A/N: Thanks to jilburm for betaing (even after all this time, 3) and ocd_indeed for validating and vixen1836 for prereading!. More a/n in the bottom thingie.

This chapter is graphic & dark… it earns its rating here, and not for sexy times.

**

The Bracelet

Bella POV

We sat there, for what could have been hours or months, lost in time, each completely surrounded by our own thoughts. As it turned out, when I was finally granted the moment I had so desperately wanted - to consider where my future lay - I could think of nothing more than the stoic figure wrapped protectively around me.

His cool hands rested gently on my wrists, and in that moment, I let myself see it. Not like before, when I'd pictured us side by side for brief flashes of time. Rather, I saw what could be, if I allowed it. A future panned out before my eyes, and I knew that, given the chance, we would be perfect together, Edward and me. And was I really the only thing that stood between us? My human fickleness, my sheer inability to make a decision and stick to it. Was that truly all that held us back?

I knew, somewhere in the recesses of my mind, that this was untrue. There was more to consider – aspects of my life that I hadn't even begun to realize were to change. There was that place, deep and dark and locked up tightly inside of me, that suspected it wouldn't be as easy as deciding it was what I wanted. But on that rock, as I leaned back into Edward's chest, feeling whole for the first time in my life, I allowed myself to pretend that maybe, just maybe, it could be that simple.

"What are you thinking?" Edward whispered, his cool breath sending a chill down my spine.

I smiled and something dangerously close to a contented sigh escaped me. I tilted my head back to catch his eyes, and was momentarily mesmerized by the deep amber of his gaze.

I wasn't beyond noticing the tremble in his voice. The hesitation with which every word was spoken, for fear of reprimand or something worse. Something that I had yet to comprehend. I didn't know how to gain his full trust, and honestly wasn't sure that he'd ever be able to grant it to me. Or perhaps this was as close as it got. I knew inherently that it was close enough. For now.

"I was thinking about," I began, gathering thoughts and reorganizing words and attempting to make something that didn't sound like a lovesick teenager's words come out of my mouth. "Us," I finished lamely.

The corners of Edward's lips turned up into his rendition of a grin, his eyebrows rising almost imperceptibly.

"Well," I continued, the blush intensifying in my cheeks. Would I never be able to speak my feelings without it? "To be more precise, I was thinking about what changing me will mean… for us."

He nodded, understanding where my mind had been. I suspected, or perhaps hoped, that his was in a similar place.

There was silence while he let it sink in, a complete and total void in the outside sounds. I could feel his breathing and I could feel mine, and I could feel his gaze boring into my own, but if a pin had dropped in the forest in that moment, I'd have heard it without question.

Finally, he spoke. "What did you come up with?" There was a quiver in his voice, a solemnity in his demeanor.

His eyes looked hopeless; lost. Almost as if there was a part of him that actually expected a rejection. One I knew would never come.

I let the weight of his question bear down on me, knowing I needed to choose my next words carefully. I could feel the muscles in his hand tighten, his fingers tensing against my skin.

"Bella –" Edward said, his voice pained.

"Wait." I lifted my hands to cover his, and brought it to my cheek.

"Bel…" he began again, but his voice trailed off as I turned my face into his palm. I kissed his skin gently, before allowing my eyes to find his again. He opened his mouth to continue, but I didn't let him get so far. On their own volition, my hands traveled up his arm and tangled into the hair at the nape of his neck, drawing him nearer.

I twisted until I was resting on my knees, thinking that I would kill the first creature that tried to lay a finger on my vampire. My head turned slightly as I pulled him to me, but he wasn't budging. His dark eyes were guarded, and for a split second, I was petrified by his reluctance. Was this not what he wanted?

My mind raced through a thousand scenarios, thinking that this was all too soon – all happening too fast. He wasn't ready, might never be ready, might never have been ready. Too soon for him, and I was abusing him by taking his trust in me and turning it into something that he didn't want. The thoughts piled on top of one another. But as quickly as it came, the moment passed, and somehow his hands were on my hips and his lips were on mine.

