Hi you guys! Sorry once more for the really late update and I hope that you are still with me? (L) I just want to thank you all for the support I have receved during these weeks of no update and hope that you are pleased with what I have now written :D I am already working on the tenth chapter so hopefully, it will all work out with future updates now!
Still, there should be some spelling errors in this chapter, since I have not had the time to show it to my beta... but I hope you will like it just the same :)
Warning!: You just have to wait a little longer but sooooon there will be cocks and sperm all over the place ;) don't worry, I haven't forgotten about it!
Disclaimer: All rights belong to the creators of APH and for them, we all are extremely greatful!
Hope you like this chapter! :D
Dear Arthur,
I know you have told me you do not want to see me ever again and even though I respect that, you know I cannot accept it. You do not have the right to cut me out of your life like you did and you certainly don't have any proof that I did you as wrong as you say I did.
Come on Artie, I know why you moved away and do not even try to deny it. But how do you really think it made me feel when I had to find it out rom your mother that you suddenly moved away to America? I was even planning to come visit you and tell you how deeply sorry I am for everything that has happened between us but... How could I get the money or even get close enough to you with the little I have, when you are so far away from me as you are now?
Arthur, my love, you hurt me so much when you do this... and I know you. Are you doing this because you want me to come crawling back to you? Because I don't know how else you can even look at yourself in the mirror after what you have done. You have to grow up, and you know it. It should be about time that you realize that you have to be the one who changes... because you cannot change anyone else but yourself. And you know what happened in truth is your own fault.
And Arthur, make sure you write back to me. Because if you don't, I'll just have to come there myself and talk to you, no matter where you are.
Francis.
Arthur was clutching the letter hard in his hand as he made his way through the corridors of the quiet school building. He was breathing heavily even though he wasn't walking quickly at all and his hear was pounding so hard he thought he might die at any moment with every breath he drew.
How could he think he had the fucking right to write to him after all this time? Why on earth would he say things like that AND as if that wasn't bad enough... He had blamed Arthur for it all? He had known all along that it would all break eventually and that his peaceful life, the life he had here, would fall apart at the other man's feet but like this... through a pathetic letter written on equally pathetic paper that smelled strongly of Acqua Di Gio...
The letter felt like it was cutting into the skin of his palm as he tightened his fist around it but the pain there was better than the feeling which bubbled deep down in his gut. He didn't want that feeling and he certainly did not need it. He had been doing fine, fine! He didn't even know how to handle things like this anymore.
Because if you don't, I'll just have to come there myself and talk to you, no matter where you are.
"My ass!" he spat and bit back on the angry tears. You have no right to even SAY you're gonna come here you cologne-stinking son of a bitch! Because all of this is your fault to begin with! And I know you know it... just as much as anyone else... But he hardly believed his own thoughts and words anymore. How could he when he had been told for so long that he was the cause of it all. That it had been his fault everything broke and got smashed to pieces.
"So what is it about?" Jody asked when he met up with her outside the building where she had been waiting for him. They had both decided to skip the last classes so they could talk about the letter, which Arthur had been clutching in his hand all day. Jody had looked so worried when she asked him that he had melted momentarily in his anger and promised to tell her after school ended.
"I got a letter from my ex..." he grunted and looked away as he saw her eyes widen. She didn't ask though, just stayed quiet and waited for him to continue. He liked that so much about her. "He is literary blaming me for everything that happened, told me that if I didn't write back, he would come here and find me..." he continued as they walked down the street a couple of minutes later. He had waited to make sure no one from the school heard him before starting of course.
"Can I see it?" she asked with her forehead wrinkled and he handed it too her with a sigh. He then spent the time she needed to read it with watching the gravel he kicked up with his feet as he went. He was almost fearing the moment when she was done and would open her mouth with questions and accusations. "I'm sorry" she said instead as she looked up from the wrinkled paper. "but he really doesn't seem like a good person at all, this Francis guy..."
