I do not own anything Twilight, it's all SM's. I don't own any Manolos either. So sad.
"Edward, have you seen my shoes?"
"Edward?"
"Edward?" Bella emerged from her room to find Edward seated at his keyboard with large headphones covering his ears. She walked over to him and waited for him to notice her. When he did, he started in surprise and his fingers skittered over the keys. He pressed his lips together, tapped the touchpad on the laptop next to him, and turned to her, removing his headphones.
"What do you need Bella? I have to get this done, it's already late."
"Oh, sorry. Have you seen my shoes?"
Edward sighed. "Bella, you have a lot of shoes. Have you checked in the living room?"
"No, I'll go look now. Go back to playing." Bella turned to exit, but was stopped by Edward's voice.
"When are you leaving?"
Bella checked the clock on the wall. "As soon as I find my shoes. I am meeting everybody at 7."
"Do you think you could pick up my gray suit from the cleaners? They close at 8, and I don't think they are open on Saturday. I want to wear it tomorrow night."
"Sure thing." Bella turned to leave again, only to hear Edward call out once more.
"Oh, and Bella," Edward said with his best smile, "can I have a kiss goodbye?"
Bella stood in the doorway for a moment, pretending to consider his request. "I suppose," she said finally, faking a deep sigh. She crossed the room to him and leaned down to place a kiss on his lips. As she raised her head, his hand snuck up to cradle the back of her neck and pull her down again. Finally she pulled away from his hand. "I really have to go," she told him sadly, and kissed her fingers, then pressed them to his pouting lips. "I'll probably be late, don't wait up. I'll see you in the morning."
"I love you. Have fun"
"Love you too."
Bella left him to search the living room where, just as Edward had suggested, she found her prize, one shoe laying under the coffee table, the other wedged under the sofa. Seeing the various items scattered around the room, she resolved to clean them all up the next day. She retrieved her purse from its perch on the arm of the sofa and dashed out the door.
It was graduation weekend, and there were abundant festivities. Bella was on her way to meet a group of girls, both graduating seniors and alumni, from the Beatice Society, the literary honor fraternity of which she was a member. When Bella had been tapped for membership as a freshman, she had been so shocked that she had almost turned them down, thinking they must have the wrong person. Fortunately, Alice and Edward had convinced her to join, and Bella would readily confess that it had been one of the best decisions she'd made. It was a great organization, and because of it Bella had had lots of opportunities she would not have otherwise experienced.
Tonight wasn't about opportunity though, this was purely celebration, and Bella intended to celebrate. She made her way to The White Rabbit, a small bar a few blocks from her apartment, and a frequent haunt of the Beas.
This is gonna be fun.
****r~d****
Edward overslept Saturday morning, due in large part to the hours he had spent the night before trying to get the track he been working on recorded and emailed. It had already been late, thanks to some last-minute changes made by the composer, and Edward disliked being late almost as much as he disliked working from home. His keyboard was top of the line, but he could not get the sound quality with it that he could on the grand piano at the studio. In addition to that, almost immediately after Bella left, his computer began to malfunction. It refused to record properly, forcing Edward to spend four times as much time playing as it would normally take to lay down a track like this. Once he got the track recorded, his internet connection stopped working and his attempts to email the file to his producer failed repeatedly. Once the internet came back, Edward had sighed with relief and sent the file, only to have his computer shut down unexpectedly. He finally got the file sent just before two am, and he had fallen into bed, exhausted.
I hope Bella had a better night than I did. I wonder what time she got home?
He padded out into the living room and shook his head at the scene before him. There was stuff everywhere. Bella's shoes littered the floor, several sweaters and jackets were tossed over the back of the sofa, a large pile of books and dishes were scattered over the coffee table, and her purse lay in the floor next to the front door, her keys next to it. Bella was never particularly tidy, but this week had been worse than most, as she attempted to finish the work required for her own classes and grade everything for her TA sections. Edward started to gather the clothes, but he stopped and dropped them back onto the furniture. She had assured him again and again she would pick everything up - he'd let her take care of it.
