Edited

Thinking back, I wondered why I never picked up the signs. They were in my face all along. Now I had to deal with my boyfriend and best friend betraying me. Could I keep this up? Could I pretend to be okay with what had happened? My head was saying to forgive and just maybe forget but my heart was telling another story. Yes, I loved him and it was what kept me from leaving, but I was not sure if it was enough anymore. I made a promise with myself and Edward that I would never leave him, we would work it out, but at the moment I really didn't think I could keep that promise.

I was getting ready to leave work when Angela approached me again.

"I just wanted to know if you could see us as friends again."

I stopped what I was doing and turned to her, shocked at the question. "Are you serious?"

Maybe she had amnesia.

"Yes."

I looked at her long and hard. From her choice of clothes to her long brown hair and brown eyes, she exuded plainness and it made me mad. I wasn't conceited but I knew I had the looks down. Was she more attractive than me? Was that the reason he slept with her? Everything came back to this and I didn't know when I would get over it and that's why I could never be friends with her again.

"No, we can't be friends. You lost that privilege," I said turning back to my work. I was waiting for her to leave when the next words out of her mouth made things worse.

"You can't forgive me but you can forgive Edward."

I stopped all movements and I could hear her heart beating really fast. I stared at her for a very long time and I could see that she was uncomfortable, and she regretted saying that, but she couldn't take back those words. I fought the urge to slap her. This was a work place but one day I would snap.

"Are you fucking questioning me? You slept with my boyfriend and tried to hide it and you never even apologized. You don't seem to care that you hurt me and you want my forgiveness!" I yelled.

She started to cry. "I am sorry Bella, so sorry, but it seems that you are solely blaming me and not Edward, and he's to blame mostly. I was drunk and hurt and I made a mistake unknowingly," she said sniffling.

Unknowingly was a lie because if that was the case then, why did she hide it? My head was spinning at this information. I didn't know what to believe. I needed time to myself.

"I can't deal with you right now, Angela, but dammit stop and admit you fucked up either way."

~TMWM~

To stay or to go?

To believe her or him?

Truthfully, we only discussed that night once and I really didn't know all the details. So I had to get more details first and then make a decision, but I knew I couldn't stay with him anymore. It was not healthy for my heart. I needed to heal first and maybe I could forgive and move on, but I needed to do it away from his influence.

I had the long ride home to think about my decision and the fact that he wasn't home yet made it easier. I went about packing and cleaning. It felt so much better knowing I was getting answers to fix our problem. Maybe one day we could go back to a happier time but for now this was the solution. As I was cleaning, I came across little reminders of our happier days and it was like a slap in the face. One picture was hard to look at because we looked so happy it hurt. You could see it in our eyes and I missed those days, missed those people.

An hour later, he came home in a good mood and he was actually smiling. I lived for those smiles but today I couldn't return it.

"Baby, let's go away, somewhere quiet," he said, coming closer and hugging me tightly. It was all I could do not to melt in his embrace.

"Edward, what are you talking about?"

"We need a vacation away from all our problems and I miss us."

I wouldn't deny that I missed us too and another time I would have jumped at the idea, but I needed answers. It was now or never. I pulled from his embrace.

"We need to talk," I said.

His smile faded.

Is everything what you think it is?
How have we ever made it this far?
Oh why isn't this how its supposed to be?
Don't you feel like you'll never wake up?
Where am I?
Where is everyone in my life?
Isn't this supposed to be questioned?
Then why haven't you found the answers yet?