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Twelve Angry Kims
(Being a Dirty Dozen Really, Really REALLY Short (And Occasionally Raunchy) Short Shorts by SHADO Commander)
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"You know, Princess," Shego groaned, "The NEXT time a genie suddenly grants you a wish…"
"I know, I know! Another exclamation of pleasure BESIDES 'Spanking!' would have been a better choice." Kim admitted as they slowly hobbled home.
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Beaten and bloody, Mr. Barkin groaned as he picked himself up from the gutter where he'd just been thrown for the third time. "Why do you give everyone else from the school a meal on the house and you won't even let me in the door!"
In answer, Big Mike the Bouncer simply pointed to the eloquent lettering beneath the legend Chez Stoppable on the front window of the most popular restaurant in town. "Chef Ron uses only the finest ingredients and accepts no substitutes."
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"Well, on the plus side, you've never taken Shego out so quickly before," Ron noted with a shocked expression.
Kim looked away from the green woman, rendered helpless and nearly breathless by her continuing fits of hysterical giggles, put the long vibrating object that was so NOT a hairdryer/grappling-gun back into her holster, and vowed to never, ever, EVER pack for a mission in the dark again.
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"Yes, this restructuring has actually turned out to be much more profitable than being constantly humiliated by that idiot Stoppable and his redheaded strumpet," Lord Montgomery Fiske smiled as he opened the door to the room filled with his re-purposed Monkey Ninjas.
"So far, no works of Shakespeare, but they HAVE knocked out two new Twilight novels, a full season of Tom Visits The Mayor and the script for the next Wolverine film," He gloated, the impossibly loud sound of a thousand typewriters randomly typing transformed into sweet music to his hairy protruding ears.
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"Ha ha!" The giant glowing robot-beast gloated, swinging its enormous laser-saber as Kim swiveled around to find that she was trapped. "My energy dampening body is immune to your lipstick lasers and I've already cut the grappling hook off your precious hairdryer! Now you shall die!"
In response, Kim simply disengaged the now useless cable out of her hairdryer and stuck a ballpoint pen from her pocket into the resulting hole, pulling the trigger and firing the five for a dollar writing implement with deadly accuracy straight through the robot-monster's brain. "Sorry, but the hairdryer plus pen is still stronger than the laser plus the sword."
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"Okay, I know that look, Doc," Shego growled, "So just give me the good news and the bad news."
Dr. Clem Middia, 'Gynecologist to the Superpowered" sighed, snapping off his rubber gloves. "Well, the good news is that it's NOT a fungal infection... but the bad news is... it's broccoli."
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Bonnie looked up as Tara returned to the hostess stand after escorting the large ape like inter-dimensional entity to his table at the exclusive restaurant they now worked at. "That was the reservation for Yono?"
"Yes, though I have to say she looked a lot better back when she was married to John Lennon!" the blonde replied confidentially.
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"Heh heh heh heh!" Kim had never imagined that she'd sink to using Wade's technological skills for an act of revenge before, but that last nasty prank of Bonnie's had been the straw that had pushed her over the edge.
The currently invisible heat activated dye she'd just stenciled across the back of her arch-rival's shorts ought to become visible from 500 feet just about the time they went into their half-time routine, and Kim chortled evilly as she gave voice to what every kid who attended tonight's game would soon be reading on Bonnie's wide billboard of a behind: "Open 24 Hours, All Credit Cards Accepted."
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Wade checked off the items as he went down the list. "Okay, so that's yes to the improved hair dryer-grappling gun, the compact fingerprint kit and scanner, the knock-out gas hairspray and the explosive bubblegum…"
"And a big NO to the tampon pup tent, at least until you can fix the release mechanism," Kim confirmed, crab-walking slowly across her room to get another icepack.
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"No way! I've done a lot of weird and perverted things for money before, but that's just too weird and disgusting even for me!" Camille Leon screamed as she stormed out of the superhero's hotel room.
"Aw come on, can't you put yourself in my shoes and give a guy a chance?" Mego pleaded as the closest chance he would ever get to his perfect date threw his extra 'Mego' suit back at him and stomped off down the hallway in a huff.
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Officer Hobbie led the teen hero back into the holding area, a dark expression on his face. "That's right, Miss Possible, we caught the prisoner on a D.U.I. in a stolen Aston Martin DB9, and when we pulled it over, we found a Walther PPK in the glove compartment, and AK47 in the back seat and a search of the vehicle led to the discovery of twenty sticks of T.N.T. and a pound of C-4, as well as L.S.D., dmt, r-2's, mta-1 and a couple of canisters of NO2."
Kim looked in disbelief at the one person crime wave who'd kept Middleton terrorized for the last week and knew nothing she could say or do would make a difference at this point. "I'm sorry Monique, but this time you're really just S.O.L."
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Doctor Director looked back and forth at the queasy members of Team Possible. "I don't understand… stealing a baseball sized ruby isn't DNAmy's normal M.O., so why would she…?"
Kim's face was wan and almost as green as Shego's as she replied. "Tell me Doctor, have you ever heard the term 'Vajazzle?"
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AN: Most of these came from my own Two Liner challenge over on the Haven, but one came from my MORE than 13 uses for a Hair Dryer bit. Ye Old Legal stuff: Kim Possible, Shego, Ron Stoppable, Monique, Bonnie Rockwaller, Mr. Barkin, Big Mike, Officer Hobbie, DNAmy, Monkey Fist aka Lord Montgomery Fiske, Wade Load, Dr. Director, Yono, Tara, Camille Leon, Mego, the Monkey Ninjas and all other characters borrowed from the wonderful KP Universe are the creations of Mark McCorkle and Bob Schooley, and those names are all trademarks of the Disney media organizations. Dr. Clem Middia is my own embarrassing creation. Although use in this context may be considered fair under parody law, just in case: this work was not created for profit, no money changed hands etc. Also, this story takes place at a time at which all characters shown should be considered to be over the legal age of 18…