"Tell me about it" he nodded, casually, even though he felt his stomach tightening by the very thought of those blond curls and that deep voice chuckling next to his ear. Because, to be honest, Francis had been very nice... for a very long time too. They way he spoke to Arthur as if though there was no other person more beautiful than him in the world. But if that had just been for show, he would probably never know. Francis denied ever lying to him of course, but who said you could trust that man? Arthur at least, could not.
"Did you come here because you two broke up though?" She suddenly asked and he looked up in slight shock. He hadn't thought that was the question she would be asking. He then shook his head and bit his lip because he knew he was kind of lying now.
"I wanted to come here long before we broke up but since he could never move here, I never even brought it up. Somehow I thought he cared about me, somewhere deep down in his pathetic body..." he grumbled and kicked at a stone just to get some of his frustration out. "But when we had broken apart... I saw no bloody reason why I should stick around at home. I mean, I had nothing to look forward to? As much as I love England... No matter where I went, I couldn't escape my mother's looks and constant wishes that I would just magically turn straight. And then there was the fact that all the friends I had where also friends with Francis. Which in truth meant I had no friends anymore... So I just... dropped the bomb on my mother and after she had cried for a while, she called Al's mother and they arranged he whole thing..."
"What did you tell Francis then? When you went?" she asked and bit her lip in the cute way she had started to do lately when she was thinking. "Or was it like this, that you didn't tell him a thing?"
Arthur felt the knot on his stomach grow with the question but he swallowed it down along with the tears and the anger. "I didn't tell him, but you know... he treated me like shit and we had broken up months before that. Should I have told him, would you have?"
She looked back at him and realized she had said something he had taken as a bad thing because as soon as she spoke she shook her head and sounded sorry. "No, of course yo shouldn't have... I mean, I just... I wouldn't have told the fucker either you know?"
He nodded and reached for her hand. She completely misunderstood and tried to hand the letter back to him but he just shook his head and pushed it away, reaching for her other hand. When she finally got it, she smiled and put the piece of paper into her pocket before wrapping his cold fingers inside her warm palm.
"I know..." he smiled and walked closer to her, feeling more at ease now than he had done ever since he had found the letter on the kitchen table where Al's mother had left it for him to find. The smell of the perfume had struck him as soon as he stepped into the room and he had for a moment thought that Francis was in the room. The smell nauseated him to the core. "I didn't mean to accuse you or anything... I've just been told for so long that everything is my fault and I guess, after a certain amount of time with people telling you that, you start believing it yourself"
"You really shouldn't think that about yourself though..!" she said with effect and poked him in the side with her elbow, eyes worried but a smile playing on her lips. "You're a wonderful person Arthur, and I'm gonna tell you that until you realize that yourself! You should find someone you can be yourself with you know... someone who can love you and cherish you in the way you deserve."
He could feel himself blushing as she spoke and looked down slightly so that she wouldn't see, even though he knew it was totally obvious. "Thank you Jody..." he then said and gripped at her hand before putting a soft arm around her shoulders. "It means a lot to me..."
...
"Al what's the matter?"
He didn't hear her, he was somewhere else and he didn't even register the fact that she was calling his name from somewhere beyond the void. He wasn't even aware that he was lying on the couch in their living room, naked underneath her while she road him. She, on the other had, was perfectly aware of this fact. She was also completely aware of the fact that he wasn't there with his whole mind.
"Al!" she hissed and hit him hard in the face, bitch-slap style and immediately he spin back to reality with a shocked expression and panting breath. He quickly fought back an annoyed 'What?' when he realized that he deserved it.
"I'm sorry..." he mumbled instead and looked down a bit, just to realize that he was staring at her boobs and she wouldn't like that. So he looked up again.
"What the fuck Al?" she was already jumping off of him and before he knew it, she had her underwear on and was pulling on her pants as well. "I can't believe you, you know that? You tell me that you wanna have a romantic evening here or what ever and first we order pizza, then you think of something completely different during sex? What is wrong with you?"