He was pulling me closer to him and I was eagerly complying, until the distance between us was virtually nonexistent and the shiver in his chest rattled through my own. And I held him to me for all I was worth, making every effort to deepen the kiss. Like last night, he had none of it, which I suppose was just as well. In the back of my mind there were thoughts of teeth somehow associated with danger, but my brain wasn't working quite right in that moment, and I couldn't for the life of me bring myself to hold back.

Eventually, when I could no longer contain the chattering of my teeth, he started to pull away. I caught him before he got far, my hands still on his back and neck, and angled myself so that I could see his entire face.

"You're shaking," he whispered, the smile in his voice replacing the all too familiar tremble. I smiled and he smiled, and I laid my head on his shoulder and held myself to him.

I touched my lips to the bare skin in the hollow of his neck and closed my eyes once more.

"I was thinking that I'd be lost without you."

**

You'd think that, after seventeen years, I'd be seasoned enough at walking to make it an entire mile without tripping.

As we made our way back to the mansion, I told Edward about my weekend with Renee to distract myself from the cold. I told him about the time I spent on the shore and tried to describe why I loved the beach so much. I stumbled over my words, eager to get him to fully understand the unique smell of the water. I made a mental note to make sure he saw it – and soon.

Lost in my own ramblings, I didn't notice the branch that had fallen directly in my path. And of course, true to form, the toe of my sneaker caught when I reached it and I tumbled face first into the forest floor. I caught myself on my palms and groaned at the impact, rolling onto my back reflexively.

It was nothing out of the ordinary for me – more often than not I would have tripped – but Edward automatically tensed up as my face flushed. My track record had been too perfect around him – something like this was bound to happen eventually.

He watched me carefully as I stood, taking an inventory of my body, and brushed off my jacket. I moved my wrists in every direction to make sure I had come out in one piece.

My left hand was tender, but it wasn't too bad, and there was a sharp pain in my forearm, but I could make it to the house – I'd definitely had worse.

"I'm good," I said, walking ahead in an effort to get back on track and take the attention off of my clumsiness.

Edward remained tense and inhaled sharply as he briskly approached me. "You're hurt," he said, his anxious hands reaching for my left arm. I froze in place as the red began to seep through my shirt. I've never been particularly squeamish, as I was prone to bloodshed at least quarterly, but injuries in the presence of vampires tended to make me more nervous than nicks in the shower.

I understood that this was one of the Cullens' red-alert situations. Honestly, I got why. But as far as I knew, Edward still wasn't drinking blood. Regardless, I wasn't positive if he'd be able to control himself. That deep dark place inside me spoke up again, warning me that if Jasper, after years of practice, still struggled, maybe I was being too trusting of the recently-domesticated vampire before me.

I unconsciously held my breath, watching him carefully for any sign that he might decide to make me his first meal. I suppose, to be fair, there was nothing I could do about it either way.

I briefly considered screaming for Alice. She could probably make it in time – after all, they had a way about saving me. But something about the way Edward watched me, still completely himself and still so overly timid, made me feel safe with him.

I impulsively decided that it was fine. For a brief moment, shame assaulted me for doubting my vampire, before finally the pain in my arm overruled it.

I raised my right hand to my forearm and touched it, examining the stain on my shirt. Yep, I confirmed quickly, definitely blood.

"Are you okay?" he asked, his eyes soft and concerned. He swallowed, his shoulders still rigid, and as I stared at him, I noticed that he wasn't breathing.

"I'm fine," I responded. I held my palm firmly around the gash and started moving forward again. I tried to walk quickly, recognizing that if he was holding his breath my blood had to be at least, on some level, appealing to him. No harm in upping the pace a bit. My strides were longer and more deliberate, and I worried that I might be offending him by my lack of faith in his control.

"You can't," he began, speeding his pace to match mine. "You can't go back there like this…" He paused, eying me speculatively. "Can you?"

I thought about this. Of course I could go back there. And Carlisle would patch me up, just like every other time I'd taken a spill.

I kept walking as I explained and considered, but Edward remained hesitant. It still surprised me, his lack of faith in Carlisle. Even with his mind reading, Edward's trust in the family was only minimally growing. I suppose I wasn't helping things along, and I probably needed to work on that.

