AN: thanks for the reviews and more than thanks to my beta and co-author Georgia Dawgette.
14.
Bella and Emily had been working in the kitchen for about an hour when Emily turned to look at Bella and asked, "So how was the tour of his place?"
Bella blushed. "Emily... actually, I think it was eventful." She said not sure about how much of what happened between her and Jared she was comfortable sharing.
Emily smirked. "You were gone quite a long time. Do tell Bella, how is it sleeping with a wolf vs. a vampire?"
"Emily!" she shouted. "I can't believe you asked me that!"
Emily giggled "Come on Bella, you are a wolf-girl now, we should share information . We'll definitely need to team up if we're going to have the upper hand against them?"
Bella thought about what Emily said, she never had a friend that she could be completely truthful with, she had never been able to be totally open with even Alice, who was a bit biased by her connection with Edward.
She took a deep breath, and she decided to trust Emily. "Actually... I don't have an answer to your question, I haven't slept with either of them." she mumbled.
Emily's shocked expression made her blush even more. "Really? With all the sexual tension between you and Jared, I'm surprised that you haven't yet... and what about Edward? How long were you two together?"
Bella looked down. "Edward was a bit conservative... oh hell! Actually, he didn't want to sleep with me because he was afraid that he might lose control and kill me." She'd had enough of half truths, and with Emily she was going to be honest. "On the other hand Jared and I almost… well, did something at his house... but when I told him that I had never done it before... he stopped and told me we should wait a bit longer."
Emily sat at the kitchen's table, and indicated that Bella should take the chair near her. Bella went there and sat. "Bella, you don't need to feel ashamed. Edward loved you so much that he didn't want to risk your life; that was honorable of him."
Bella nodded; she knew this was true but still felt angry about it. "I know that, but I can't stop thinking that if he really wanted me, he could have tried harder, and then when I broke up with him he decides that we can try! The imprinting obviously stopped me, and now my life is a complete mess!"
Emily reached over and hugged her. "It's just a bit complicated right now Bella. Life is beautiful because it never stops changing, you always get surprises and you adapt because of them, you might suffer sometimes, but it's all worth it in the end. Now, when it comes to Jared, how do you feel about him?"
Bella shrugged her shoulders. "I've realized recently that out of the three guys I've been interested in, he is the most suited to me. Though, Jared is so mysterious, that every time I think I've figured him out he does something that confuses me. I also don't really know how to make him open up to me. I'm no Kim."
Emily let her go, and smiled softly. "No, you aren't. Bella, I shouldn't say anything, but I feel that we're being open with each other. I think that Kim was exactly what Jared needed when he imprinted on her. She was shy, calm and balanced him during the stressful period following his change, but she didn't really challenge him. She accepted everything in stride, which I think was exactly what he needed at the time. She completed him; however, even though you're both very different, I truly think that you do as well. Where she was comforting, you are challenging and a guy like Jared needs that as well. I think that perhaps you are both what he needed, just at different times. I've seen a very different Jared in the last few days, one that needs a mate more suited to the challenges that he will be facing. You are that girl, and I believe you will be what he needs. I know it will be difficult, but I suggest you stop comparing yourself to Kim, and trust that you are what Jared needs. The imprint will force him to be what you need him to be, but you have to choose to be what he needs. "
Bella felt some hope stir in her heart, and she desperately wanted Emily to be right. Before this she had never considered the responsibility she had to Jared because of the imprint. What exactly did he need her to be? Could she really be enough for him? She glanced at Emily again and then just voiced her fears. "Do you think I can keep up with him?"
Emily laughed. "Are you kidding? You should have seen his face when you told him to bite you. Sam told me that he had never seen Jared so enthralled, ever."
Bella laughed too. "Actually, I still can't believe I said that."
The girls went back to cooking for the bonfire and the afternoon was filled with Emily giving Bella random tips about dating a werewolf.
A few of them were very funny, like scratching them behind the ears or distracting them with food when they were starting to get angry.
