A/N: 1000x thank you to OCD_Indeed for helping me through the beginnings of my fanficdome & jilburfm for betaing! This chapter is transitional, and for that I am sorry, but I leave you with the promise of a pseudo-bath next chapter.

And all the readers & all the reviewers – I love you.

Link to TVitB Twilighted thread in my profile!

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The Pillow

Alice POV

"Alice, what are you doing up here? Tell me you didn't leave Bella alone --" Carlisle immediately began the interrogation, but I didn't have the time to deal with it. I put up a finger and yanked out my phone.

Please, please, please…

I dialed Charlie's number quickly and waited through several rings, praying that he would pick up.

"Alice?" he answered.

The vision disappeared. I let out a massive breath. "I'm glad you called, I was just about to call Bella."

I struggled to get a hold on myself so that I could convincingly get Charlie off of Bella's back. "Oh," was all I could come up with. Gotta do better than that, Alice.

"I know she said she'd call but I just wanted to make sure she got there safely. How's the project going, kid?"

"Umm, it's alright. We've got a lot of work ahead of us, which is actually sort of why I was calling. Would it be okay if Bella spent the night again tonight?"

"Well, I don't see the harm in that. Just don't keep her up too late – can I talk to her for a minute?"

"She's at the store right now… getting some things we need for the presentation. I can have her call you in a few hours?"

"Oh, sure. Sounds good," he finished.

"Alright, Charlie. Talk to you later!"

"Bye, Alice." I heard the phone click. I briefly checked Bella to make sure there were no other surprises on the horizon.

The vampire's head rests in her lap as she pets his face?

Huh. While I was deciding exactly what to make of that, Carlisle spoke again.

"Alice – what's going on? You left her alone down there? She could get killed!"

I shook my head, still thinking about that vision. "No, no I don't think she could…" I sat down on the piano bench, trying to make sense of everything. "I had to leave her, Carlisle. Or something very bad might've happened…"

"What would've happened, Al?" Emmett spoke up. I smiled at him, tapping my phone.

"Charlie would've called. In fact, he almost did call."

"Would he have hurt Bella?" Carlisle asked.

"Maybe. It was sort of unclear, but I know that he'd have lost it. I saw Bella crying. And I saw us trying to approach him, and it was worse than when Jasper went downstairs earlier… It'd have been bad, Carlisle. When her phone vibrated he went crazy."

"Is she okay down there by herself, though?"

"That's the interesting thing. I just checked to see and I sort of think maybe we should give them some space? It seems like we might make more progress if we just let him have some Bella alone time for a while." I smiled, remembering the vision.

"What'd you see?" Emmett asked.

"He lays with her and she talks to him, and the best part is that he seems sort of okay with it…"

"He… lays… with her? Who knew Bella made such quick work!"

After three particularly pointed glances from Carlisle, Esme and myself, Emmett put up his hands in surrender. "Just joking… sheesh."

"Irrelevant, I really think it's okay for now, Carlisle. I'll keep a close eye on her, but I think this is important. Like it might be the key, important…"

"The key to what?" Emmett asked.

"I don't know. Everything, I guess. He clearly isn't interested in letting anyone else near him, and I guess it's fair to say that he doesn't exactly want Bella near him, either, but he's not being aggressive with her at all. Jasper said it even alleviated his fear a little, having her down there, so I mean... as long as he's not hurting her, I think we should give it a shot."

"Alice – you need to be positive that nothing bad will happen to her. Can you be positive of that?"

Of course I can't… I smiled outwardly, biting my lip. You owe me, Bella.

"Yep. Nothing bad will happen to her tonight. She's not even near him right now; I think we should give them a little space."

Carlisle took a deep, contemplative breath. After a few seconds, he nodded. "Okay. Maybe later on one of us should try going down there… and talking to him, maybe?"

I nodded. "Did his venom turn anything up?"

"I haven't gotten a chance to look at it. I was only at the hospital to grab some blood for him, but I work tomorrow. I'll make sure to get it into the lab then."

"Hmm. Well, whatever you do, you probably should do it quickly. I think if he goes hungry for much longer Bella will offer herself as a sacrifice." I rolled my eyes. That'd be just like Bella. "I'm going to go call Jasper, I'll be back down in a bit. She'll be fine, Carlisle. I promise."