It was already after eleven, and there was no sound emanating from Bella's room. He remembered her mentioning plans this afternoon with some friends who were in from out of town, so he decided to go see if she was awake.
Besides, he thought. I've missed her, I want to see her.
Remembering the aftermath of several other outings with the Beas, Edward detoured into the kitchen for a large glass of water, some crackers, and a couple of ibuprofen. Then he approached her door and knocked gently. There was no response.
He knocked again, and called for her quietly. "Bella?" He heard a groan from inside the room.
There's my girl.
He pushed the door open to find Bella, still in her clothes from the previous evening, with her pillow over her head. He approached the bed and sat gingerly on the edge, placing the water, crackers, and pills on the nightstand. He reached out and softly stroked her back.
"Bella? Sweetheart, it's time to wake up."
"Mmeeph ooo dah" came from under the pillow.
"What was that?"
Bella turned her head and emerged from beneath the pillow, opening one eye, smeared with leftover makeup, at him. "Keep doing that," she croaked, and returned the pillow to its previous position.
Edward chuckled and complied with her request, rubbing her back from shoulders to waist for a few minutes. Then he stopped and rested his hand between her shoulder blades.
"Sit up, baby. I brought you some food. You'll feel better if you eat something."
Bella groaned again, but she rolled over and pulled herself into a sitting position, leaning against the headboard. She silently took the water and pills Edward offered, and leaned her head back, eyes closed, nibbling a cracker.
"Did you have fun?" Bella nodded but did not open her eyes.
Edward adjusted his position so that he could reach around behind her to massage the back of her neck. She let her head fall forward, and a soft moan escaped her lips. After a few minutes Edward spoke again.
"How much do I owe you for the suit?"
Bella lifted her head slightly and opened one eye. "The what?"
"The suit? My gray suit you picked up from the cleaners last night? How much was the cleaning?"
Bella's head dropped into her hands. "Crap."
Edward took a deep breath. "You didn't pick it up?"
Bella shook her head, not lifting it from where it rested in her hands.
Dammit.
"I'll go call them." Edward didn't trust himself to say anything else at the moment. He left the room and located his phone, then searched through the phone book for the number of the dry cleaner nearby. A phone call revealed that they were open...until noon. Edward checked the clock on the microwave. 11:40.
Edward didn't bother changing clothes. He pulled on his running shoes and went to the rack next to the door for his jacket. It wasn't there.
Bella must have borrowed it without telling me. Again.
Edward shook his head and ran into his room to get his wallet, then bolted out the front door.
****r~d****
Did he have to slam the door so loud? Bella's head spun as she pulled herself out of bed. She would have loved a bit more sleep, it had been after 4 when she arrived home, but she had a lot to do that day, and she knew if she went back to sleep now she would not get up for hours. She entered the bathroom and turned on the shower to allow the water to get hot, then realized there were no clean towels in the bathroom. She went to retrieve one from the linen closet in the hall and grabbed the last one on the shelf.
Did I forget to do laundry?
The past week had been one of the craziest she had experienced in a long time. She had finished papers for two classes, taken three finals, and had graded so many freshman compositions that she had started to dream about being eaten by a badly written essay on Moby Dick. She had barely eaten or slept since Monday, and there was no sign of the pressure letting up. Today she was supposed to have coffee with several friends who were graduating on Sunday, and tonight was the grad night ball - a formal affair for graduates, alumni, and their guests. Bella and Edward had been unable to attend the previous year, and she was excited about going. Alice and Jasper would be there, as well as Alice's brother Emmett and his girlfriend Rosalie. With some help from Alice she had picked out the perfect dress and shoes, and she couldn't want to see Edward's reaction. She hoped he wasn't too angry.
I can't believe I forgot to get his suit. Stupid stupid stupid!
