Angela came back to work the week after and avoided me like the plague. It didn't bother me except that she did it on purpose. She never looked in my eyes, always left the desk if I was there. It seemed logical because I told her to stay away from me but we were on a shortage of staff at work, and we had to work together a lot to get things done. Because of how small the library was, it was impossible not to be around each other. And I really didn't have anything to say except to inform her of Ben's visit.

"Hey, Angela," I called.

She flinched and slowly walked towards me. You would think I threatened her life.

I rolled my eyes. "Calm down, I just wanted to tell you that Ben came by."

"Oh, I talked to him," she said with a small smile. I nodded and was about to walk away when curiosity got the best of me.

"It's none of my business but are you guys getting back together?"

She smiled. "He came all the way back here to see me so, I guess so."

I nodded and then asked the question that was bothering me. "Why did he leave you in the first place?"

Her smile faded. "None of your business," she snapped and walked away.

Wow, must have touched a nerve.

~TMWM~

Edward finally called back.

"I'm sorry. I've been busy and I needed time."

"Time for?"

"Last week, I realized that even though we have something now, it might not be enough and you have James."

"I thought you wanted nothing to do with me."

"I want everything with you, Bella."

"James is just a friend, even though it may seem like it's more than that, but that's all."

"He's just a friend for now."

"And when he becomes more than a friend you just have to deal with it. Don't make me feel guilty, Edward."

"I'm sorry. I guess I deserve it, uh?"

"I guess so."

~TMWM~

Edward never lied to me. He told me he would never make that mistake again. So when I walked into work a few days later, I was surprised that the first thing I saw was Angela and Edward hugging. I thought I was having a nightmare and then realized the nightmare was real. The dream I had of Edward betraying me again. My trust backfiring. It was all coming to life.

"What the fuck is going on?" were my first words.

Angela had her arms wrapped around Edward and looked content with her eyes closed. She was practically melting. I couldn't see Edward clearly since they were near the desk but it seemed clear to me. When she heard me speak, she immediately opened her eyes and moved away from Edward quickly. I glared at her and she had the nerve to look afraid.

Edward looked surprised to see me there until he saw me glaring at Angela.

"Bella, I can explain," Edward said, moving towards me.

I didn't want to hear it. I was seeing my fears coming alive. My trust was broken. How long has this been going on?

"I trusted you, Edward. Not once but twice!"

"Bella, there is nothing going on here, just a misunderstanding," he pleaded with me.

I couldn't get the image out of my head. It was on repeat, and then more images came, images of what happened the last time and what could happen in the present. Maybe I was overreacting over a hug. But what would you do if you saw your ex, who you were starting to trust again, hugging (and it looked too cozy) your ex best friend who he slept with?

"Angela, tell her nothing is going on!" Edward looked towards Angela for help.

She looked like she was caught doing something she wasn't supposed to be doing. She ignored his plea and walked away quickly.

"Isabella, please I love you. I would never make the same mistake again."

Incidents like this are what makes you see. I thought I trusted him again when in reality, I didn't. Because if I did, I wouldn't doubt him for one second, but it was another situation all over again.

This really put me back to square one. I never went back to work. I cried myself to sleep at night with images upon images replaying in my mind. I threw away every memory of him and ignored every call and text. I wanted to be left alone to drown in my misery. I was partly angry with myself, how could I let this happen again? I let my guard down. I looked for signs that he was seeing her behind my back but I couldn't find any. I looked for lies in his words but I couldn't trust my judgment anymore.

James hated Edward even more now. He believed that he was lying the whole time but he was biased. He kept me company even when I wasn't in the mood. He temporarily moved in so he came over a lot. It was sad that the only guy I could count on wasn't the guy I wanted. It all came crashing down when he took me out to lunch. I immediately saw Edward and Angela sitting at a window seat. I couldn't see his face but she was crying, touching his hand pleading with him. I couldn't stand this anymore. I turned back around to leave.