I spent the rest of the walk focusing on keeping one foot in front of the other, and when we finally neared the house, I felt his hand on my arm. I turned on my heels, regarding him carefully, as his eyes narrowed on the mansion.

"Edward, this is silly –" I began, but he shook his head.

"Please," he said, "just wait." He looked at me imploringly and repeated, "Please."

He had never requested anything of me before, save for that first night he had spoken, so I figured I owed it to him to grant him this. I stood still, watching him for some sign that we could advance. Honestly, I'd bled far worse than this before, and I wasn't exactly sure what we were waiting for, but Edward's eye remained fixed on the house in front of us.

"Edward?" I asked, watching him closely.

With a deep exhale, he motioned us forward.

**

I smiled sheepishly as we reentered the house and immediately began seeking out Carlisle. The living room felt eerily quiet, as I suspected it would; as it was every time a drop of my blood was shed.

I didn't bother wondering where the others had gone. It was irrelevant, really. My safety was compromised the instant I had tripped in the woods and I assumed that Alice had warned them off. For all their control, it still wasn't worth it for them to stick around.

I took a moment to note the irony of the fact that Edward was seemingly unaffected by my blood. But of course he would be, given his condition. Carlisle practically had to force blood down his throat (in fact, he had to do just that). Still, the vampire that everyone regarded as the most dangerous seemed the absolute safest for me to be around in this situation.

Edward stiffened at my side, his reaction alerting me that Carlisle was nearby. I gave his hand a light squeeze as I cradled my arm to my chest.

A quick glance at him confirmed that the presence of the others was still agonizing for him. His tense shoulders and rigid jaw as he inhaled deeply told me he was beginning to panic. No matter how far we seemed to come in our time alone, he still wasn't adjusting to the Cullens. A wave of guilt over my selfishness with him crashed over me. It was one of those things that I'd known for weeks that we needed to put more effort into but couldn't bring myself to sacrifice our time alone for. That would have to change soon, but not right now. Right now I wanted Carlisle to myself.

"Do you want to wait upstairs?" I asked, moving toward the kitchen.

He swallowed and shook his head. "I'm okay," he whispered, visibly trying to loosen his muscles.

The bravado was unnecessary. I'd been through this a thousand times – having the life of a terminally clumsy teenager. I'd be fine on my own for a bit.

"Edward," I began, loosening my death-grip on his fingers. "It'll only take a few minutes." I spoke softly, hoping the truth of my statement was not lost in my tone.

"Are you sure?" he asked, making the first timid step toward the staircase. I gave him the most encouraging smile I could muster and nodded, biting the inside of my lip.

He concentrated on the door to the kitchen intently for several minutes, noiselessly taking in Carlisle's thoughts. "He won't…?"

"Nah," I said, unable to contain my smile. Carlisle felt the exact same way about Edward. "Carlisle's used to it."

"Okay," he answered reluctantly, retreating to the stairs. I turned and walked into the kitchen, trusting that Edward would make it to his bedroom.

**

I was seated at the island, my left hand flat against the surface, as Carlisle maneuvered around the sink.

He turned to me and walked over, placing his medical bag next to my outstretched arm and removing some of his supplies.

The bag tipped on its side, revealing its contents as bandages and antiseptic poured out.

"I don't suppose I need to tell you how dangerous it is," Carlisle began, as he applied something to my palm. "Despite his inability to eat, tempting him doesn't seem wise."

"It was an accident," I grumbled, averting my eyes to the spilled products on the tile.

Something small and white caught my attention.

"I know," he continued, launching into a monologue about the importance of being excessively careful and the fact that Edward hasn't had years of practice and something about bloodlust. My attention to the lecture was split as my gaze fixed on the little object that had spilled out of the bag.

I moved my good hand toward it, pushing an icepack out of my way to get a better view. As I suspected, the small bracelet lay just out of my reach. I leaned my body into it, my fingers lightly grazing the laminate, and hooked my forefinger around the paper.

"Where did you…" I began, but I already knew the answer. Images of the first few days with Edward flashed before my mind. How far he had come in so little time. It wasn't really fair of me to expect him to open up already. Somewhere, in the corner of my mind, I realized that he was far more broken than he had been letting on.