Bella heard the front door opening as she emerged from the bathroom in her bathrobe, rubbing her hair with her towel. Edward was in the living room, holding his gray suit.
"Oh, you got it! That's great! I am so sorry Edward, I was running late and I just...forgot."
Edward smiled at her tightly. "Don't worry about it, it's fine. What time are you supposed to meet your friends?"
"I've got some time. Have you had breakfast? I guess it's lunch by now. Anyway, have you eaten?" Edward shook his head. She approached him and gently kissed his cheek. "Give me a few minutes to dry my hair and we can eat lunch, ok?" Edward nodded and she retreated into her room.
That wasn't too bad, she thought. He didn't seem that upset.
When she entered the kitchen a few minutes later, Edward had already gotten out the bread and cheese and was turning on a burner. "Grilled cheese ok?" he asked. "I seem to recall that being your hangover food of choice."
"It's perfect."
"I picked up the mail on the way in," Edward said, indicating a pile of letters on the table. "There's something there for you, it looks kind of official."
Bella picked up the letter in question from the table. Her eyes widened as she noticed the return address. She tore open the envelope eagerly and unfolded the paper inside.
Dear Ms. Swan
While we greatly appreciate your interest in the Stratford Fellowship, we regret to inform you that after reviewing all applicants, we will not be offering you a position for the upcoming academic year. The Stratford Foundation is always searching for talented students, and we encourage you to continue...
Bella stopped reading as her eyes suddenly blurred. She dropped the letter back onto the table and picked up the sandwich Edward set in front of her, studying a spot on the table in front of her.
"Bad news?"
"It's nothing."
"May I?" Edward asked, picking up the letter. Bella shrugged. He perused the letter for a moment, his forehead creasing.
"What's the Stratford Fellowship?" He asked.
Bella hesitated a moment before answering. "It's an intensive Shakespeare study program. I applied awhile back, I didn't want to say anything until I heard whether I got in." She continued focusing on the table.
"It says you can re-apply next semester."
She shrugged again. "Maybe."
Edward continued to examine the letter. "Bella, where is this fellowship exactly?"
Bella swallowed a bite of her sandwich. "London."
They ate in heavy silence for a long while. Finally Bella pushed herself away from the table and dropped her plate in the sink. "I guess I should get ready," she said, her voice quiet. She didn't move toward the door though, rather, she stood leaning against the counter.
"Bella?"
"Yes?"
"May I ask...when did you apply for this?" he asked, indicating the letter still lying on the table.
Bella didn't meet his eyes. "I don't know...February maybe?" Then she turned and left the kitchen.
****r~d****
Edward sat at the table for a long time after Bella left. He tried not to think about what he saw on the letter in front of him, but he couldn't seem to erase the words from his mind. Below the notification of Bella's rejection there was information about re-application, including deadlines.
Autumn applications due 15 October
Spring applications due 15 March
Maybe the deadline was different this year.
Maybe she sent it in early.
Despite his best efforts to convince himself otherwise, Edward had to face the truth. Bella had never turned anything in early in her life. Spring applications were due March 15. She had applied for a program in London after they had been together almost a month, and she had not even seen fit to mention it to him. Not only that, but when he had asked her about it, she had lied. He didn't know what to think.
Edward stood and picked up his dishes from the table and placed them in the dishwasher, then began to clean the kitchen. As he finished loading the dishwasher, he heard Bella call out from the living room.
"Bye Edward, I'll be back later!"
"Bella, we need to..." he cut his words off as he heard the front door close.
Edward spent his afternoon in aimlessness. He watched television, but could not have recounted the plot of the programs he watched. He tried to play his keyboard, but he found that his fingers would not cooperate. Finally he fell asleep on the sofa, after moving several of Bella's books to the floor. He awoke with Bella bent over him, shaking his shoulder gently.
"Edward, we have to leave in an hour."
Edward sat up, shaking the sleep from his brain. "Bella, can we talk?"
