AN: thanks to all the amazing reviewers; tanti abbracci ;) to my beta Georgia Dawgette, if the chapters are really good it's because she is a fantastic editor.

5.

Edward let her be silent for the entire drive back. He didn't try to start a conversation, and she didn't know if he was waiting for her to say something. Whatever would she say?

Her last kiss with Jared had upset the little slip of sanity she had left. Jared had proved to be more in tune with her than Edward and Jake ever had. She had always craved physical contact, but Edward, scared to hurt her, had always refused. Sometimes it made her feel like she wasn't attractive enough and that he didn't really want to be with her like she did with him. For the brief moments she had been in Jared's arms she had felt desired and wanted on an entirely different level.

When they arrived at her house, he turned off the car; and remained seated.

She cleared her throat; she didn't have much of a voice. She recalled all her encounters with Jared, and began to wonder...what his goal was. Was he trying to break her and Edward up so that she stayed human? Was he trying to get rid of the pain of losing Kim? But why with her, and why this way?

Edward finally spoke, "Love, you really need to shower." He chuckled. "You smell like a dog, Jared's scent is all over you."

Bella felt a blush spreading; he really didn't have any idea just how accurate all over was. She let her hair fall like a curtain to cover her expression. "Sure Edward. I really think the run was the last straw of the day. You know, between cooking for a pack of wolves and the nightmares last night. I feel more than tired." Jared's eyes sprang up again in her mind, and Bella felt guilt rise. She had to know if she was the only one having doubts about their relationship. She turned to look at Edward and said, "Can I ask you something?"

Edward smiled softly. "Sure love, ask away."

Bella bit her lip. "When you left me... did you... did you meet other women? I mean did you find other women attractive?"

Edward seemed shocked. "No, of course not, I love you. You are my only reason to exist, I would never... has this been the problem these past few days? Did you think that I could ever..?"

Bella shook her head. "No! I'm sorry I mean, I was just wondering how you knew that I'm the one..."

Edward relaxed again. "Because you complete me, love. You make brighter a dark day. Your kindness and love make me feel worthy. You are beautiful and compassionate. I know that there is just one woman I want for the rest of eternity, and that is you, Bella Swan."

Bella looked down. She loved Edward, and believed that she couldn't live without him. But did she feel the same way? She closed her eyes, and an image appeared. Dark intense troubled eyes, tanned hot skin, salty taste. She gasped and opened her eyes. Did her lust for Jared prove that she wasn't as much into Edward as she had believed? She closed her eyes again, she didn't think she could face Edward's beautiful golden eyes right now.

Edward laughed, "Did you just almost fall asleep, love? You must be really tired."

Bella nodded. "I haven't been sleeping well; the worries are catching up with me." And the secrets, and the lies, and the guilt and Jared. She took her t-shirt and pulled it up to her nose. She took a sniff, and Jared's unique scent enveloped her, tormenting her senses. Was she cheating on Edward with Jared even though she never planned their kisses? But she indeed participated, and if she wanted to be honest, she wanted more. Guilt and betrayal were swirling in her heart.

She was screwed. She could not fathom how she had fallen in lust with the tormented wolf. Because it was just physical, she didn't know him, and frankly she didn't want to. Maybe this desire was caused by Edward's continued refusal of her advances. Yes, maybe because he had always refused to take their relationship further, her subconscious had decided to look for it somewhere else. She straightened up; she needed Edward to give her what she wanted. "I'll go take a shower, but can you wait for me in my room?" She was not going to let him deny her any longer.

Edward smiled, and kissed her hand. "Of course, love. I'll be there."

They entered her house, and she went straight to the shower. When she finished she entered in her room, wrapped only in a towel. Bella saw Edward's eyes darken, and she knew it wasn't from hunger. She moved to open her towel, but was stopped by a cold hand. "Are you crazy Bella? What do you think you are doing?"

Bella looked at Edward, and felt overwhelmed by anger and rejection. "Why don't you want to try? You tell me that you love me, you just fed, I know you want me; why won't you take what I'm willingly offering?"

Edward turned his back to her. "Love, you don't understand. I want you so much, but I don't want to hurt you. I need to go."