**

Bella POV

My legs were ready to fall off and the tingling had expanded to the entire lower half of my body, but I still couldn't bring myself to care. I sat there, gazing at my vampire's face, letting a world that didn't involve him cease to matter for the moment.

I kept my eyes trained on his and- for the first time since I'd met him, I felt as if I were actually experiencing his fear. This must be how Jasper feels. His eyes remained fixed on the door, never blinking, his head shaking lightly but otherwise unmoving. I found myself nervously glancing at the door also, just waiting for his demons to appear, unable to contain my unease.

He kept his arms wrapped protectively around his stomach, his knees still tightly pulled to his chest, but he had yet to attempt to move away from me. If it was all I could get, I'd take it. It was a step in the right direction.

I let my fingers trail over his cheekbones, his forehead and his chin. I quickly learned to avoid getting too close to his eyes. As I let my hand absently travel along his brow, I was startled by an eruption of growing and a violent flinch. I immediately pulled my hand away from him and vowed to myself not to push him too far tonight.

When my hand approached his face again, he clenched his eyes shut and his head recoiled further, waiting for the impact. Waiting for me to hurt him. It was in these moments that I would give anything in the world to undo what was done to him. I shook my head sadly and berated myself for once again losing his faith in me.

"I'm not going to hurt you," I whispered my new mantra, my fingers making contact with his ear and slowly working their way across his cheek. He trembled furiously and his jaw locked tensely while he struggled to move his head away. He inhaled deeply through his nose, his eyes remaining closed, protecting his body in any way that he possibly could.

I looked down at his completely peace-less expression and fought back a fresh round of tears. He was a mess. The dirt caked throughout his hair extended to his face, presumably from laying on the ground. I let my mind wander over all the ways I could go about getting him cleaned some, but came up empty. No matter what, I knew he'd be uncomfortable with it, and I was determined not to lose what little ground I had gained.

I ran my fingers over his forehead, pushing his hair off of his face completely. He let out a shaky breath and abruptly began growling. His whole body became rigid again and I instinctually pulled away. "I don't want to hurt you," I whispered again. I wish you knew that…

His growling didn't calm and I started to panic. What did I do? "I'm sorry… I'll stop…"

Just as I began pulling my hands away from his body, the basement door opened.

I felt my vampire's tense frame jolt, the back of his head furiously digging further into my stomach. His growling grew monumentally alongside of his shaking. I tightened the blanket around his shoulders, hoping to give him some security, but it didn't seem to help.

As the door opened, I squinted, trying to make my eyes adjust. Alice? I guess that shouldn't have surprised me, eventually she had to come back.

"Hey, Bella," she spoke softly, sweetly, as if nothing were out of place in this scenario. "How're things going down here?" Is she joking? I scowled at her.

"Don't give me that look – Charlie is going to call soon, you need to not let that happen." Her lightness was cancelled out by the rapidly increasing panic from my vampire, and I turned my attention back to him.

I tried to smile at him, although it seemed like he had completely forgotten about my presence. "No one's going to hurt you," I whispered, slowly laying my hand on his neck. He flinched and recoiled, unaffected by my words. My fingers grazed his skin, willing him to calm down some.

With every step Alice took toward us, his panic increased exponentially. As she neared the bottom of the staircase, he started to pull away from me. It was the first time I noticed how weak he actually was; he struggled just to lift his head from my lap. I absently ran my fingers down the side of his face and decided to back up every promise I had made him. "Alice, I think maybe you shouldn't come too close?"

She shrugged. "Don't worry, Bella. I won't come any closer." She slowly sat down on the bottom step, way too close for comfort, but she didn't appear to be leaving. I could feel my frustration growing as my vampire weakly struggled against me. I looked up at Alice hopelessly, silently begging her to back off. Understanding my plea, she retreated up the staircase several steps, repositioning herself closer to the top.

"It's okay," I whispered to him. "No one's going to hurt you…" His ragged breaths were coming quickly now, with every exhale the volume of his growls increasing. "Please calm down," I begged him, the tears once again threatening to spill.