"Later, ok? We need to get ready now." She dashed out of the living room into her bedroom, closing the door behind her.
Edward sighed and pulled himself up, heading for the shower.
Later.
****r~d****
"Edward?"
Bella entered the living room in her dress, barefoot, to find Edward seated on the sofa in his charcoal gray suit, paired with a black shirt and a gray silk tie. He looked breathtaking, if a little...irritated?
"Yes Bella," he replied, not looking up.
"Have you seen my shoes?"
Edward took a deep breath. "Yes Bella, I have. In fact, all I see is shoes. No, that's not true, I also see clothes, books, and dishes." He stood and turned to face her. "You know the only thing I don't see Bella? The only thing I don't see is the floor!"
Bella was taken aback at the tone of Edward's voice, and the fury she saw on his face. She began to stammer a reply, but he cut her off.
"You know what else I didn't see? I didn't see any towels when I took a shower, so I got to dry off with my robe."
The sarcasm in his voice made Bella angry. "Your arms aren't broken Edward. You can do laundry, you know," she bit back.
"Oh, I know. In fact, I am pretty sure I am the only person in this house who can. I'm also the only person who can wash dishes, or buy groceries, or put anything away, or pick up the damn dry-cleaning!"
"Gee Edward, I am so sorry that my education has so inconvenienced you. Next time I'll forget about writing my papers and doing my job so I can be your maid." Bella's voice was cold.
"I'm not the one who needs a maid. I know how to clean up after myself, remember?" Edward smirked at her.
"Fine!" Bella shouted. "You want me to clean, I'll clean!" She walked around the living room, collecting items haphazardly. When she had an armful, she walked to her bedroom door and flung them into her room. "Happy now?"
Edward picked up a sneaker from the floor and held it out to her. "You forgot this."
Bella looked at the shoe in his hand, walked over, and gazed at it. She took it quietly out of his hand and walked back towards her bedroom, then hurled it into her room. Edward heard a crash from inside her room as she turned to face him. "Enjoy your nice clean living room, Edward." she said, her voice oddly calm. "I hope the two of you are very happy together."
"Oh no you don't!" Edward said, walking towards where she stood in her doorway and grasping her arm. "You don't get to just walk out and make some smart-ass comment and think that's it."
"Yes, I do. See, this is the part where I'm done talking to you." Bella jerked her arm away and turned towards the open door to her room.
"Bella, I'm sorry I yelled but..,this is a problem. We have to deal with this."
Bella turned again to face him. "We have to deal with this? You mean you have to deal with me. Too bad Edward, so sorry I can't be whatever perfect little girlfriend you had in mind. Now go away," she gasped, barely containing the sob in her throat.
"Bella, please..."
"No!" Bella rounded on Edward. "Don't you get it? I don't want to talk to you! I don't want to see you, I don't want to know you exist! Now leave me alone!" She entered her room and slammed the door.
****r~d****
Shit.
Edward wandered leaned against the wall, wracked with pain at Bella's words. He could hear her crying on the other side of the door as he slid down the wall to the floor.
What do I do now? What the hell just happened?
Edward thought back over the last few minutes. He wasn't typically an angry person, and he was ashamed at the memory of his own words and the way he had spoken to Bella. Part of his brain rebelled against the regret, reminding him of all the reasons he had to be angry, all of the little inconsiderations Bella had shown him lately.
She over-reacted, that's all, he thought. Maybe I should have handled it differently, but her reaction was all out of proportion.
The thought didn't make him feel any better. He pulled himself off the floor and wondered into the kitchen to get a glass of water. He sat down at the table and had pulled out his phone to let Jasper know they wouldn't be coming when he heard a door open and close. He went into the hallway to investigate and found Bella's bedroom door open and the bathroom door closed. He stood there for a moment, taking in the sight of the items scattered around the room and a broken picture on the floor, when the bathroom door opened and Bella emerged. She stopped when she saw him, and her face tightened.