He kind of felt hurt, hearing her say it like that. He hadn't been the one who suggested pizza after all. She had been so hungry when they where on their way back from school that he had eventually bought her a pizza. And then, when they had come here, he had realized the whole place was empty... and since she had always wanted to fuck in the living room for some reason, well... now they were. Or had been at least. They had had fun before they started too, watching a stupid movie which they both laughed at and eating the fatty pizza together but...
"Lauren..." he tried and sat up, naked as he was, on the sofa, looking at her with his blue eyes. "I know you're mad but can we talk about this? I mean, can I explain?"
"There is nothing for you to explain Al" she hissed with her brown eyes colder than he had ever seen them. "You can fantasize about what ever the fuck you want when we have sex Al, I have told you you can, but you don't have to go and be all fucked up? Fucking feels like I was the only one in the room and it creeped me out..."
He sighed and leaned his face down in both palms of his hands, pulling a little at his blond hair as he pulled his fingers through it. "Look, Lauren," he then said and stood up so quickly he felt like fainting for a few seconds, but she was too busy to put on her shirt to even notice. "I've had a rough day and I'm so tired of it all, please, cut me some slack...? I really am sorry?"
"Yeah, sorry for being somewhere else when I'm supposed to get fucked by your cock that is.."
"You're being unfair Lauren!" he interrupted and shook his head, afraid he might even start crying from desperation. They had been having fights like this the passed few days and since he knew she was taking birth control pills, this couldn't be just PMS. "What is it exactly that you're so mad about, huh? You're the one who have been yelling at me like I'm your useless husband or something... gosh..."
She looked slightly taken aback by that statement and opened her mouth just to close it again like a fish on land, no words really reaching out. He shook his head and pulled his boxers on, his fingers shaking and his cock hurting now where she had left it semi-hard against his stomach. What was her problem anyway? It was not like he had been thinking about something in particular, or even thinking about another person. Why would he? Even though she had given him permission, who the fuck would he think about other than her? She was gorgeous and everyone was jealous of him getting her in his bed... yeah, because that was kind of the only thing he thought about when it came to their relationship. There wasn't much else.
"Well then..." she said and folded her arms over he chest, watching his every move as he was dressing his body. "Do you know what they say about you at school Al?"
The question took him of guard and he looked up, with his right sock in his hand. "What do you mean 'say about you'?"
She chuckled drily and looked down at him before he broke eye contact to be able to put the sock on without falling over. "They say..." she continued as he still felt her eyes burn through his neck. "...that you and your dear room mate are seriously fucking each other..."
Al couldn't stop the chuckle that left his throat at the absurd statement and he looked up at her immediately, eyes feeling like they would flood with tears when he laughed. "And you seriously listen to that crap? Come on Lauren, I thought you where smarter than that?"
"Do you blame me though?" she asked back, blushing from embarrassment and it was obvious she wasn't that mad anymore. She knew Al was a pretty bad lier, in front of her at least, and since her 'he's lying'-vibes didn't go off, she must be feeling rather bad about the whole thing. "You share a room with him, he is gay and checks you out all the time, plus I heard he had like an intimate conversation with our psychologist teacher the other day and have had ever since he got here... and we all know that man is at least bi curious."
Al looked at her with questioning eyes before he grinned and shook his head. "Seriously though Lauren, I didn't think you of all people would be the one to believe in rumors? AND yes I so happen to live with him, but he is my cousin and if he had been gay, he would have told me Lauren. But he hasn't so, he isn't. You really shouldn't believe all you hear... I thought better about you in that department."
"Al, you must be blind if you won't see how gay he is..." she sighed and sat down on the sofa. For the first time sounding more sad than anything else. "What if he is just too shy to tell you? And since he might be attracted to you he is scared to get you running from him?"
"Lauren..." he said as he sat down next to her, smiling a little as he did so. "He even speaks with me about you, I get to tell him what ever I want and he listens and gives good advice. I don't think he'd know women if he was gay, at least not know them as well as he do... I know him, and he would have told me. And he knows me so he knows that even if he where to tell me something like that, I wouldn't run"
"Then, what if he has feelings for you? What if that is the reason why he won't tell you?" she said, sounding matter-of-factly even though he could still hear that tone of worry and even anger lingering in her voice. She WAS talking about her boyfriend and a potential threat that he was living with after all. "Would a normal guy just walk up to a girl and tell her that he liked her if he really did? Not that it's the same thing but still... if he has feelings for you, of course he won't tell you he is gay..."