She had laughed when Emily has suggested the scratching, thinking it was a joke, but when she saw the serious expression on Emily's face she decided to file that information away to think about later. "Does it really work on every wolf? " Bella finally asked and Emily nodded and winked.
When they had finished preparing dinner Emily commented."Although, you have been so close to Jake for a while that it really won't be that different with Jared."
Bella smiled softly. "I can't possibly compare them. Jake is sunny and warm, and I feel safe with him. While Jared is brooding, unpredictable and exciting. I would have never thought about Jared like this before the imprint, but I have always been intrigued by him, and every time he looked at me I just felt like there was so much more to him than he let people see. "
A few howls broke the girls' conversation. The door opened and Jared, Jake and Sam entered.
Jake came quickly to Bella's side, and surprised her when he gave a chaste kiss on her cheek. "IsaBells, I just came to tell you that I won't be at the bonfire tonight. I've got patrol, I'll see you tomorrow okay?" Bella nodded and Jake left swiftly.
When she turned to look at Jared, she felt her heart flipping. His dark expression clearly showed that he was not pleased with what just happened and if she was being honest with herself she knew that once again Jacob had overstepped the boundaries of friendship.
"Why the hell did he need to tell you that?" he growled.
Bella sighed and took the few remaining steps to him, she put a hand on his arm and said, "Jared, he is trying to adjust, we've got to be patient with him. I know he shouldn't have done it but it's difficult for him to let me go…"
She knew that Jacob didn't have any right to be that physical with her, but before the imprinting they had somewhat of a physical relationship. It had always meant something different to Jacob than it had to her, but in a way it was a comforting and because her relationship with Edward always so strictly non-physical, it had balanced her needs.
She knew that Jacob needed time to adapt to their new relationship just as she did. She felt guilty for having been so selfish with him, when she had chosen Edward she should have put stricter limits to the physical side of their relationship, but she hadn't and now Jacob would suffer even more.
Jared's expression darkened further. "Why do I have to be the better guy? Leeches kill my mate and then I immediately imprinted on you, shouldn't you all be cutting me some slack? I have to be patient so that Jacob can come to terms with this, but when did I have an opportunity to process? I lost my mate and I don't even have a place or a body to grieve!"
Bella recoiled from him like he had slapped her. She knew he wasn't happy about the imprint, but his words still hurt. Kim had been so important to him and while that was something she logically understood, it was still painful to know that regardless of how her feelings towards him had changed recently, that he still viewed Kim as his mate.
Jared must have sensed something because he said, "Isabella... I didn't..." but she didn't want to hear any more excuses, she rushed past him and out the front door. At first she wanted to keep going just to get away from him, but she knew there was no use in running, he would get to her in no time, so she let out a sigh and sat down on the stairs. She knew that Kim would probably always mean to him more than she did, but it was one thing to know it, and quite another to hear it straight from him. The worst part was that as she began to understand him better, she knew that because of how much he loved his first imprint, it must be driving him mad with grief not to know what happened to her.
She felt him moments before he took a place on the stairs next to her. "Isabella, that came out all wrong..."
She felt anger bubble. "Really? Do you think you're the only one to have it hard? What about me? I was engaged to be married Jared, and already in love with two men, then you come along and I find myself breaking mine and their hearts, I so fucking have the easy part of this deal, don't I?"
He looked repentant and reached out for her, but she moved away. She didn't want to hurt Jared, but more than anything right now, she needed time to think about everything that they had said to each other. "Please don't touch me… I need to think… I want some time by myself… and I think you need some time to think too…"
Bella turned around and entered the house, and made her way back to the room she had been staying in before and closed the door.
For good measure she locked it, she just needed to be able to think things through in private.
Jacob, the thought of how much she had hurt him was really bothering her, she had used him in so many ways, and all those times when she had tried not to hurt him by accepting his affection, she had probably just made the situation worst. She had let him fall in love with her; even though she knew that she belonged to Edward. Guilt was really tormenting her.