"Bella, I'm..."
"We need to go," she interrupted shortly. "People are expecting us, and we're late." She passed by him, squeezing herself against the wall as she did, and entered her room. Over the past few months they had developed a playful little ritual - every time they passed in the small hallway, Bella would wrap her arms around his waist and he would spin her around before they continued down the hall. Edward's heart lurched when he saw her taking such pains to avoid touching him.
"Let's go," she said as she emerged from the room again, her face hard and her eyes dull. She strode into the living room and out the door, not looking back. Edward grabbed his car keys from the hook next to the door and followed her to the elevator.
The drive was silent except for the sound of the car and he traffic around them. Bella sat stonily, looking steadily out the passenger side window. When they arrived, Edward tried to open Bella's door for her, but she was already out of the car by the time he got there. She began walking into the building, but he wrapped his hand around her upper arm and turned her to face him. Her expression was carefully composed as she looked at him blankly.
"Bella, I get that you are mad at me, and maybe I deserve it, but can we at least try to have a good time tonight?"
Sure," she replied. "Good time. Got it." She smiled, and the sight nearly broke Edward's heart. He knew that smile, he had seen it more than once over the course of their friendship. It fooled most people; it hadn't fooled him since they were fifteen. He sighed and pulled her arm through his as they entered the building.
Immeasurable hours later, Edward sat and toyed with the remains of his dinner, not really paying attention to anything around him, and considered his options for making an escape. Bella was on the dance floor with Emmett, and Jasper had asked Rosalie, so he was at their table alone. He looked up as Alice sat down next to him.
"Edward? Are you alright?" she asked.
"I'm fine," he lied.
"How's it going? With you and Bella, I mean?"
Edward's shoulders slumped. "It's..." His head fell into his hand.
Alice reached across the table to take his free hand. "What's wrong?"
"We had a fight."
"Okay. So you had a fight. You'll make up." Alice's voice was light.
"I don't know Alice," Edward replied as he shook his head. "I think there's more to it."
"Like?" Alice prompted.
"I wish I knew. Something's off though. She's holding back. It's like she's biding her time or something."
Alice nodded, waiting for him to continue.
What the hell, he thought. Might as well see if she has anything useful to suggest, things can't get any worse.
"She's driving me crazy, Alice. I love her. I love her more than I've ever loved anyone. I want to marry her. That day we went to Forks for Charlie's birthday, I got my grandmother's rings from my dad. But every time I bring up the future, she changes the subject. Some days she acts like I am all she wants, and other days she does things - I swear she does stuff to make me mad on purpose, and then she gets so upset, and I have started to wonder if I am losing my mind."
"Like she wants you to leave her, but is terrified you might actually do it?"
Edward looked up at Alice in amazement. "Exactly like that. How did you know?"
Alice laughed. "I married her brother, remember?"
Edward considered her words. "Alice, what the hell is going on?"
She considered for a long moment. "I don't know. All I can do is guess. And even then...Edward, it's not my story to tell." Alice looked sympathetically at him. "You need to talk to Bella."
Edward huffed in frustration. "I've tried. I learned my lesson, I know we have to talk to each other for this to work. But every time I try, she shuts down. She insists everything is fine, or she remembers a paper she has to work on or a TV show she wants to watch...sometimes I want to throw the damn television out the window. I don't know what else to do!"
Alice waited a moment before she spoke. "Did you know that Jasper broke off our engagement?"
Edward was a little taken aback at the abrupt change of subject, but he knew Alice rarely did anything without a reason, so he played along. "No. When?" He was genuinely surprised, as he had been Jasper's best man. Surely he should have known.
"I'm not surprised. We only broke up for a few days. It was about a month after he asked me to marry him. He and Bella had gone to Forks for something, I don't remember what, and when he got back, it was like he was a different man. He spent three days barely acknowledging me, and when I finally had enough and forced him to talk, he told me he couldn't marry me."