"I'm done with the subject Lauren..." he sighed and gave her a soft smile. He didn't really like her reason for being a bitch towards him these last couple of days, but it was a better one than her just being mad at him for no reason at all. This seemed to mean that to her, he wasn't just a good shag anymore... she had truly started to care. "There is nothing between me and Arthur, no matter if he is gay or not. So you can stop worrying so much about it and start realizing that the only reason I dozed of was because I was tired, not that I was fantasizing about having sex with a guy or whatever it was that you thought.."
"I'm still mad at you though..." she protested slightly but then leaned agains his shoulder with a sad look on her face. "I'm so sorry... but... you just mean a lot to me. And I'd hate it if you kept things like that from me you know? I mean... yeah you could be sleeping with someone else and all but, I'd want to know it from you and not from someone else on the street..."
"I know" he nodded and put a soft arm around her shoulders, pulling her closer to him while breathing in her soft fragrance. "And I promise I won't lie to you about things like that, ok?"
"Thanks..."
It sounded like she was going to fall asleep just moments later and he couldn't bring himself to wake her up and tell her to go home. She had said she'd told her parents she was sleeping over at a friends house anyway so it should be fine if she spent the night. It was already late so they both should sleep really. He wouldn't be able to carry her from the couch either, she was easily woken and to be honest, he'd enjoy getting to sleep alone in his bed if he didn't have to take her there. Lauren was an animal in bed, even when she was asleep. It was almost impossible to lie in the same bed as her which he had experienced a couple of times, waking up as he hit the floor or got kicked between the legs.
So he softly moved out from underneath her, placing her cheek against one of the pillows instead of against his shoulder. She looked so sweet when she was asleep, you couldn't at all think that she would be the bitch she was when she was awake. God, he really had to take lessons from Arthur in how you understand women. He didn't get her at all.
Speaking of Arthur, where was he anyway? He had been out with Jody after school, that much he knew from a text he had gotten around third period when Arthur had just simply told him so. The fact that his cousin didn't bother to wait until school ended wasn't a shock to him so he had simply thought the older one would be home about eleven like he usually was. But the time had rushed away and it was nearly half passed two in the morning. Was there any need to worry about what might have happened to him? Or was he simply spending the night without texting and telling about it?
Come to think of it, Al's mother hadn't come home yet either... so she had probably found a man to shag, as if Al didn't know she was seeing other men than her husband. He didn't blame her for it thought.
He sighed and took a soda out of the fridge, drinking it slowly while looking out the window with a small feeling of hope in his stomach that Arthur might be coming home soon. He felt a real terrible urge to talk to him and they hadn't seen each other since this morning. Al wasn't stupid either, he had seen the look on his cousin's face when they had found that letter on the table... but he hadn't had time to ask before the protective wall around Arthur's feelings had come up and just minutes later they had had to run for the bus. He wanted to ask about it now, see if the other one was doing ok, if there was anything he could help him with...
And then there was the homosexual thing Lauren had been talking about. It wasn't as if he hadn't heard it from other people too, it was just, hearing HER say it made it sound so much more real than all the others. Them he didn't care that much about, they could do what ever the fuck the wanted and as long as they didn't hurt anyone physically, he could live with it. But Lauren he knew and she didn't listen to rumors like that, and she certainly didn't carry them through unless she knew there where truth behind it all. And she said you had to be blind not to see how gay Arthur was? Al trusted her gay-dar almost as much as he trusted his own dick to get hard when it had to, but Arthur? Gay? He couldn't believe a rumor like that unless he heard the verdict from Arthur himself...
Get a grip Al... he thought and drank the last of the soda with a half grin on his lips. Not that it matters if he is gay or not, I'll like him no matter what... That is what he needs to know...