"Bella, you can't keep running away. Let's go confront him," James said.

"I'm done wasting my time with him. Let's go."

In the car on the way back home, with the day's incident replaying in my mind, I asked James for some time alone.

"You sure?" he asked.

"Yes, I just need time alone for the moment."

"I'm here for you, sweetheart, as long as you need me," he said softly and left the car.

Once he closed the car's door, I let the tears escape one by one. Why couldn't I be happy? I asked myself why I had trusted him again so easily. I let out all my anger in the car and went into the house with a fake smile on my face. James took one look at me and gave me a tight hug. I blinked back the tears this action let on. No more wasted tears.

"I wish I could make it better. I wish I could take away the pain," he said rocking me slowly. "I love you so much, Isabella, and I could be good for you. One day, you'll see that."

I could see it and I could see myself accepting his love but only to mask the pain, and I couldn't lie to him like that. I looked at James in all his glory, taking in his hazel eyes that reflected love and pain, his handsome face, a sad smile around his mouth. It was almost as if he was reflecting what I was feeling and I didn't want that for either of us. I didn't want to feel anything at the moment.

"Make me feel better," I whispered, leaning up to kiss him.

His eyes widen. "Bella?" he questioned.

"Make me feel something other than pain," I explained and kissed him roughly.

He stiffened at first and then he was kissing me back hungrily. He moaned in my mouth but it sounded all wrong. This kiss felt all wrong but I pushed the thought away. I focused on the man kissing me and tried to feel what I knew he was feeling. I didn't feel anything but lust. I hadn't been with anyone since Edward and it made it easy to take the next step. I unbuttoned his shirt and kissed all over his chest. He was enjoying it so much and spurred me on further. I eyed the hard bulge in his pants and went to take them off, when his hands stopped me.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

He regained composure. "Don't do this, Bella. It will only make you feel worse later on."

I didn't want to hear this. "You don't want this?" I tried another tactic.

"No."

"You don't want me?"

He looked surprised "Isabelle, I want you but when you want me to, not as a rebound. And I can't do that to you."

Any other time, I would have been happy to hear this, but right now I needed a distraction.

"I just want it to go away, James, and you could do that for me."

He sat me on the couch. "Sweetheart, I can't make it go away. I hate to say this but only Edward can."

I didn't want to feel what I knew I would feel at the mention of his name. I didn't want to think about him. I didn't want James to be the reasonable one right now.

"No, he can't!" I yelled, standing up.

He sighed. "I'm sorry but if you want closure then, yes, he can."

I hated that he was right.

"I hate him. I never want to see him again."

"You love him."

"No."

"You love him and that's why..."

"I can't love someone I hate," I cut him off, lying to make me feel better.

He ignored me and delivered the last blow. "You hate him because no matter what, you will always love him, and it's killing you."

The truth hit me hard and I blocked every feeling his words brought on. I didn't want to hear what my heart already knew. Denying it made it so much easier.

"Shut up, James, please," I begged him.

"I want to help you, Isabelle, and..."

I hated James for making it sound so easy. I hated him for rejecting me, no matter which way he put it. He did reject me. All I wanted was to forget and since he couldn't do it, I wanted him gone.

"You're not helping me. Please leave."

"Bella..."

"James."

I wanted to break down and cry but I wanted to do it alone. I didn't want his pity. I didn't want his advice. I just needed to let it all out one last time and go back to pretending I was happy.

"I can't leave you."

He was sincere, being a good friend, but I was reaching my breaking point. The day's events were taking a toll on me; seeing Angela and Edward together again, James rejecting me. It all added up to my emotional frustration.

"James, please, just go. Please, I want to be alone and you're not making it any better, no matter how hard you try. You'll just end up with me hating you and I don't want that. You've been so good to me," I said calmly.

I could see the flash of hurt in his eyes as he left but he said nothing, and I was left with silence.