I swallowed and turned the bracelet between my fingers, learning it. I put the two ends together, as they would have been before Carlisle snapped it, and regarded the size. It was tiny, another reminder of the condition we had found him in. I don't think I'd have been able to fit it around my wrist if I wanted to.

Carlisle cleared his throat and leaned his elbows on the island. "I've checked every database I know to check," he explained. "Asked every doctor I have encountered, referenced every book.

"The strange thing about this," he said, reaching out for the bracelet, "is that it's completely devoid of any identifier, other than this barcode." He fingered the black lines, his eyes narrowing as he examined it. I had a feeling that he could replicate the pattern with his eyes closed by now, yet still he viewed it with the same intense curiosity and attention of someone who had never before seen it.

"What does it mean?" I ask stupidly, chiding myself for the unanswerable question.

"I'm not sure," he responded. "Any hospital would have some sort of ID – something to tell us which facility it came from. I'd expect the same of any government sponsored organization, although I can't be sure." He took a breath. "A private organization is something to think about, but I can't imagine how any privately owned facility could contain one of us. They either have inexhaustible resources or there's something else at play here…

"I worry that we've hit a road block. Aro gave me far less than I had hoped for… Edward still isn't talking. I'd say it's safe to assume that this – whatever it is – place that had him is informal. Something underground, wholly out of the public eye.

"Edward said something," Carlisle explained, his eyebrows knit together as he continued his examination of the bracelet. I realized that, if Edward could trust anyone, it was Carlisle. Still, the fact that Edward had opened up to him filled me with both shock and… pride?

Carlisle's eyes snapped up to meet mine, and I felt more, in that moment, that my thoughts were being plucked from my mind, than I ever had in Edward's presence.

Carlisle nodded, silently telling me he understood what I was feeling. I trusted Carlisle implicitly, more than I trusted anyone else in the world, and the fact that Edward was willing to begin to build that foundation filled me with more hope than I had felt in years. Even with the events of the past few weeks, Edward opening up to Carlisle was the most encouraging action of all.

"He said someone left him," he continued, "that he couldn't remember much, but there was definitely another person involved."

I smiled at Carlisle, who nodded knowingly. "Honestly," he said, "I expected as much. In the condition he was in when we found him, there was no way he got so far from civilization on his own. The question becomes, was it a trap?"

I assumed the question was rhetorical so I let it slide without incident.

"It's disconcerting," Carlisle continued, "knowing that, whatever the case, someone is aware of our presence…"

I hadn't considered that, but it was true. Regardless of who planted Edward, someone had to have known of the Cullen's roots here.

"… But with Alice keeping an eye out, we expect to have the advantage on any forthcoming attack."

"Who do you think left him?" I asked, again knowing that Carlisle didn't have the answers. I suppose, in retrospect, I was so deprived of answers that I was desperate for anything. Carlisle's best guess was bound to be at least somewhat more founded than mine.

Carlisle considered this, twisting the bracelet absently in his fingers. "That is the question, isn't it?" he whispered, almost inaudibly.

As if snapping from some reverie, he handed the bracelet back to me and straightened up, smiling. "It's not something that you should feel individually responsible for figuring out, Bella. The best way to go about this is to work as a family, as we have always done. You're part of this family now, and you need to know that we'll back you, whichever direction this goes." He began replacing the spilled contents into his bag. "But, that being said, if Edward's going to trust anyone, it's going to be you."

I nodded in understanding. "Do you mind if I borrow this?"

Carlisle shook his head and smiled. "Not at all."

**

By the time I got to the bedroom, Edward had already curled in on himself and lay silently on his side.

Still overly careful not to startle him, I knocked quietly before making my way to the bed.

Crawling across the mattress, I rearranged myself so that I lay behind him, my head propped on my elbow.

"Hey," I whispered, surprised when he moved to sit up rather than remain in his protective shell. I smiled.

"Is your arm okay?" he asked me timidly, peering at the white gauze that covered my flesh. I moved it every which way, demonstrating.

"Carlisle's a genius. Didn't feel a thing." I pulled my knees in and sat upright, covertly moving my hand to his. His actions mirrored my own, and soon, we were sitting side by side on the mattress, only connected by the tips of our fingers. If there was something I was exceptionally lacking in, it was being suave. While I wouldn't go so far as to call Edward my boyfriend, at this point in our relationship, I was sufficiently awkward and inexperienced.