Bella shouted angrily. "No Edward, you can't leave. I swear that if you leave now, you cannot come back. This is it, you either try or you leave, forever." She was upset, but the thing she hated the most was that she didn't really want Edward to be willing to try. Her traitorous body was screaming for Jared's hot touch.

Edward turned to look at her. "Love I..."

Bella snarled. "You didn't have any intention of sleeping with me before changing me! You asked of me marriage and time, and I gave you both! You know what? I'm tired Edward." She looked at her hand, and slowly took off her engagement ring. "Here, take it back. Just leave..."

Edward was suddenly kneeling in front of her. "Bella, I'm sorry, forgive me love. We will try, now." He reached for her towel, but she took a step back. She couldn't any longer imagine Edward being the one to touch her. He walked towards her. "Really Bella, I mean it. Let's try. I love you and I want you."

Bella closed her eyes, and took a deep breath. Could she give Edward a chance? She felt his cool breath on her face, and his cold mouth started to kiss her jaw, descending to her neck. Now, not only her body, but even her mind was screaming at her to stop him; this wasn't the way it was supposed to be. She gulped, and when she felt his hand on the towel again, she stopped him. "No, Edward I'm sorry, I can't."

It was better this way; she needed to let Edward go, because, as much as she loved him, she couldn't hurt him by wanting someone else more. Even if it was just physical attraction, so Jared had succeeded where everyone else had failed. She was going to remain human. She took another step back. "I need some space. Please, just take your ring and leave. I need ... space."

Edward looked devastated. "Bella...love... I.."

She shook her head, and then walked to him, opened his hand and put the ring in it. "Not now. I need... time." Maybe if she had some distance from him, she would realize that he was really what she wanted.

Edward nodded. "I'll call you later love. You have to know that I won't give up on you, not now, not ever." He exited her room, for once using the door.

When the door closed she fell to her knees. What had she done? Did she just break up with Edward? Yes, there was a time when she thought that she couldn't live without him, but she had already lived without him once. Jake had been there and picked up the pieces. Jake her sun, the guy who helped her realize that there was so much to live for.

Jared had been right when he said that her death would destroy Jake. She couldn't do to him what Edward had done to her. She was going to take her time, and think seriously about the kind of relationship she needed, and this time around she had options. Being human meant that she was weak and dependant, but that was only regarding this mystical war. She should have never been involved at all, but she had the pack, and the Cullen's were going to protect her too.

Bella wasn't alone against Victoria, and then after it was over she could live her life, grow old, maybe have a few children. Maybe Edward had been right when he had insisted that she needed to have more human experiences before becoming a vampire, though her heart was telling her that if she decided to try to enjoy being human again, she would not change her mind.

Bella closed her eyes; she pictured a little girl with Jared's eyes and her smile. She opened her eyes shocked. Jake's eyes not Jared's! She shook her head. Jake. She needed to see him, and bask in his love.

The phone rang, and Bella picked it up.

"Care to explain why you have disappeared?" came the voice of her best friend Alice.

"I.. Alice I broke up with Edward." She rattled out.

She heard an intake of air. "Bella, why?" asked Alice.

"I want to be human. Don't ask me how I reached this conclusion, but I do. I would have never thought that I could live without Edward, but I guess I reached my boiling point. Today, I offered myself to him again, and he rejected me again. It was the last straw. I cannot be with him anymore." breathed Bella.

"Will you be with ... Jacob?" Alice asked softly.

Bella laughed. "No, not right now. I want to be by myself. These past two years have been a whirlwind of supernatural happenings, and I'm tired. I want to be just me. I want to figure out who I am, and who I want to be. I'll see Jake, and be his best friend. If something more develops it will take time."

"I see... well actually, for once I don't. You disappeared two days ago. I think that your life is linked with a wolf though, that's why you disappeared. I was hoping it was just a temporary glitch, but I see now that it wasn't," said Alice. "Anyway, Bella I want you to know that I'm your best friend, and you're still my sister in every way that matters. I'll always be there for you."

"Thank you Alice. I have to go. I'll call you soon." Bella said, and closed the phone.

Two days... it had been two days since she met Jared in the backyard! She put her face in her hands, and tried to recall what had happened.

Did she miss something?

---you are the only thing that is keeping me sane

--- how can you stand his touch, it disgusts me

--- the intensity of their kisses

---you disappeared two days ago

--- I think your life is linked to a wolf

Imprinting!