CHAPTER 24
Bella POV
I rubbed the towel vigorously through my hair, peeking beyond the curtain of waves, through the small crack of the slightly ajar door, as Edward stepped out of his drenched boxers and into dry ones. His toes stretched and I recognized the sound of the bed squeaking as it took his weight. Pulling the borrowed nightshirt over my head, I flipped off the bathroom light and plopped onto the mattress next to my vampire.
His smile had a new coyness to it, like we were the only two people in on a huge secret, and maybe we were. I wasn't the type of girl to sneak out of my house in the middle of the night, ride on my best friend's back through freezing rain at speeds faster than a small plane, and hop into the shower with my boyfriend. Boyfriend? I rolled my eyes at myself as I returned his smile and got to my knees, pushing gently on his chest.
His breath escaped him as he fell backward into the bed, his eyes scanning, always watchful, before returning back to mine. I knelt over him and kissed him once, then twice more, before letting my weight fall onto him. With his arms wrapped so tightly around me, it would have been impossible to miss the way his chest instantly tightened, the muscles in his biceps contracting in an uncomfortable way, the low rumble emanating from his chest.
I pulled up and he let me.
"What is it?" I asked him, his change in demeanor instantly alerting me to a looming danger. How looming or how dangerous, time would decide. Could be that Edward was panicking (as he was often prone to do), but it seemed different. He seemed genuinely scared, but he also seemed almost… pensive?
He stood, keeping my hand locked firmly in his, and guided me to the door. Before he even reached for the knob, though, it swung open.
The pixie standing before me was a sight to behold. Her hair was windblown and tousled, her makeup AWOL, her clothes drenched. On their own, these would not ordinarily be a cause for panic. It happened, even to the prom queen. Her shoes, though, caked in mud and dripping sloppily on the pristine floor… something was definitely amiss.
"Al?" I asked, but she didn't even spare me a glance. Her eyes were locked with Edward's in one of their increasingly annoying silent conversations, and neither I nor Jasper could pull them from the exchange.
And then it hit me — why I was so calm when there was probably catastrophic news about to be laid out.
"Knock it off," I growled, casting him a pointed look.
He just shrugged and inclined his head toward Alice, silently telling me that he didn't exactly have a choice in the matter.
I took a deep breath and tried to find my rage and my fear and my frustration, but was met only with a serene calmness.
"It's okay," Alice told me then, finally meeting my eyes. She swallowed and I was acutely aware that it was definitely not okay.
I felt his hand tighten around mine and all I could say was, "Okay…" I forced myself to exhale and my focus shifted to Edward. "What's going on?" I whispered imploringly.
His mouth formed a tight line and his breathing steadied, and with a small shrug he said, "We should… we should —"
"Find Carlisle," Alice finished, nodding at Edward. "You're right. I wanted to find you first… to explain…"
Her eyes darted from Edward's to mine and back to Edward's. Explain what? I wanted to scream, but my voice was lost in the rising panic. I wanted to shake her. And Jasper. And Edward. Eventually they'd have to let me in on whatever was going on, so why wait?
"Let's go," Jasper said, and then to Edward, "We'll meet you downstairs."
"No," I said, pulling back as Alice took my hand. She looked at me, all confused and concerned.
"Bella…" Her voice came out just slightly above a whisper, and she cocked her head to one side like I was a child.
"Just tell me now. You can't…" And then I started feeling the full effects of the panic, and the rage, and the pent up emotions that had been hindered moments before. Jasper was good, but if feelings were running strong enough, even he couldn't keep them all at bay. I felt the beginnings of angry tears pricking at my eyes. "You can't just keep doing this!" I said, my voice higher than it should have been. The truth of the matter was that I loved Edward, and I felt this deep seeded need to protect him. As much as my feeble human body would allow, at least. And I couldn't do that if no one would give me things straight, and I hated it. And since there was nothing I could do about it, apparently I chose that moment to throw a fit.
Alice took a step back and shook her head. She wasn't upset — in hindsight, she must have seen it coming. "Bella —"
"No, guys." I looked pointedly at all three of my vampire companions. "Tell me. Tell me what's going on!"