He nodded to himself and put the empty bottle on the counter before heading up the stairs for his wonderful bed. The love of my life... he chuckled inwardly as he took one step at the time, before just running down again, giving Lauren an eye to make sure she was still sleeping before he could fully devote himself to the pillows.
...
Arthur closed the front door softly behind him and took of his shoes with a bit difficulty. The house was silent apart from gentle sounds of sleeping from the living room and when he poked his head in to see who it was that had fallen asleep in front of the TV, he smiled at the sight of Laure, curled up in the sofa like a kitten.
After taking a glass of water, he quickly hurried up the stairs to the bedroom he and Al shared and started kicking his clothes of as quietly as he could. He was in such a need for the bathroom that he could have pied himself right there on the madras, which made him blush when he thought about it. He constantly threw eyes on his younger cousin to make sure he was not too disturbed by the noises he made or that he would wake up when Arthur was standing there naked. He didn't. So it was with a relieved sigh that he left the room, wearing nothing but a blanked around his waist to cover up his goodies.
He really needed a shower since he had taken a jog all the way here from Jody's house when he realized the last bus had gone. He didn't much like being alone and gay on the streets this time of year. Once, in England, he had gotten stalked for an hour by a creepy guy who later turned out to be a pedophile who had been raping young men. Just knowing that he had even been seen by that man had given Arthur the creeps and he did not plan to actually GET raped like that. So he'd rather run than walk in the middle of the night.
The warmth of the water made him drowsy and his limbs relaxed more and more the longer he stood in there, just closing his eyes and leaning his forehead against the cold wall. Jody had told him about a friend of her's who might be bisexual that he could talk to if he wanted to have some fun in his life. He didn't know what to think about that but of course the thought had driven him slightly mad... To be honest, he was a quite sexual being and not having sex for a long time made him hard for almost anything that had a cock and knew his name. He chuckled slightly and looked down at his throbbing erection with playful eyes.
"You really don't know when you should stay down, do you?"
He didn't much like jerking off in the shower though, but sometimes you had to do what you had to do and this was one of those times. The fact that the water made everything so much more rough didn't seem to bother him that much this time, which was good for a change and as the war drops hit the sensitive skin, he gasped for air even though he tried his best to keep quiet. It would be fucking embarrassing if he suddenly let out a moan and woke the whole house.
He chuckled blushingly at the thought and gripped for the wall not to fall over at the bolt of excitement rushing through his body. His fingers knew what to do but his mind was betraying him with thoughts he shouldn't be thinking, both good and bad... Thoughts of Francis and other people, thoughts of the man sleeping next to him every night, thoughts of rough hands caressing his skin, making him whimper in pleasure and extreme need.
Seconds later he bit down on his lip harder than he ha predicted, breaking the skin as white, steaming liquid splattered the walls and brought a dense smell of a mix between earth and something tangy which he could never fully describe. He quickly washed the wall off with water and then made sure he washed himself properly before stepping out of the shower. He was blushing, both because of the warmth, the fact that he had cum and the fact that he wished to God he had not woken anyone up with the last moan he had let out.
He hurried to pull his boxers on, which he had brought with him into the bathroom and then made his way through the small corridor to finally join his sleeping, gorgeous friend in the bedroom... when he suddenly heard the creaking of a door and jumped several feet in the air.
"Who's there..?" a deep, slightly helpless sounding voice came from the door to the room Arthur had never been in and he felt a jolt of nervous excitement at the whole situation. He had never seen Al's father, only heard him through the door. Now he was standing there, wearing a dark robe, tied loosely around his waist and slippers on his feet. He looked tired and outworked, but Arthur knew it was the drinking that had made him that way... He looked younger than he had expected though and his eyes where keen under the deep blond, almost light brown locks of hair which fell softly into his eyes.
"It's just me, uncle" he said, in an attempt to be polite even though he spoke as quietly as possible. He was standing right outside Al's door and would easily wake him up if he wasn't careful. "I just went to get a shower... did I wake you?"