Jared, her mate had gone through so much. He lost the woman he thought would be his for life and then he imprinted on someone like her that was engaged to a man and keeping another one on the side. She sighed feeling thoroughly ashamed about her outburst.
An hour passed as Bella slowly tormented herself with the mistakes she had heaped upon mistakes in the past months, finally settling on the mistakes she had made in just the last few hours with Jared. She was shaken out of her thoughts when she heard a knock at the bedroom door. "Isabella, it's time for the bonfire, are you coming out?"
Her fury had abated a bit, because she knew that this was a difficult situation for him too. She felt guilty and ashamed for the way she had treated him, but a little part of her wanted him to understand that he had hurt her and if he wanted them to work out in the long run he needed to be more open with her about his feelings. Just this once she wanted him to meet her halfway, and to do that they needed to work this out before they went anywhere tonight. "No thanks. I'll stay here."
Jared growled. "We are going Isabella, just open this door. You don't want me to come and get you."
Bella smirked, she was getting used to his scary side and now it just amused and excited her. How far could she push him? She wanted to know him better, and to know him she would have to get to know his wolf-side too. "As I said , Jared, I have no intention of going to the bonfire!"
His growl made her shiver. "You really shouldn't try to make me angry. " Then there was silence, she tiptoed near the door but she couldn't hear anything. After a moment she went back and sat on the bed. A loud crash made her jump and Jared rushed into the room. "Are you ready to go?" he asked like nothing had happened.
Bella was watching him with an open mouth, she couldn't believe that he actually broke down the door. He shifted uncomfortably from one foot to the other under her stare before finally speaking. "I want to apologize, not as much for what I said before, but about the way I said it... I know this hasn't been easy for you either, my love for Kim is something that you have to live with as I have to accept that you loved Edward and Jacob before me… I shouldn't have acted like I'm the only one this situation has been difficult for. What do you say we forgive and forget?"
She looked at him, and could see that he was really sorry in his own messy way. She sighed and nodded. "I'm sorry too Jared, I know that it must be difficult for you to let Kim go… and I promise I'll tell Jacob that he can't behave in that way… you are right… I'm yours and he needs to accept it."
He came closer and offered her his hand, she thought about it for a moment, and then took it.
His movement was so quick and before she could process what happened, he had grasped her and pushed her gently up against the wall. He lined up his scorching body against hers and whispered in her ear. "Do you really forgive me? "
Her heart speed up and heat seeped into her as he pressed more against her. Shivers of anticipation and excitement were running through her. "Yes. " She managed to say before his mouth captured hers. For a long time she forgot everything but him.
It was amazing how relaxed he felt after they had properly made-up, and it was then she realized that his confidence sometimes was a façade, well at least now it was occasionally becoming easier for her to read him. Given time, she was sure they could find a good balance, and this concept of make-up sex was definitely going to be interesting. She blushed, and couldn't believe she really thought that.
"What has got you hot and bothered Isabella?" Jared whispered, while planting soft kisses from her neck to her jaw.
She smirked. "That's for me to know and you to find out. Let's go grumpy!"
He looked at her, "Grumpy? No fucking way you are going to call me that ever again!" he growled.
She burst out laughing and leaving the bedroom she said, "Just you watch, grumpy!" and then she took off down the all leaving him growling behind her.
When they finally stumbled out of the house they were both laughing, their fight already forgotten, and they were met with the surprised faces of Sam and Emily.
Bella blushed, and took Jared's hand. "What are you looking at?" she said.
Sam smirked and shook his head. "Nothing, the two of you just continue to surprise me."
Bella laughed. "Oh I'm amusing all right, grumpy here, not so much."
Sam and Emily laughed. "Grumpy? The pack's really going to like your new nickname, Jared." said Sam.
Jared started to run towards Sam. " You're not going to have a chance to tell them."
Sam laughed harder and took off. "Watch me... grumpy!"
Emily and Bella followed behind them laughing along with their antics, it was nice that for a few hours they could try to forget all the sorrow and stress of these last few days.