A/N This is mostly Tony's thoughts, but don't worry, more McGee to come.

Degrees of Happily Ever After

When they returned from their interview, Tony sat at his desk, sighed then chose Excederin this go around. Tim seemed to have let go of his concern for Ziva after their conversation, but Tony, who had felt as though he was confined to a Jarvis imposed vacuum, could not. The agent was now at liberty to talk with his team, but really, what was there to say? Though things had been well over with EJ for months, she, or her body at least, were MIA and he should have prevented her pain and Cade's death. He held little hope that EJ's body would not one day wash up on the Potomac, yet he could not imagine that scenario with her looking anything but completely intact. He had been a cop long enough to digest that closure was a luxury, and "moving on" did nothing to lessen the accumulated inadequacy and guilt that he felt defined him. So he was moving on, mainlining over the counter painkillers to counter tension headaches, and trying to attain that elusive balance in his life that Ziva at one time urged him to seek.

He looked across the bullpen at Ziva, who smiled while she typed, probably another email to Ray that may or may not ever be read. Tony really had not talked to her about anything of substance for months. He was so drawn into himself and even though Ziva, who was bred to understand orders, made an effort to let him know that she was there for him, Tony had been decidedly absent from her life. He did find it curious that Ziva, who longed so much to have consistency in her new life, would throw so much into a seemingly one-sided relationship with a CIA agent. She did seem happy, but McGee had a point. She also seemed a little persistent and, oh no, he dared not think of Ziva as needy, but she was spending a lot of time "communicating" with a guy who left her months ago with no idea of his whereabouts and little if any contact since. Suddenly he felt very sad. Even though from the outside she did seem enthusiastic, Tony knew that she was most likely convincing herself that this was the best she could do with her future and perhaps she was right. She had invested over a year in this relationship, and if it fell to bits, well, she would have nothing . . . again. Not unlike himself, hence the sadness.

Tony wondered why, if she could decide to be happy even with a less than ideal situation, it bothered him so much. Maybe because he knew he could never settle for contentment over fulfillment. He lived in pursuit of the elusive happily ever after, which perhaps is why he existed in a state closer to misery than bliss. When Ray came onto the scene and Ziva became very cryptic, Tony distanced himself from her. Looking back he knew even though it was not a conscious decision on his part, it had been his doing. If he was there for her as a friend should have been, she might have told him that Ray was CIA, and he might have been able to shield her in some way from settling, but then again, Ziva had intentionally kept that detail from them all, even Gibbs. And at the end of the day she wasn't his to protect, he had no claim on the quality of her future life. Despite Ray's platitudes about the CIA being what he did and not who he was, for all intents and purposes, there was nothing separate of him from the life the CIA dictated. Ziva deserved so much better than being expected to wait through the unknown for a glimpse of the man to whom she was devoted.

Deduction and problem solving were Senior Field Agent Anthony DiNozzo's fortes. (And he couldn't think the word 'fortes' without inserting his full name and title for dramatic flair). His musings boiled down to a few concrete thoughts. (1) Ziva deserved better (2) This will likely not end well and (3) He had been a terrible friend. Two of those were out of his control. However, if he could make an effort to once again be a part of Ziva's life that extended beyond the orange boundaries of NCIS, there may be hope, and this time not a false hope grown out of resignation. But he had to make an effort. There was no cruise control option on friendship, and that's exactly how he had been functioning.

The object of his musings paused in her pursuits to look across to her partner's slack-jawed glassy stare and wrinkled her brow. "Tony, are you alright?"

He made himself smile, and tried to make it a sincere one, as though he was seeing her clearly for the first time in months. "I think I will be." Honesty is a good start. "Hey, would you want to run with me to get lunch?"

She looked at him with her penetrating eyes as though she could sense that this was more than an olive branch after the cool distance Tony required all summer. "I would like that very much."

McGee tried to hide his relief at seeing Ziva's genuine smile that had nothing to do with Ray and suddenly he wanted nothing more than to go home to his typewriter and at least give Tommy and Lisa a fictitious happily ever after.