So far, everything between us had come so naturally, I hardly even realized that I was actually making a connection with a human male. Well, maybe not wholly human, but still. Six weeks ago I wasn't even looking at the opposite sex. How far we'd come.

I squeezed his hand with my good one. "See?" I whispered, my attempt to cut the tension falling short of its mark. "Fine…" I trailed off, biting my bottom lip, marveling at the change in dynamic. My vampire asking me if I was okay. It was definitely uncharted territory.

My hands fiddled nervously with everything in reach, unsure of where we should go from here. Obviously, Edward wasn't ready for me to attack him again as I would have liked to, but the memory of our first and last kiss still brought butterflies to my stomach.

In the recesses of my mind I knew that I was absently fidgeting, keeping my hands occupied lest they act out on their own will again, but before I even realized what happened, Edward was cringing away from me.

"What's wrong?" I asked, still unaware of my blunder. Had he finally learned how to read my mind? Was my indecision too much for him? But no, I couldn't afford not to trust him. If he could read my mind, he would've told me.

Still, knowing what Edward was capable of, I couldn't help but worry that maybe my thoughts weren't as safe as I thought they were.

I compiled a list of what could have set him off, unsure of where to start, before stopping dead in my tracks. I looked down at my hands, the bracelet pinched in between my fingers, and felt my throat constrict in a feeling only to be described as panic.

Honestly, I had intended to bring it up eventually… but with some sort of segue. I wanted to make sure that it was the right time, and that he would be okay if I questioned him. I wanted the understanding that Edward was ready for it. Not like this. Catching him off guard and ambushing him with souvenirs of his past was far from the way I had imagined the evening going, and as Edward continued to recoil, I knew I had to do something.

Impulsively, I cupped the bracelet in my hands, exposing it fully to him. I held my arms out before me, the band laid innocently in my palms. It was a token of my trust and confidence in him, and I hoped to anyone who might be listening that he would see it as such. Hiding it at this point would be useless, I imagined, and although I was on very thin ice, I could see no other alternative.

Edward cowered as his grip on his knees tightened, and closed his eyes. His expression was pained as his head shook almost imperceptibly, his lips pursed tightly as he fought to maintain whatever calmness he had left. I could only imagine the memories I might have triggered, and for a few extended moments I worried that I had made one very wrong move. I started to close my hands around the bracelet and retreat – anything to end his current bout of suffering – when I heard his breath catch.

Panicked, I remained silent and frozen, holding the bracelet out in front of me.

"Where… Where did you get that?" he finally asked, his shoulders trembling as his eyes finally opened. His voice was timid, reserved, and I saw his hand twitch toward mine. As my focus left his petrified face and traveled to his outstretched fingers, I noticed his trembling was growing violently.

"Edward," I said, keeping my voice even and calm. Maybe he didn't remember, I reminded myself. Those first few weeks had become hazy even to me, and he had barely been coherent. Could he have been too far gone to have any concept of his surroundings? Of what was being done to him? The thought sent a chill to my spine as, once again, I noted how severely damaged this vampire before me really was. "Carlisle took it off of you – do you remember?"

His eyes remained locked on my hands as he peered at the lines sprawled across the material. He swallowed, and I hesitantly stretched my arms further toward him. When his fingertips first grazed the bracelet, he immediately pulled back, as if the material physically repelled him. But eventually, with dark, guarded eyes focused entirely on the object in my hands, he reached out again.

He took the band from me tentatively, regarding it as if it, in and of itself, was the enemy, but also with a sense of grim curiosity. His eyes squinted as his brow pulled together, his shaking hands keeping a very light grip on the only token of his past that we had.

I let him take his time with it, knowing he needed to work through his demons at his own pace, and studied him quietly. The hard set of his jaw as he examined the numbers. The tense line of his mouth. Every change in his breathing. Every change in his eyes.

Eventually, I spoke.

"I," I started, working up the courage to ask my questions. "Will you tell me about it?" I finally finished.

