Looks like I'm motivated to work hard on this story.... it sure is hard to write.... Gakuen Alice and it's characters belong to Tachibana Higuchi, I do not claim to own them.

Hotaru, Natsume, Mikan… Why did they all have to escape the academy and leave me alone? Do I really have so little importance that they don't care if I might be lonely struggling on my own at Gakuen Alice?

"You're fever has gone down a bit," Ruka informed Mikan after removing the thermometer from her mouth. She didn't give him much of a reply; she just shrugged and lay back down. It had been one night since he had brought her to the clinic after finding her ill and famished in the streets, she hadn't said a single word since she had explained about Natsume; Ruka had decided not to force her to talk 'til she was ready. But there were so many questions he wanted to ask her, how long ago did Natsume die? What about Yuka-san? Why wasn't Sakura-san at least with her mother? Did she know where Imai-san was?

Finding someone from your past you never expected to see again made things a bit complicated, especially since Ruka had never really ceased loving Mikan.

"First I have to wait 'til she starts talking again," Ruka thought to himself as he rebandaged the bunny's paw. "But who knows how long that might take…" The real problem, however, was if he should tell her he still loved her more than anything, in her current state it would be cruel to make such a confession. But how long would he have to wait until she was mentally and physically stable? Ruka put the rabbit back into its cage had headed back up the ladder to the studio apartment over the clinic.

Her blank stare was agonizing, what had happened to her since he'd last seen her? She was a shell of her former perky self Ruka had known so long ago. How can ten years past so quickly yet so painfully slowly? Sakura-san just sat in the bed, holding her child; her face drained of the emotions it had once held. Ruka heated up some rice for their dinner, hoping she wouldn't just shake her head when he offered her it like she had at breakfast and lunch. How long had she been like this, refusing to eat, to speak, never moving more than she had to?

"Here's your dinner, Sakura-san." Ruka held a small bowl of rice towards her, "Please don't refuse, this is for your own good!" he prayed, not wanting to have to force feed her. But to his dismay, once again she simply shook her head. "Here goes... hopefully she won't hate me after this..."

"You have to eat, Sakura-san." he tried to hide the desperation in his voice, for this he had to sound stern. "How long do you intend to keep this up? How much longer do you intend to be silent?" he breathed in willing himself to continue. "How long have been like this anyway? Since Natsume died?" Ruka struggled to keep his 'anger' from turning to the sadness he was really feeling. "Has your child even heard your voice enough to remember it? Do you plan on neglecting yourself and the people who care about you until you starve to death? Get a hold of yourself, Mikan! look at what you've become; a person who gives up and runs away when the going gets so tough you feel like you can't possibly handle anything more. What happened to that girl i knew when I was ten? Who is this pitiful woman in front of me?"

~Mikan's POV

How can you leave me now, Natsume? You're were all I had left, and now I have to let go? Can't you at least hold on 'til Hiroshi is old enough to remember you?

"That's right yell at me, hate me... please don't stop," Mikan pleaded in her mind, even though her heart was empty, being yelled at felt almost like salvation. "Hurt me, Ruka-pyon... tell me how worthless I am, Save me with your criticism."

Yes, she had barely spoken since Natsume died one year ago, it had been shortly after Hiroshi was born; when he died she had given up on happiness, even when her mother had died she hadn't been left completely alone, she had always, always, had Natsume. That had been enough for her, if he was there she could stand anything; but now that he was gone she found herself a wreck, she couldn't even cry, it was like her tears had run out. Yesterday some feeling had come back, but that had been short lived; even though she was with Ruka-pyon now it would never fil the space in her heart where Natsume had been for ten years, she would always, always be an empty pitcher, drained of all emotion she had once held so tightly.

"Why aren't you continuing, Ruka-pyon?" The long pause in the yelling confused Mikan, she had been as close to relief as she could in her current state, couldn't he keep it up? She looked up at his face, why was he crying? was it her fault? At last, he continued his rant.

"Do you know how worried I've been? I searched for you for a year before I gave up!" Tears were falling uncontrollably, his face was red and blotchy. "I'm going to take you and your child to the hospital, there you won't be aloud to neglect yourself like you have been recently," Ruka told her in a strained voice, as if each word was hurting him.

Hospital. No! She wouldn't go! She wouldn't. She wouldn't. She wouldn't. She wouldn't. She wouldn't. She wouldn't! Was her fear showing? "Please Ruka-pyon... hurt me, kill me, anything! Just don't... help me." Mikan bit her lip and clutched Hiroshi even tighter, trying to find a way to tell him no; when had she lost her ability to converse with people? How long had it been since she had had a proper conversation?

When her voice came it was barely, if even, audible, She couldn't even tell if he had heard it. "N-no, I w-won't go..." but he was beyond the reach of her words, he had broken down, fists clenched, head down, sobbing on the floor. It was just one, and a puny one at that, but just then a tear escaped Mikan's eye.

That's it for chapter two! please, please, please, please, please review!

XOXO~ Tsubame-go