Edward was astounded. "Why?" Jasper had loved Alice from practically the first time he had seen her. Alice had tagged along when Bella had come to help him move in with Edward when he returned to Seattle, and that night Jasper had spent an hour interrogating Edward about "that amazing girl who's friends with Bella". He had asked her out three days later, and they had been together ever since, or so Edward had thought.
"He said he didn't have any idea how to be a husband, and that I would be better off with someone else. He said that if he married me that I would end up getting hurt." Alice looked straight into Edward's eyes. "And then he said he knew I wanted kids, and that he didn't want to have any, that he would probably hurt them too." Alice looked directly into Edward's face and raised her eyebrows.
Something clicked in Edward's brain. "Alice, did Charlie…did he..." he trailed off, unable to finish the thought.
"As far as I know, he never touched Jasper." Alice looked down at the table, then back up into Edward's eyes.
Holy shit.
Suddenly so much made sense - a thousand little memories fit together like puzzle pieces, and Edward was torn between the urge to drive to Forks and punch Charlie in the face and the desire to go find Bella and hold her for hours.
How on earth have we been friends our whole lives and I never knew?
Alice spoke again, distracting Edward from his emotions. "Bella told me one time that one of the things she loved about you was that you didn't push her to talk when she didn't want to. If she hasn't told you anything, there's probably a reason. It may not be a good reason, but I am sure she has one. The only reason I know anything is that I wouldn't agree to get back together with Jasper unless he told me what the heck had happened." Alice paused to take a deep breath.
"Edward, I am not going to lie to you. It hasn't been easy. It's not easy now. Some of the things Jasper told me..." she trailed off, and a shadow crossed her face. "He started seeing someone after we got back together, and we've gotten some counseling together, and that helped. But those kinds of wounds, well, they don't go away overnight. His ideas about what love was supposed to look like were all screwed up. Jas told me once that it's like you see the world through a dirty window, but you don't know that the window can be clean, you just think that's the way things are."
"What should I do, Alice?" Edward's words were raw with emotion.
"Love her, Edward, and let her talk when she needs to. It's not an excuse though; it's not ok for her to mistreat you or anything. I had a hard time with that one, I wanted to excuse too much when I found out about his past. Bella's actions are her choice, and sometimes those choices have natural consequences."
Edward nodded.
"Look, they're coming back. I'm glad we had the chance to talk. Jas won't mind what I told you, he has asked me before how much I thought you knew about Bella's past. We both want you two to be happy." Alice stood, her tiny frame barely taller than Edward sitting down, and wrapped an arm around his shoulders and squeezed tightly. "You can always call if you need to talk, ok?"
Edward nodded again, not sure how to respond to the information he had just been given, and watched and Bella, Emmett, Rosalie, and Jasper all crossed the room toward the table.
****r~d****
"Are you ready to go?" Bella hated to ask Edward to leave early, but the night had not gone anything like she had hoped, her head was pounding and her feet were aching. The patent leather Manolos Alice had picked out for her were beautiful, but not kind on the feet. The evening had been, as Alice would say, a waste of a good Vera Wang. Bella was disappointed. She had been so excited about her dress, it was exactly Edward's favorite color and she loved it - she had been reluctant when Alice had handed it to her in the dressing room – it looked like something Alice would have made for her dolls when she was seven - but as soon as she put it on and saw her reflection she had known it was perfect. Not only had he not noticed the dress, he hated her. Her dreams of a perfect evening in a perfect dress with Edward had turned into ashes and been replaced with visions of being dumped by the only man she had ever loved.
"Almost." Edward stood and took Bella's hands in his. "Have I told you how lovely you are tonight?"
"No," Bella replied, her eyes downcast.
"Well, you are beautiful. You make the rest of these girls look like...well, something less beautiful than you." Edward smiled ruefully. "Will you dance with me before we leave?"
Bella shrugged. Edward apparently took that as assent, because he led her to the dance floor. The opening notes of Colorblind by Counting Crows sounded as they reached the edge of the dance floor, and Bella felt Edward's arms encircle her body.