His focus left the bracelet and he met my gaze with sad, despondent eyes. He smiled, but it was all hopelessness and despair, and filled me first with sadness, quickly replaced by anger and hatred and murderous thoughts of those who did this to him. Because, despite what he was prior to his change, I couldn't imagine a creature in the world that I would inflict such intense pain on. That I could stomach damaging so thoroughly as they did my vampire.

He shrugged and sighed, the kind of sigh that signifies the end of hope, the shrug that says I surrender, and I really, truly didn't want him to surrender to me. I wanted him to talk to me, of course, but not because he felt as if I had taken his choices. Not in response to some horrific wrong that was inflicted on him, which made him think he had no choice in the matter. And certainly not for fear of what would happen to him should he refuse.

"This," he whispered shakily, nodding at the bracelet. He swallowed in preparation to continue. He looked back to me, his eyes wide and deep and open. I felt as though he was, for the first time, actually opening himself up to me. The vulnerability in his eyes told me I trust you, and not I surrender. It was for that reason alone that I let him continue.

"Where to start?" he said, mostly to himself.

And my heart almost burst out of my chest, because for an instant I thought maybe. Maybe my vampire was ready to finally give me something of his past that I so desperately needed.

"Anywhere," I whispered, and he nodded in understanding. He knew. So perceptive, he was, after living years upon years with no human interaction. Would he never stop amazing me?

He took a breath, looked at me, and with a shake of his head, I could see the brick wall he surrounded himself with begin to crumble.

"The room was small," came his low voice. I exhaled, watching him carefully. I'd been waiting for this moment for weeks, and I didn't want to make a single false step. He looked around the bedroom that had slowly become his with bleak eyes, finally settling his cheek on his knees and looking at me. He swallowed, breaths coming harder now, and made to continue.

"I don't know how many times I broke my fingers, trying to dig my way out… but the walls – they were too strong. Some sort of metal? I could never make the smallest dent." His voice had become a strangled whisper, almost inaudible from where I sat. I nodded.

He inhaled deeply, his face contorted in concentration, his eyes keeping a lock on mine.

"Only one time… in all those years… I made it past the doors." I let my hand rest on his, an offer of comfort or encouragement or… something, I hoped. Urging him to continue.

"I was weak… and losing my mind. The hunger and the…"

He looked at me, gauging my reactions? I was determined to keep a mask of calm, despite whatever he chose to tell me.

"I was weak…" He trailed off and inhaled. He was struggling to tell me, and I could see it, but curiosity and need kept me from stopping him. From interrupting him. I'd let him take all the time he wanted.

"But they hadn't guessed that I'd… saved any strength…. When I stopped fighting them, they got sloppy. Assuming I was spent, I guess… I almost was, but their small changes, the tiny nuances that oozed carelessness, gave me hope…

"They came in, as they always did… and through the hunger and the drive for survival, I allowed it. I forced my body into compliance; I didn't fight them. For weeks… or months… Maybe it was only days." He closed his eyes slowly and shrugged. I could feel my heart constricting but I remained silent.

"And then they were dead by my hand, the two of them, their bodies merely a mess on the floor and a bad memory. I didn't have time to think, to act rationally, I only knew to run. So I did.

"I was so hungry, so very hungry… but the swarm of voices, of shouting, in my head and before me… the confounding corridors… the other voices that told me I wasn't the only one they had captured… they all took their toll.

"But still, I ran, because… I had no other option. I was being driven by instinct alone, but I could feel my body slipping. The drugs, the experiments, the pain, the hunger… the voices… I was slowing, and I felt myself being cornered in. I tried picking out voices with clarity, honing in on individuals to get a concept of what was happening. All I knew with certainty was that they were coming at me from all sides, and that when they caught me, it'd be over.

"So I kept running," he gulped, "dragging myself further, toward any escape I could find… but I found none. And my body was running out of steam and I couldn't make it work… but the beast inside me only knew to keep pushing forward."

His expression grew more pained, if that was possible. I wanted to tell him to stop – that I didn't want to hear it and that I didn't want to know any more of what he'd been through. It was mostly true, as I imagined this was the tame version, but still, I kept quiet, forcing my voice not to betray my thoughts.