Alice opened her mouth to answer but it was Edward's timid voice I heard next. "She had a vision," he said, wrapping his arms around me. I felt his chest expand against my back.
"No fucking shit." I closed my eyes, immediately regretting my response. Which is why it came as such a shock Edward's chuckle reached my ears.
I knew it was Jasper again, the muscles in his face rigid with the effort he was expelling to keep the mood light.
"Sorry," I said, and wriggled out of Edward's grip, immediately deflated. "You're right. We should get Carlisle."
"I'm here." Carlisle stood in the doorway to his office, his arms crossed over his chest. He looked first to Alice, then Jasper. "We have no right to keep things from her. You don't need to apologize."
I felt my cheeks burning with the embarrassment of being caught in my tantrum but let it go. "We'll meet you guys downstairs," I mumbled, turning to face Edward. All traces of amusement were gone, and I wrapped my arms around him in a quick, apologetic hug.
And then I took his hand once more and we silently made our way down the stairs. I noticed immediately that Jasper and Alice weren't following, as the further we retreated, the more the budding panic grew in my chest, and the tighter Edward's fingers wrapped around mine.
That chilly October night was one I'd likely never forget.
When the entire family was accounted for, Alice explained to us what she'd seen with Jasper. She told us that they were coming, and as of that moment, that they would succeed.
Edward kept a surprising amount of composure, as if he was waiting for the other shoe to drop. He held my hand the entire time she recollected the vision, and I knew that he was watching it through her eyes. How hard that was on him, I couldn't say. But my imagination didn't paint pretty thoughts.
"So… what does it mean?" I cleared my throat a little, forcing myself to be brave and strong because I couldn't go to pieces now. Edward would be captured. Future Edward is in a cell, and Future Edward is in very real trouble.
I felt my breath coming quicker and swallowed back tears.
"It means… I don't know. It means that, as of now, they're going to find him…"
"When?" It was the first word Carlisle had spoken since he'd defended me in the hallway, and it was just as good as any other question.
Alice shook her head. "There's snow on the ground. You're still here for the holidays" — she glanced at Edward — "so somewhere between January and March? Maybe?"
"Alice…" Carlisle said, his voice pleading. "I… I need you to try to get more specific."
"It's…" Her eyes got that distant, glossy look they sometimes got, when she was scanning the future. "It's after Em's birthday. It's gotta be March." She seemed decisive enough, which was comforting. March. March.
"We have some time, then," Esme chimed in, all fake positivity radiating off of her. "Plenty of time…"
We all knew that wasn't the case. Alice's visions were too unreliable. They were fueled by decisions, which by human nature, had this annoying tendency to be unstable.
"But in the… in your vision — in the room — he's… he's safe, right?" I swallowed hard and felt Edward squeeze my hand, but I couldn't look at him. I wouldn't be able to handle him acting strong… for me. When I should be strong for him. I held my breath, willing my fear to ebb. Months away. We'd be fine. Plenty of time.
"From what I saw, he's okay." She was addressing me now, placating me because Edward could read minds, and Edward already knew the truth of the matter. And Edward was stronger than me in every way. Screw that. I could do better than falling to pieces at the first sign of trouble. I would do better. For him, I would find a way.
I needed to go about this differently, I realized. I needed whatever information I could get. We needed it. We just weren't asking the right questions.
"What triggered it?" I asked warily.
"I don't know. It's like… we were sitting in the bedroom, and one minute it was fine, and the next minute…"
"When?"
Alice's eyebrows knit together. "This evening."
"But when? What time?"
"I don't really know, Bella… like an hour ago?"
Carlisle paced the room silently, his hands pulling at his hair in a gesture of sheer nerves that I'd never really seen out of him.
"Is there anything else, Alice? Anything else at all? An emblem on the building? Somewhere in the room? Anything about the surroundings? What did the men look like? What were they wearing?"