I looked up frantically, having no idea how to fix this. "Alice," I whispered, my voice mainly begging but taking on a hint of the panic that was radiating from my vampire. "Please."

"He'll calm down, Bella. Give him a minute." I waited, unable to breathe until his suffering eased.

His body still rocked violently but his growling let up some. I could at least hear my own thoughts over it now. Progress. I let the back of my fingers graze his cheek and whispered, one more time, "I'm not going to let anyone hurt you." I reached under the blanket, letting my hand follow his arm downward until I found his fist, tightly clenching his stomach. I rubbed his knuckles gently, begging him to relax.

"Jasper said he's comforted by you being here," Alice interrupted our moment. "I wonder why that is…"

"I don't know," I answered. I let a deep breath escape me and I finally tore my gaze from him, letting it fall directly on Alice. "I have no idea."

"Well, I guess it's sort of irrelevant right now. At least he has someone…" She nodded her head decisively, concern taking over her features. "You need to call Charlie, Bella. It's almost eight now, he'll call soon…"

I nodded. My bladder was ready to burst at this point, as well, so it seemed like now was as good a time as any.

"You know, you really are helping him," she said fondly, a genuine smile playing on her lips. "It's sort of incredible…"

While my vampire's growling was slowly easing, his trembling remained violent. I let my fingers absently graze his face, hoping that my touch was somewhat reassuring. I was fairly convinced that that wasn't the case, but I didn't let it deter me. "I'm not going to let anyone hurt you," I whispered to him.

I looked back at Alice. "He needs to get cleaned up. When do you think…?"

She shook her head. "I'm not really sure. I think at this point you know better than any of us do? I don't think he'd take well to being put in a bathtub or anything, but maybe soon we can at least get him washed up a little bit?"

I shrugged. "You're the psychic."

"You know it's not really working with him? I mean, I try to see what happens… every few minutes… but it's always changing. I think it's because he doesn't really know what's happening around him. It seems like he can't figure out anything that's going on in his own life so he's operating fully on impulse. It makes it difficult for me to understand what's going to happen."

I turned back to my vampire, pulling the blanket up to his neck. He continued growling and I realized that his trembling hadn't eased at all. I swallowed hard, dreading leaving his side, even if just temporarily.

"Bella – you can come right back. Just take a breather, get some air. Those human needs we talked about? Take care of them. He doesn't have to be alone down here for long."

The familiar feelings of defeat washed over me. Alice was right, as per usual. It was nearly impossible to leave my vampire's side, but realistically, it needed to be done.

I ran my hands over his scalp, gazing at him sadly. "I have to go upstairs," I whispered. "I'll be back soon though, I promise. I won't let anyone come down here while I'm gone…" I'm not sure why I felt the need to talk to him, as he had never once indicated that he understood, but it seemed like the appropriate thing to do. "I'll be right back," I whispered one last time, a vain effort to convince myself that this was the right thing to do.

I gently eased his head off my lap, scooting my body out from under him. I turned to face him, crouching in front of his fetal form, and laid his head down on the ground. I made a mental note to bring a pillow back down, the floor hardly seemed comfortable.

He pulled his body together tightly and closed his eyes, gripping the blanket to his chin. I couldn't hold in the bitter tears, so I retreated quickly.

Upstairs, I did what I needed to do rapidly, my mind desperately attempting to clear itself of the cesspool of emotions. Yesterday morning I had been excited to go shopping. I had dreaded Mike asking me to homecoming, I had thought about my upcoming trip to Jacksonville. Now I couldn't even imagine leaving this house voluntarily. Now I couldn't imagine where my life would be in a month. Would my vampire be in it? Would he be gone? Would he have eaten me by then?

I sat down, leaning against the wall of the gigantic bathroom, my hands making their way deep into my hair and tugging violently. I didn't know how much longer I'd be able to deal with so much pain. I hadn't cried so much since I was a kid, and now, in the brief moments that I wasn't miserable, I was on the verge.

With one last heavy sigh, I lifted myself from the floor and made my way back into the living room. The Cullens were all there, to my surprise, and Alice immediately pulled me to the couch with her.

"You know, no one would blame you if you went home tonight. You could use a good night's sleep," she began.