"I heard a scream then, and I knew with certainty that it was… another. A beast like me that was being tortured at these cruel hands. I didn't think… didn't know if I could leave her there while I made my escape… And it caused enough of a… hesitation… that the first blow was delivered precisely and accurately. My vision went black for an instant and in that instant, the second blow was delivered.

"I was so weak already… and I couldn't see or hear beyond the unspoken voices, and it was a fury of hatred – aimed at hurting me. I could feel the fire… traveling through my limbs as countless men brutalized my body, and I kept trying – trying to fight, to kill or maim – anything. And my arms were torn from their sockets and the woman's screams were drowned out by something inside me."

I was numb with his story, and at that point he seemed to remember me there. He opened his eyes and looked at me, searching for permission to continue. His breathing was labored and pained, but there was a sort of vitality to his voice – with his pain came the hope. Getting this off of his chest had to have had some sort of positive bearing on him, although I wasn't sure I'd be able to hear his whole story.

"Keep going," my voice whispered against my mind's will. It was weak, a pathetic attempt to keep him talking, as the majority of my being wished he would stop.

He nodded then, and continued. "When I had stopped fighting, and was reduced to nothing but a limp body lying in the arms of my captors, something wet and liquid was forced into me, my mouth locked closed.

"A new man appeared, younger, his smile reassuring through my hazy eyes. He told me to swallow and I didn't… Of course I didn't… I didn't require breath for anything… and there was nothing to make me swallow. The man looked around, and I saw in his head the things he would do until I swallowed.

"He kept me there, on the floor in the huge metal hallway, creating fire in my veins and my blood and my bones… all the way through my body, until I finally gave in.

"As I swallowed, he ran his hand through my hair and thanked me… He told me to relax, that I would be okay. But at the same time, his mind told me otherwise.

"And I wanted his hands off of me, but the fire was still spreading through me and I couldn't find the energy to fight, so I turned my head away, and his hands turned with it.

"I spent the next several weeks in the cell… without a person to enter or leave. My mind was gone, I couldn't understand the thoughts I was hearing, I couldn't understand why I was being left alone… And I found myself growing more scared than I was before… My thoughts were haunted with the other screams I had heard; with the frantic thoughts of others of my kind being put through this. And at the same time, I needed to know I hadn't been forgotten about, left to the cell for the rest of eternity without ever encountering another living being.

"I know it sounds strange – my need for them to return – but the isolation on top of the hunger and the pain was driving me madder than before. I craved any kind of activity, even knowing if I was granted my wish, it would only bring more pain… But pain I could handle at that point. It was still early in my time there, and I hadn't realized just how bad it could get.

"When the door finally opened, I immediately knew my own fate. The new men, two of them, approached me with caution, gauging my weakness. The drugs still sat in my system, my energy completely depleted. Sleep wouldn't bring me awareness – only blood would do that. And blood was at the mercy of my captors.

"I didn't have any fight left to put up when they came for me, and before I knew what was happening, I was being pushed down against a cool table. Heavy bands covered my wrists… my ankles, my chest, my torso. I tried to struggle, but I just didn't have anything left.

"They put a tube into my nose, forced it down my throat and to my stomach, and I could do nothing but lay there and take it.

"And I tried to swallow, to beg them to stop, but it was in vain. Nothing came out of my throat, until I heard the whirl of a machine coming to life. I tried to look, to see what was to be done, but could see nothing through my own eyes.

"I saw in their heads, though, and that was enough. I watched through their eyes as the tool came to my chest, puncturing it, creating a fire that I had never experienced before. My body revolted, and I could no longer be in their heads – I could only lay there and endure it. It felt like hours before the device came out of my body, and the instant relief had me gasping for breath.

"I knew it wasn't all out, just as I knew it wouldn't be coming out, but the immediate torture was over, and I was well beyond spent.

"That day – that they came in to put it in my chest – that was the day they put this wristband on me," Edward said, his eyes refocusing on the object in his hand. "I don't know why.

"And then they released me from the straps, and my body ached to recoil, to put as much distance between us as I could, but at that point I wasn't yet used to the pain, and I wasn't used to the lack of energy, to the lack of substance – to the lack of anything.