"Carlisle, I —"
She was looking again, whether she wanted to or not. I could tell in the way that Edward's eyes snapped up to meet hers across the room, and in the way that Jasper shifted to a more protective stance… and in the way that my vampire's breath came in ragged spouts. She was definitely revisiting that cell, and whatever she was seeing… it wasn't something Edward was enjoying.
Her eyes refocused and she looked toward us remorsefully.
"The future… It keeps changing." Edward's whisper was matter-of-face, his breath tickling my neck as his arms circled me. Tension was oozing off of him in volumes, but still his composure remained in tact.
Having heard Edward's words as clearly as if they'd been spoken at full volume, Carlisle's movements halted and his attention shifted to us.
"Edward." His voice was strong and assertive, back in full leader mode.
Simultaneously, Edward and I turned our heads to follow the voice. He eyed Carlisle cautiously, awaiting whatever instruction might come next. The mere fact that Edward seemed to be looking to Carlisle as a trusted leader was at least sort of hopeful; a little bit of progress in a world full of dark. I squeezed his hand as Carlisle approached.
He moved to his knees in front of us, in what I could only guess was a gesture of good faith. Also it made him eye level with Edward, but I didn't like that explanation as much.
"It's more important now than ever," he explained, "that you eat."
My vampire inhaled sharply and averted his gaze, but Carlisle continued. "We need you strong, because whatever's coming, it's coming for you —"
"He's trying!" My voice came out irrationally defensive, but it was clear that Edward wasn't going to stick up for himself. Someone needed to.
"I know, Bella." Exasperated, Carlisle slumped. He kept his gaze fixed on Edward. "I just — I just think we need to try. We need to keep trying. I don't know. We need to do something," His voice was so low I could barely hear it. "And that's all we really can do right now."
For as strong and stoic as he usually was, hearing Carlisle with that hint of despondence in his voice was disheartening to say the least. I felt my heart speeding in my chest, ready to ride in on my white horse and defend my vampire's virtue when Edward spoke.
"He's right." His voice was low and steady, his eyes locked with mine. As he continued, he returned his gaze to Carlisle. "I'll… I'll try harder."
"That's not what I mean…" Carlisle stood, wiping his hands on his thighs.
"I… I know. I just…" His eyebrows knit together and his eyes closed for several seconds. My focus immediately went to Alice, as it almost always did when funny business was going down at the mansion. Sure enough, she was lost in another vision, but now she was dragging Edward in with her.
Jasper looked equally uncomfortable, probably having to concentrate doubly just to keep the two of them from overtaking him with grief. It was written all over both of their faces.
"I'll try harder," Edward finally blurted out and stood, staggering. He stumbled toward the side door, using the wall for guidance and support, as I jumped to my feet and followed him. He was out the door before I caught up.
Edward was leaning against the siding, arms wrapped protectively around his torso, a distant shiver running through his body.
I stood silently next to him, unsure of how to handle myself. I was in unfamiliar territory and sort of felt in over my head. I opted for holding his hand to let him know I was there, in case he somehow missed it.
With a sharp exhale he looked at me, shaking his head slowly as if to clear it of the images that were probably long since burned into his brain.
"I need to —" his voice was weak and shaky "— can we go?"
I nodded in reply and too his hand, taking a step toward the familiar woods. "Let's go."
Instead of walking with me, though, he scooped me up in a move so uncharacteristic of him that I realized how bad it was, and darted for the tree line. It was all I could do to hold on for my life.
Running with Edward was like nothing I'd ever experienced before.
The only other vampire I'd ever run with was Alice, and this was definitely not like that. Edward's arms wrapped around me as we flew through the woods was the most liberating feeling in the world, and if I hadn't known that I belonged with him before that moment, I certainly did after.
I kept my eyes closed and concentrated on the movements of his chest, on the way his muscles rippled as his grip around my body adjusted. On the way the earth moved by us, and not the other way around.
We could just keep running. We'd be safe at least. We could find a remote island, somewhere off the coast of nowhere, and Edward could turn me and he would never be in danger and we'd have each other. And for a second, I believed that it was all we could ever need.
