Dear readers, I'm afraid that due to complications regarding the ridiculous length that this entry got to I have been forced to split the report of Berry's Houseparty Trainwreck Extravangaza Mark 2 into two separate entries. I hope you will bear with me during this difficult time. On a positive note, I've almost finished the second part so I'll probably get that up tomorrow. Reviews to this half would be greatly appreciated as they'd help me to make any alterations to the second part that might be needed. Lots of Love.

Dear X,

I think there's an army of tiny monkey drummers in my head. Some must have got down to my stomach too 'cause it feels like they're marching around in there. I'm sat on the sofa in Rachel's basement waiting for everyone else to wake up; they're all still unconscious wherever they fell. I guess Santana and I fell together because we were tangled up on the couch. I had to be really careful getting up so I didn't wake her; she's really beautiful when she's sleeping. Her head's in my lap now and even though her hair's knotted up and I'm pretty sure there's some sick in it, she still looks so peaceful and pretty. My memories of last night are super fuzzy so I thought I'd try writing the whole thing down to remember. The monkey's are really distracting… I think I might puke.

…

It's okay, I didn't puke. Alright so, San and I got to the party at about 9 when everyone else was already there; like I said, we wanted to make sure everyone was drunk before us. We got ready at San's house because it's actually not too far from Rach's, but she wouldn't like people to know that because that's the nice part of town and she hates being compared to Quinn and the 'rich kids'. She says that "people treat you different if they think you just live off your daddy's money." I think it's because she likes to be in control so she doesn't want other people to think that her dad controls her life or anything.

Rachel ran over and hugged both of us when we first got there and she started talking at us real fast about college and musicals and… noses or something. I didn't know what was going on but then she fell over her microphone stand. I guess someone spiked her cranberry juice. Probably Puck, he came over to us a couple of seconds later with some drinks before he disappeared to play drinking games with Lauren, Blaine and Kurt. Blaine was looking fiiiine, he was wearing this tight navy blue shirt that made him look super buff. I'd like to add him to my stats, even if he is a capital G, gay. Dating Kurt was fun and his skin was really soft, like Santana's.

San was doing that thing where she arches one eyebrow after watching Rach crash but I knew she wanted to get in on the fun so we downed our drinks and refilled a couple of times, you know, to get started. This is where stuff starts to get a bit hazy. We sat in the middle of the 'Oscar Room' with our drinks lined up so that we could watch everyone else doing their funny drunk things.

Quinn went to help Rach after she stayed on the floor for like, ten whole minutes, but then Finn came and she looked all sad and angry and she went away. Artie was in a corner holding a bottle of Jack Daniels like a baby so Quinn walked over to him and took a huge drink from it. At first he looked kinda shocked but then he said something to her, she nodded, and then she sat in his lap. I was about to point it out to San but she was staring at another corner with her mouth open a little bit. I followed her eyes to where Sam and Mercedes were sat super close at the side of the stage. Mercedes was laughing really loudly and Sam was trying to cover her mouth but he was laughing too and then he put his hand at the top of her thigh. I couldn't help but giggle and I think they heard because they jumped apart pretty quick.

The next thing I remember is Puck shouting about body shots and pulling San and I up from the floor and dragging us over to the table. Rach really wanted to be the body but Finn got super protective and said she wasn't allowed so Puck said the person with the hottest body had to do it because that's the rules of bodshots, and he started to take his top off. I felt someone lifting my shirt up from behind and before I knew what was happening it was off and everyone was whistling and cheering. Turns out Santana was more drunk than I thought; she was stood behind me with her hands on my hips shouting,

"Here! Britt's got the most smokin' body. Her abs make Madonna jealous, bitches!"

Thinking about it, it was kind of embarrassing but I like it when Santana's being a happy girl drunk (it doesn't usually last too long) so I went along with it. I did two shots super fast before I got up on the table and by the time I was stood on it I felt them kick in - I'd released the stripper.

I was twirling my shirt around my head and getting my grind on while Puck was shouting and whistling and my hands moved without my brain telling them to, down to the button of my daisy dukes and started to undo it. That got everyone's attention and the cheering got louder. When that happens it just makes me want to get even more naked - I don't know why, I guess alcohol just has a funny effect on me. Santana was laughing along with everyone but she moved around the table to button my pants back up for me. She watches out for me; she says she's scared that one day I might do something like that at a regular non-glee club party and I'll get taken advantage of. I'm not worried though - I know she'll always be there to protect me.

She moved her hands around to my hips and pulled me down so I was sitting on the table. I think maybe my hands were still working without permission from my brain because I pulled her on top of me. She didn't panic about being in front of everyone though, she just started giggling and shouted for Puck to hand her the salt.

Santana's tongue was hot and wet against my stomach and I felt a twitch in my pants when she touched me that made me bite my bottom lip hard. She looked straight into my eyes, like she knew exactly what she was doing, before downing her shot and sucking on her lime. When she finished she came and sat down in front of me; my body was on the table but my head was hanging off the end. She sat cross-legged so our faces were super close and I could smell her bittersweet breath as she giggled, telling me I was like Spiderman.

I totally was like Spiderman.

I could still feel people's tongues running over my stomach but they weren't the same as San's; they were thick and clumsy. I whispered that to her and it made her giggle more so I scrunched up my face and stuck my tongue out in a pretend pout. Then I felt her bite my tongue, only gently though because I guess she didn't want to bite it off (it's too useful to her). It kinda tickled and it made me giggle a lot. Puckerman must have seen because he got excited and started shouting, "Make out! Make out!" This happens all the time at parties so it's no big deal. San dropped a quick peck on my lips to satisfy Puck's raging horn. I used to think she liked the attention from stuff like that but now it's different. I think Puck noticed because he looked pretty disappointed, probably at the lack of tongue. That's okay though; he got distracted by Lauren bending over to pick up some Oreos she'd dropped.

After that, I remember being dragged into the middle of the basement to sit in a circle while Rach screeched about spin the bottle. I wasn't paying attention because San was attached to my arm and still making me giggle. We'd brought our own tiny vodkas and decided to drink them before playing the game, so we clinked our bottles together and drank them in one.

I guess that's why spin the bottle is super fuzzy. I think everyone kissed everyone and actually my lips are kinda chapped now. The only one I remember properly is Artie's turn. Someone spun the bottle for him and we all watched it, laughing and teasing as it went past Rachel, slowed down past Lauren, and then landed on probably Artie's last choice. Santana. I saw his smile turn into a scowl and I expected San to refuse, but when I looked over at her she was smirking and licking her lips. It was hot. She looked me right in the eye and leaned into my ear to whisper, "Revenge." Her breath was hot and it made me all kinds of tingly, but I was a little bit worried for Artie. Santana doesn't really do anything by halves.

...

San's just started jerking around. I think she might wake up and I don't want her to catch me writing about her again; she's still not allowed to look, so I'll have to finish off the rest of the story later. When I get home I'm gonna get some Dots and tell Lord T all about it. He's super good at relationships and advice and stuff so I'll let you know what he says.

Love From B.