"My chest burned all the way down to my toes and I wasn't sure if I could survive the burn for any amount of time… but I did, day in and day out… for the next sixty years.

"And as they left the room, I caught glimpses of their thoughts.

"Won't be getting out again, He can try, He'll learn…

"And they were right, and I learned quickly.

"I wasn't fed again for several months, but as soon as I had the chance, I tried again to escape. I was in full strength, as I had just fed, so I used it to my advantage and bypassed the men altogether. But as soon as I crossed the threshold, I went down, my chest being stabbed with a thousand knives, my lungs constricted and senses numbed but for the pain. And I knew, without a doubt, that this was the result of the device left inside me.

"I crawled my body further, until I was up against a wall… I tried… to crawl further, to get away from the cell and away from the pain, but it neither eased nor strengthened, and eventually I couldn't move. I made a last ditch effort to edge myself along the wall. It was useless, though, and soon I was facing the feet of the man who was now in charge – the man who had run his hands through my hair.

"He offered me his hand, but knew in his mind that I couldn't take it. So he sighed and leaned down, helping me to my feet.

"I fell immediately, though, weak and unsteady, my vision darkened and the pain still running through my chest.

"It stopped when I was, once again, locked back in the room.

"He wanted to use me – to help him capture more of my own kind. He had the greatest plans for me out of anyone who I ever learned to be in charge. He intended to break me as a weapon, and have me do his bidding for him, and he was willing to go to great lengths to achieve it. Many times, I thought he might succeed.

"All my life, I've been able to count on one thing: that I would know and understand people's intentions. Aro – his intentions were unclear to me, and that tells me only that he isn't to be trusted wholly. I don't think he's against me, but he gets that same look in his eye that the men who wanted me and would do anything to get me."

Edward was curled up tightly now, his own memories haunting him as much as they haunted me.

"How did you get out?" I asked, when I found my voice. Could it still be inside of him?

As if reading my mind, he continued shakily, "I did everything I could," he whispered, horrified, "to get it out. I… tore through my own skin, as if it were my enemy, what little blood and venom I had coating my hands as I ripped through muscle and bone." He exhaled, the slight tremor in his breath alerting me to his pain.

"That day… I felt my chest ripped open," he explained, "one last time."

When it was clear he had no intention of going further, and the silence had settled in, I spoke.

"Edward," I whispered. His eyes snapped up to meet mine, and I blinked away the pooled tears there. I didn't know what I needed to say to him, but I needed to say something. I moved closer and put my arms around him as he lay back, curling in on himself.

After several minutes of silence I finally whispered, "Are you okay?"

**

Some time later, I found myself clutching my still-shaking vampire.

His body lay tightly against my chest, the mild tremble of his shoulders encouraging me to hold him closer. My knees bent and molded around his, my head propped up on one elbow with my other hand resting protectively on his shoulder. We were still resting on our sides, his eyes trained out the large plate glass window and staring, unfocused, into the darkness of the woods. The moon was high and beautiful, but he wouldn't be seeing it tonight. Not after that.

I ran my fingers across his forehead and through his hair, pushing the stray strands away from his face. His eyes closed reflexively and a shiver ran through him, but still he didn't make a sound.

I didn't know what he needed or how to help him through this, so we lay in a tense silence while we worked through our own thoughts. I had no idea what I could do with the information he gave me, but, at the very least, it signified something greater than I ever could have hoped for. Edward was, beyond a shadow of a doubt, the strongest creature I had ever met. And I loved him.

"You're safe now," I finally said. I leaned over him and kissed his forehead, letting the back of my hand linger on his cheek. "They'll never touch you again, Edward."

**

A/N: Soo… yeah, that was a bad hiatus, and I'm sorry. So much thank you to each and every person who is reading this. Even if there are only 4 of you left, know that it means the world to me, and I promise I will finish this story for you (even if there is another update fail in the future).

To everyone who sent in PMs and reviews and posted on the thread: Most of you know by now I was in serious internet (and real life) fail. Thank you so much for the pms and the nice reviews and posts and general support. Believe it or not, it's what got the story going again. So thank you.

P.S. if that was too graphic for you: well, I don't anticipate future chapters being such.