I let the weight of my head fall back into the air and relished in the feel of the wind whipping my hair wildly behind me. I don't know how long we ran, but by the time we stopped, all trains of thought had been abandoned for the feelings of nothingness that accompanied running with my favorite vampire in the world.
"Feel better?" I grinned at him, still exhilarated by the run and by the feel of his arms holding me to his body.
He released me and I immediately missed the closeness. And of course, he didn't disappoint. Moving to stand behind me, he wrapped himself around my body and rested his head on top of mine, inhaling deeply.
"A little." I felt his smile and turned, wrapping my arms around his neck.
"Good."
I wound my fingers into his hair and kissed him, willing the events of the night away.
We pulled apart and started walking silently, aimlessly, holding hands and nothing else.
When we finally found a rock big enough to hold both of us and dry enough that our clothes would be safe, we sat. I leaned against Edward and he tucked my head under his chin. And we sat like that, probably for longer than necessary, while I gathered my wits.
Because, although he had run to escape the night's events, I knew now that we couldn't run from them. We couldn't leave the family to clean up a mess that they should have no part of.
"What did you see?" My voice was inaudible to the human ear and, had Edward not immediately tensed, I'd have wondered if he heard it at all.
"Ahh," he sighed, his grip involuntarily tightening against my shoulders. "They're very… strange."
I wasn't sure if he meant the visions or the Cullens, but either way I wholeheartedly agreed. I nodded.
"I don't really understand them. It's like… they change."
"They do."
"And… it… it seemed like every time — it seemed like they were getting closer."
"Alice's visions are subjective. The future… it always changes," I told him, putting it as best I could. Alice's visions made little sense to anyone but Alice. Mostly, though, if I was being honest, I was trying to console myself. The fact that it was getting closer… I didn't like it.
"It seems like they're getting worse," he said solemnly with a shrug.
"Then I guess it's a good thing that we're going to change it."
"Right." His voice was so hopeless that I felt the panic creeping in, so I said the first thing that came to my mind.
"Change me."
Edward pulled away a little and I turned to gauge his reaction, his face a mixture of confusion and doubt.
"I… don't think I can?"
"You can. Do it." I could see him planning his rebuttal so I continued, cutting it off. "Look, just hear me out, Okay?"
He nodded.
"I'm no good to you human. To you, or to any of the Cullens. If you change me, I'll be a million times stronger — faster — and probably smarter, too. Right now I'm a handicap, Edward. Anything can happen, I'm the wildcard that's gonna blow the cap off this whole thing. I'm the weak point. Change me, and we'll be untouchable."
I thought my impromptu speech was pretty infallible in the logic department, but just as I was gearing up to give myself a big ole pat on the back, Edward shook his head.
"Not now," he whispered softly, pulling me back to him. "Not like this. Besides, I don't think I could."
I guess I had to allow him that.
A sort of calm washed over us and we sat, wrapped around each other in the freezing Washington weather, until the first hints of the sun shone over the tree line. Charlie would be waking up soon. I could only hope that he wouldn't knock on my door to check in before he left for work.
A movement caught my attention in my peripheries and I slowly turned my head to get a full view.
Probably fifty feet away I saw a deer, her head bowed low as she gnawed on the dewy grass. I smiled in spite of myself, watching her ears twitch at every sound the forest made.
Edwards gaze followed mine until we both sat on that rock, silent observers of the doe's meal.
"I've never seen it happen," I told him softly, as not to scare off the animal. I knew he could hear me, despite his lack of response. "The hunt." I pointed toward her. "But Alice told me about it once. She said usually they don't even see it coming.
"They're super sneaky-like, and as soon as they bite the venom starts working. She said they bite in the neck and then drain it quickly, so it doesn't hurt too bad."
"That's sort of disgusting," Edward responded pensively, and I laughed. Because it was, really. And to Edward, who had never experienced actually being a vampire, it was probably completely barbaric.