I am color...blind
Coffee black and egg white
Pull me out from inside
I am ready
I am ready
I am ready
I am
Edward's ran his hand gently up he curve of Bella's spine, bringing goosebumps to her skin. Her head rested in the crook of his neck, and she savored the smell of his skin.
Taffy stuck, tongue tied
Stuttered shook and uptight
Pull me out from inside
I am ready
I am ready
I am ready
I am...fine
She memorized the texture of the fabric under her fingertips, and the feel of his body against hers, his arms tight around her as they swayed slowly together.
I am covered in skin
No one gets to come in
Pull me out from inside
I am folded, and unfolded, and unfolding
I am colorblind
Coffee black and egg white
Pull me out from inside
I am ready
I am ready
I am ready
I am...fine
I am... fine
I am fine
As the final notes sounded, Bella pulled away. She could not look up at him, instead she turned and left the dance floor, Edward following behind her. She stopped to pick up her small clutch purse and continued out to his car.
The ride home was as silent as their earlier trip had been, but this time Bella had no fury to fuel her; now she was just tired, and afraid. They had reached their floor and unlocked the door before Edward spoke.
"We need to talk."
"I know."
"I am going to go change, alright?"
Bella nodded her understanding and went to her room to change as well. It would be a shame to ruin the dress with a breakup, she thought darkly. When she returned to the living room in sweatpants and a t-shirt she found Edward already there, dressed similarly, idly toying with a tassel on one of the throw pillows. She sat down at the opposite end of the sofa and pulled her legs to her chest.
"You wanted to talk?" she said. She dreaded what was about to happen, but she supposed it was better to go ahead with it rather than delaying the inevitable. Be strong, she thought. No crying. No one wants to see that.
"Yeah." Edward continued to play with the tassel for a moment, focusing on the pillow.
"Bella, I don't know how to say this."
So don't, she thought, but aloud she replied, "just say it."
"OK." Edward took a deep breath before speaking again. "Bella, I want to know...no, I need to know...did Charlie ever...did he, um, hurt you?"
"I totally understand, Edward...wait... what?"
Edward looked up at her, surprise in his green eyes. "You understand...what?"
"Could you repeat the question?"
"I wanted to know about Charlie...and you."
"Oh." Is he afraid Charlie will be mad we broke up? He'll just say he knew it wouldn't last. "What about me and Charlie?"
"Bella, I want to know...no, I need to know...did he ever hurt you?"
Bella blushed and looked away from Edward's gaze, her eyes filling against her will. She swiped a hand across them before she spoke. "Do we have to talk about this?"
"Yeah, I think we do."
"I don't want to. There's nothing to talk about."
"You're lying, Bella. Don't you think after almost 23 years I know when you are lying?" Edward's voice was gentle.
"He's an ass, you know that." Bella wasn't sure what Edward was searching for, but this was the last conversation she had planned to have tonight.
"That's not all though, is it?"
"Look," Bella said impatiently. "He was a jerk, okay? He's still a jerk, and I don't want to talk about him. Can you just go ahead and break up with me so I can go to bed?"
Edward's head jerked up. "What the hell are you talking about?"
"What are you talking about?"
"Who's breaking up?"
"You are," Bella replied, "with me. Isn't that what you wanted to talk about?"
Edward looked stunned. "Where on earth did you get that idea?" Then his expression turned from shock to one of near despair, and his voice dropped, suddenly hoarse. "Do you want me to break up with you?"
"No." The word was barely audible. "I just thought...you were so angry...nevermind. I'm stupid." Bella stood up and turned to leave, but stopped when she heard Edward's voice again.
"Bella, wait. Please, just listen."
Bella did not speak, but she sat back down and looked at her hands, twisting her fingers together. Edward reached over and gently took them both in his.