The older man looked at him as if the words took some time to sink in and then he shook his head slightly, pushing his hands down his pockets while letting his dark eyes play over Arthur's face. "I'm always awake at this hour..." he then said, his voice sounding as if he had screamed for hours at an end without having any tea to drink in between.
"Do you want some company then?" he asked without really knowing himself why he asked. This was his father's brother after all, not that they at all had much contact but still. He knew this entire family was ashamed of this man, that much he had understood from the hushing and whispering around the bedroom, and the fact that Diane was seeing someone else or whatever... But he didn't care that much right now. He ha lost all his tiredness anyway and felt sorry for the man standing in front of him, wondering how lonely he must be when his entire family detested him.
Those dark eyes seemed to lighten up slightly at the proposal and the man nodded, stepping out of the room while pulling a hand through his hair. "Maybe you should get dressed though?" he remarked at Arthur's naked torso and he could feel himself blush.
"Right..." he said and scratched his neck slightly. "I'll... It'll just take a minute..."
The man nodded and leaned back against the wall, watching the floor as Arthur hurried into the bedroom and slipped into his PJ's. Better to wear clean sleeping clothes than the smelly clothes he had been wearing during the day. When he was done, he gave Al a long look without being able, or wanting to hold back a smile at the cute state of him. He was lying, curled up and entwined in the blanket, mouth half open and the pillow tossed down on the floor. He really was just a child when he was sleeping.
"There is a girl sleeping on the couch downstairs..." he said when he had closed the door behind his back again and the man looked up with a surprised look on his face. "Is there anywhere else we can be so that we don't need to wake her?"
"In my study..." his uncle nodded and led the way down the stairs, Arthur following close behind. With a quiet word he let the older one know that he was going to make some tea first and then went into the kitchen. His stomach was fluttering, wanting to jump out of his gut at the feeling of actually seeing this man and talk to him for the first time. He almost dropped the cups when he carried them through the room and into a smaller one right next to the living room, but a big hand came out and took one of them from him to save both him from burs and the cups from smashing.
"Thank you..." Arthur mumbled while blushing and took the renaming cup in a steady grip, sitting down on the small sofa which was placed along one of the walls of the room. You could see that even though it had been cleaned in there, the room could not have been used for years at least. The carpet seemed to never have been used even though you could see the markings of where the chairs had been standing for a long time, the computer looked better off and had probably been used from time to time but it was an older model and nothing fancy about it. "I hope you like tea?" he then added and shifted slightly in his seat, trying to get his tired eyelids to stop wanting to drop.
"Yes" the older one, Michael if Arthur remembered correctly, just answered and took a long sip, looking slightly blissful as the hot liquid slid down his throat. "Yes, tea is good... best late at night too"
Arthur nodded, not really knowing what to say or how to come up with anything to say to this man, even though he was kind of sure that he really wanted to talk to him for some reason.
"You know" Michael suddenly said however and Arthur stopped in the middle of drinking, hot tea warming his lips as he waited for the older one to continue. "You remind me a lot of the way your father looked when he was you're age..."
Arthur grinned and nodded. So he had heard, both for good and bad to be honest. The man on the other side of the little table they where sitting by, grinned too and there was something pleasant with him when he smiled like that. Michael must have been a very handsome young man once, just like Arthur's own dad, and it showed in people like him. Especially when they smiled, which both brothers seemed to do a lot less than they should.
"He was the rebel too, but I guess you already know that?"
"Yeah" he replied and drank some more tea to calm his own nerves. "My mother keeps telling me that I'm too much like him and that I should calm down... but she did marry him so I don't really see what the problem is with that I am like he used to be?"