"I sort of love you." I ran my fingertips up his arm and he sighed. To cover my blunder, I quickly diverted. "Carlisle said it's like conditioning, that's why you can't eat…"
I sat up and Edward straightened, and I turned and crossed my legs underneath me so we faced each other. "Like the whole Pavlov thing…"
He nodded. He knew what I was saying, but I was going to say it anyway. It was the best way to sort out my thoughts.
"So, like, if every time they made you drink you… yeah. Then your body eventually just stopped accepting blood?"
"That's the running theory."
"But they only fed you human blood, right?"
"I don't… I don't really know."
Understandable. He was so far gone when we found him. He wouldn't remember a lot of what happened to him.
"But probably."
"Probably," he allowed, curious to where I was going.
"Do you think animal blood is any different?"
"Carlisle has been — it's been animal blood."
"Does it smell different?"
Edward shrugged. "Not really."
"So… just… blood is blood is blood is blood." That made perfect sense, and Edward's chuckle confirmed my logic.
"That's one way of putting it."
"So what do you think is going wrong?" I heaved out a sigh and wrung my hands in my lap. "I mean, Carlisle said you needed to start eating… and if there's nothing physically keeping you from eating, there has to be a way. There has to be something we can do to like… reverse it, right?"
"Maybe," Edward reasoned.
CARLISLE POV
I stared at the phone, dreading doing what I knew needed to be done.
I couldn't blame him. Either of them, really. I'd have done the same, if the circumstances were reversed.
After Edward and Bella had left, Alice explained a little more about what she'd been seeing.
She told us that the vision were changing in rapid secession, as if decisions were being made and changed and remade at the drop of a pin. Or as if someone knew how to evade her, I secretly feared.
And then she went on to explain that in two of the five total visions she'd witnessed that evening, Edward was dead. And that he'd been present during them both, and that things really couldn't get any worse.
And I agreed, until she revealed that no longer did we have until February, as originally predicted. Alice had seen the ribbons on the trees that evening, a sign as sure as any that this would be over before we knew it.
Every Christmas, Esme puts huge red ribbons around each of the trees that line our driveway, and by every New Year's Eve, those ribbons are removed.
So, what was once an event that would be months away was now knocking on our door, and we needed to deal with it. Now.
I picked up the phone and held my eyes shut, dialing the familiar number.
BELLA POV
"Edward," I hissed through my teeth. His back was to me and he was doing a fine job of pretending that he couldn't, but I knew he could hear me. I half-considered making a scene to scare the animal away. "I really don't think this is your best idea."
He turned around then, cocking an inquisitive eyebrow. I saw his Adam's apple bob as he swallowed back whatever emotions were coursing through him. "You just said —"
"Yeah," I allowed, "I said you needed to eat. But I don't think this is the way! You should bring someone who knows what they're doing." I paused then, letting curiosity get the better of me. "What makes you think this will work anyway?"
He shrugged and took a step closer to me; there were a few feet of distance between us. "I don't know if — if there are any other options."
As I stepped into his arms, I felt the familiar tremble running through him, and realized he wasn't excited about the prospect either. But he was being strong, as always, and I was being a wimp. True to form.
I thought about it from his perspective. And from using whatever limited knowledge I had. And I had to grant him that if it was going to work, this might be as good a bet as any. "When the Cullens hunt, they won't let me come."
He started, but I needed to finish. "It's because instinct sort of takes over, Alice told me. And even though they're still way in control, they worry that they'll hurt me."
Edward nodded, his eyes showing what might be considered a little bit of hope to the astute onlookers.
"So maybe," I continued, "you're right. Maybe if your instinct kicks in it'll help?"
A small smile played on Edward's lips.
"I'm grasping at straws." I sat down on the rock and wrapped my legs under me, holding my arms around my body for the lost warmth. "Just don't eat me, okay?"
Ignoring me, Edward said, "You're freezing."
"I'm fine."
Edward nodded. "We'll leave soon. Go back…" He didn't sound excited at the prospect, and neither was I, and once again I considered pitching the run-away-and-never-look-back idea.
"I think you should do it." His eyes widened in shock and a chuckle escaped him.
"Really?" His voice reeked doubt.