"Sweetheart, you aren't stupid. Please don't say that. Yes, we had a fight. Yes, I was mad at you. But that didn't mean I stopped loving you. Yesterday I thought I loved you more than I could possibly love anyone, and today I woke up and loved you more. Tomorrow I will wake up and find new ways to love you. I have loved you my whole life. You are a part of every memory I have. I loved 7 year old Bella that pushed me down, and 13 year old Bella that insisted on painting my fingernails, and 16 year old Bella who stole my jacket at every football game because she never brought her own. I loved the Bella I took to the prom, and the Bella who was so scared before she took her first college final that she threw up on my shoes. I even love the Bella who forgets to wash the towels. She makes me crazy, but I love her. This thing between us isn't new, it's just different, like turning the page of your favorite book and finding a chapter you never knew was there.
"Tonight, when you told me you wished I didn't exist...I had never felt pain like that before. Then I heard you crying, and that was worse. I love you so much, and I can't stand knowing I hurt you. But sweetheart, the things I said...well, I shouldn't have said them like that, but they were sort of true. I've been holding stuff in, and tonight it all boiled over. I don't know what to do, Bella. I love you too much to let you hurt yourself, or to let you continue to do things that hurt me. I don't want to upset you, but if this is going to work, we have to be able to tell each other when something is wrong, instead of waiting until it all blows up. And I want it to work, baby, I want it more than I have ever wanted anything in my entire life."
Edward felt hot tears splash onto his hands, entwined with Bella's in her lap, but he continued.
"Bella, I want you to know... I need you to know... I think you are amazing. You are the smartest woman I have ever met. You are so beautiful that sometimes I can't believe you're real. You aren't perfect, I know that, but I don't want perfect, I want you." Edward removed a hand from Bella's and cupped her cheek, gently lifting her face so she looked into his eyes.
"If you don't hear anything else, hear this. I am not your father, Bella. I can't promise that I will never do anything wrong again, I can't promise we won't fight or that I will never get angry, but whatever he did..." Edward trailed off as Bella's hands clenched around his, "I will never, ever do that to you. If you will let me, I'll spend the rest of my life proving it to you."
At Edward's final words, Bella began to cry in earnest. As her sobs escalated, Edward pulled her to him, stroking her back and whispering in her ear, words like, "I love you, sweetheart." "It's going to be ok." "Cry all you need to, I'm here." And again, "I love you."
After a while, Bella began to quiet. She clung to Edward's soaked shirt, her face still buried in his shoulder, the sound of an occasional sob still echoing in the stillness. Edward gently extricated himself and stood, pulling her up with him and lifting her into his arms. He carried her to his bedroom and lay her down on his bed, then lay down with her. They lay in the dark, face to face, not speaking, while Edward ran a caressing hand softly up and down her arm.
After a long time, Bella spoke into the darkness, her voice raspy from her storm of tears. "I'm sorry."
Edward shifted forward slightly so that his forehead rested gently against hers. "I forgive you, love. Will you forgive me?" He felt her nod, and tilted his head to place a slow, soft kiss on her lips. "Do you want to stay here tonight?" Again he felt her nod. He reached down and pulled the covers up over the two of them and slid his arm around her, pulling her close to him.
Bella woke the next morning in exactly the same position in which she had fallen asleep; her face nestled into Edward's shoulder, his arms wound tightly around her. She shifted, turning over. She felt different than she could ever remember feeling before - not guilty or depressed as she would have expected after yesterday's events, but light and contented. She was still unsure, but she felt as if something inside her she had never known was broken had finally healed. Smiling to herself, she snuggled back into Edward's embrace and drifted back to sleep.
A/N – Sorry for the delay, it's the end of my semester and I have been buried in essays to grade – mine are about mitochondrial DNA, not Moby Dick though. I tried to write something light and fun for Bella and Edward, butt hey insisted this chapter come first. Less angst in chapter 6, I promise.
If you would like to see it, here's Bella's dress:
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And her shoes:
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