"Well.." Michael laughed, and it was even pleasant to see and hear him do so. It seemed he hadn't laughed for a while and his face broke into the happy grin still with ease. Suddenly there were happy wrinkles at the side of his deep deep blue eyes and his teeth glistened between his lips. "..your father used to get into all sorts of trouble you see" he continued after taking a sip of tea from his cup as well. "I was always the calm one to begin with, my brother was the one getting me into trouble. Not that I minded since every minute I spent with him was a blast"
Arthur nodded with a smile. He could see that could have been the case. His father had used to be a very good one back when Arthur was younger. These days he just never seemed to be home anymore and he strongly suspected there would be a divorce coming up very soon, if his mother didn't just sit down and tell him how she felt about him being gone so much. For all he knew, his father might be having another relationship at the side... But hearing about him from when he was young, made him get new images of his father.
"He was four years older than me, still is of course, if you didn't know?" Michel continued and Arthur only nodded, not wanting to say anything to get to know more. "He was more handsome than me too, which was obvious since not that many girls swooned about me as they did around him, but I guess he just had that thing about him..."
"Yeah, I know that feeling..." Arthur smiled and thought about Al in all his handsome glory. Maybe he had inherited that from his uncle in England, or maybe it was something you had to create with self consciousness and handsome smiles. "Your son is just the same"
The older man gave a soft chuckle and nodded before drinking more of his tea. Arthur couldn't stop watching him as he did so, studying the way he looked so much like Al and still not at all. There was a calmness about the man in front of him that he had not thought there would be. From what he had heard from Al and his mother was that the older one was a totally jerk... not this calm and smiling kind.
"Al has always been the center of attention" Michael smiled, and even if he didn't look up to meet Arthur's eyes, he could see the melancholy in his expression. "Always craved for everyone to see and compliment him on what he does... probably because he didn't get as much attention that he deserved as a kid, with his younger brother getting born and my problems..."
He sighed and Arthur nodded, looking down at his soon-to-be empty cup. He wished there was something he could say to this man that would make it all good again. What if he'd just go to rehab? What if he could solve everything with his wife and be the husband she had married and the father both Al and Matt deserved... their lives would change so drastically for the better that they wouldn't even be the same family anymore, but the would be happy. But how do you tell someone else's father that he had to get a grip and don't fuck his life up anymore? Another person's father that you didn't even know..?
"I know what you must be thinking kid..." the man suddenly said and Arthur looked up in surprise. The room had been silent long enough for him to almost dose off, tired as he had become. "My family and I have grown too far apart to save the situation and of that I am sure... I recently had my wife tell me that she was never going to share my bed again and my son doesn't even look at me when he speaks to me. It is like they don't think I still have my moments when I'm completely aware of what they are telling me. Of course, the things I drink dull the emotions and make me forget some of the things they tell me, but the other day I heard Diane tell Matthew over the phone that he shouldn't talk about me as his father anymore, because I wasn't even worthy of that name... no matter how good of a man I have always tried to be to my kids..."
Arthur blushed and felt bad about his own thoughts, as if they had almost been read by the other's keen eyes. The man however didn't seem mad or the lest bit annoyed by what he thought his nephew had been thinking. He seemed to be more glad for some reason...
"You seem to be a genuinely good kid..." he said and looked up for the first time in a while, but since Arthur was still looking down, they didn't make eye contact. "...no matter how you dress or present yourself, I hope you and Al will be close friends in the future as well, because my biggest fear is that he ends up like me... locked in my room with a wife that probably stopped loving me years ago and kids who hate my very name..."
"I like him" Arthur smiled and bit his lip, knowing that 'like' was a too weak word for what he felt about Al. Still, he couldn't say that so he shouldn't show it really. "So you have nothing to worry about, I'll make sure we don't grow apart. I'd never want that to begin with..."
"Good..." the older man smiled and drank the last of his beverage. "Not that I ever thought this was how my life would end but still, if you fight it, you won't destroy it, at least not as quickly as I did..."
Arthur was struck by the thought, provoked by those words, that this man must be more like him than he would have guessed. The way he thought that just because people told him everything was his fault, and because they expected him to be a jerk and an idiot... he thought himself that he was one. That was the reason why he had not done much to better himself, why he had not tried to solve the situation as soon as he realized that he had a problem. Maybe, if Al had inherited the wits and looks from his uncle, maybe Arthur himself had inherited things from Michael..?
