" Crystal stared at him in disbelief. "Normal Slyhterin, or normal me?" She questioned with a slightly smile.
"Fair point." George couldn't help but laugh.
"No matter, just stick to the plan and stay in the spot we agree on in the Three Broomsticks." Fred nodded to both of his friend. He couldn't help but smile. He was actually looking forward to today. So what if he was spying on his good friend, it would be a great chance to possibly hear more about Death Eater activity. Even though they were friends, Crystal avoided the topic like he avoids detentions.
"Of course" Crystal smiled. She was ready for this too. Even though it was supposedly a 'date' with Draco, as Fred and George were calling it, to her it was like a mission. "Let's go over the plan quick, since we are almost there."
"Right" Fred and George smiled at the same time. Everyone knew the plan by heart. There was no point in going over it, but they all felt the same way. They were excited and ready to have some fun. Especially because if all went well tonight they were going to have some fun later that night in the boys dorm, even had some butterbeer's set aside.
"So Lee, whose already there, has a seat for us in the corner with paper's spread out." Fred started and waited for his twin to pick up from there.
"We will look like we are working hard, while you tell Draco about your love for" George turned to Crystal, it was her turn to now finish the words.
Crystal couldn't help but grin. She loved how well she fit in with the twins. It was nothing like any of her other friendships. This to her, felt like what family felt like. "The Dark Lord obviously. That way I have back up."
"Good, remember Crystal to make it sound convincing." Fred smiled. He wanted to help her out so much. It wasn't her fault she ran into Snape. He just wanted her safe and knew after this weekend, they would get her to Dumbledore so she could actually have real safety. She shouldn't have to go back home this summer. Or at least that's how he and his twin felt. Soon with their joke shop business started, while they could keep her with them if they needed too. "Alright, get in there." Fred gave her a small hug, followed by George.
"See you later." George winked and they were off going into the Three Broomsticks.
Crystal followed behind and made sure to get a close table to the twins and Lee. But she knew it wouldn't matter. They brought extendable ears.
She couldn't help but grin as she took a seat. This would be all too easy. She only had to make sure Draco was aware that she wanted to help the Dark Lord and that's it. She barely had to lie to him. All she had to do was that small thing, then she could enjoy the whole day.
"You sure look happy today." Draco noted as he took his seat. He had already grabbed them both butterbeers and was looking content. And truth be told, he was content. He would love to take her out for a walk for some alone time, but he knew how weird she was. He would have to settle with being here with her. Though he knew with how loud it was and the fact that it was Valentine's Day no one would be paying any attention to them.
"Do I?" Crystal looked shocked. But quickly wiped it away with her charming smile "I'm just happy I'm with you today."
Draco couldn't help but smile and wonder if she meant it. Then he thought about it, he didn't care if she meant it. She was here looking beautiful. What more could he ask for? She was perfect and here she was with him. "Did you get ask by a lot of guys? I would think you would."
Crystal nearly laughed at his question. Lucky for him she didn't, her mouth was full of butterbeer. "Goodness no, just Neville." She took another sip, feeling this was awkward. Why would Draco ask something like that? What did it matter to him? She shook it off. "Well and Fred and George, but that was all as friends." She smiled warmly at Draco. "But we haven't hung out in a while. I mean other than our usual Fridays…I've missed you." She didn't know what made her say it, but it just rolled off her tongue. Did she really mean it? She had too. It had been different not being around him all day like she was during break.
Her words took Draco by surprise a second time. He couldn't believe how open she was being. Not only that she said she missed him. Did she really mean that? His heart sure hoped so. "It has been different since we got back, you are looking a lot healthier."
"Do I?" Crystal shrugged, but deep down inside knowing this was her chance to bring in the Dark Lord. "I was just nervous during break. It was a great honor being noted…if you know what I mean." Crystal added a smile in for good effect. She looked up, pretending to look at Draco and looked past him to the twins who were grinning and gave a subtle thumbs up.
"Of course, it is your chance to prove yourself finally. I am so happy for you." Draco smiled oblivious to her lie that was spreading out.
"Really? I hope I can do my best." She smiled shyly, knowing how to push Draco's buttons.
"I know you can." Draco couldn't help but stare at her. She seemed so adorable and perfect. She had come along so much in his mind. Maybe they could… "Crystal? Can I talk to you about something?" Draco asked as butterflies began to form in his stomach.
Crystal didn't like the change of subject. Yes, Draco's faced stayed the same, but she knew something was off. He was nervous? No that didn't seem right, then what was that look Draco was giving? She didn't know what to say. She had not said what she had hoped too. She had plenty of things planned, but Draco did buy it, was that enough though? "Please, go ahead" Crystal smiled warmly only able to let her pureblood training pull through and not her true emotions. It was the best she could do.
Draco swallowed, he was going to be blunt. He had to be. He knew all his years of etiquette training would do him nothing here. Draco smiled as warmly as his stomach would let him as he reached out and grabbed her hand. He couldn't help but notice at this moment how warm her hands were in comparison to his. She felt almost feverish to him. Was she okay? He couldn't help but wonder. "I know I shouldn't really say this seeing as our fates are decided by our parents." Draco held her hand tighter. "But I am a Malfoy and Malfoy's know what they want and they get it."
Crystal couldn't help it, she let out a nervous giggle. She knew it was true from her experience which is what she found as funny, but she was nervous because she didn't know where Draco was going.
Draco couldn't believe it, she almost laughed! She's enjoying herself, his words just might not be crazy. "I'm only going to say this once Crystal, so listen well." He smiled as she focused her attention back on him. "Crystal Nott, I love you and I always have."
Crystal blinked, this was not what she was expecting at all. In fact it was far from it. Out of all her pureblood training nothing, nothing has prepared her for this moment. She couldn't help but look past Draco once more at the twins and Lee. They must have found it awkward because she noticed they had pulled the extendable ears and were actually looking at the paper now. Crystal, feeling very much alone started to blush. "Draco…" she managed to whisper out.
"I know this isn't what you were expecting to hear, but Crystal hear me out." Draco reached out and grabbed her other hand. "We don't get to choose our life. Considering how close our parents are…well this might not be as crazy as it sounds."
Crystal had to stop him. She let go of his hands and got up to sit next to him. "Draco, I honest don't know what to say. We have been best friends for as long as I can remember…and this" Crystal stopped talking and shook her head. She wasn't sure how to feel about this. But either way, she couldn't stop her body from leaning forward and pulling him into a hug. "It's Valentine's Day, you sure you aren't just feeling lonely? I'm sure Pansy is around to snog." Crystal laughed her true laugh. She couldn't help but lighten the air that was around them.
Draco pulled away and stared at her in amazement. It was her laugh! Her true laugh! She was happy and it really was Crystal. He couldn't help but laugh as well. "Draco Malfoy doesn't get lonely. He can get whoever he wants."
"Really? Want to bet?" Crystal giggled once more. "Because I think I just rejected you." Her voice was light hearted. She didn't actually mean it. She just loves to tease Draco, it's how they have always been.
"Darling, girls don't reject me." Draco smirked "I reject them" He let out one more smirk before he leaned forward and planted a gentle kiss upon her lips.