"If you're in, I'm in."
He nodded and turned back toward the deer, still so unaware of where her fate lay. I closed my eyes and breathed in the smell of the forest. This probably wasn't the smartest thing. What if Edward wasn't able to eat and shut down?
Or, what if he was able to eat and, like Alice had warned, went mad with bloodlust and ate me? He probably never would go back after he ate me, and I'd be just another bloodless corpse in the woods in the middle of nowhere. And the Cullens would never know what became of me.
It was a risk I was willing to take, when push came to shove. Because it was the only instruction we were given to make matters better, so we'd figure it out. And if Edward was a willing participant, it'd be a cold day in Hell when I held him back.
And, I reasoned with myself, maybe just being in a different environment would help. Maybe Edward needed this.
"Maybe you should snap her neck first," I said quietly, opening my eyes to see Edward slowly creeping toward his first prey. He was silent as only the best predator could be, stalking invisibly through the brush.
Like always, Edward could definitely hear me, but this time he was ignoring me for other, better reasons. This time, he was concentrating.
He was close now, and I watched cautiously as the deer's ears twitched, her senses all kicking in that there was danger. Any second now she'd run, and while Edward would definitely catch her, it would make it more challenging.
"Now," I said, and immediately, he lunged. She didn't even see him coming, just as Alice had promised.
I thought maybe I should continue instructing him, but then… he seemed to have it under control. I heard the deer's noise as she collapsed and I hope he did it quickly. I bit my lip, sick curiosity driving me forward.
"Her neck," I whispered, thinking that maybe he should have listened to me when I told him to kill her first. It might not have been as tasty, but it probably would have made more logical sense.
And then he twisted her head in a jerking motion and she was dead. On his knees with the dead animal before him, he looked back to me with a mixture of confusion and amusement on his face. What now? his eyes said.
"Umm, bite? I don't really know." As an afterthought I added, "This is sort of awful."
And he smiled and then knelt over his kill, examining its limp form. He inhaled deeply, letting her scent penetrate his senses and then his eyes closed and his lips drew back a little and he hesitated. I don't think he was impressed with what he was about to do, either, but beggars can't be choosers, I wanted to tell him.
Before I could, his teeth sliced through her hide and, right as I was about to do a cheer, he drew back, and covered his mouth. He turned away from his kill for a second and gagged, but to his credit, immediately went back to his task. It seemed, from a distance, that he was really drinking, but I couldn't tell, because every few seconds he had to pull away.
He kept going back, though, and drinking small amounts at a time, and it was perversely beautiful. I watched, all traces of disgust gone from me, as he would drink, then turn away and catch himself on his hands, gag, and then go back to it. By the fourth of fifth time, he didn't pull away any more.
He leaned over the deer with purpose now, drinking her until there was nothing left. When he met my eyes again, the picture in front of me made me wonder once more if it was my turn. Because my vampire was, quite literally, soaked in blood. And, in that light, he pretty much looked like he was going to eat me.
I was still proud of him, and I think my uncontrollable smile told him so.
His eyebrows pulled together in reluctant amusement and a sound came from his throat which was sort of a laugh and sort of something darker, but overall, I decided it was adorable, and all traces of fear and hesitation left my body. I started making my way over to him as he looked finally looked at himself.
He examined his hands, covered in blood, his clothes, drenched, and wiped his mouth on his sleeve. He didn't seem shocked to realize that it came away red. He groaned but smiled, and he looked stronger than I'd ever seen him before. Sort of like he could take on the world, and I thought he probably could if he wanted to. And for the first time since I'd met him, I wasn't too scared of what the future would bring, because even though I was certainly a weakness, he'd never let them do to him what had been done before. They wouldn't be able to twice. No matter what happened to me.
As I reached him, he held up his hands, sort of a please-don't-touch-me-I'm-gross gesture. I took his hand anyway. No matter what, he'd have to carry me home, so we both needed to get over it.
"How was it?" I asked, beaming at my vampire.
He looked down at himself and answered in what could only be described as happily, "Disgusting."
A/N: Bam.