"And I don't care..." his uncle suddenly said to break the silence once more and Arthur looked up at him, meeting his deep eyes for the first time. "You can be gay and be in love with my son for all I care... Even if you get him and marry him, as long as he is happy..." Arthur felt his heart wrench and air get stuck in his throat. He coughed violently and had to put the cup down on the table but missed by an inch. Michael's strong hand gripped it and took it from him to ensure the safety of the cup while letting him finish his coughing without any questions or teasing remarks. When silence had finally fallen, the older man smiled gently and put both their cups down on his side of the table. "Don't worry, I won't tell.. and I've known for a while even though I've never met you so it's not that it's an obvious thing..."
"How do you know?" Arthur almost hissed out since his throat felt really dry and sore from coughing. His heart was still in a raging battle against his ribcage and his eyes felt like they would flood with tears. And had this man really said that he was ok with it?
"Your father told me..." Michael said and scratched his neck, obviously understanding he might have been to forward with the sudden knowledge he had proved. "We spoke on the phone, it was years ago now... he told me about how he had suspected you where into men, then you had come out to your mother and he was happy you had so that he wouldn't have to go around and worry so much about you all the time..."
Arthur couldn't believe him so he just sat there, mouth slightly open in surprise and slight shock. His father knew..? His father even cared about it? His father had known even before he had come out to his mother..? So many thoughts and so many feelings rushed through his mind that he had no idea what to say or what to do about them. The only thing he could do was to sit there and stare, while his eyes grew and stung with tears.
"So... you have nothing to worry about" the other continued, a soft, half grin on his face. "I might be a son of a bitch and a drunken asshole... but at least you know that I've got your back, if there is anything Al cannot help you with... and I am always sober at night, that much I can handle..."
He tried to shake the shock but it took time for him to calm his mind at the moment. He had never met a grown up who was as frank as this one, as okay with it too. He nodded instead of speaking and swallowed hard to try to get his voice to work. The only thing he could get out was a weak "Thank you..."
"Nothing to thank me for kid... " his uncle smiled and the sighed slightly. "Now, you should get of to bed... I've kept you up for far too long and since I probably gave you a heart attack right there, I suggest you go and get some rest"
"I don't even know what to say..." he managed but Michael just smiled and stood up, picking up both the cups from the table.
"I can see that, but it's ok. You just run off to bed and I'll see you some other night when you happen to need a midnight chat. I'm sure you can handle yourself but if you feel you can't, you know where to find me"
With that the older one left the room with a soft smile back over his shoulder before leaving the still shocked Arthur in his chair, toes buried down in the soft carpet and fingers stiff in his lap. As much as he wanted to believe what he had just heard, he couldn't really comprehend it and see any proof from his life in England that his father had ever even cared about him. At least not since after he turned eleven or something.
When he finally sank in between the covers, he felt uneasy somehow, in the middle of all his sleepiness. Michael had been very nice indeed but the things he had said made everything here seem strangely unreal... the young man sleeping next to him on the bed, his soft breaths filling the air and those little snores he let out every time he turned or happened to fall over on his back. It all seemed unreal... compared to the feeling he had gotten back in the study with his uncle.
Even though he was so tired his head hurt from it, he couldn't sleep for at least an hour. He just lay there, thinking about his father and the rest of his family... Should he try to contact his father maybe? See what he had to say for himself? Maybe if he did, they would find their way back to each other? As father and son. Because when he thought more about it... he really missed that. At least now that his mother did not really desire to be his mother anymore.
If only you had told me that you knew... he thought and buried his face in the pillow with a deep sigh. Don't you understand how much I wanted a grown up to understand me? To come and tell me that it would be ok and that it was nothing wrong with me...?
Oh Lord hold on? Was that Francis almost thretening Artie? And what will Al do now, about Lauren and the fact that he might not feel as strongly for her as she does for him... and will Arthur contact his dad about the fact that he is gay? Find out if you keep reading and reviewing!
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