I shook my head, cutting her off. "Nah, I don't think I'd sleep any better at home. I want to go back downstairs."

She smiled. "I know, and you will," she said, tapping her head.

"We'll try feeding him again tomorrow, while you're at school," Carlisle spoke from the corner, looking out of the huge glass wall. "I don't imagine that he'll eat, but we'll keep trying." He turned to face me, smiling warmly to show me his sincerity.

I closed my eyes and fell back into the couch, pulling my knees up to my chest and letting my thoughts run away with me. I wasn't surprised to find that they all revolved around my vampire.

"I'm going to go back down," I whispered, keeping my eyes closed. "I was thinking about bringing a pillow and an extra blanket for him?"

"Bella… I don't think… a pillow…" Carlisle began, but Esme shushed him. I chuckled humorlessly, understanding his broken thought.

"Of course, sweetie. I'll go get them," she answered.

I stood, stretching my body once more, preparing my muscles for the inevitable hours of sitting downstairs.

"Do you want a glass of water or anything, Bella?" Alice asked, squeezing my hand in her own.

"Sure." We got up and made our way to the kitchen. I quickly chugged the water, letting it soothe my dry throat. I turned to leave then, exhausted and longing for peace of mind.

As I exited the kitchen, Esme appeared and handed me a pillow. I took it with a curt laugh, amused by the idea that I had even thought something like a pillow would make him feel better. "Thanks," I whispered, unable to contain my sardonic mirth.

I made quick work of the stairs this time. I was aware that the Cullens were all still edgy about my involvement, but they seemed to be backing off some, and for that I was grateful.

I noticed that he hadn't moved from his side, but he had rolled, his back now facing the open area. It made sense, if he was using his back for protection, but I couldn't dodge the bitter sting of longing. Would he ever be okay?

I saw him tensing up as I closed the space between us, the low rumbling barely audible.

"I'm not going to hurt you," I whispered, biting my lip. I ignored his cowering as much as possible, while still attempting to be sensitive to the fact that he was incapable of trusting me yet. I was completely within reach of him by the time he started his more threatening growl, the delay giving me an extra surge of confidence. I sat down in front of his back, bringing my fingers to his hair.

He tried to pull his head out of my reach, but the wall prevented him from getting far. I reached for his head and lifted it off the ground, slipping the pillow underneath it. The whole scene very nearly made me laugh out loud, it was beyond ridiculous. I was well aware that vampires didn't find comfort in things like beds and pillows, but my nature apparently had gotten the better of me, and only now, as my vampire lay with his face buried in the feathers, did I see the humor in it.

I moved myself so that I was leaning against the wall by his head, as I had been before, but this time my lap was empty. I let my hand rest on his shaky shoulder and took him in. He was the picture of innocence. It was part of the reason that this was so heartbreaking and part of the reason that I wasn't afraid. He hadn't engaged in a single act of cruelty. Even when put in harm's way by our hands, he only sought escape. And as he lay next to me now, shaking, burying his head and his body, longing for the pain and the fear and the exhaustion to cease, I couldn't help but wonder if he would be so innocent when he was better.

I let my thoughts get ahead of me, thinking about his past, thinking about his future. Would he be a savage vampire? Maybe I would be his first victim. I smiled sadly, gazing at his shivering lips, willing him to open up to me. Could he talk? Could he hear? I wanted the answers, and I knew there was no way of getting them. I let my fingers graze his forehead, waiting for him to recoil. He didn't disappoint.

"I'm not going to hurt you," I whispered again. "I'm never going to hurt you."

I closed my eyes then, eager for sleep to take me and be my one escape from this harsh reality. It wasn't long before I found myself drifting off, images of my vampire, happy and healthy, immediately consuming my subconscious.

**

A/N: Mm. There it is; had to happen, didn't want to just say 'time passes' because... I feel like some significant thoughts and actions take place in this passage of time… So I wrote this guy... And next chapter… some cleanin' up of the vamp.

And on an end note: I have 3 finals on Monday followed by a vacation that includes little internet access. That means a couple of things: I'll be able to write more, I'll be able to post less. Bear with me.

Review please, let me know how it's going over ;)