"I've always wondered what happened that night," I began.

He shook his head and his eyes tightened. "Bella, we went through this," he stated.

We never talked about it. When I found out I wanted it to be false. I wanted to believe it didn't happen. He only confessed after I found out and I threatened to leave, knowing I could never go. I always wondered why but I was too afraid to know. But now I needed to, I needed to move on.

"No, we didn't. Just answer this. Am I not good enough?"

"Of course you are," was his answer.

"Am I not attractive enough?"

He sighed. "It wasn't because of looks, Bella," he told me. "You know you're beauty," he tried to be sweet.

This wasn't getting us anywhere so I prepared myself to ask the tough questions.

"Who initiated it first?" I asked.

A long silence followed and he looked uncomfortable.

"I told you she did," he replied.

"She was drunk."

He looked down. "I know she was," he said.

Freeze everything in place. He knew she was drunk and yet it didn't matter.

"Why did you go there in the first place?" I wanted to know.

"She called me and said she needed me. Bella, she was my friend and friends are there for each other."

Typical answers and I still needed to know why.

"Baby, believe me, I never meant for this to happen," he was pleading me with me.

This is what they all say, like it changes things.

"It happened but I need to know, were you drunk?" I asked.

He looked surprised at the question. "I had a drink but no, I wasn't drunk," he answered.

Deep breaths. He knew what he was doing. He knew this was wrong. It punched me in the gut. It changed things so much. It angered me.

I took a step closer to him.

"So, if you weren't drunk then why? What made you sleep with her!" I yelled.

He looked like a deer caught in headlights.

"Shit, I don't know, it just happened," he answered.

This answer saddened me. He could tell it wasn't good enough.

"I was comforting her. She and Ben just broke up and she was a mess and then… She tried to flirt with me and I resisted at first but she started to cry and I don't know, I guess I was thinking with my dick," he explained.

My emotions were well beneath the surface, waiting to come out.

"It just happened and it didn't mean anything but yet you tried to hide it from me. You were going to come home after fucking my best friend and sleep in the same bed as me!" I raged.

I was crying now after always keeping my emotions at bay.

"Bella, please, don't cry. I can fix this, baby, I can try," he said coming closer.

I moved back and asked an important question that could make us or break us.

"Do you love her?" I asked.

He froze and looked at me carefully. My heart was pounding and I was praying for him to not let me down.

"I did," he finally answered.

See, when I get the strength to leave
You always tell me that you need me
And I'm weak cause I believe you
And I'm mad because I love you

Boy I gave you all my heart
And all you do is tear it up
Looking out my window
Knowing that I should go
Even when I pack my bags
something always hold me back